Chapter 7 Mapping emotions: Talking about how children feel helps them understand how they think

Children learn what they look like by looking at their own reflection in the mirror; they learn about their emotions by hearing the feelings that are mirrored to them.The function of the mirror is to reflect the image as it is, neither flattering nor critical.We don't want a mirror telling us, "You look terrible. Your eyes are bloodshot, your cheeks are swollen, and in short, you're a mess. You better clean yourself up." A few times in front of such a mirror, we'll probably Avoid it like the plague.Facing a mirror, what we need are images, not preaching.We may not like the images we see, but we'd rather make up our own minds about our next makeup steps.

The function of the emotional mirror is similar to that of ordinary mirrors, which is to reflect the original emotion without deformation. "You look angry." "It sounds like you hate him very much." "Looks like you hate the whole thing." Such words are most helpful for children who have the above emotions.They clearly show his or her emotions.Transparent and clear images, whether in a full-length mirror or an emotional mirror, can provide opportunities for self-spontaneity to modify and change. As adults, we've all felt sad, angry, scared, confused or in pain at one time or another.In such emotionally charged times, there is nothing more comforting than a person who listens and understands.This is true for us adults as well as for children.We should replace criticism, preaching and opinions with caring exchanges, and use interpersonal understanding to comfort children and help them recover.

When our children are distressed, frightened, confused, or in pain, it's natural for us to snap judgments and opinions, often unequivocally—even if unintentionally—"You're too slow to know what to do." How to do it." This is simply adding insult to injury, adding a new injury to the child's original pain. There are better ways.If we give our children time and empathy to understand them, we send a completely different message to our children: "You mean a lot to me, and I want to understand how you feel." Behind that important message is a reassurance:" Once you calm down, you'll find better solutions."