Chapter 14 Three Steps to Getting Angry

In times of calm, preparing yourself for tense moments should acknowledge the following truths: 1. We accept the fact that when dealing with children, we sometimes lose our temper. 2. We have the right to be angry without feeling guilty or ashamed. 3. In addition to safety considerations, we have the right to express our feelings.We can express our anger as long as we don't attack our child's character or character. These assumptions should be incorporated into specific steps for dealing with anger.The first step in dealing with agitated emotions is to give them clear definitions.This can alert the relevant person to correct or take preventive action.The first step in doing this is to use the personal pronoun "I": "I feel annoyed." "I feel irritated."

If brief statements and elongated faces don't do the trick, take the second step.Intensify the intensity of anger when expressing it: "I am angry." "I am very angry." "I'm very, very angry." "I'm so mad." Sometimes, simply expressing how we feel (without explaining why) can stop a child from misbehaving.Sometimes, however, a third step may be necessary: ​​explaining why we're angry, saying what's on our minds, and how we want to behave. "When I see shoes, socks, shirts, sweatshirts thrown all over the floor, I'm pissed, so pissed off. I just want to open the window and throw this mess out on the street."

"I was very angry when I saw you beating your brother. There was a fire burning in my heart. I will never allow you to hurt him again." "Seeing all of you rush out to watch TV as soon as you finish dinner and leave me with those dirty dishes, greasy pans, I'm so indignant! I'm so angry! I want to put All the dishes on the TV!" "I called you to dinner and you didn't come, and I was angry, very angry, and I said to myself, 'I cooked a delicious meal, and I want appreciation and gratitude, not disappointment!'" This technique can help parents release anger without causing harm, and it can even be an important lesson in teaching children how to express anger safely.The child may learn that his own anger is not a catastrophe and can be released without hurting anyone.This lesson is not just for parents to express anger, but for parents to point out acceptable ways of expressing emotions to their children, showing them safe and understandable ways to express anger.

Spouses will also appreciate ways to get angry without being abusive.One father related the following story: "One morning, as I was getting ready to leave for work, my wife told me that my nine-year-old son, Harold, was playing a ball in the living room and had again broken the glass of the old wall clock. My anger came up all at once, and I forgot what I had learned, and shouted at him: 'Obviously you don't respect our stuff! When I come back tonight, I will punish you so well that you will never be here again. Ball in the living room!' My wife accompanied me to the door, not realizing that judging a husband is as useless and exasperating as a child, and she said to me: 'Oh, what a stupid thing you said to Harold !' Because I love my wife so much, I suppressed my anger and replied, 'I think you're right.' At first, I was just mad at my son, and after my wife called me stupid, I got mad at her too Come on, I'm already guilty of going back to my old ways of talking, and I don't need her to repeat it. If she said to me: 'The glass of the wall clock broke twice, it's really annoying, I'm Think about how we can help Harold avoid this in the future.'” That would be a lot more helpful.

Fortunately for Melissa's father, his wife knew how to influence him rather than irritate him.One evening, seven-year-old Melissa was sitting in the car with her parents, and the following conversation took place between them: Melissa: What does pizza mean? Father: Pizza?This is an Italian word meaning pie. Melissa: What does pharmacy mean? Father: Another word for drugstore. Melissa: What does bank mean? Father (getting a little angry): You know the word, that's where people save their money. Melissa: How does day turn into night? Father (very angry): Dude, you've asked a lot of questions.When the sun goes down, there is no light.

Melissa: Why does the moon follow the car? Mom: What an interesting question!You know, this question puzzled scientists for hundreds of years before they decided to study the motion of the moon. Melissa (excited): Oh!Then I want to be a scientist.I'm going to the library and find a book that will tell me all about the moon. Melissa stopped asking questions. This mother knew that answering her child's questions over and over again would only encourage her child to keep asking more questions, but she refrained from pointing this out to her husband. The direct answering method demonstrates this, and she helps the child find his own way to satisfy curiosity.

Chris's mother tries to dissuade her husband from yelling at her children, so let's share her experience: One evening, while enjoying a glass of wine in the kitchen of a seaside cottage, her husband noticed a seaside swimming pool on the table. bag, a wet bathing suit, and a beach ball.His usual reaction is to grow angry and growl at the child, like a sergeant in military training: "How many times have I told you? Pack your things! You're so inconsiderate! You think we're Who? The servant picking up things behind you?" But, this time, he calmly described what he saw: "I saw a beach swim bag, a wet bathing suit, a beach ball on the kitchen table." Eight-year-old Chris from the living room Jumping up from his chair, he exclaimed, "Oh, that must be mine." Then he went into the kitchen and put away his things.

After Chris left, the father happily said to his wife, "I remembered, it really works!" "I didn't say: 'I told you so', I raised a glass and toasted the child's cooperation."