Chapter 5 Chapter 4 Persuasion: Speaking Is Like a Battle of the Brains

Although the superiors are different from the subordinates in terms of function and status, they are equal in terms of personality and dignity.If the boss wants to establish an image and reputation in front of his subordinates, he must keep his promise when persuading, set an example, treat others fairly, and be approachable.Only in this way, subordinates will obey the leadership, cooperate with the work, and actively make suggestions. For a demoralized and unmotivated employee, it is best to involve him in meetings he has never attended.In the meeting, they can be stimulated by inquiry and discussion, and their attitude can be changed.

This method not only improves the efficiency of meetings, but also concentrates everyone's wisdom and expands the "participation awareness" of workers and managers. The so-called "participation awareness" contains important factors that affect a person's motivation. People's underlying psychology often has a "desire to participate" that "want to understand more deeply" about things related to themselves. Although sometimes they want to ignore something, this kind of thinking violates the requirements of the underlying psychology. For example, I usually think that attending a meeting is very boring and I don’t go to it, but if I think that I am the only one who didn’t attend, I will feel a strong sense of isolation. psychology.

Let the other party express their opinions and fully satisfy their desire to participate, which can make the other party have a strong sense of participation.Once people have this kind of awareness in their hearts, then, no matter the purpose of the group or organization, it will be like their own purpose, and the other party will gradually improve their work attitude and motivation without knowing it. American psychologist Reid, based on his experience as a boss for many years, said: "You can't use orders to your subordinates, but ask them." This is also hoping to induce the other party's sense of participation from listening to the other party's opinions.In this way, the opinions of the other party can be fully expressed, and the awareness of participation can be maximized.

In fact, it is not always good to induce the other party's enthusiasm and let him make a decision.Because letting an incompetent person make up his mind can have the opposite effect, letting someone with a dissenting opinion make a decision, and it can cause organizational confusion. Therefore, at this time, you should use what you decide to induce the other party, making him feel as if you are deciding your own affairs. If you can successfully induce the other party in this way, it can be regarded as a successful persuasion technique. For a husband who is too lazy to travel, you can try asking him: "Are you going to travel abroad? Or just travel within the country?"

If the contrast effect can be used skillfully, the subordinates can readily accept the transfer order.When you have to tell your subordinates that he has been transferred from the head office to a branch he does not want to go to, how do you persuade him?What should you do if you know he will never agree? If you tell him in a formulaic tone at this time: "This is an order, you must go, otherwise you have to resign." Then this subordinate will definitely hate you for the rest of his life. At this time, if you can skillfully use psychological manipulation techniques, you will be able to convince this subordinate: "Actually, in the last board meeting, we considered transferring you to the southern branch, but after thinking about where It’s too far away, and it’s too hard for you, so I finally decided to transfer you to a company in the middle part that is closer to here, how about it? Let you change the environment, and it will be more fresh.”

For an employee, no one would accept the comparison of the position of the branch company with the head office, but if he is given a worse comparison, he will be more likely to accept it.Especially when you say you want to transfer him to a place with a worse environment, he will feel "dangerous" and will gladly accept the transfer to a better place. The "contrast effect" can be a powerful persuasive weapon simply by covering up premises that the other party is unaware of.On this point, Hera, a famous American eloquence researcher, once did an interesting experiment. For children who are still reluctant to read, you can try to ask him: "Are you going to review your homework today, or preview your homework?"

At the end of each year, some professional baseball players talk to their teams about the next year's salary increase.Because during the transition period of the year, if the remuneration issue is not negotiated, it will be a troublesome matter in the second year. In the salary adjustment negotiation meeting, those ace players who have been victorious in all battles often demand that their annual salary be doubled in one go.At this time, if you are the person in charge of the team, how should you persuade this player? First of all, it should be clear that if you say to the ace player: "Actually, 200,000 yuan is not a problem for the team." Then, this negotiation is likely to break down, even though you insist that you can only give 100,000 yuan. 10,000 yuan, but the ace player will insist on asking for 200,000 yuan once he hears your words.

Therefore, according to potential psychological manipulation, the following statement must be used to achieve the purpose of persuasion. "With your strength, asking for 200,000 yuan is not a high price, which is a very reasonable price, but our team can only pay 80,000 yuan, but I think 100,000 yuan is still worth considering. Maybe you and I should both pay for this matter." Think it over." If the contestant said at this time: "100,000 yuan is also fine." "No, I just said that 100,000 yuan is still negotiable. In fact, if you really want 100,000 yuan, it is still very difficult. However, if it is 80,000 yuan, I can sign a contract with you immediately. How about it? Are we Think about each other?"

If the ace player replied: "In this case, then 100,000 yuan, otherwise I will definitely quit." At this time, you can sigh, show a look of helplessness, and then conclude: "Okay! Since you are so determined, I have no choice but to admit it, let it be 100,000 yuan!" Perhaps readers will think that this method is too smooth, but from the perspective of human potential psychological manipulation, this method can definitely reach an agreement.Because when most people are negotiating, they will always compare two things unconsciously. Therefore, if you give the other party a range of choices at this time, the other party's thinking ability will be limited to this range for comparison. Of course, he will choose the side that is more beneficial to him.

As mentioned earlier, although the other party asks for 200,000 yuan, you only give the other party a choice range of 80,000 yuan and 100,000 yuan. If the other party thinks calmly, they will definitely feel that this range indicates that there is room for discussion. But it's not, because it's like when a person is blinded by your words, he can't see anything that can be discussed.Moreover, if you propose a figure first (like the 80,000 yuan mentioned above), then even if the other party’s choice may not be beneficial to him, the other party has no way to feel it immediately, so he will accept it immediately, especially when When you put forward an upper limit and a lower limit and let the other party compare and choose, the potential psychology of the other party will produce a "contrast effect".

For the unmotivated subordinates, as long as you tell him "you and Mr. A, success is just around the corner", it is tantamount to implying the existence of his competitors. The most famous book on persuasion in the United States introduces the following stories about persuasion. It was a certain foundry. The owner of the factory operated many factories, but one of them had been stagnant in profitability, and the employees were very unmotivated.The factory's products are of poor quality, causing consumers to complain incessantly. Although the boss had criticized the on-site management staff and thought of many ways to stimulate the morale of all employees, it still didn't work.One day, the boss found out that the matter he had given to the on-site administrator had not been resolved, so he went out in person.The factory operates two shifts, day and night. When the night shift was about to leave work, he stopped an operator at the factory gate. He asked, "How many times a day can you do your casting process?" The operator replied: "6 times." The boss didn't say a word after listening, just wrote "6" on the ground with chalk. Immediately afterwards, the morning shift workers entered the factory to work. After seeing this number, they did not understand the reason, but changed the standard of "6", performed 7 casting processes, and re-wrote "7" on the ground. In the evening, in order to break the record, the workers on the night shift did 10 casting processes and wrote "10" on the ground. After a month, this factory became the highest performing factory in his operation. Where did the sudden morale of the employees come from when the boss restored morale in the factory with just a piece of chalk?I believe readers have noticed that this is due to the presence of competitors. The staff had always been procrastinating and lacking energy in doing things, but when they suddenly had a competitor, their morale was naturally boosted. Everyone has self-esteem and self-confidence, and their underlying psychology hopes to "stand in a superior position than others" or "to be regarded as an important person." From a psychological point of view, this underlying psychology is the desire for self-superiority.With this desire, human beings will strive to grow, which means that this desire is the basic element that constitutes human motivation.This desire for self-superiority is particularly evident when there is a specific competitor.One boss once used this technique neatly. The boss has a driver who drives for him all the year round. Recently, the driver's work attitude is bad. Not only is he often late, he is also absent-minded while driving, which makes the boss feel insecure.However, the boss didn't scold him directly, but just said nonchalantly: "You know Mr. A too, right? He is your junior, he is very serious about his work, he gives people a very good impression, and he never arrives late or leaves early." The boss only said this, and will not say more. The driver didn't respond at the time, but since then, his work attitude has undergone a 360-degree change.Because it is an honor to be the driver of the boss.This experienced driver must have thought in his heart that he could not lose to Mr. A, so he worked hard. Induce the other party in this way and let him notice the existence of competing objects, then your goal can be achieved by 80%. When you want to set a goal for a person, you can hint him a little: "It will be easier in this way." Human beings lack enthusiasm for a difficult job, mainly because there is no strong "desire to achieve" in the underlying psychology of people.And when the urge comes into play, he instinctively seeks ways to get the job done. There is a kind of joy and satisfaction in human beings when they are about to complete a certain job. "Achieving desire" is the expectation of joy after completion, which is deeply buried in the heart.Therefore, when human beings encounter things that cannot taste joy after completion, they will lose motivation.On the contrary, if something seems simple, but the joy after completion can be expected, then the "desire to achieve" will be fully stimulated, and he will have the will to complete the goal. When using this psychological effect, it is best to narrow the target, so that it is more effective to induce the other party.For example, when you want to give textbooks to children, the smartest way is not to give him a very thick book at one time, but to give him thin textbooks with few pages in batches, and then say to him: "This thin book You should be able to read the book easily." In this way, stimulate the child's "desire to achieve", and do this repeatedly, and one day the child will be able to finish reading a thick book. Toyotomi Hideyoshi in the Japanese shogunate era was the first expert in Japan to inspire others.He is best at using the technique of narrowing the target. Back then, he was known as Kinoshita Fujikichi.The walls of Qingzhou City, where he lives, have experienced more than 100 years of wind and rain, and are dilapidated and in urgent need of repair.Oda Nobunaga of the city asked Fujikichi to help, and deliberately told him: "If it were me, it would only take three days to complete." In fact, this sentence is not bragging, because the repair work has been carried out for a month at that time, as long as it takes three days to clean up the aftermath, the unfinished work can be finished. Fujiyoshi first divided the 100-interval city wall into 50 parts, then divided each person in charge into two intervals, and ordered them to repair the two city walls they were in charge of within three days. From the point of view of the person receiving the order, it is equivalent to suddenly reducing the 100 partitioned city walls to only two.It used to be very annoying to hear that 100 intervals of the city wall had to be repaired, but now it is suddenly reduced to two for each person, which of course will make them motivated.Therefore, after they repaired day and night, the Qingzhou City Wall was finally repaired in three days. When someone is demotivated by an elusive goal, a leader doesn't need to lower the goal, but just rework it a bit and say, "If you do that, it'll be easy to accomplish." In this way, the final effect is the same. During a meeting, if there is no strong opponent, you can simply say: "It has been decided." Things can be decided logically. If you ask someone: "What is your favorite color?" The answer, of course, is that each is different. But if you tell him in advance: "Green is popular this year." So even people who like "red" or "coffee color" may turn to "green". "Green is popular this year." This sentence is a kind of "advance hint".Especially for those who have no clear ideas and their minds are like blank paper, "advance hint" is an extremely powerful weapon to get them to agree with themselves. I have a friend who runs a car trading company. He often uses people's latent psychology in meetings. It can be said that he is an excellent psychological inducer.At the beginning of each meeting, he put forward the outline first, and then told the staff: "This is my opinion, and you can discuss the rest by yourself." To discuss, until the conclusion was drawn, he spoke again and said: "Then let's all work hard to move in this direction!" When he finished speaking, the meeting was over. The purpose of this is to make the staff think that things seem to be decided by themselves, and they will have a sense of accomplishment, and the conclusions drawn by the staff are actually discussed according to the outline proposed by him, so it is basically his own. His own idea, because at the beginning, he proposed the outline in advance, and used this outline as "hinted information", leaving a small room for revision, leaving it to the staff to provide consultation and information, and then make corrections and discussions. This kind of meeting technology is of course not a patent owned by the company boss. Anyone in the meeting can first put forward his own opinion as a hint, and then ask for the other party's opinion.In this way, the other party will think that your opinion is the same as his, and agree with you. The more blank the mind is, the easier it is to be swayed by hints.This is the use of the role of psychology, the so-called "wrong premise suggestion". All in all, it is to provide wrong premise information in advance to guide the other party to change their attitude and reach a consensus on the goal. A bitter pill, coated with sugar, which makes people feel sweet first and is easy to swallow in one gulp.As a result, the medicine enters the intestines and stomach, and the properties of the medicine take effect, and the disease is cured.If we want to speak words of persuasion to others, before we speak, we should give them some praise first, so that they can taste some sweetness first, and then, when you say words of persuasion, they will accept it easily and feel good about their face. Director Chen of a certain agency office said to a female typist one day: "You are wearing such a beautiful dress today, which shows your beauty and generosity even more." The female typist suddenly heard the director say this to her. He was overwhelmed by the praise, and his heart was so happy that his face turned red.Director Chen then went on to say: "But, I want to tell you that the purpose of my saying this sentence is to make your heart happy. I hope you will pay special attention to punctuation when typing in the future." Director Chen's words are a bit too explicit, but his method is worth emulating.Because, if he frankly told the female typist to pay attention to punctuation, she would feel very ashamed and even angry that she was scolded by her boss today. Unhappily, sometimes she may have to defend herself by saying that she herself was careful because there was an error or unclearness in the manuscript, so she cannot take full responsibility for the error.As a result, Director Chen's persuasion will not only be ineffective, but it may even lead to a boring situation, causing displeasure to both parties. If you want others to do things according to your wishes, you should use a negotiating tone.For example, when someone says: "I want you to do this or that." Instead of saying that, he asks in a negotiating tone: "Do you think this is good?" If he asks his secretary to write a letter, he puts After the generalization, I have to ask again, "Do you think it is appropriate to write like this?" He looked at the place to be revised, and then said: "If it is written like this, what do you think?" Although he was standing in the position of giving orders, but He understands that people don't like to obey orders, so he doesn't use the tone of orders.This is not the army, it must be ordered. Suppose a group of workers are resting at noon in midsummer, and a supervisor walks up and scolds everyone, saying that it is wrong to sit and not work after being paid.The workers were afraid of the supervisor, so of course they got up immediately and went to work, but when the supervisor left, they stopped again, that is for sure.Because the supervisor doesn't understand people's psychology, you use a tough attitude, but it makes people have a rebellious mentality, and they want to oppose you even more.If the supervisor stepped forward and said kindly: "The weather is really hot, what should I do if I am still sweating while sitting and resting? My friend, these tasks are very urgent now. Let's be patient and catch up? Let's go early." Well done, how about going back early to take a shower and rest?" If this is the case, the workers will of course endure the heat and go to work in silence. If you are happily chatting with many employees, an unexpected visitor suddenly comes, chattering about and talking about some unsightly things, which disturbs the harmonious and happy atmosphere, it is like someone pouring cold water on you a feeling of.This kind of ignorant person just doesn't know how to read the scene, look at the color, and is a very reckless person.People must call him a daredevil behind his back.So every time we come into contact with a person, we must first look at the surrounding environment and understand how the other person is living recently. Good: In front of proud people, don't say frustrated words. Praise is a means to satisfy the other party's "desire for affirmation", and it is also a way to soften a tough attitude. In modern society, the use of "title" as a means of induction can be seen everywhere.This induction includes compromising the sense of power and softening the attitude to achieve the effect of persuading the other party.People in a certain position, such as those with a "title", tend to have a stronger sense of power.Because of this, the effect of the title is an induction technique aimed at a person's sense of honor to promote the "desire for affirmation", just like giving it a proper name. Attitude has been very bad.One day, her boss said to her: "I think it's better for our company to choose another counter lady, because the counter lady of the company is like an important salesman standing on the front line." Since then, the counter lady's attitude has changed greatly.In the past, this lady always thought that counter work was worthless, but what her boss said aroused her enthusiasm. No matter what method is used, as long as it can make the other party feel that "the work I do is different from others", then even if the content of the work has not changed and the salary has not increased, it can still make him motivated. To persuade a person, you can ask sincerely and explain generously. The more tense the atmosphere is, the less you can use questioning methods.Otherwise, the opponent is very likely to hold a grudge against us, not only will not allow us to win comfortably, but may also use "more sufficient reasons" to overwhelm us. If you do not harm others, you are defending yourself. If you attack others easily, if you miscalculate, you will fail disastrously, and you will be hit badly. When people do something wrong, or do something that makes them suffer, except when he automatically tells you, he will also admit his mistake frankly. If you point it out, then he must have various reasons to defend his mistake. Try it among friends or family members around you. No matter if it is a tiny negligence or mistake, few people can admit their mistakes frankly and without explanation after being corrected.Even fathers and sons, brothers and brothers, or employers and subordinates, and even bosom friends, also have the obligation to correct each other.Therefore, it is impossible not to criticize others absolutely.What we want to study is how to criticize. To correct subordinates, you must have great sympathy, so that you will not only avoid fault-finding, but you will also be able to forgive the mistakes made by others.Always remember that you are trying to be on his side, not against him.Speak softly and kindly, and don't use harsh or uncomfortable words.You are so confused, this thing is completely wrong!No one can bear this kind of talk. When speaking, you should first express your sympathy for the mistakes made by the other party, so that the other party will be less afraid and at the same time less ashamed and angry, and then point out the mistakes in a gentle way.The fewer words of correction, the better. Just use one or two sentences to make the other party understand.And immediately transfer to another place, don't talk too much, put the other party in a difficult situation, feel ashamed, cause resentment, and hurt each other's feelings. The inappropriate part of the subordinate must be corrected, but the proper part must be solemnly praised, so that the other party feels that he has merits, achieves his psychological balance, and will be happy to accept your criticism. This is human nature decided.Moreover, you have both praise and criticism in this way, which makes the other party feel that you are a fair person, so they are convinced. When changing the other party’s point of view, it is best to try to secretly transplant your own meaning to him, so that he can be inspired, and he can modify it by himself. Your purpose has been achieved to correct other people's shortcomings, and he himself feels happy with the discovery.For those irreparable mistakes, from the standpoint of a friend, you should give sincere and correct corrections, instead of harsh questions, which will make the other person's already sad mood even more sad, as long as he realizes his mistakes and corrects them.When correcting the other party, it is best to use a questioning tone, and the tone of command is not effective, such as "You should not use red", it is better to say "Do you think it will look better without red?" If you are interested yourself, will your subordinates also be interested?Some people like to talk endlessly about their own situation in school, and they talk with great interest, but they don't think whether the other party is willing to listen, because he is not your classmate, and of course he will not have the impression of your life and study in school .The scariest thing is to tell others about the mahjong game that is popular all over China. Anyone who likes to play mahjong probably has a good memory, at least the ability to memorize mahjong tiles.He can memorize the cards in his hand, the order in which the upper and lower houses are played, and how he won a brilliant victory or fell short, and he can recite it to you meticulously. This kind of memory is really amazing. When asking a subordinate, using the tone of "I want to ask you for advice" can trigger the other party's sense of superiority and self-esteem. The following example should give us some inspiration. A young man was working as a salesman in a soap company. One day, he came to the owner of a grocery store and said in a very excited tone: "I'm very sorry! But I think we must be very destined. I am a new salesman, you What advice? Please give me some advice! . . . It is my duty to sell the soap, you are an experienced person, please tell me how to do it." Although the boss was very angry at the beginning, when he was aroused by the young man with a sense of superiority and self-esteem, he said with a smile: "Then let me tell you, you'd better sell it cheaper." He talked endlessly about his business experience, and the conversation became more and more vigorous. He talked for about two hours. In the end, he not only taught the young man the soap salesmanship, but also promised to buy the soap he promoted when he left. When a person's sense of superiority is touched, he will constantly want to get closer to the other party.Similarly, when the boss and his subordinates talk about something, instead of saying: "I want to talk to you." It is better to say: "Only you can talk." The feelings of these two sentences to the subordinates are completely different. .The boss seemed to be under pressure in the former's words.It will cause the subordinates to build a defensive wall in their hearts and answer with a refusal attitude; on the contrary, the latter's statement "Only you..." can disintegrate the other party's vigilance and make him take a positive attitude. manner. The duty of a leader is not only to make subordinates obey, but also to know people and do their job well so that they can better fulfill their orders. Subordinates can always complete the tasks and orders assigned by superiors in a more conscientious and responsible manner.But this also happens: after the supervisor assigns the work, the subordinate quickly answers: "I understand", and the leader feels very relieved by this.But in fact, the subordinates did not really start to do it, which made the leaders feel troubled. If you are a leader, how do you deal with such subordinates? Leaders should accurately understand the meaning of "I understand" that subordinates say, and prepare specific measures to deal with it. Usually, there are several situations that deserve the attention and reference of leaders. First, the "I understand" that some subordinates replied should accurately clarify the meaning of it, and boldly let him go to work.But you must pay attention to observe his personality and understand his psychological and language habits. Second, some subordinates are careless, do not consider the consequences, and just answer casually because the leader asked the question at that time.When it came to real work, I realized that I couldn't do it.It was difficult to deal with it and regretted it, so I didn't start to do it. For such subordinates, the leader must give clear instructions and orders, and strictly limit the deadline, strictly supervise and urge them before the deadline, and give some necessary help and encouragement appropriately, so that he can better complete the task. Third, in some cases, the subordinate said in a resistive tone: "I understand", with a loud tone and a stubborn attitude, as if to refute the problem with the method and content of the leader's instructions, so he was very unconvinced.Even subordinates who usually respect and obey their leaders will do the same. At this time, the leader should reflect on whether there are problems with his orders and instructions.Did I not think carefully and arbitrarily issued instructions, and why did my subordinates resist so much?If this is the case, the subordinates can't blame him too much for not doing the work assigned by the leader. When the leader gives orders to his subordinates, he should also consider the psychology of the subordinates. Giving orders wishfully will easily arouse the resentment and resistance of the subordinates. What is better than authority and persuasion is to convince your subordinates and understand your painstaking efforts. It is impossible for a leader to issue all orders according to the wishes of the subordinates, so that the subordinates are very willing to take the initiative to do it. Some orders are not willing to be carried out by the subordinates, and some tasks are not willing to be done by the subordinates. This requires the leader to have the persuasion ability to persuade the subordinates to do it. A job he doesn't want to do. Let's talk about how to persuade subordinates to do things they don't want to do.First of all, let the subordinates feel the trust and sincerity of the leader to let them do this job, but the order is an order, and you can't beg him to do it in a begging tone, but use a firm attitude and a firm tone to give instructions.Secondly, properly remind the subordinates of the correct approach, and give proper care and concern, so that the subordinates will do the job well even in order to repay your care. Contrary to what has been said above, when encountering difficult and complicated tasks and instructing subordinates to do them, the focus should be on persuasion and negotiation.Because employees are already worried about whether they can take up this job, if they use high-pressure methods, Xia Ji will be even more panicked: "If I can't do it or fail, what will the leader do with me? Or just refuse it!" "Or the employee is unwilling to do it because the work interferes with personal rest and normal life, and the leader cannot threaten him with power or simply give up. If you change the method and ask the other party to complete a difficult task in a negotiating tone, the subordinates may be willing to do the job better. When people are forced by others, they will naturally resist psychologically. The effect of doing the same thing voluntarily and being forced to do it is very different.Moreover, being forced to do it is always very reluctant. Interrogative instead of imperative, coercion is no longer coercive.For example, if you want to ask the other party to do some work that you don't like, you should not say: "You will continue to do this." Instead, you should say: "You will continue to do this, okay?" So that the other party will not be disgusted. In some families, as long as the parents give a little instruction, the children will rush to help without any disgust.As long as you observe secretly, you will see that the secret is that the parents in these families never say to their children: "Go and wash the dishes for me!" Instead, they say: "Can you wash those dishes for me?" , and expressed in interrogative form. When the development of the unit requires employees to do a good job in some jobs they don't like to do, they need to use this method.Especially when young people become leaders, when senior subordinates go to do something, they need to pay more attention to grasp their psychology. Use less commanding tone and more discussion tone and imperative tone, which will get good results.Because these old subordinates were your superiors in the past, they are used to you asking for instructions and reporting to them, but now you give orders, they often cannot adapt psychologically and emotionally, and they can't change all of a sudden, but they need to work hard. If you have to tell them to do the things you need to do, you must come up with some kind of persuasion method that can act as a buffer, that is, you should be more humble when giving orders to them, so that they can happily do what you ask.We can compare two different command methods: "Section Chief Li, you and Xiao Zhang are going to Shanghai for an order meeting." "Lao Li, how about taking Xiao Zhang to Shanghai for an order meeting?" Obviously, as an elder, Section Chief Li will feel very uncomfortable when he hears the first way of ordering. He will feel that you are young and arrogant, and if you are less generous, you may say you are sick and sabotage your work to vent your dissatisfaction.However, if he listens to the second way of ordering, he will be very comfortable. First, you call him Lao Li, not Section Chief Li, which is more friendly and avoids his relatively low position; secondly , used the word "excuse me", and the tone was more polite and full of respect; third, instead of "going to Shanghai with Xiao Zhang", but "bringing Xiao Zhang" to Shanghai, it shows that you did not regard him as Xiao Zhang. Like Zhang, he left room for consideration and veto.Although he knew he couldn't resist, he still sounded very comfortable in his heart.In addition, it should be noted that when making a request to the elders and subordinates, it is best to add the word "please" in front, such as "Lao Li, please go and deal with this problem, okay?" meeting." For another example, there was a man who insisted on "male chauvinism" when he was single, emphasizing that a man is the head of the family.However, not long after getting married, he became the husband of "Long Live My Wife". From "male chauvinism" to "long live my wife" is entirely because of his wife's thoughtfulness.His wife discussed with him about the children's education, housing plans, etc., and he also made conclusions as the head of the family.However, it was later discovered that the final decision on all matters was still with the wife. The usual method used by his wife is that she asks her husband in a questioning tone every time: "What can you do?" Pretending to give the decision right to the other party. When the head of the family is trusted and his self-esteem is maintained, he feels at ease, thinking that the decision-making power is in his own hands.However, all conclusions are based on the wife's claim. His wife's brilliance lies in cleverly using the blind spots of people's hearts and replacing imperatives with questions. At this time, the self-esteem of the other party is satisfied, a sense of superiority arises psychologically, and the heart becomes quite magnanimous. Grasp this point, and then use a questioning style: "Is this method not good?" No matter how stubborn the target is, it will soften.He'd say, "That's it." Everyone longs for their own value to be affirmed by the society and others, and among all kinds of value affirmation, the approval and trust of the leader will make the subordinates feel that it is the best recognition and the greatest encouragement of their own value, and they will often work hard To repay the trust of the leadership.As a leader, you must understand this psychological characteristic of people, and make good use of trust to win the hearts of your subordinates. There was once an entrepreneur of a company who was a very clever boss.他最得意的话就是“不要怕失败”，因为人一怕失败，就会产生“不做不错”的心理，什么都不做。然而，新技术发明，常要经过好多次失败才能完成。此位先生当时是以赤手空拳打天下，所以这句话更显得有一定的分量。 一个常犯些小错误的人，当他独当一面时，对他说：“失败是成功之母”，鼓励他放手去做，不要怕失败，那么，在受重视，被信任的情况下工作，会使其更加奋发，更有责任感。因此，就能减少因疏忽而造成的失败，做出富有创造性的事。 无论哪位负责人都怕部下失败，要成为有领导能力的上司，则看你怎样对待部下的失败。 以蒋子龙的报告文学体小说《燕赵悲歌》改编的电视剧中有这样一个场面：大赵庄要办工业，需要一个精明强干的人带着数千元现款出外跑供销，购买设备。农民企业家武树新选中了张万昆，此人曾在天津一家企业当过副科长，精明能干，业务熟悉，同时，又有门路。故此任非此人担当不可。但张万昆从前曾犯过贪污盗窃的错误，一向被认为是品质恶劣的人。武树新找到张万昆，向他交代了任务，并将一笔巨款交给了他。张万昆半信半疑地问：“你真信得过我？”武树新胸有成竹地回答：“让你去就得相信你。”张万昆被感动得热泪盈眶，当场发誓不完成使命无颜回来。果然，张万昆在外面披肝沥胆，不负众望，为大赵庄的工业发展立下了汗马功劳。后来，张万昆又当了厂长，他让弟弟跑供销，儿子搞财务，有人说他们搞“张家店”，怕他们合伙搞鬼，可武树新对此回答说：“用人不疑，疑人不用，张家店也没关系，上阵父子兵，心齐好办事。” 把一件事交给部下去办，但又对他放心不下，处处提防，这实在是非常愚蠢的。如果你不信任他，那么不如干脆易人，如果非他不可，那么你疑又有何用？聪明的办法还不如用“信任”去换人心。古人云：“士为知己者死”，何为“知己”，知己就是信任，给人信任吧，他会为你赴汤蹈火！ 有一个反面的例子也能证明这一点。 美国百老汇名演员汤姆先生曾经演过一个脍炙人口的连续剧《总经理》。这是一部刻画靠薪水生活的喜剧，重点在以轻松活泼的演技表现出职员的心理，得到一般靠薪水生活的人们的共鸣。此剧中，总经理被塑造成一个管理不高明者，他吩咐部下做事，最后总要说句“别失败”，再加上一句“要上心”。正是这两句话经常对部下产生反作用。因为，这两句话是对部下不利的暗示，更容易导致失败。而且部下会产生出“他虽然托付了我，但却不信任我”的想法。而这想法会令人变得消极起来，心想，“反正上司也不信任我”，索性自暴自弃，对任何事漠不关心，也就根本不去为成功而付出努力。 培根说：“没有友谊，则世界不过是一片荒野。”这说明每个人都需要友情，需要一个融洽和谐的外部世界。 对一个公司来说，融洽可能更为主要。因为管理实践表明，集体情趣和观念的和谐一致，可以调节集体行动，创造最佳气氛，提高劳动生产率。 而理解，是融洽的基础，融洽的前导。因而，要想获得融洽的环境，必须先学会理解。所谓理解，就是交际双方在某一方面达成共同的认识。理解激起心灵火花，产生善良、容忍，产生信任、动力。 作为一厂之长，你能理解你的员工吗？你能理解他们之所需吗？他能！他，就是一家连续三个月只发百分之六十工资的电子元件厂的新厂长。迎接这位新厂长的，是员工们劈头盖脸的请调报告。 于是，在全厂职工大会上，他发表了就职演说： “我一上任，就接到劈头盖脸的请调报告。我对大家的心情表示理解。要是我遇到这死不死、活不活的状况，我也会像大家那样做的。我们这个厂子是有三十多年历史的老厂，今天弄成这个样子，怎不叫人寒心呢？ “据我所知，你们中间的不少人，是这个厂的开厂元勋或是他们的子孙，我们老一辈能在一片乱岗上建起一座机械化的工厂，为什么我们今天不能把这个厂建成一个现代化的工厂呢？老一辈能办到的，我们为什么办不到？ “有人说，我来的不是时候，也有人说，我是来给前任领导'擦屁股'的，事实上我是主动争取来的。因为，我父亲是这个厂的第一代工人，我是这个厂的后裔。先辈是好样的，我们也不能当孬种！ “愿意走的，会后可以到劳资科办理手续，我们决不强留，愿意留下来同我一道共患难的，我感谢你们！” How is the result?到劳资科的寥寥无几。几年后，这个厂不但扭转了亏损，还开发出十几种新产品，畅销全国20多个省区，有的产品还打入国际市场。是什么东西使工人们改变初衷，斗志昂扬呢？是理解。这个聪明的厂长是靠理解挽留了工人，救治了工厂。 理解，需要找到共鸣点。心理学证实，共同的观点是相互信任、相互理解的基础。共同点使交际双方产生“自己人效应”，因而形成一个团结统一的整体。这位厂长就准确地找到了三个共鸣点。 第一个是对工厂现状的寒心、失望。厂长一下子就透过请调报告多的现象，看到了隐藏其后的这一心理本质。所以他开场就表示理解大家的心情。理解，使他和工人们的心相通了，紧接着，他话锋一转，转到第二个共鸣点：与工厂的感情关系。你们中间的不少人，是这个厂的开厂元勋或是他们的子孙，“而”我父亲是这个厂的第一代工人，我是这个厂的后裔。“我”和大家都与工厂存在“亲缘”关系，我们是自己人。瞧，典型的“自己人效应”。在形成了这两处共鸣的基础上，厂长又一个回锋，用反问和自我表态去激出第三个共鸣点：重新振兴工厂的欲望。这个欲望比较潜在，但厂长通过“为什么我们今天不能把这个厂建成一个现代化的工厂呢？老一辈能办到的，我们为什么办不到呢”这些带有激将色彩的语句，还是暗示并激起了工人们那隐藏在“失望”后面的强烈愿望：先辈是好样的，我们也不能当孬种！ 要找到共鸣点，就要善于抓住对方的心理，了解他们的所思所想所需，这样说服，攻无不克。 “难得糊涂”是郑板桥的一条处世格言。不过，“糊涂”在郑板桥那里，主要表现为忍让，如他所说：“退一步天地宽，让一招前途广……糊涂而已。”我们这里，是在说服与反说服的意义上来讲“糊涂”的，它不再是消极地忍让，而是一种赢得人心的法术。即在别人有愧于你时，你糊涂些，反而会感动人，从而改变人。 公元200年10月的一天，官渡之战刚刚打完，曹军正在清点战果的时候，一位官员抱着一大捆信件急匆匆地来向曹操汇报，袁绍仓皇逃走，扔下不少东西，其中有一批书信，是京城许都和曹营中的一些人，暗地写给袁绍的。曹操接过信，翻了一下，这些信大都是吹捧袁绍的，有的干脆表示要离开曹营，投奔袁绍。 曹操的亲信得知这些信的内容，都很生气，有的说：“吃里爬外，这还了得！就该把他们抓起来。” 曹操微微一笑，说：“把这信统统烧掉。” 这个命令使在场的人都愣住了：“不查了？”有人轻声地问。 “是的，不查了。”曹操说。不查“内奸”，似乎糊涂，但实质是精明。曹操是很会洞察人心的，照他的看法，在形势未明朗时，一般人都会想到给自己留条后路，以备一旦曹军失败好到袁绍那里干事，但现在其后路已随袁绍的失败而被堵死，那些三心二意者现在也只有一心一意了。而如果把他们写给袁绍的效忠信查清楚装进其“袋子”里，这些人就会永远心存疑虑，担心自己会遭猜疑，甚至到一定的时候就会挨整。曹操把这些信都烧掉，那些暗通袁绍的人才把心里的一块大石头放下，旁人也会觉得曹操的度量大，愿意在他的属下效力。 任何人犯下严重错误时，都会强烈地反省，例如在争夺冠军的各种体育比赛中，运动员在连连失利的情况下，情绪一定十分沮丧。此时，如果教练员当着所有队员责骂他，这位运动员肯定会自惭自愧无地自容。相反的，如果教练以“没关系”安慰他、鼓励他，这位运动员在感激之下，必能不负众望，努力在最后的时刻里赢得胜利。 “人非圣贤，孰能无过”。上述事例向我们揭示了这样一个道理，即在与人交往中，为了能接近对方，进而引导交往的发展方向，在发现对方出现一些失误时，可采取视而不见、难得糊涂的态度，使对方不致过于紧张，以鼓励对方做事的信心和稳定其不安的情绪。因为一般情况下，任何人犯了大错都会自责，如果失误之后受到的不是责备，而是安慰和鼓励，那么，感激之情和由此而产生的将功补过之心自然不在话下，以后即使又犯了别的错误而受到责骂，也不会产生逆反心理，反而会使你赢得一颗耿耿忠心。