Chapter 7 Chapter 7 Grasp the Proportion and Scale of Speaking

It is very important for people to communicate with each other, knowing how to speak, what to say, and how to convey the words to each other's heart.Spoofing may seem like a trivial skill, but it may change your life because of it. After Liu Bang defeated Xiang Yu and pacified the world, he began to reward meritorious deeds.This is a "ten-thousand-year foundation" that concerns future generations. Naturally, the officials did their part and fought for each other's merits.Liu Bang believed that Xiao He had done the most, so he granted Xiao He the title of Marquis and the most lands.But the ministers were not convinced in their hearts, and they discussed in private.

The matter of ennobling and receiving a salary was finally settled, and the ministers disputed one after another about the position of the seat.Many people said: "Pingyang Hou Cao Shen suffered seventy wounds, and led his troops to attack the city and conquer the territory. He has won many battles and won the most credit. He should be ranked first." Liu Bang had already favored Xiao He and wronged some heroes when he awarded the award, so it was difficult to insist on his own opinion on the seat, but in his heart, he still wanted to rank Xiao He first.At this time, E Jun, the Marquis of Guannei, had figured out Liu Bang's intentions, so he pushed the boat forward and volunteered to say: "Everyone's comments are wrong! Although Cao Shen has military exploits, they are only temporary achievements. The emperor fought against the overlord of Chu for five years, often He lost his troops and fled everywhere, but Xiao He often sent people from Guanzhong to fill in the gaps in the battle line. Chu and Han fought in Xingyang for several years, and the army was short of food. The emperor avoided Shandong several times, and it was only by Xiao He's protection of Guanzhong that he was able to help the emperor. These are the merits of all ages. Even if there are a hundred less Cao Shen, what impact will it have on the Han Dynasty? Our Han Dynasty does not have to Rely on him to keep it safe! Why do you think that the merit of a moment is higher than the merit of a lifetime? Therefore, I advocate that Xiao He is the first, and Zeng Shen is second."

These words hit Liu Bang's arms.When Liu Bang heard this, he was naturally very happy and praised him again and again, so he ordered Xiao He to be the first in the queue, and he could bring his sword to the palace, and he didn't have to rush when he went to court.As a result, Mr. E was also granted the title of Marquis of Anping, and his fiefdom was nearly doubled.Relying on his ability to observe words and emotions, he can speak well, with a brilliant tongue, and enjoy all the glory and wealth. When speaking, you must know when to say what, and when you speak, you must be responsible for what you have said.If a person does not have real talents and insights, the words that come out of his mouth may attract others for a while, but they cannot deceive others forever.

You have to be measured when you speak, and if you have a good sense of proportion, a very ordinary sentence will add a little weight; the words are few and precise, giving people the feeling of being thoughtful.How well you speak depends on many factors, such as the person you are talking to, the topic, and the context. In other words, speak with moderation. The opposite of degree is "lost degree". What is "lost degree"?Generally speaking, one speaks rudely to others, or exposes one's shortcomings in front of everyone, or does not say what should be said, but says everything that should not be said.These are all manifestations of "loss".Below we will briefly introduce some topics that are taboo in conversations. Exposure to these topics can easily lead to "lostness" of conversations and produce adverse effects.

Feel free to ask about health.Asking health questions to someone you're meeting for the first time or who you don't know very well can come across as abrupt.Of course, if you are talking with very close people, this is not the case. Talk about controversial topics.Unless you are very clear about the other party's position, you should avoid talking about controversial and sensitive topics, such as religion and politics, which are likely to cause confrontation or confrontation between the two sides. Conversations involve the privacy of others.Don't easily touch on topics that involve other people's privacy, including age, price of things, salary, etc., which may easily arouse disgust from others.

personal misfortune.Do not bring up the injury to a co-worker.For example, he got divorced or a death in the family etc.Of course, if the other party brings it up, you should show sympathy and listen to him, but don't ask endlessly just to satisfy your curiosity. Speak in bad taste.Some colorful jokes may be very interesting to say in the room, but the effect is not good when told in the public, and it is easy to cause embarrassment and resentment to others. In interpersonal communication, the conversation must be measured, recognize one's own identity, and properly consider the wording.What should be said, what should not be said, and what should be said to achieve a better conversation effect, should be paid attention to in the conversation.

At the same time, we must also pay attention to speaking as objectively as possible, seeking truth from facts, not exaggerating, and constantly taking meaning from context.Speak as sincerely as possible, with good intentions, and try not to say words that are harsh and sarcasm to others, and do not say words that irritate or hurt others. In May 1671, a theft occurred in London that shocked the world.A group of thieves sneaked into Martin's Tower on the outskirts of London, trying to snatch Britain's "national treasure" - the king's crown.Because the news leaked, the thieves were caught without a fight.King Charles II of England was shocked when he learned of this, and decided to interrogate these audacious and arrogant people himself.Thus, Brett, the heinous first offender, was brought before the king.Charles II looked at the unattractive man in front of him, and thought to himself: I want to see how capable this man is, how dare he steal national treasures.Thinking of this, he asked, "I heard that you still have the title of Baron?"

"Yes, Your Majesty." Brett answered honestly. "I also heard that your title was obtained by trapping and killing a man named Emers." "Your Majesty, I just want to see if he is worthy of the high position you gave him. If he is easily dismissed by me, Your Majesty can choose a more suitable person to replace him." Charles II pondered for a while , I think Bullett is not only bold, but also articulate.So he asked sharply again: "You are getting more and more courageous, and you dare to steal my crown?" "I know my actions are too arrogant, but, Your Majesty, I just want to remind you to care about me, a helpless veteran." "Oh, what? You are not my subordinate!"

"Your Majesty, I have never opposed you. Now that the world is peaceful, aren't all the subjects your subordinates? Of course I am also your subordinate." "Then tell me, how should I deal with you?" "From a legal point of view, we should be executed. However, for each of the five of us, at least two relatives will shed tears for this. From your majesty's point of view, ten more praises are better than ten more tears Much better." Charles II did not expect him to answer like this, and then asked: "It is said that you are a hero who robs the rich and gives to the poor. Do you think you are a warrior or a coward?"

"Your Majesty, I don't have a place to live, and I've been caught everywhere. Last year I held a fake funeral in my hometown, hoping that people would think I was dead and stop hunting me. This is not an act of a brave man. Therefore, although in front of others I am a warrior, but I am a coward before your Majesty's authority." Charles II was overjoyed, and finally pardoned Brett. People always like to be flattered by others.Sometimes, even if you know that the other party is speaking flattery, you will still feel complacent in your heart.This is the weakness of human nature.When a person is praised by others, he will never feel disgusted, unless the other party's words are too outrageous.

When a person hears other people's flattery, he is always very happy in his heart, with a smile on his face, and he keeps saying: "Where, I'm not that good, you are really good at talking!" What the other party said was flattery, but still couldn't erase the joy in his heart.Therefore, speaking flattery is an essential skill in communicating with people, and speaking flattery properly will make you more likable. The first condition for flattering others is to have a sincere and serious attitude.Words will reflect a person's psychology, so inadvertent or careless speech can easily be seen through by the other party, resulting in an unpleasant feeling.When flattering others, don't say anything that is far from the truth.For example, how would you feel if you saw a child with a blank expression and said to his mother, "Your baby looks smart!"What was meant to be flattery turned into a great irony, which had the opposite effect.It will be better if you say, "Oh! Your little one seems to be healthy."Therefore, you must be honest when flattering others. In this way, the flattery you say will become a real compliment to others, and the other party will listen to it and feel that it is different from ordinary flattery. After persuading the other party to accept a smaller request, there is a greater possibility of persuading him to accept a larger request.Psychologists call this method of persuasion that gradually approaches the goal the "threshold stepping" technique.Just like you want to enter a house, but you are afraid of being rejected by the owner, you should first persuade the owner to let your foot step on the threshold, and then persuade him to let your foot step into the threshold. It's not hard to get you in the house. In the Spring and Autumn Period, Jin Linggong was extravagant and corrupt.One year he ordered the construction of a nine-story tower.He insisted not to listen to the persuasion of the ministers, and simply issued a decree to kill those who persuaded him!In this way, no one dared to persuade. There was a minister named Sun Xi who was very good at teasing Duke Ling. He wanted to persuade Duke Ling but was unable to speak.Finally one day, he told Mr. Ling that he could stack twelve chess pieces, and nine eggs could be stacked on top of them. After hearing this, Duke Ling felt that this matter was quite new, and immediately asked Sun Xilu to open his eyes.Sun Xi didn't refuse, so he stacked the twelve chess pieces together, and then carefully stacked the eggs on the chess pieces, putting the first, second, third... Sun Xi himself was so nervous that he was sweating profusely , Trembling, the people who watched did not dare to say a word.Because if Sun Xi couldn't stack the eggs well, he would commit the crime of deceiving the emperor and beheading. At this moment, Duke Ling couldn't hold back anymore, and shouted: "Danger!" Sun Xi said calmly, "What danger is this? There are more dangerous things than this!" Duke Ling's curiosity was aroused. : "What could be more dangerous than this?" Sun Xi weighed the egg in his hand and said slowly: "Building a nine-story platform is a hundred times more dangerous than this. Such a high platform will be difficult to build in three years. In three years, migrant workers from all over the country will be requisitioned so that men cannot plow and women cannot weave." The common people have no harvest, and the country is poor. And when the country is poor, foreign countries will take the opportunity to invade, and you will be finished. Don’t you think this is more dangerous than stacking eggs on chess pieces?” Linggong was so frightened that he was in a cold sweat , immediately ordered a shutdown. Thousands of years ago, Sun Xi successfully dissuaded Jin Linggong from an unjust act by using "acrobatic skills" to "make progress". Thousands of years from now, we will use this technique with considerable effectiveness in real life.It is easy for parents to ask a child who loves to sleep late to get up half an hour earlier every day. After he develops the habit, it is not difficult to ask him to get up half an hour earlier.And it would be more difficult to make him an hour earlier at once.This is actually a step-by-step approach to persuasion. Sometimes the opposite technique works as well, by first making a big request followed by a smaller one.This greatly increases the likelihood of acceptance compared to directly making a smaller request.This method is often used by those small traders.We have all had the experience of a seller who first asks for a price, then haggles, and when he lowers the price, people think he is retreating and accept the price.In fact, he still carried out the transaction according to his original value intention, but both parties got satisfactory results. In the social field, how to speak in front of your boss is an important knowledge in interpersonal relationships.If we can properly grasp the timing of our conversations with our bosses, some problems in our future and career will naturally be solved. As the saying goes, companionship with a king is like companionship with a tiger.After all, a boss is not like an ordinary colleague.What's more, general colleagues should also pay attention to propriety, and they should not speak too freely.When getting along with the leader, you should be more careful, especially if you say something that makes the leader unhappy, you must be careful.Such as: "Can't you? It's okay!" These words are disrespectful to the leader and lack respect.Taking a step back, it is also speaking without talking about methods and methods, and saying things that should not be said. "It doesn't matter, it's fine!" This sentence will make the leader think that you are indifferent and don't understand etiquette. "You don't know!" This sentence will cause great harm to familiar friends, and the consequences will be even more serious if you say such words to leaders. "Thanks for your trouble!" This sentence should have been said when the superior expressed condolences or rewards to the subordinate. If the subordinate said this to the superior, the consequences would not be very good.How can I fix it if I accidentally say the wrong thing?If you say something wrong in front of the leader, once you realize it, stop right away and apologize immediately.Don't evade because of fear, face the facts, try to avoid hurting the other party's personality and face, and explain it when necessary, and unnecessary excuses will only get darker. Inadvertently said: "It's too late!" This sentence means that the leader's actions are too slow, so that things are about to be missed. From the leader's ears, there must be an accusation of "why not earlier". Do you think this can be said? "This is not easy to handle!" The leader assigns work tasks, but the subordinates say "it's not easy to handle". This directly makes the leader unable to step down. Leaders have no face. "You really moved me!" In fact, the word "moved" is used by leaders to subordinates.For example: "You are serious and responsible in your work and are not afraid of hardship, I am very touched!" It is not appropriate for the younger generation to use the word "moved" to the elders or the lower level to the superior.To respect a leader, one should say "admire".Such as: "Manager, we all admire your decisiveness!" This is more appropriate. In addition, being overly polite can sometimes lead to misunderstandings.Talking to the leader should be cautious and consider the general situation.But worrying too much is counterproductive and prone to misunderstanding.Therefore, you should be good at handling it properly, and deal with it with a normal mind. Once you get used to it, you will be able to handle this kind of situation with ease.If you want to overcome your timid mentality, sometimes the more cautious you are, the more likely you are to make mistakes. Once you are mistaken by your boss as unattractive, you will naturally not be reused. In the process of communication, it is inevitable to encounter some embarrassing things, which make the atmosphere suddenly tense and embarrassing. Learning to give the other party a "step" not only eases the other party's nervousness and allows things to develop smoothly, but also allows each other Relationships are further enhanced.To achieve this goal, we might as well learn to use the following three techniques. It is not uncommon for those present at a serious occasion to laugh out loud at one or two incidents.This seriously damaged the solemn atmosphere of the serious occasion and was not conducive to the continuation of the event.In the face of such emergencies, we should show a strong self-control ability, try not to be affected by them, and then deal with the matter with the same serious attitude as in the normal state, making it an ordinary part of the normal process . During World War II, a highly respected British general hosted a victory reception. In addition to the upper class, the general also specially invited a group of brave soldiers.The reception was warm and grand. Unexpectedly, a soldier who joined the army from the countryside did not understand the etiquette at the banquet, and drank a bowl of water for washing hands in front of him, which immediately attracted ridicule from dignitaries, ladies and ladies.The soldier blushed all of a sudden, feeling ashamed.At this time, the general slowly stood up, holding the bowl of handwashing water in front of him, facing all the distinguished guests, and said passionately: "I propose that we do this for our soldiers who fought the enemy bravely and fought for the country. One bowl." After saying that, he drank it all in one gulp, and the whole audience was in awe, and the atmosphere suddenly changed. After a while, everyone looked up and did it.At this time, the soldiers were in tears. In many cases, the failure to step down in the face of embarrassment is because the mind is framed in a normal state.This does nothing for the development of the situation.If we make a clever and novel explanation for his embarrassing behavior from another angle, the original negative behavior can have additional connotation and value, and become a common sense action. Once, the Chinese teachers of the whole school came to listen to Mr. Wang's lecture, and the principal also came to "guidance".This will make Xiao Wang in trouble.He was afraid that the lectures would not be good, and he also worried that some students would not get good grades when answering, and would lose face. In class, he focused on explaining the emotional color of words.After questioning the two students and achieving good results, I then asked the principal: "Please name a beautiful word or sentence that describes ×××." Maybe it was because of the tense atmosphere in the classroom, maybe it was the presence of Yan's father, or maybe a combination of both. This young master was in a dilemma and just stood there. The air freezes.Teacher Wang and the principal both showed embarrassing expressions.Soon, the teacher returned to normal, and said in an adaptable manner: "Okay, please sit down. Students, the answer given by this student just now is the most perfect. What he means is that the beauty of a person cannot be expressed in words and words." It can be described in words.” All the attendees smiled knowingly. Suddenly discovering other people's mistakes or wrong behaviors, but when these mistakes or wrong behaviors will not lead to major losses, we should try our best to restrain our emotions, and pretend to be puzzled by the other party's actual intentions with a calm expression and attitude And realistic consequences, and find a good motive for the other party, change the other party's situation, let the development of the situation advance in the direction you want, so as not to push the other party into an embarrassing situation. One day at noon, when Mr. Wang passed by the playground behind the school, he found that several students who helped carry the experimental equipment two days ago were carrying out a "focusing" experiment in the sun with a unique convex lens in the laboratory.He thought: Where did they get the lens?Could it be that he took one while unprepared while carrying it?The lab is missing one. Should I go up and ask what happened, or turn a blind eye and take a detour?At this time, a classmate found him, and the rest hurriedly stood up, and the classmate with the lens in his hand seemed very uncomfortable.Teacher Wang judged the origin of the lens from the panicked expressions of the students.The air at that time seemed to freeze.Teacher Wang's mind was spinning rapidly, and finally came up with a solution.He smiled and said, "Hey, you guys found this lens!" The frozen air began to circulate.Then he added in a slightly grateful tone: "Yesterday, I went to the laboratory to prepare experimental equipment, and found that a lens was missing. I thought it was lost during the transportation process. I searched several times along the way but couldn't find it. Thank you for helping me I found this lens. How about it, you continue to experiment, and it will not be too late to return it to me in the afternoon." The students nodded easily, and the air was still so warm and so fresh. When a few good friends get together, it is a happy thing for everyone to joke, make fun of each other, and talk freely.However, there are advantages and disadvantages in everything, extreme joy brings sorrow, and things that make friends unhappy because of joking are often encountered.Therefore, some people even think that joking in conversation should be avoided.This is unnecessary.If good friends are not even allowed to joke when they meet, then life will be too boring.Therefore, what we really need to pay attention to in life is the method of joking, that is, not making too much jokes. So, before making a joke, you have to pay attention to whether the person you are facing can stand your joke.Generally speaking, people can be divided into three categories: the first category is cunning and clever.The second type is honesty and honesty.The third type is somewhere in between. Make fun of the first kind of person, the cunning and clever one, he won't take advantage of you, and the result is a tie.The second type, those who are honest and honest, have no counterattack plan and no resistance.This kind of person likes to laugh with everyone, no matter how you make fun of him, he has a good temper and will not get angry.For the first and second types of people, you can look at the other person's situation and know whether you can make a joke.Only those in between should be taken seriously.This kind of person probably also likes to laugh with others, but when others make fun of him, he neither has the wit to fight back immediately, nor the capacity to accept other people's jokes.If it is a man, it will become angry and displeased, and if it is a woman, it will cry alone, saying that it was bullied.So before making a joke, it is safest to get to know each other first.Second, enough is enough.Just kidding, just say one or two sentences and it's over. Don't always make jokes about one person, and don't make jokes about several people in a row, otherwise you will attract criticism. Joking is originally a good way to mediate the atmosphere of the conversation, but it is too embarrassing for the other party to be a joke.You laugh at your classmates who failed exams, at your friends who are henpecked, at your relatives who lost money in business, and at your peers who stumbled while walking...these are all things that require sympathy , but you make fun of it, which not only makes it difficult for the other party to step down, but also shows your cruelty.Similarly, don't use other people's physical defects as the material for your jokes, such as squinting, pockmarked faces, lameness, hunchback, etc.You should give sympathy to other people's misfortune.If one of the people you are talking to is physically handicapped, avoid jokes that suggest handicaps in the conversation. One day, several colleagues were chatting in the office.One of them, Ms. Li, mentioned that she got a pair of glasses yesterday, so she took them out to let everyone see if she looks good in them.Everyone didn't want to spoil her interest and said it was very good.At this time, my colleague Lao Wang thought of a joke because of this, and said it immediately: An old lady walked into a leather shoe store and tried on several pairs of shoes.When the shoe store owner squatted down to measure her feet, the old lady was short-sighted. Seeing the owner's bald head, she thought her knees were exposed, and quickly covered them with her skirt.Immediately she heard a muffled cry. "Bastard!" cried the store owner, "the fuse is blown again!" Then there was a roar of laughter.Unexpectedly, Jing never saw Miss Li wearing glasses afterwards, and never said hello to Lao Wang when she met him.The reasons for this are self-explanatory.He does not mean that.In Lao Wang's mind, he only thought of a short-sighted joke.However, Ms. Li may think this way: It doesn't matter if people laugh at me for wearing glasses, and they also insinuate that I am an old lady. When telling a joke, you must first see who you are telling it to, and first think about whether it will cause misunderstanding by others.As in the previous example, Lao Wang seriously hurt a person's self-esteem, but he did not expect it. Around us, some people like to argue, and as soon as they talk to others, they will confront each other.No matter what others say, he always has to refute it. In fact, he has no opinion at all.When you say "yes", he must say "no", and when you say "no", he says "yes" again.To gain the upper hand in everything, to be self-righteous everywhere.This is a very bad habit. Even if you really know more than others, you should not talk to others with this attitude.This bad habit makes you cut yourself off from your friends and colleagues. No one is willing to give you opinions or suggestions, let alone give you advice.You may have been a very good person, but unfortunately you have developed this habit, and your friends and colleagues are far away from you.The only way to improve is to develop the habit of respecting others.First of all, you have to understand that in daily discussions, your opinion may not necessarily be correct, and the opinions of others may not necessarily be wrong.So, why do you have to contradict others every time? Probably among the people who have this bad habit, most of them are smart, or they are people who think they are smart.Perhaps they are too zealous, trying to draw higher insights from their own minds.They think that this will make others admire themselves, but in fact they are completely wrong.There is no need to bother with advanced research on some ordinary things.At least the purpose of our usual conversation is more entertainment than research.Since you are not studying and discussing issues, why bother to be stubborn on some trivial matters.Another thing to be careful about is not to be too serious in a casual conversation. We talked together, and did not ask you to preach, just joking and laughing.If you insist on being smart and come up with a higher opinion (even if it is a superior opinion), the listener may not be willing to accept it.Therefore, you must not at any time show the air of wanting to teach others. When your colleagues make suggestions to you, if you can't immediately agree with them, you can at least express your consideration and don't immediately refute them.If your friends chat with you, you should pay more attention, too much stubbornness can turn interesting topics into boring. If someone really made a mistake and refuses to accept criticism or advice, don't rush for success. You might as well take a step back, extend the time, and talk again in a few days.Otherwise, everyone's stubbornness will not only fail to solve the problem, but also hurt each other's feelings.Therefore, in socializing, always consider other people's opinions and don't be a stubborn person. Only in this way can you gain people's appreciation and love. A large number of facts show that when people talk, they have a purpose: to know whether others have the same view on a certain matter as themselves, and further hope that others can have the same view on a certain matter as they do.Feeling extremely uncomfortable, even instantly upset, if others see things slightly or very differently from your own.This is a normal emotional reaction of people.Of course, this is also a phenomenon that is not conducive to interpersonal communication.Therefore, people should pay more attention to learning to control their emotions in daily communication, and not to be self-righteous. When you hear that someone else has the same opinion as you, agree immediately.Don't think that if you do this, people will think that you are going along with it, so you don't say anything.Keeping silent, although it will not be misunderstood as echoing, it is also easy to make people think that you disagree. Similarly, when you hear that someone else's opinion disagrees with yours, you should immediately express where and why you disagree.Don't think that doing so will hurt each other's feelings by not saying anything. If a person has a scar on his face, it can be seen in the mirror, and it can be treated with cosmetics or medicines to make up for it.same.Deficiencies in speech can also be corrected.As long as you can clearly recognize your own defects before treatment.If you don’t know the flaws in your speech, you can also try to use a mirror to compare your speech posture: whether there are too many gestures, whether the corners of the mouth are raised, whether the expression is ugly, whether it is too indifferent, tense, stiff, whether the tone is suppressed... The following points are common defects in our speaking, we can check against them and make corrections. Nasal speaking is a common and very damaging defect, which occurs when you speak through your nose. If you pinch your nose between your thumb and forefinger, the sound you make is a nasal.If you don't open your mouth enough when you speak, your voice will also come out of your nose.In movies, twanging is an acting technique.When an actor is playing a whining, bad-tempered character, they tend to speak nasally.If you speak nasally, it hurts women more than men.You can't meet a woman who is constantly nasally speaking and yet looks attractive.If you expect yourself to be extremely persuasive or captivating in front of others, you'd better not use a nasal voice but a chest voice.The correct way is to keep a distance of half an inch between the upper and lower teeth when speaking. When a person is frightened or loses his temper, he tends to raise his voice and let out a piercing scream.Most women make this mistake, so pay more attention.Because sharp voices are more unpleasant than heavy nasal ones.You can use a mirror to check yourself for this shortcoming: Does your neck feel tense?Are the blood vessels and muscles protruding like ropes?Do the muscles around the jaw appear visibly tense?If this is the case, you may experience harsh squealing noises.At this time, you must act decisively, relax yourself as soon as possible, and lower your voice at the same time. Generally speaking, it is difficult to control the speaking speed, even for some professional speakers or politicians, sometimes it is not easy to grasp the speaking speed.Speak too fast and others will not understand what you are saying and will be out of breath.Talking too slowly can make people lose patience.According to expert research, the more appropriate speaking speed is between 120 and 160 words per minute.When we read aloud, we speak faster than we speak.And the speed of speaking should not be fixed. Your thoughts, emotions and the content of your speech will affect the speed of your expression.Grasping moderate pauses and speed changes in speaking will add rich effects to your speech. To measure your speaking speed, read a speech at your normal speaking speed, and then use a stopwatch to measure how long it takes you to read.If your speaking speed is less than the above standard per minute, you can try to adjust the speaking speed to see if you will get good results. In daily life, people hear such mantras, such as "that", "do you know", "is it", "right", "um" and so on.If a person uses these words repeatedly in speaking, he will definitely lose his speaking image.There are so many types of catchphrases that even some of the great politicians have this fault in TV interviews. Of course, too many voices such as "ah" and "uh" in the conversation are also a manifestation of mantras.Famous orator Oliver Holmes said: "Never spread those dreaded 'uh' sounds in your conversation." If you have a tape recorder, try recording yourself on the phone and see if you have it A bug.Once you have figured out your own faults, you should always remind yourself to pay attention to this point in the process of speaking with people in the future. Swearing is a speaking vice.As the saying goes, habit becomes nature.Anything, as long as it becomes a habit, will happen naturally.The same goes for foul language.Once a person develops the habit of speaking foul language, he often speaks indecently without realizing it.Speaking foul language is a bad habit and an extremely uncivilized expression, but it is not an easy task to overcome this habit.A more effective way is to find out the swear words that occur most frequently, and concentrate on getting rid of it first.The first is to change the frequency of speaking and pause at the end of each sentence; secondly, remind yourself before speaking to change the original conditioned reflex.Once the swear words with the highest frequency are changed, it is not difficult to overcome other swear words. Asking others to push you is also important.Of course, the "others" here should preferably be people who understand themselves, so that the supervision can be straightforward.Because sometimes I don't know when I speak foul language, asking others to supervise can serve as a reminder and check.Supervision has another psychological meaning, which is to create an external environment that is not conducive to the natural occurrence of the original conditioned reflex, so as to promote the termination of old habits. "Stuttering" is a general term for stuttering. "Stuttering" is a habitual language defect and a pathological reaction for very few people.They are also known as stutterers.Stuttering is a phenomenon in which words are repeated or sentences are interrupted when speaking. In order to cure the problem of "stuttering" in speaking, in addition to drug treatment, it is more important to remove psychological barriers.Kakuei Tanaka, the former prime minister of Japan, suffered from stuttering in his youth.In order to overcome this defect, he often read the text aloud, and corrected the shape of his mouth in front of the mirror in order to pronounce accurately. Later, he became a famous politician and orator.People who stutter might as well try this method and insist on reading the article aloud. As long as they persevere and maintain a good attitude, I believe it will produce good results. Scruffy hands and feet, which means that the movements are too frequent when speaking.You can check yourself to see if the following actions are constantly occurring when speaking: fidgeting, frowning, raising eyebrows, crooked mouth, pulling ears, touching chin, scratching scalp, turning pencil, pulling tie, fingering, shaking legs, etc.These are some bad factors that affect your speaking effect.When you speak and move too frequently, the listener will be attracted by your movements, and it is impossible to listen to you seriously. Speaking can not only show a person's inner image, but also reflect a person's inner cultivation. Those who stutter and speak without any sense of rhythm rarely move us.Such a person can hardly say anything worthy of our attention.Only those who know the rhythm of speaking and have clear thinking can have active thinking. The highest state of mastering the rhythm is to speak naturally and fluently. Of course, appropriate pauses are not disfluency, because we often use pauses to develop new ideas, or to transition from one point to another, or to repeat a word in order to leave a deeper impression on the audience. The number of stumbles can be counted.It's also a fun way to get through those annoying speeches. In your own speech, it is of great practical value to ask others to count the number of times you have stumbled. Few people can speak impromptu without stumbling.Some studies have found that it can reach up to 30 beats per minute, and many professors have as many as 20 beats per minute. So, how do you improve your speaking fluency? First, you should be familiar with the subject of your speech.When there is no hesitation in our thinking, what we want to say automatically comes to our lips.Good preparation increases fluency because it increases your self-confidence, which in turn makes you more convinced of what you have to say.In addition, familiarity with the subject will lead to greater enthusiasm for the speaker.This kind of passion will make the speaker's whole body and mind into the realm of his speech.In this way, fluency will not be a problem. Second, the pronunciation should be accurate.Slurred pronunciation is a sign of hesitation in speaking.If the speaker hesitates several times in a row, it will make people feel that he does not really know what he is talking about, but is trying to find out what is wrong in his head, and the result is even more fluent.So, if we make a conscious effort to become fluent, it will pay off; if we think that fluency will come naturally in time, we will be disappointed. Again, be enthusiastic.We've noticed that when people get excited, their voices get louder and they speak faster.At this point, the language appears to be more fluent.So, when speaking, contagiously contagious with your enthusiasm and speak loudly.You have to speak especially loudly if your emotions have been disturbed, if you stand trembling with fear in front of an audience. Finally, speaking quickly can also improve fluency.When you speak quickly, your mind functions faster.Just like reading, if you can focus on reading quickly, you can read two books and gain a more thorough understanding in the time you spend reading one.Grasp the rhythm of speaking so that the speech is as tense as the strings and flows slowly like flowing water.In this regard, we should actively learn. In our daily speech, if we pay attention to and use the intonation changes, even the abstract and boring content can be eloquent and attractive, and firmly attract the audience; Lively and interesting content can also be monotonous and dull, making the audience drowsy.This requires us to master the skills of controlling intonation so that we can express our thoughts and feelings vividly and enhance the effect of speaking. Pauses and connections in speech serve to express the meaning and level of sentences, thoughts and emotions, and are not completely restricted by punctuation marks.Where there is no punctuation, sometimes you need to pause; where there is punctuation, sometimes you need to connect.This should be borne in mind, but not rote. Pauses and connections play an important role in expressing expressions in speech. The main significance lies in the following six points: (1) Make sure the meaning is clear and clear, so that the listener will not be misunderstood; (2) Emphasize the key points and deepen the impression; (3) Parallel division and combination to make the content complete; (4) Cause a turning point and echo; (5) reflect thinking and judgment, and provide basis and time for the audience to comprehend; (6) Create artistic conception, which is evocative and imaginative. Stress can be divided into grammatical stress and emphatic stress.Grammatical stress shows the grammatical structure of a sentence, and its position is relatively fixed and has certain rules.Emphatic stress can be divided into logical stress and emotional stress.Emotional accents emphasize a particular emotion.For example: the accent used to express joy, anger, likes, and dislikes.Logical stress is a keyword sentence that can highlight the purpose of the sentence, reflect the logical relationship, and tinge the emotional color. Its specific manifestations are more complicated and should be distinguished and grasped according to the content. Stress needs to exist in a non-stress environment and be highlighted in an appropriate way. The two must be organically connected and transitioned to achieve harmony and unity. When expressing, the stress is generally the stress, but you can also choose the corresponding voice change to highlight the stress according to different speech environments.Such as: suppressing the breath, expressing in a soft or low voice, expressing in a short and powerful voice, expressing in a protracted voice, etc., can all show stress and achieve the purpose of speech. In verbal confrontation, sometimes you can use the stress technique to get rid of the trap designed by the opponent, gain a favorable position, and at the same time put the opponent in an embarrassing situation.For example: One day, Lincoln was cleaning his boots with his head down. A foreign diplomat saw him and said mockingly, "Hey, Mr. President, do you often wipe your boots?" "Yes," Lincoln replied, " Whose boots are you polishing?" Lincoln shifted the accent of the other party's speech with one sentence, and saved himself from being ridiculed, but trapped the other party in embarrassment. Speed ​​refers to the change in speed of speaking.Here, fast and slow are relative terms. The speed of speaking is related to the purpose of communication, the content of expression, the atmosphere of the environment, and the state of mind.Generally speaking, when explaining and narrating, the speaking speed is slightly faster; when expressing emotions, the speaking speed is slightly slower.When tense and enthusiastic, the speaking speed is slightly faster; in a quiet, solemn or dreary atmosphere, the speaking speed is slightly slower.When you are excited, you speak faster; when you are calm or sad, you speak slower. The speed of speaking is also related to the age, identity and personality of the characters.Generally speaking, young people speak faster, while older people speak relatively slowly; people with lower status or ordinary status speak faster, while those with higher positions or prominent status speak slower; lively, cheerful, witty and brave Or reckless, impatient, cunning and treacherous people speak faster, simple and honest, calm or slow people speak slowly. Speech speed change is an important means of expression expression.Fast speed will make people feel rushed and tense; slow speed will make people feel at ease and calm.Appropriately using the change of speech speed combined with other speech skills can render the scene, heighten the atmosphere, enhance the rhythm and momentum of speech, and produce great artistic appeal. When a person speaks, the vocal cords are tensed and the voice is raised; when the vocal cords are relaxed, the voice is lowered.This high and low intonation change is the ups and downs.When a person speaks, the level of the same sentence changes differently, and the thoughts, feelings and contents expressed are also different.Try to understand the different emotions and contents of the sentence "I'm afraid of you" due to the different heights and heights. The rise and fall of intonation runs through the entire sentence, but is most obvious at the end of the sentence.It can be divided into four types: high rising, falling, straight and winding. The voice momentum of high-rising sentences gradually changes from low to high.It generally expresses surprise, question, rhetorical question, call, appeal, etc. For example: If winter comes, can spring be far behind? (table rhetorical question) We must improve the economy! (table call) The voice momentum of the falling intonation sentence is high first and then low, and gradually decreases, and the sentence ends low and short.It generally expresses affirmation, entreaty, exclamation, self-confidence, permission, wish, etc.For example: I believe we will be successful. (expressing confidence) You see, what a beautiful rainbow! (express admiration) Straight adjustment The speech of the sentence is smooth and soothing, with no obvious ups and downs.It is generally used to narrate, explain, explain, express solemnity, seriousness, indifference, hesitation, mourning, etc.For example: He is a very nice guy, kind and helpful. (table description) A single match can destroy an entire forest. (serious expression) Zigzag tone The whole sentence changes in zigzags, or rises first and then falls, or falls first and then rises, and the ending sound of the sentence is especially aggravated, protracted and twists and turns.Generally used to express exaggeration, irony, humor, mockery, etc.For example: He is very good, so good that even lying is forgiven. (table mocking) You are a kind person, a kind person who does not eat the fireworks of the world. (table sarcasm) Sincerity is touching enough.How can a man be unpopular with his listeners if what he says speaks to the point? In 1915, miners in a Colorado coal mine went on strike to demand better pay.Because of the company's mishandling, the strike turned into a bloody tragedy.Both labor and capital have gone to their own extremes.The strike, which lasted for two years, became a famous strike in the history of American industry.The person in charge of the mine at that time was the son of Rockefeller, the American oil magnate.The young Rockefeller initially used high-handed tactics and invited the army to suppress it, causing a bloody tragedy. Not only did the problem not be resolved, but the strike was prolonged and his property suffered even greater losses.Later, he changed his method and used a gentle method, temporarily putting aside the matter of the strike, and went to make friends with the workers, and went to the homes of various workers to condolences, so that the feelings of the two parties gradually improved.Later, he asked the workers to organize a delegation to negotiate a settlement with the management.He saw that the workers had lost some of their hostility towards him, and he made a very pertinent speech to the representatives of the strike movement.This speech completely resolved the strike trend of the past two years. In that speech, he said: "In my lifetime, today is probably the most memorable day. I am very honored, because I can meet you. If our meeting today was two weeks ago, then, I Standing here would be a stranger; because I know only a very small number of your faces. I had the opportunity to go to the tents in the South Coal District to see it, and I had a private individual with all the representatives. Talk. I have seen your families, met your wives and children, everyone is very polite to me, and completely treats me as one of my own. So, today we meet here, we are no longer strangers But friends. Now, let us discuss our interests together in mutual friendship. This is very gratifying. Attending this meeting are representatives of the employees and workers of the factory. Now, everyone Thanks to the great love, I can meet you here and work hard to resolve all conflicts and become friends with each other. I will never forget this great friendship in my life. Our careers and futures have expanded infinitely since then. Bright. Personally, although I am representing the board of directors of the company today, I am not in an opposing position with you. I think we all have a close relationship and friendship. Our life issues related to each other, Now I would like to bring it up for discussion with you. Let’s make a long-term plan together to obtain a satisfactory solution that both parties can take into account, because this is something that is beneficial to everyone..." Although the speech of Rockefeller Jr. did not have gorgeous words, his words were pertinent, which aroused widespread resonance among the miners, and he got himself out of the predicament at once. In addition to being pertinent, speaking must also be meaningful. The two complement each other to achieve the desired effect. "Book of Changes Family" says: "A gentleman is persistent in his actions with his words and things." People will encounter such situations in their daily lives, whether they are listening to lectures given by others, leaders giving reports, or chatting with people around them, they often encounter such situations. When it comes to saying nothing, empty and boring, the above-mentioned talk is lively, but the audience below feel sleepy and boring. Why is there a situation where there is nothing to say?At its root, the problem is that the talker, the speaker, doesn't understand the content of his speech well.I don't understand why I have to speak, how can I expect to give the audience a speech with substantial content and something to say?It is actually not difficult to solve this problem. To put it simply, it is necessary to fully and carefully prepare the content of your speech, and understand the problem thoroughly before giving a speech. One day, an elderly widow who faltered came to Lincoln's law office.She was the wife of a fallen soldier.She wept to Lincoln, saying that she was supposed to receive a pension of 400 yuan, but was forced to pay a handling fee of 200 yuan by a pension official.这件事，林肯听了勃然大怒，立刻为她向法庭对那位官吏提起诉讼。 开庭的时候，林肯用愤怒的目光看着被告，他所说的话，差不多每个字都是十分的中肯且言之有物。那种严正的态度、热烈的情感，几乎使他跳起来剥掉那位被告的皮：“时间一直向前迈进，1776年的英雄，已经成为过去了，他们是被安置在另一个世界中了。但是，那位英雄，已经长眠地下，他的年老衰颓而且又跛的遗孀，此刻来到我们的前面，请求替她申冤。在过去，她也是体态轻盈、声音曼妙的美丽的少女，现在她贫无所依了，没有办法，只好来向享受革命先烈所争取到的自由的我们，请求给予同情的帮助和人道的保护。我现在所要问的是，我们是不是应该援助她！” 林肯这样的一段中肯的话说完了，有人感慨得流下眼泪。大家一致认为那老妇人的抚恤金是分文不能少给的。In the end the court recovered the pension of the soldier's widow, and gave the official a serious trial. 常言道：“言为心声。”说话的好坏，主要取决于说话者的思想水平、文化修养、道德情操，但讲究语言的艺术也同样十分重要。The same thought, spoken from different people, often has different effects. 良好的谈吐可以助人成功，蹩脚的谈吐则令人障阻重重。在日常生活中，我们身边的人总是多种多样，有口若悬河的，有期期艾艾、不知所云的，有谈吐隽永的，有语言干瘪、意兴阑珊的，有唇枪舌剑的……人们的口才能力有大小之分，说话的效果也是天差地远。因此，要想在说话上成为高手，达到“到什么山上唱什么歌”的境界，就必须要把握其中的奥秘。 Whether a person's words can be accepted by others depends on his credibility, and to improve his credibility, not only in terms of image, he must have appropriate clothing, generous manners, natural and decent conversation, focused eyes, and calm expressions, etc. Also observe each other. Different people accept the opinions of others in different ways and with different sensitivities.一般来说，文化水平较高的人，不屑听肤浅、通俗的话，对他们应多用抽象的推理；文化层次较低的人，听不懂高深的理论，对他们应多举明显的事例；对于刚愎自用的人，不宜循循善诱，可以激他；对于喜欢夸大的人，不必表里如一，不妨诱导；对于生性沉默的人，要多挑动他发火；对于脾气急躁的人，用语要简明快捷；对于思想顽固的人，要看准他的兴趣点，进行转化；对于情绪不正常的人，要让他恢复正常后再谈。And so on, only by knowing yourself and the enemy can you prescribe the right medicine and get the best speaking effect. 古语说：“凡事豫（预）则立，不豫（预）则废。”所以说话前，你有必要对下列问题仔细地考虑：你要对谁讲，将要讲什么，为什么要讲这些内容，怎么讲法，有什么有利因素和不利因素，怎样处理等。 People often ask, how can we better express our true thoughts and feelings? ——Here is an open secret, the method used is neither strange nor illusion, to put it bluntly, it is ordinary, simple and concise. 历来的美国人，从来没有比林肯讲话用的字句更简洁和更优美的了！他所写的散文，有人曾这样说过：“竟像音乐一般的悦耳！”随便举一个例子吧：他在第二次总统就职演说中，就说了这么一句话：“With malice towards none，with charity for all。（勿以怨恨对待任何人，应以慈爱加给所有的人！）” Everyone knows that Lincoln's father was an ordinary carpenter.His mother also had no special talents.How, then, did Lincoln have a special gift for using language?林肯所受的教育是“不完全的”，一生也不过进了不满一年的学校。被选为国会议员后，他自己也曾对群众承认过。So who was Lincoln's teacher?Many people do not know that a traveling village scholar in the woods of Kentucky unintentionally helped Lincoln achieve great progress—if it were not for the harsh environment of Lincoln's youth, perhaps Lincoln's achievements would be greater . 在林肯当总统前，有人问他有多少财产。Most of the answers expected by those present at the time were tens of thousands of dollars and how many acres of land.然而林肯却扳着手指这样回答：“我有一位妻子、一个儿子，都是无价之宝。此外，也租了一个办公室，室内有一张桌子、三把椅子，墙角还有一个大书架，架上的书值得每人一读。我本人又高又瘦，脸蛋很长，不会发福。我实在没有什么可依靠的，唯一可靠的财产就是——你们！” 林肯当律师的时候，一次他作为被告的辩护律师出庭。原告的律师把一个简单的论据翻来覆去地讲了两个多小时，好容易才轮到林肯上台做辩护。 林肯走上讲台，却一言不发。他先把外衣脱下放在桌上，然后拿起水杯喝了口水，接着又重新穿上外衣，然后又喝水。如此动作一连重复了五六次，法庭上的人会心地笑开了，笑得前仰后合。 When the Civil War broke out, the newspapers made all kinds of inexplicable suggestions to Lincoln.林肯耐着性子听完了一位纽约记者提出的冗长作战方案之后，说：“听了你的建议，我不禁想起了一个小故事。几年前，有人在堪萨斯骑马旅行，因为人烟稀少，无路可行，他迷失了方向。更糟糕的是随着夜幕降临，下起了可怕的雷暴雨。隆隆雷声，震撼大地；道道闪电，瞬息之间照亮地面。这个失魂落魄的人，最后下了马，借着时有时无的闪电亮光，开始步履艰难地牵马行走。突然，一声惊人的霹雳骇得他双膝跪地。他呼喊道：'上帝，既然你什么都能做到，就多赐给我们一点亮光，少来点刺耳的声音吧！'”林肯自己平凡朴素，也讨厌他人说话故作高深，晦涩难懂。这是很值得我们借鉴和学习的。 言不在多，达意则灵。讲话简练有力，能使人兴味不减。冗词赘语，唠叨啰嗦唆，不得要领，必令人生厌。Many speech masters cherish their words like gold, and leave precious chapters in their concise words, becoming a typical example of "eloquent speakers with few words".