Chapter 3 Unproductive Dialogue: Preaching and Criticism Create Distance and Resentment

Parents are often disappointed by conversations with their children that they have no clue, as in that famous conversation. "Where are you going?" "Get out." "What?" Reasoning with the child, I turned green when I talked about it, but he still didn’t listen to me, only when I yelled at him, he would listen to me.” Children often refuse to talk to their parents. They hate preaching, chattering, and criticism. They feel that their parents talk too much.Eight-year-old David said to his mother: "Why do you give me such a long answer every time I ask you a small question?" He confided to his friend: "I don't tell my mother anything , if I tell her, I won't have time to play."

A researcher who was interested in this overheard a conversation between a parent and a child, and was surprised to find that neither of them listened to what the other was saying. Their conversation was more like two monologues, one full of criticism. and instructions, the other paragraph is all denials and arguments.The tragedy of this communication is not lack of love, but lack of mutual respect; not lack of intelligence, but lack of skill. Our everyday language is inappropriate for meaningful communication with our children.To communicate with children and reduce parental disappointment, we need to learn to talk to children in a caring way.