Chapter 6 Fish Swim, Birds Fly, People Sense: Confused Feelings, Confused Information

Children love us and hate us at the same time.They have two attitudes toward parents, teachers, and anyone who can discipline them.Parents find it difficult to come to terms with this love-hate relationship, they don't like it themselves, and they can't tolerate it in their children.They believe that it is inherently wrong emotionally to love and hate people, especially family members. We can learn to accept this ambivalence within ourselves and within our children.To avoid unnecessary conflict, children should know that such feelings are normal and natural.By acknowledging and expressing this conflicting feeling in your child, you can reduce your child's guilt and anxiety.

"You seem to have two different views of the teacher, you both like her and hate her." "You seem to have two feelings for your brother. On the one hand you love him and on the other hand you hate him." "You have two minds about this: You want to go to summer camp and you want to stay home." Maintaining a calm, non-judgmental attitude toward your child's conflicting emotions is good for your child because it sends the message that even mixed feelings like this can be understood.As one child said, "If my confused emotions could be understood, they wouldn't be so chaotic." On the other hand, it would be unhelpful to say, "My child, your thoughts are confused! You Like your friend one moment and hate him the next. Make up your mind, if you have the will."

A deeper examination of human nature allows for the possibility that where there is love there is hate, where there is respect there is envy, where there is dedication there is confrontation, where there is success there is worry.It takes wisdom to realize that these feelings are real: positive, negative, or ambivalence. It is not easy to internalize such a concept, and our upbringing as children and as adults tends to teach us the opposite.We're taught that negative emotions are "bad," we shouldn't think that, and we should be ashamed of thinking that.However, the new method believes that judgments can only be made on specific facts, and no comments can be made on those imaginary "bad" and "good" facts.Only actions can be condemned or praised, feelings cannot and should not be.Judging feelings, or condemning fantasies, is not only a hindrance to personal freedom, it can also be detrimental to mental health.

Emotions are part of genetics.Fish can swim, birds can fly, and people can perceive.Sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are not, but there are moments in our lives when we feel anger, fear, sadness, happiness, greed, guilt, longing, disdain, joy, disgust.Although we cannot choose these emotions at will, if we know what they are, we can choose when and how to express them according to our wishes, which is the key point.Many people are taught not to know what they really think. When they feel hate, they are told that it is just dislike; when they are afraid, they are told that there is nothing to be afraid of; It is recommended that they face it bravely with a smile.Many of us have been exhorted to put on a happy face when we are unhappy.

What are we really supposed to do amidst all this pretense?to be honest.Emotional education can help children know what they really think.It is far more important for a child to know what he thinks than why he wants it.When he really knows how he really feels inside, he's less likely to feel "a mess" inside.