Chapter 4 Chapter 3 Resilience: Determining Speaking Strategies According to Circumstances
When leaders face emergencies, they must remember: calm down, calm down, and calm down again.Only by keeping your mind clear can you keep your thoughts free from external interference and come up with countermeasures in time.At the same time, you must believe in your own abilities and give yourself confidence.
In social situations, we always encounter some unexpected things, or we make a slip of the tongue;These unexpected situations often make people ridiculous, embarrassed, in a dilemma, and fall into a dilemma.In a predicament, how to get out?That requires improvisation.There are many such examples in life:
Mr. Li, who is already the big boss of a certain chain company, once satirized him in a social place for being too lowly educated and being a nouveau riche; ridiculed for his poor appearance when he was a child.Mr. Li was not only not angry, but also joked frankly: "Yes, I came from a poor family. When I was young, other children made model airplanes, but I was making model steamed buns. We have never been poor, nor suffered Too hungry, it’s just that sometimes the meal time is infinitely delayed.”
When encountering this kind of situation, you must not keep silent, otherwise it means that you have acquiesced to other people's ridicule, which will not be conducive to taking the initiative in interpersonal communication.If these behaviors are a joke of relatives, friends or colleagues, then you might as well "fight back" with the same witty words. Don't use angry and sharp words to fight back, which is out of style.For these well-intentioned sieges, usually using humorous self-deprecation can free you from the predicament, and face others with a calm expression, not only will not damage you, but will also add a lot of charm.On the surface, it is self-deprecating, but it is actually a positive communication method that contains the self-deprecating person's strong self-esteem and self-love, and will increase your communication charm.
For other people's malicious sarcasm, irony should be tit-for-tat, merciless, so that their arrogance will disappear and they will no longer be complacent.If before a dinner party where celebrities from all walks of business gather, someone searches you from head to toe, and then pretends to shout: "Oh, you are Mr. Wang of the ×× Group? I really don't recognize you." You might as well immediately Refutation: "Standing at the foot of the mountain, naturally you cannot see the mountain."
In social occasions, unpleasant incidents such as personal attacks are unavoidable, especially when leaders are on the front line of business wars, they will offend some people intentionally or unintentionally, and encounter ridicule and contempt from the other party. , then, it is necessary to use irony as your contingency strategy.
Therefore, the eloquence of adapting to changing circumstances is particularly important.As a leader standing at the forefront of the business world, one must have the communicative eloquence to adapt to the situation. To achieve this, one must have extremely quick thinking, which should benefit from long-term conscious training, learning and imitation.There are many emergency language skills, mainly including:
1. Change the subject and get rid of the embarrassment
In socializing, sometimes you encounter things that you don't want to disclose or cannot disclose, but others want to inquire about; or you accidentally touch the pain, taboo and privacy of the other party, and an embarrassing situation arises.At this time, using the scene as a medium to quickly change the topic is a generally effective emergency measure.
2. Keep calm and deal with embarrassment
The emergence of embarrassing situations often happens in an instant. If you lack composure and lose your face in shock, you can only be at a loss and add chaos to the chaos.If you can maintain a psychological balance and stability, face the problems that arise calmly and calmly, then you will be able to deal with embarrassment skillfully and wittily.
3. Be quick to develop wisdom and justify yourself
Words are blurted out, and once there is an omission, you need to use your ability to adapt to changing situations and topics in an instant, correct the content of your speech, and quickly and rigorously change and adjust your words.
4. Use humor to solve contradictions skillfully
In interpersonal communication, when conflicts occur, humorous language can produce a magical effect in some cases, easing the deadlock and making an embarrassing scene disappear in laughter.
To be popular is actually to be well versed in the art of square circle in interpersonal communication.When you need to be "round", you can get a pass for a smooth life in complex human relationships.This kind of human skill is good at smoothing things over, and its function can be summed up in sixteen words: mediate disputes, resolve conflicts, avoid embarrassment, and break the deadlock.
From a proactive point of view, it is someone else who behaves badly and shows ugliness and takes the initiative to smooth things over; when someone else is in a predicament, he takes the initiative to make a siege and find a step for him to get off the stage.
From a passive point of view, when you make a mistake, you must be good at saving and justifying yourself; unfortunately, when you fall into a social deadlock, use your power to make changes to break the ice; Let the other party lose less face and maintain dignity, so as to settle the matter, or even turn a bad thing into a good thing.
Desiring to be successful in life, having a good human relationship resource, without the technical support of Circumstance Technique, it is likely to be a "tofu dregs project", an illusion that can only be talked about but cannot be achieved, at most it is like a soap bubble. The circle is destroyed."
In social activities, it is a major principle of Circus to provide an appropriate step in a timely manner so that people do not lose face.However, not all my friends are very clear about how to give the steps and how the Circus should be played.The following is a brief summary of how to round the field.
1. How to smooth things over for yourself
Once it is difficult to step down due to one's own mistakes, the smartest way is: more ridicule, less cover-up; more self-deprecating, less self-righteous.The most important thing to smooth things over for yourself is not deliberately avoiding and covering up.If it is a trivial problem, you might as well divert other people's attention by diverting the target or topic.If others have already noticed and the problem is not serious, explain it a little.If the nature is serious and it has caused displeasure or even resentment to others, it is necessary to apologize sincerely immediately, and then explain more solemnly, and solve it on the spot. The longer the delay, the worse the consequences will be.
2. How to smooth things over for others
Sometimes when the two parties are in an awkward situation, if the third party smooths things out from a clever angle, it can change the stagnant atmosphere into a relaxed and lively one.
When Gorbachev and his wife Raisa visited the United States, on the way to the White House to attend Reagan's farewell banquet, he suddenly got out of the car and shook hands with passers-by in the downtown area.The former Soviet security personnel rushed out of the car, surrounded him, and ordered the Americans standing beside Gorbachev to pull their hands out of their pockets.He was afraid that the pedestrian would have a weapon in his pocket, and the pedestrian would be at a loss for a while.At this time, Raisa behind her was very resourceful and immediately came out to smooth things over. She explained to the surrounding Americans that the security guards wanted people to hold out their hands and shake hands with their husbands.Immediately, the atmosphere became warmer, and people cordially shook hands with Gorbachev.Here, Raisa responded cleverly and smoothed things over to ease the embarrassing situation at that time.
3. The principle of persuasion
Without conflicts and disputes, there will be nothing to reconcile in interpersonal communication, less embarrassment and deadlock, and no need to talk about mediation and peace.On the contrary, as long as there are these things, it is inevitable that peacemakers will come to show their skills.In fact, as long as there is skill in rounding the field, there is no fight that cannot be persuaded, and there is no knot that cannot be solved.
So how to do it effectively when persuading a fight?There are three principles:
Principle 1: Do not blindly persuade a fight.If you don't talk about the point, not only will it be ineffective, but it will also arouse the resentment of the parties involved.It is necessary to find out the situation in as much detail as possible from the front and the side, and strive to speak the words of persuasion to the hearts of the parties concerned.
Principle 2: To distinguish between primary and secondary.There is a difference between the primary and secondary parties in the quarrel, and the power should not be used equally to persuade the quarrel. The party who speaks fiercely and quarrels too much should focus on the work, so that it is easier to settle the dispute.
Principle 3: Be objective and fair.When persuading a fight, one must distinguish between right and wrong, and not unprincipled "reconciliation".It is not convincing to criticize both sides in general, without distinguishing between right and wrong.Some disputes have complex reasons or have a long history, so the mediator should analyze the specific situation and clarify the reasons dialectically, so that both parties can have a sense of identity and reach a consensus, so as to resolve the dispute.
4. The technique of "mixing mud"
Generally speaking, it is not possible to "make peace with each other", but for small disputes that have nothing to do with major rights and wrongs, as a third party, you should "make peace with each other." There are three techniques for "He Xing Mui":
Tip 1: Fragmentation and splitting.If the two sides are very angry, and there is a tendency to be on the verge of breaking out, at this time, the third party can make a decisive decision, and use some urgent excuse (such as someone looking for it, or an urgent call) to distract one of them and let them break away from contact, etc. They calmed down, their heads calmed down, and the dispute tended to subside.
Skill 2: Make good use of vanity to compliment the circle. Throughout the ages, gentlemen and villains love to listen to good words. When they are very annoyed or unhappy with the person concerned, as long as others say a few decent words, the mist will disappear.
Once, Xie Jin accompanied Zhu Yuanzhang to fish in the Jinshui River, and found nothing for a whole morning.Zhu Yuanzhang was very frustrated, so he ordered Xie Jin to write a poem about it.Not catching any fish is already a disappointment, so how do you write this poem?Xie Jin is worthy of being a talented man. After thinking for a while, he immediately read out of his mouth: "A few feet of silk enters the water, and the golden hook is thrown away forever. Every fish dare not face the emperor, and the long-lived king only hooks the dragon." Zhu Yuanzhang heard, Long Yan is very happy.
Emperor Wen of the Song Dynasty in the Southern Dynasties was fishing in Tianquan Pond. He fished for half a day without any harvest, so he felt melancholy.Seeing this, Wang Jing said: "It's really because the fishermen are too honest, so they can't catch fish that are greedy for bait." In a word, Emperor Wen of Song picked up the empty bucket and returned to the palace happily.
Skill 3: win with emotion.The third party can use the past relationship between the two parties to impress them and make them take the initiative to "retreat".Or use the friendship between yourself and each of them as a bargaining chip, and say: "You are all my good friends, and you are in a stalemate, which makes me very sad. Just for my sake, let's shake hands and make peace." Generally speaking, both parties will take the face of the third party, and get off the ladder.
The "circle" of the circus has no fixed technology, and the "field" of the circus has no specific and undoubted situation.The Circus needs caring people, and even more adaptable caring people.
Disturbing the scene is maliciously disrupting the order of the scene, so that the speakers are constantly interrupted or even forced to terminate.This situation occurs mainly in one-way communication.For example, in classes, reports, conference speeches, speeches, etc., the audience holds small meetings, shifts seats, enters and exits at will, makes noise, laughs, booes, whistles, and applauds blindly.The following are the reasons and solutions for the occurrence of the following disturbances.
1. The listener has a prejudice against the speaker and is an opponent.The reason why he came to listen was to take advantage of the loopholes and make trouble. No matter what you said, he would disturb you.To deal with such a situation, the speaker must strengthen his confidence and turn a deaf ear
In February 1860, Lincoln ran for president of the United States for the first time and gave a speech at a society in New York.By the time he arrived in New York, the local newspapers had published many articles attacking him.When he took the stage, before he could speak, there was a roar of ridicule from the audience.Not long after the speech started, the audience was already very chaotic, and some Republicans shouted loudly for him to get off the stage.But Lincoln was completely unmoved, and continued speaking very calmly as he had prepared in advance.Gradually, the venue became quiet. Except for Lincoln's voice, there was only the burning sound of gas lamps, and the audience was fascinated by it.The next day, newspapers published articles praising Lincoln's exceptionally successful speeches.
As a spokesperson, you can only control the appearance of disruptors yourself.It is not the ultimate solution to the problem to rely on others who have a stake in the listener to intervene, suppress, or exit in anger.In doing so, the negative effects may be even worse.Therefore, the speaker must face up to the disruption and take the initiative to exercise control.
2. The speaker’s ideological, academic, and business level is not high, and the listener feels that the words are meaningless, and it is a waste of time to listen
For this kind of troublemaker, the speaker must be modest and prudent, and blame himself.
In the 1986 Philippine general election, the candidate Ko?Mrs. Aquino was once accused of being a housewife who didn't know anything.She took the stage to deliver a campaign speech, and many people viewed her in this light.The opposition publicly yelled that she was only worthy of being around the pot and asked her to go back to cooking.As soon as she opened her mouth, she said: "I am just a housewife, and I don't know much about politics and economics, and I have no experience." This sincere and sincere truth made the audience quiet for a while.Then she said: "Although I am a layman in politics, as a housewife who revolves around the pot, I am proficient in daily economics!" The audience immediately burst into enthusiastic cheers.
3. The content of the speech is not interesting to the listener.For the disturbance of the third reason, the speaker should be humorous and lively
According to the propaganda work plan of the factory, the propaganda director of a certain factory went to a branch factory to publicize current affairs policies.Some workers in the branch factory are worried about being laid off.But at this juncture, I dare not stop listening.When the director of the branch factory talked about the current affairs policy content that the minister wanted to preach, the audience exploded, and there was a lot of noise.The minister opened his throat and shouted: "I have good news for everyone." The audience suddenly fell silent.The minister deliberately paused for a while before saying: "My wife is resigned!" The audience was stunned for a moment, and then there was a round of warm applause.Then the minister started with how his wife voluntarily asked to be laid off, and vividly described the conversations between the husband and wife and the objections of the children.After the audience's emotions were fully mobilized, they briefly talked about why they were laid off and the current situation of layoffs.Afterwards, everyone said that the minister really knew how to speak.
Adaptability is one of the most important abilities of modern people, especially as a leader, one must be good at adapting to changes in the environment.Conversation is the exchange of ideas between people. Human thoughts are the most variable things in the world. If you always use a set of language expressions that you think you are best at to talk to others, you will never learn the real meaning. eloquence.Therefore, it is necessary to master this adaptable language ability when talking.
When leaders face emergencies, they must remember: calm down, calm down, and calm down again.Only by keeping your mind clear can you keep your thoughts free from external interference and come up with countermeasures in time.At the same time, you must believe in your own abilities and give yourself confidence.
Of course, rich knowledge is the capital to adapt to changing circumstances. In reality, we often learn a lot of knowledge and skills, so we should learn and use them flexibly.You don't have to worry too much about whether you can use the newly acquired knowledge correctly, because no one really expects you to grasp the essence of new knowledge the first time.In fact, learning and selling new knowledge now is a reflection of flexible thinking. Grasping every opportunity will enable you to keep up with the changes in the conversation. Adapt to the situation and make the necessary preparations.
There are two situations of cold silence: one is in one-way communication, the listener has no interest and distracts attention; class to cope with.
The root cause of the silence is that the speaker's words are not attractive.The audience plays a "receiving" role only out of discipline or civility.Therefore, the silence is entirely the speaker's responsibility.
The appearance of a cold room is the failure of the speaker, because it cannot achieve the purpose of communicating with each other.If the speaker wants to speak, he must implement control to avoid the occurrence of silence.The method of control is:
1. Keep your speech short
The shorter the better for the occasional speech in one-way communication.For example, the opening ceremony of Huada Shopping Center was held, and people from all walks of life in the city were invited to participate.The general manager only said two words: "Ladies and gentlemen: I warmly welcome you to come! Now I announce: Huada shopping mall is officially opened!"
In two-way communication, neither party should reserve the room endlessly, but consciously leave time and opportunity for the other party to speak.If you can't finish speaking in one round, you should wait for the other party's reaction before speaking, and don't speak very long in one round.
2. Change the subject
When speaking in public, encountering silence can attract the audience's attention by temporarily changing the subject.After the goal is achieved, it is still necessary to return to the track of the original topic.For example, if the teacher finds that the students are distracted, looking around, dozing off, whispering, or scribbling on the table during the lecture, the teacher can suspend the lecture and intersperse a few words that are appropriate to the occasion, fashionable, and humorous; or briefly tell an anecdote that is more or less related to teaching , Anecdotes, the students' energy will be concentrated at once.After that, continue teaching.
The topic change of two-way communication is uncertain, and it can be carried out at any time according to the situation on the spot.For example, you are talking to someone about the TV live broadcast of the World Cup football match that you watched in the early morning, but they don’t like football, and they didn’t get up to watch it in the middle of the night.At this time, you should change the subject in time.
3. Stop talking
No speaker wants to be left alone.However, if this situation occurs, and you have adopted control measures such as making short speeches, changing the topic, and strengthening your tone, and still cannot reverse the cold situation, you should stop the conversation.Prolonged silence is cruel and time-wasting for both sides of the exchange.For example, after you talk about football with him and he is not interested, if you change the topic and he is still not interested, you can't continue the conversation.This is called "more than half a sentence without speculation".
There are two cases of censure: one is to raise questions and objections to what is being said.Generally, this is well-intentioned.The other is malicious, intentionally making things difficult, and playing pranks to achieve the purpose of embarrassing and making a fool of the speaker.
The methods of controlling blame should also be treated differently:
1. For well-intentioned censures, you should do your best to express your views or answer the other party’s questions seriously and responsibly. As long as it does not involve national or organizational secrets and indecent content, you should answer all questions and are not available. Diplomatic rhetoric such as "no comment".If you really can't answer, you must honestly apologize, or leave words for further discussion.
The propaganda minister mentioned in the previous article went to the branch factory to preach current affairs policies. A female worker stood up and asked, "You always say that the situation is good, why are you laying off workers everywhere in the country?" The performance just shows that the situation is good. Now some places and departments are overstaffed and have nothing to do, while some places and departments have too many things to do. Is this normal? A factory has backward technology, outdated equipment, and no market for its products. In terms of wages, it is better to let some people lay off their jobs and change careers to do things that the society needs. In this way, the needs of the society are met, and everyone has money to earn, isn’t it better than hanging to death?”
2. Malicious accusations should be resolutely and resolutely refuted or exposed.The tactics can be diversified: or sarcasm, or tit for tat, or humorous.In short, its attempts cannot be allowed to succeed.In this case, it is inappropriate to ignore, refuse to answer, or get angry, get angry, or ask him to leave or leave by himself: first, it will encourage his arrogance; second, it will confuse other audiences; damage their own image.
When US President Bush was giving a speech, a piece of paper was handed out from the audience. He opened it and saw that it said "fool".He smiled nonchalantly: "In the past, when others handed over a note, they asked questions without leaving their names; but this one only puts their names without asking questions."
Cleverly transferred the bad words that were intended to insult him to the abuser.
In social situations, especially when we are in an embarrassing situation, the ingenious excuse of making a mistake is often more magical than just explaining it. It is one of the important contents of the language of wit and response.
Ji Xiaolan, a talented scholar in the Qing Dynasty, was so talented that he was deeply loved by Emperor Qianlong.Once, Emperor Qianlong suddenly came to the military plane.At this time, Ji Xiaolan was shirtless chatting with several office workers.The others saw the emperor coming up from a long distance, and hurriedly got up to meet him.Ji Xiaolan was highly myopic, and at first he didn't see Qianlong who was walking at the back, but when he understood what was going on, Qianlong was almost there.
Ji Xiaolan thought to herself: "Isn't it offensive to Longyan to pick up the driver shirtless like this? Why don't you just keep doing it and hide under the table while others are not paying attention."
All this had been seen by Qianlong for a long time, and he was amused for a while, and wanted to "tighten" Ji Xiaolan.
Qianlong sat down on the chair and signaled to the others not to make a sound. After a long time, Ji Xiaolan couldn't stay under the table anymore, and wondered: Why didn't she move after she came in?It’s been so long, it’s time to leave, maybe already, thinking of this, Ji Xiaolan lowered her voice and shouted:
"Hi, is anyone there? Is the old man gone?"
Qianlong heard it clearly, so he straightened his face and shouted sharply: "Ji Xiaolan, come out."
When Ji Xiaolan heard Qianlong's voice, she thought: "It's over, it's over, this time it's over." She had no choice but to get out from under the table to see him.
Qianlong saw Ji Xiaolan's shirtless, sweaty, and panic-stricken appearance, and laughed in his heart: "Ji Xiaolan is known as the number one talent in the Qing Dynasty, and he looks like this." Then he deliberately pretended to be angry, and shouted:
"Bold Ji Xiaolan, it's fine if you don't see me, but you dare to call me an 'old man'. What do you mean? If you don't understand clearly today, your head will be killed!"
In this situation, Ji Xiaolan calmed down a lot, wiping her sweat while thinking hard about countermeasures.Suddenly he had an idea, he was wrong anyway, if he was wrong, he said it wrongly, and he said unhurriedly: "Long Live Lord, please calm down, the servant called you 'old man' just out of respect for your old man, there is no other intention .”
Qianlong became even angrier when he heard this:
"Respect? Alright, tell me how to respect."
Ji Xiaolan said slowly: "Let's talk about the word 'old' first. The people all over the world call the emperor long live, long live, long live, long live, long live, do you think long live, long live, long live is 'old'?"
Qianlong didn't make a sound, just nodded.
Seeing that Qianlong agreed, Ji Xiaolan continued: "Let's talk about the word 'head'. There are thousands of people in the family and one person in charge. Now the emperor is the person in charge of our Qing Dynasty, the head of all the people in the world, and the 'head' is the head." ' Also. Hence calling you 'Head'."
Qianlong squinted his eyes and smiled while listening, very satisfied.
"As for the 'son', the meaning is more obvious. Your Majesty, you are the son of heaven, and it is Ziwei Xing who came down to earth. Ziwei star is also the son of heaven, so you are a 'son'. This is why I call you an 'old man' The reason." Ji Xiaolan breathed a sigh of relief after speaking.
Qianlong clapped his hands and laughed loudly after hearing this: "What an 'old man', Ji Xiaolan, you are indeed a genius."
Here Ji Xiaolan made the mistake of making the emperor Long Yan Dayue, and skillfully resolved a dangerous situation for herself.
It can be seen that mastering the magical and witty language contingency skills plays an important role in social communication, business negotiations, and speeches.
Homophony refers to the use of the same or opposite relationship between the sounds of a language to consciously make sentences have double meanings, where the words are here and the meaning is there.Skillful use of homonyms can often help people get out of trouble and save themselves from danger.
Once upon a time there was a prime minister who had a clever son named Xue Deng.At that time, there was a treacherous minister, Jin Sheng, who always wanted to frame Xue Deng's father, but he couldn't do anything, so he made plans on Xue Deng.One day, Jin Sheng saw that Xue Deng was playing with a group of children, so he frowned, suddenly tricked, and shouted: "Xue Deng, you are as timid as a mouse, you dare not smash a bucket on the imperial gate."
Xue Deng didn't know what it was, he ran to the edge of the imperial gate in one breath and smashed one of the double barrels standing there.
When Jin Sheng saw it, he was right in his arms, and immediately flew to report to the emperor.The emperor was furious, and immediately sent Xue Deng and his son to question him.
Xue Deng and his son knelt under the hall, but Xue Deng smiled nonchalantly.The emperor shouted angrily: "Bold Xue Deng! Why did you smash the barrel of the imperial gate?"
Xue Deng thought for a while, and asked back: "Your Majesty, do you think it is better to have one barrel (unification) of the world, or two barrels (unification) of the world?"
"Of course it is better to rule the world," said the emperor.
Xue Deng clapped his hands happily: "The emperor is right! It is good to rule the world, so I smashed that extra 'bucket'."
The emperor turned his anger into joy when he heard this, and praised: "What a smart boy!" Then he said to the prime minister: "Aiqing is good at teaching children, please ask me."
Jin Sheng's plan failed, and his zealous intentions were not dead, so he started to slander: "Xue Deng made up nonsense temporarily, he is not smart, let me try him again." The emperor agreed.
Jin Sheng sneered at Xue Deng: "Xue Deng, do you dare to smash the remaining one too?"
Xue Deng glared at him, said "Smash it, smash it", and ran out the door without looking back, smashing the remaining wooden barrel beside the imperial gate to pieces.
The emperor shouted: "Naughty boy! How can this be explained?"
Xue Deng calmly asked the emperor: "Your Majesty, do you think it is better to have a wooden barrel or an iron barrel?"
"Of course iron barrels are better." The emperor replied.
Xue Deng clapped his hands again and said with a smile: "Your Majesty is right. Since iron barrels are good, why do you need wooden barrels? Your Majesty, hurry up and cast a hard and hard iron barrel. May my emperor be as strong as an iron barrel."
The emperor was very happy, and ordered Xue Deng to be named a "child prodigy".
As the saying goes: "Stones from other mountains can be used to attack jade." This saying is a strategy for doing things, and it is more effective when used in speaking.
Tang Xianzong once asked Li Jiang: "Among the admonishers, there are many people who slander the government, but there is no factual basis. I want to reprimand one or two of them who speak fiercely, so as to warn others. How about it?"
Li Jiang replied: "I'm afraid this is not your Majesty's idea. It must be a treacherous courtier using such words to deceive your eyes and ears. The life and death of a minister depends on the joy and anger of the monarch, so how many people dare to speak out? Even if there are Advisers have to think day and night beforehand, cut out a little bit in the morning and a little bit in the evening, and by the time the performance is presented, there will be less than two or three tenths of what is left. Therefore, the monarch tirelessly searches for I’m afraid I won’t be able to find admonitions. What’s more, I have to punish those who dare to admonish? To do what His Majesty said just now, will put an end to the righteous speech of the world, this is not a blessing for the community!”
Emperor Xianzong praised Li Jiang's words and canceled his plan to punish those who made the admonishment.
In the article, Li Jiang knew that this was Xianzong's proposition, but how dare he argue with Xianzong's views on right or wrong, he could only force Xianzong's own proposition to be the proposition of his ministers, and refuted it mercilessly, so that Xianzong could understand his views. The interests of the idea, so as to achieve the purpose of persuasion.Leading stones to attack jade can also be said to mean one thing but the other, making a false statement, falsely wronging others' righteousness, and achieving one's own goals.
Song Taizu drinking wine to release military power is a typical example.
Not long after Song Taizu won the world, he asked Zhao Pu: "Since the end of the Tang Dynasty, in the past few decades, more than a dozen emperors have changed, and the battles have continued. What is the reason?"
Zhao Pu replied: "Because the power of the vassals and towns is too strong, the emperor is weak and the courtiers are strong, so naturally they cannot control the situation. The current plan is to slightly reduce their power, control their money and food, and recruit their elite soldiers. will settle down."
Before he finished speaking, Taizu said: "You don't need to say any more, I already know." After a while, Taizu and his old friend took Shi Shouxin and others to drink. Said to them: "If I don't rely on your strength, I can't have the Golden Temple and Dragon Robe today. I will always remember your kindness and never forget it. However, it is very difficult to be an emperor. Happy. I can't sleep all night now!"
Shi Shouxin and others asked, "Why?"
Taizu said: "It's not difficult to know that no one in my position wants to kill me."
Shi Shouxin and others were terrified, kowtowed to Taizu and said, "Why did Your Majesty say such a thing?"
Taizu said: "Isn't that so? Although you don't have such ambitions, your subordinates want to be rich! Once they put the imperial robes on you, it is impossible not to be emperors."
Shi Shouxin and others kowtowed and cried: "Although we are stupid, we have not yet reached this point. I just ask Your Majesty to have mercy on us and show us a way out."
Taizu then said: "Life is short, like a white horse passing by. Those who want to be rich should only get more money to make themselves rich and happy, so that their children and grandchildren will not suffer from poverty. Why don't you give up your military power? Choose some good fields and houses to buy. Create a permanent property for your descendants, buy a lot of singers and dancers, drink and have fun all day long, so that you can live forever. We, the monarchs and ministers, also avoid mutual suspicion, isn’t it good?”
Shi Shouxin and others once again thanked Taizu: "Your Majesty can consider so thoughtfully and meticulously on behalf of the ministers, it is really the so-called flesh and blood of the same life and death!"
The next day, several of them could not continue to serve on the grounds that they were ill, and asked Taizu to lift their military power.
Leading stones to attack jade, also known as "causing competition" in the language of negotiation, is a basic and effective strategy that negotiators can use.
As a speaking skill, attracting stones to attack jade does not necessarily have to cause competition, as long as the attracted "stone" can be used to break the "jade", the goal has been achieved.But when using it, you must choose the "stone" you need.
Bluff is the use of exaggerated language to create a serious situation.Cause a strong shock to the other party, so as to persuade the other party, or get out of danger.
At the beginning of World War II, Germany's plan to build dozens of submarines formulated in 1941 will soon become a reality, requiring thousands of German youths to operate these new secret weapons.Just when many young people regarded being a diver as a noble profession and rushed to sign up for Admiral Duniz's submarine force, a well-designed leaflet appeared in many places: the submarine was painted as a "steel coffin" , with text like this:
"Being a diver is extremely dangerous, life is short, and you are isolated from the outside world for a long time..."
At the same time, the British were broadcasting programs aimed at Germans on the radio, telling them how to fake certain diseases to avoid becoming divers.It turned out that this was a secret department of the British Admiralty, code-named OP-16-W, which used psychological knowledge to conduct a "psychological warfare" against Germany in view of the fact that Germans are vulnerable to psychological attacks.
As a result, many young people became afraid of becoming divers and gave up signing up.
It can be seen from this that the bluff will make the other party be strongly shocked psychologically, and your persuasion will be effective.Just imagine, the clever British described the submarine as a terrible steel coffin, who would want to die in vain?
During the Warring States Period, a man named Zhang Chou was held hostage in Yan State.
On this day, Zhang Chou heard that King Yan wanted to kill him, so he ran away in a hurry.Soon, he came to the border of Yan State. Seeing that he was only one step away from freedom, he was caught by the inspector on the border of Yan State. The inspector thought that he had made a great contribution and decided to send Zhang Chou back Please reward it from King Yan.Zhang Chou thought to himself that if he was sent back, he would definitely die, and he had to find a way to escape. After much deliberation, Zhang Chou finally came up with a clever plan.Zhang Chou said to the soldiers guarding him: "Go and call your leader, I have something to tell him."
The guard rushed to report.Not long after, the inspector came over.
Zhang Chou said mysteriously to the inspector, "Do you know why your King Yan wants to kill me?"
"have no idea."
"why?"
Zhang Chou deliberately lowered his voice and said, "The reason why King Yan wanted to kill me was because someone said that I had many jewels, but King Yan wanted them. In fact, those jewels were gone, but King Yan didn't trust me. "
"What does this have to do with me?" the inspector was puzzled.
"If you want to give me to King Yan now, he will definitely ask me where the jewels are hidden. Then I will say, you have swallowed all these jewels. At that time..."
Zhang Chou deliberately raised his voice.
"The King of Yan will definitely let you cut open your abdomen to get the pearls, and your intestines will be cut inch by inch."
At this time, the inspector was already trembling with fright, and quickly let Zhang Chou escape from the country of Yan.
In life, if the person you are talking to is stubborn, blindly confident, and self-satisfied, sometimes you have to bluff and fully explain his original ideas if you want to make him change his mind, withdraw his prejudice, and turn to the established goal you set or the harm of the practice, so that it suddenly wakes up, and then obeys you.
"People make mistakes, horses make mistakes." In the process of interpersonal communication, even Zhang Yi, who is as eloquent as Zhang Yi, will inevitably fall into the embarrassment of not expressing his meaning, not to mention the occasional dizziness, improper behavior, and inexplicable stupid things.The reasons are different, but the consequences are similar: laughing out loud, causing disputes, and sometimes getting out of hand.At this time, you have to turn your mind around and try to resolve the dispute.We can look at some examples of others and get inspiration from them.
Once when Ruan Ji went to court in the early morning, a waiter came to report suddenly: "Someone killed my mother!" Ruan Ji had always been unrestrained, and said casually, "It's fine to kill my father, how can I kill my mother?" There was a great uproar in the civil and military courts, thinking that he was "contradictory to Taoism".Ruan Ji also realized that his wording was inappropriate, and quickly explained: "I mean, a beast knows its mother but not its father. Killing the father is like a beast; what about killing the mother? It's even worse than a beast." Everything was covered, everyone was irrefutable, and Ruan Ji was spared the disaster of killing himself.
These four or two methods can save you from a quarrel.Ruan Ji cleverly cited a metaphor, changed the topic unconsciously in front of everyone, and subtly quelled the anger of the crowd.When your inadvertent words cause public outrage, you might as well try this trick.
When former U.S. President Ronald Reagan asked a reporter to talk about the mysteries of health, he unconsciously blurted out: "In addition to exercise, another habit of mine is not to eat salt. Whoever wants to maintain good health, it is best not to eat salt or eat less salt." As soon as this remark came out, it immediately aroused unanimous protests from the salt industry in the United States, triggering a "salt storm".When the public outrage was not over, the director of the Institute of Salt Industry came forward and explained for the president: "Eating salt is good for the human body; and President Reagan had no choice but to follow the doctor's order not to eat salt. Everyone's situation is different, and we should Determine the amount of salt according to your own physical condition."
The director neither denied the president's words, nor affirmed that eating salt is good for the human body, but gave a rather objective explanation, cleverly and eliminating the storm caused by the president's speech mistakes.This is the remedy for the rhetoric.The speech mistakes are cleverly saved by analyzing the words of the mistakes by slamming the east and the west.
US Secretary of State Kissinger is a successful diplomat.Once, when he was interviewed by the Italian female reporter Farage, when he talked about his successful foreign policy, he even boasted: "Americans admire western cowboys who go out alone, and it has always been my style, or my skill. As soon as this remark was published in the newspaper, it immediately caused an uproar, and even those who had always admired Kissinger were dissatisfied with his rash remarks.However, Kissinger is Kissinger after all. He not only calmed down, but also wisely took the initiative to accept the interview and took the opportunity to declare: "Meeting Farage was the most stupid thing in my life. She misinterpreted my words and took I'm just here to write an article."
Regarding the words of Ji and Fa, who is the truth and who is the lie? Outsiders are suddenly puzzled by Monk Zhang Er.This is a way to divert other people's attention.It can reduce the severity of mistakes, but in general, you should be cautious when applying this method, because it is actually entrusting others, and it is best to use it sparingly unless it is absolutely necessary, so as not to damage your reputation and lose the trust of others.
When former U.S. President Reagan visited Brazil, due to the fatigue of the journey, he made an unforgivable joke at the welcome banquet: "Ladies and gentlemen! Today, I am very happy to visit the Bolivian people." There was silence, everyone looked at each other in blank dismay, and went inside if they didn't know.Someone reminded the president in a low voice that he had slipped his tongue, and Reagan quickly changed his words: "I'm sorry, we visited Bolivia not long ago." Although he had not been to Bolivia at that time, his slip of the tongue was drowned out before the audience could react. In his next eloquence.
"Changing your mouth in time" is a wonderful way to remedy speech mistakes.As long as mistakes are discovered in time, speech mistakes can be covered up and embarrassment can be avoided.
People who are brave enough to admit their mistakes are always welcome. Rescuing mistakes with a candid apology and winning forgiveness with a sincere review are much better than covering up and covering up mistakes.When you accidentally say the wrong thing, you might as well admit it publicly, and I believe everyone will readily accept it.
Another example happened to US President Truman.
His daughter Margaret gave a concert and was criticized as worthless by the critic Hume.In a fit of anger, Truman wrote a letter to scold Hume, calling him a "bad critic" and "I hope to meet you one day. At that time, be careful of your nose." This letter was made public by Hume, and the image of the president plummeted Truman wisely chose the way of public apology. He sincerely said to the people: "My feelings are very fragile, and sometimes I can't control myself."
It's rare for a president to do something like this.Not only did he not lose the support of the public because of his rude words last time, but he also gained more supporters because of his true feelings.This also verifies an old Chinese proverb: "If you lose your fortune, you will lose your fortune."
Adding words and subtracting words to the "wrong words" that one has said to change the meaning is another trick to cleverly correct the words.
During the Sui and Tang Dynasties, Qin Qiong collapsed in Shanjiazhuang due to poverty and illness.Shan Xiongxin rescued him and said that he had admired Qin Qiong's name for a long time, but he had never met him.Qin Qiong blurted out: "It's here." As soon as he said the words, he regretted—how could he reveal his identity in front of a stranger?So he quickly added four characters at the end and changed it to "it's my friend from the same office", cleverly concealing his identity.
At the beginning of the Republic of China, Zhang Zuolin, the invincible general in the three eastern provinces, once left a good story about cleverly resolving ambiguities.Once, he wrote an inscription for the Japanese at a meeting. After the inscription, the inscription should have been written as "Zhang Zuolin's hand ink", but the general was negligent for a while, and wrote "hand ink" as "hand black".Seeing this, the secretary hurriedly hinted at the commander-in-chief to change, but he laughed and shouted to the secretary: "How could I not know that there is a 'soil' under the word 'ink'? It is because this 'soil' is something that some people dream of. things, so we must never give them! This is called not giving up an inch of land!"
These few sentences not only cleverly concealed the embarrassment of my typo, but also unexpectedly refuted the Japanese militarists, which became a good talk for a while.
Remedies for speech errors or inappropriate conduct should be taken in different ways depending on the occasion.Only by using it flexibly can we be victorious in every battle.If you stick to the form, it will only make things worse.The above are just the countermeasures that should be taken under normal circumstances, and I hope it will be helpful to readers.
Being good at saying no is also an art.When people ask you for various things, but you can’t do it right now, or the timing is not ripe, or things that are against the law, or things you can’t do, etc., you have to refuse what should be refused.People have self-esteem. When others ask for something from you, you must not refuse it too bluntly, and you must not hurt their face. You must keep the other party's psychological balance so that you will not arouse the other party's resentment.If we can respect the wishes of others while rejecting others, we will be able to trust and understand each other, and the other party will believe that your rejection is out of helplessness, and will not entangle you any more.
In interpersonal communication, how can we neither violate our own will and principles nor hurt the self-esteem or feelings of the other party?The following methods can be used:
1. Use lies skillfully
Lies are condemned, but sometimes a little lie, well told, can be a tactful refusal of someone's kindness.
Roosevelt, one of the Big Three of the Allies in World War II, once held an important post in the Department of the Navy.Once, a subordinate who was close to him asked him about the plan of the Admiralty to build a submarine base in the Caribbean Sea.
Perhaps this subordinate's request was just out of curiosity, but it still made Roosevelt feel embarrassed. If you tell him, it will violate the work principle; if you don't tell him, it may hurt the other party's self-esteem.As expected of Roosevelt, Roosevelt frowned, thinking about it.
"Come on, let me tell you!" Roosevelt looked around mysteriously and lowered his voice.
Seeing this, the other party quickly moved his head over.
"Can you keep it a secret?" Roosevelt seemed worried.
"Of course!" the man replied hastily.
"Then I can too." Roosevelt said to him softly with a smile.
The other party froze for a moment, then exchanged glances with Roosevelt, and both of them laughed heartily.
Of course, in some cases it is better to speak up than to lie.For example, what should you do if a person who likes to borrow money everywhere but doesn't pay it back comes to you to borrow money?As the saying goes: It is easy to borrow and repay, and it is not difficult to borrow again.When you meet this kind of person who only borrows money but does not pay it back, you can politely refuse him: "I'm really sorry, I'm afraid I can't help you with this." Make it clear that you don't intend to lend him money, and you don't need to say anything else.If he continues to entangle you, you can politely repeat what you have said, and if he is sensible, he will retreat in spite of the difficulty.If you explain, "I'm sorry, this month's salary is all used up," then he may ask, "How did it go so fast? It's only been paid for a week!" Then you have to explain what you bought , On the contrary, it puts itself in a passive and inexplicable situation.Therefore, when there is no need to explain the reason, it is better to refuse.
2. Listen patiently
As the basic respect for those who refuse, the first thing is to listen patiently to the other party's request.Even if the other party already knows that he must refuse in the middle of the speech, he still needs to listen to the person to finish speaking, that is, to express respect for him, and to understand the main meaning of his request more accurately.Then, tell the other party clearly the time you want to think about.We often use the excuse of "needs consideration" to refuse a request in person.It is wrong to hope that the other party will quit in advance by delaying time.If you are unwilling to refuse in person immediately, you should clearly inform the other party of the time for consideration and express your sincerity.
Don't blurt out the refusal.To seriously think in the other person's shoes, be sure to show that you understand the importance of the request to them.Be gracious when you say no.First of all, thank the other party for thinking of you when they need help, and apologize slightly.Be aware that being overly apologetic can come across as dishonest, because if you're really, really sorry, you should accept the other person's request.
3. Resolute attitude and clear reasons
For some things that are inappropriate and obviously should be rejected, directly reject them from the beginning.This rejection must be clear and firm, not specious or ambiguous.But at the same time, the tone must be sincere and apologetic.Be patient and explain your situation, so that you can get the other party's understanding.
Tang Taizong Li Shimin is a Ming emperor in history, and Wei Zheng is a famous official who dared to say "no" to the emperor.
Once, Wei Zheng, who was "rebellious and immoral", even accused the emperor Li Shimin of breaking his promise.
"Your Majesty once said: 'I govern the world with sincerity, and I want my subjects to be free from fraud.' But your Majesty has broken his promises, and he has broken his promises several times." Wei Zheng said to Li Shimin.
"When did the widow break his promise?" Li Shimin felt a little displeased.
"Let's listen to my minister in detail." Wei Zheng said calmly, "When His Majesty ascended the throne, he ordered that all the people's debts owed to the government be exempted. But now the court is still pursuing the old debts of the Qin Palace.是秦王府的债权不属朝廷。陛下过去是秦王府的主人，现在虽贵为天子，秦王府的财物也应该属于官家所有。既然如此，为何还要追索呢？”
李世民低头不语，显出沉思的神色。
魏征见状，接着说：“刚才只是一例。陛下又曾降旨免除关内外两年之赋税，百姓闻之欢欣鼓舞。而今又降旨说今年照常征收赋税。朝令夕改，只会失人心于天下。臣以为，若想以诚信御天下，当从陛下始。”
面对这种触犯龙颜的行为，李世民非但没有降罪魏征，还高兴地说：“爱卿说得好。寡人确实言而无信，幸好让卿家给点了出来，否则失信于天下，那就不妙了。”
魏征毫不隐瞒，一针见血地向李世民失信于民的行为说“不”，李世民不仅不生气，还对他大加赞赏，并且心存感激地给予魏征很高的评价：“贞观以来，尽心于主，献纳忠谠，安国利人，犯颜正谏，匡朕之违，以唯见魏征一人。”李世民之所以这样做，是他认识到魏征虽然对自己说“不”，其实是从反面激励自己当一个明君。因为只有明君，才可能接受臣子的诤谏。同时，李世民明白魏征是为自己的江山着想，君王的过失，臣子及时指出来，有利于治理国家。
作为一个领导者，当你拒绝别人的时候，最好要讲清楚拒绝的理由。指出真诚的并且符合逻辑的拒绝理由最好，有助于维持原有的关系。如果你觉得拒绝的理由不充分，也可以直接拒绝，不说明理由。千万不可编造理由，因为谎言终究会被揭穿。当你说明理由后，对方试图反驳，你千万不可与之争辩，只要重申拒绝就行了。争辩会把理性转化为感性。
在拒绝他人的时候，一定要表明一个思想，那就是：对事不对人。一定要让对方知道你拒绝的是他的请求，而不是他本身。拒绝之后，最好可以为对方指出处理其请求的其他可行办法。千万不可通过第三方加以拒绝。通过第三方拒绝，足以显示自己懦弱的心态，并且非常缺乏诚意。
4.考虑对方的利益
成功地拒绝他人的不实之请可以节省自己的时间和精力，还可以免除由不情愿行为所带来的心理压力。关键在于：拒绝前必须将对方的利益放在考虑之内，才能做到两全。
大凡来求你办事的人，都相信你能解决这个问题，抱有很高的期待心理。一般来说，抱的期望越高，越是难以拒绝。在拒绝要求时，倘若多讲自己的长处，或是过分夸耀自己，就会在无意中提高对方的期望，增大拒绝的难度。如果适当地讲一些自己的短处，抓住适当的机会多讲讲别人的长处。就能把对方的求助目标自然地转移过去。这样不仅可以达到拒绝的目的，而且使被拒绝者因而得到一个更好的归宿，而减少了失望之感。
总之，学会说“不”，实质也就是学会自如地表达否定的、不愿意的感受，以直率、诚实和恰当的方式表达你此刻的感觉。学会合理的拒绝，你就掌握了工作生活的主动权，你就会生活得更加轻松自如。你既不担心与人接近，又不害怕与人争辩，你的行为完全出于自然，有多少能力就表现多少。知道自己是谁知道自己需要什么。这种能够使自己自我维护的改变使你有更多的时间专心于自己该做的事，也使他人能够意识到你的权利，真正理解并尊重你。
身为一名领导在人际交往中，总难免碰到一些无理的语言。如果出面劝，无异于对牛弹琴；如果进行直接责备，他自然会与你顶撞。
这时，最有效的办法就是反驳，当你想要驳倒对方时，除了必须理由充分，还要靠说话的技巧。反驳得好可以使对方哑口无言，不好则势必成为一场口争，甚至是破口大骂，大打出手。
Therefore, the real rebuttal is not a war of words in a simple sense, but to do what you say and contradict what you say, so that the other party will fall into the trap of your own words cleverly, and you will be speechless and speechless.In the counterattack, the following four points must be paid attention to.
1.心平气和
遇到无理的言行，首先要做到的就是不要激动，要控制情绪，态度必须从容，说话必须稳当。The ancients said: "It is not considered courageous for an ordinary man to stand up and fight when he sees humiliation." Not only will the opponent not be afraid of this, but he will be proud of your gaffe.这个时候心境平和，对反驳对方有重要作用。先把他的话总括扼要地提出，问他是否是这些意思，再从他对的方面，表示适当的赞同，使他高兴。说到后来，用“但是”两字一转，逐层反驳，把轻的放在前面，重的留在后面，越说越紧，越说越硬，直使他无法置辩。
2.绵里藏针
To fight back against unreasonable behavior, you can tell the truth, but sometimes it is not appropriate to show your sharpness, because it is too rigid, and rigidity is easy to break.有时，旁敲侧击，绵里藏针，反而更见力量，它使对方无辫子可抓，只得自己种的苦果往自己肚里吞，在心中暗暗叫苦，就像苏格兰诗人彭斯那样。
One day, Burns saw a rich man being rescued from the river by the Thames.The rich man gave a dollar to the man who risked his life to save him.The onlookers were enraged by this shameless act and wanted to throw the rich man into the river again.Pence stepped forward to stop him: "Let him go, he knows the value of his life very well."
3.旁敲侧击
Fighting back against unreasonable behavior is the confrontation between just language and unreasonable language.Therefore, the language of counterattack must show a certain connection with the opponent's language. It is in this connection that one can fully demonstrate one's wit and strength.
4.反驳有力
对无理言行进行语言反击，不能说了半天，不得要领，或词软话绵。而要做到打击点要准，一下子击中要害；反击力量要猛，一下子就使对方哑口无言。
When the United States held a constitutional conference in Philadelphia, the conference was divided into pros and cons, and the discussions were quite intense.The remarks of the attendees were very sharp, and even turned into personal attacks.
由于出席者有着人种、宗教方面的差异，利害关系相同的人自然结合在一起，会议充满了火药味和互不信任的气氛。
Seeing that the meeting was about to break down, Franklin, who was in favor of it, came forward in time to clean up the chaotic scene, and finally promoted the establishment of the Constitution.
面对反对派猛烈的攻击，富兰克林不慌不忙地对他们说：“老实说，对这个宪法我也并非完全赞成。”
As soon as this sentence came out, the chaotic situation of the meeting stopped instantly, and the opponents couldn't help feeling suspicious: Since Franklin was in favor of it, why didn't he fully agree with the constitution he proposed?
Franklin paused for a while before continuing: "I have no confidence in the constitution that I agree with. Everyone present at this meeting may have some objections to the detailed rules, but to tell you the truth, I am just like you at this time. It is in this state of mind that I signed the Constitution with skepticism about whether it was right to do so."
Franklin's remarks fin