Chapter 11 name-calling hurts children

Abusive words, like poisoned arrows, should not be used on children.When a person says "this chair is ugly," the statement has no effect on the chair, it feels neither insulted nor embarrassed.It remains the same, regardless of the adjectives attached to it.But when a child is said to be ugly, stupid, or clumsy, the words affect the child, their body and mind react, disgust, anger, resentment arise, fantasies of revenge arise, and it can happen Some unpleasant behavior, some troublesome behavior.Verbal bashing can have a cascading chain reaction that can be unpleasant for both the child and the parent.

When a child is said to be clumsy, his first retort may be: "No, I'm not stupid." Most of the time, however, this is not the case, and he may take his parents at his word and think that he is indeed a clumsy person. If he happens to stumble or fall, he may mentally say to himself, "You're such a clumsy hand!" From that point on, he may avoid things that require dexterity because he's convinced he's too clumsy to succeed . If a teacher or parent keeps repeating that a child is stupid, by and by the child will be convinced, he will think that he is, and then give up intellectual efforts, thinking that the way to avoid being stupid is to avoid competition and competition.His security depended on not trying, and his motto in life became: "If I don't try, I can't fail."

How amazing it is that parents say so many negative, derogatory things to their children without realizing the hurtful and destructive consequences of those words!for example: "From the moment he was born, he was a problem, he was nothing, he was always a problem." "She was just like her mother, stubborn, she got her way, we couldn't control her at all." "She only knows to give me, give me, but she will never be satisfied, no matter how much you give her." "That sweet little guy completely takes over every minute of my life, he doesn't have to be responsible, I have to keep an eye on him like a hawk."

Unfortunately, children take these words seriously, especially young children, who rely on their parents to tell them who they are and can be.For children, developing confidence in themselves requires hearing or overhearing positive comments about them. For many parents, it is ironically easier to point out their children when they are wrong than when they are right.But if we want our children to grow up with confidence in themselves, we need to use every opportunity to emphasize the positive in them and avoid derogatory language.