Chapter 9 Give your child guidance instead of criticism

Criticism and evaluative praise are double-edged swords, and both are judging the child.In order to avoid judgment, psychologists do not influence children with critical opinions, but guide children.When criticizing a child, parents attack the child's character and character.When coaching children, we state the problem and possible solutions to it.We do not express any opinions about the children themselves. When eight-year-old Mary accidentally spilled her juice, her mother said calmly, "I saw the juice was spilled, let's get another glass of juice and a sponge." She stood up, Pass the juice and sponge to the daughter.Mary looked up at her mother, both relieved and suspicious.Mary whispered, "Oh, thank you, Mom." She wiped the table clean while Mom helped her.Instead of harsh, critical words or unhelpful advice, her mother said: "I was going to say 'be careful next time' but when I saw her kind silence and how grateful she was , I didn’t say anything.”

When bad things happen, it is not the right time to teach the character of the perpetrators. You should deal with things first, not people. Imagine you're driving with your loved one and you take a wrong turn, and if she or he says, "Why did you take the wrong turn? Didn't you see the sign? Signposts, anyone can see." Was it helpful for her or him to say that?At that time, will you feel love?Would you say to yourself I need to improve my driving skills and my reading skills because I want to please my lover?Or are you going to respond pleasantly?How can it be beneficial?A sympathetic sigh: "Oh dear, what a disappointment!" Or just a simple message: "There's an exit eleven miles from here."