Chapter 28 Chapter 27 The Power of Details

There must be a strong will, the ability to be old and the perseverance to achieve the goal, and everything else is the details - Goethe Looking at ancient and modern China and foreign countries, all those who have made achievements regard speaking as one of the necessary accomplishments. For example, Cicero, a statesman at the end of the ancient Roman Republic, was an orator.And our beloved Premier Zhou, US President Clinton and so on.It is no exaggeration to say that only when a person masters language skills can he take the lead in dealing with people and achieve his goals.The premise of practicing language skills is to pay attention to the details of language practice.Because only starting from the details is an excellent way to effectively improve the speaking level.Here are a few details that must be paid attention to.

(1) Sincerity is touching There is something in the words, the words are pertinent, and the two complement each other, which is a major detail that good eloquence needs to pay attention to. "Zhouyi·Family" said: "A gentleman has substance in his words, but he has perseverance in his actions." The speech that people are most afraid of hearing in their daily life is that they have nothing to say and don't know what to say.We can often see that in some conferences or lectures, although the lectures above are very lively, the audience below is already tired and boring, and some even feel drowsy.The main reason is that the talker and the speaker did not understand the content of their speech well, which made the speech appear too vague and illusory.Therefore, whether you are giving a lecture, making a report, or chatting with people around you, you should avoid talking empty and boring.Of course, having something to say should complement the pertinence of the words in order to achieve a good effect of attracting the audience.This is what the old saying "sincerity is enough to touch people" says.

(2) Speak on the point In daily life, some people are used to chattering and eloquent, but their words are incoherent, which makes people tired of listening;This can only lead to superfluous consequences.Just like "press the flute to the eye, and the drum to the dot", you must also speak on the point.Especially in a modern society where the pace of life is constantly accelerating, how many people are willing to spend a lot of time listening to long speeches?Therefore, being concise and to the point is an important detail that good eloquence must pay attention to. (3) The speech should be divided into occasions and proportions

Whether a person's words can be accepted by others depends mainly on his credibility, and to improve credibility, in addition to having appropriate clothing, generous manners, natural and decent conversation, focused eyes, and a calm expression , You must also pay attention to observing the other party, and pay attention to the occasion and object of the conversation.This is because different people have different ways and sensitivities to accept the opinions of others.Only by knowing yourself and the enemy can you prescribe the right medicine and get the best speaking effect.Generally speaking, people with a higher level of cultural accomplishment disdain to listen to superficial and popular words, and the speakers should use more abstract reasoning; people with a lower level of cultural accomplishment should not take high-level theories seriously, and the speakers should use more typical examples ; For people who like to boast, the speaker does not have to be the same, and should be more induced; for people who are naturally silent, the speaker should attack their vital points and make them excited; and for people with stubborn thinking, the speaker should understand his hobbies and be patient. exchange, etc.

(4) Ordinary, simple and concise This is another detail that the speaker should pay attention to.In other words, in order to better express their true thoughts and feelings, the speaker should pay attention to the simplicity and conciseness of his speech.It is well known that Lincoln spoke with simplicity and elegance.Someone once said that the prose he wrote: "It's as sweet as music!" However, before Lincoln became president, someone asked him how much property he had.Most of the answers expected by those present at the time were tens of thousands of dollars and how many acres of land.However, Lincoln wrenched his fingers and replied: "I have a wife and a son, both of which are priceless treasures. In addition, I also rented an office with a table, three chairs, and a large bookshelf in the corner. It is worth reading for everyone. I am tall and thin, with a long face, and I will not be fat. I really have nothing to rely on, and the only reliable property is-you!" Not only himself, but Lincoln also hated other people's pretending Profound, obscure and difficult to understand, this point is especially worthy of reference and learning.

Speech is a kind of mental activity, and the quality of expression has a lot to do with the psychological quality of the speaker.Only a leader with excellent psychological quality can express his meaning smoothly and achieve the desired effect; a leader with poor psychological quality cannot even stand on the podium, or the words do not convey the meaning when expressing, and they give up halfway. As a leader, due to differences in views or differences in cooperation, it is often a matter of debate with others.Paying attention to the details in the debate and being familiar with the details can often quickly grasp the situation and defeat the enemy.The following details are worth noting during the debate.

(1) Be careful with opponents who have no expression on their faces. Most of these debaters are strong. (2) Before the debate, go around and ask about your private life.You should pay attention, the other party has an attempt to grasp your weakness, this may be that the other party is looking for a breakthrough. (3) If the other party says "Got it" at every turn, you have to be careful that the other party may not intend to listen to you.The countermeasure is that you regard the other party as someone who "knows little" and make your argument more detailed and eloquent. This is called "overcoming rigidity with softness".

(4) If the other party's attitude is disrespectful and rude when you first meet, it means that the other party may feel uneasy, or have some wrongdoing, or they may deliberately do this kind of behavior to disturb your mood.Therefore, you must be calm and deal with it, and don't get angry and fall for the other party's tricks. (5) The other party's arrogant words, even words that hurt your self-esteem, are intended to irritate you and make you lose your ability to argue rationally.You might as well "detach" some, such as secretly counting how many irritating words the other party has shared, and when it is your turn to speak, you can reveal it, and don't be impulsive for those words.

(6) If the other party suddenly diverts the argument, you should analyze the situation immediately: first, it was careless; second, it suddenly reminded of another thing; third, it intentionally turned the argument in another direction. In either case, as long as the other person's attention is focused on the divergent topic at the time, he can continue to talk.After a period of time, you can determine his intentions according to the following method.If it is the first case, the other party will find out and show embarrassment after a short time; if it is the second case, the other party will just leave the original point for a while, and will automatically return to the original point soon; It is the third situation, the other party will continue to talk in the divergent direction, without any sign of "changing their minds".From this, you can infer that the divergent argument is in his favor and the original argument is not in his favor, so you can respond accordingly.

(7) If the opponent appears to be "thoughtful" during the debate, you may wish to ask him "what is he thinking" directly to find out his psychology at that time. (8) If the other party says something with ambiguous meaning, you should catch it keenly and investigate it repeatedly to find out its true meaning. (9) The other party speaks like a cannonball without stopping for a while. The intention may be to keep you from talking too much, and they want to take advantage of it all at once.In particular, some people who "the villain sues first" are the best at using this hand to make a head start.You might as well listen to him calmly, and after he finishes speaking, you can ask again: "Are you finished? It's my turn to speak when it's finished. I hope you don't interrupt me in the middle."

(10) During the debate, if you sometimes don't know the opponent's intention, you can adopt the "projection method", that is, stop your words suddenly, and then let the opponent continue to speak.For example, "In this way, this argument is..." "According to your statement, it means..." Use this incomplete sentence to induce the other party, let the other party finish speaking, and you can further understand the other party's thoughts. Master the opponent's "hole cards". Individual talk is an important method for leading cadres to carry out ideological work, and it is also a very important detail in leadership work.Many specific problems among the masses or among leading cadres are suitable to be resolved through individual talks.Making good use of individual conversations can not only understand the situation, communicate ideas, exchange opinions, raise awareness, and solve problems, but also smooth the way of speaking, brainstorm, unite people, and enhance friendship. (1) sentient Sincere feelings, a sincere attitude, treating others equally, and being kind and heart-to-heart are important prerequisites for carrying out individual conversations.We often say that to carry out ideological work, we must "move with emotion", and the same is true for individual conversations. We need to use a sincere attitude of respect, care, and love for the person we are talking to to attract, infect, and move people. Affectionate means that a leader must have a "heart of love" and have sincere feelings for his subordinates.Emotion itself is a kind of educational power. Leaders should take the initiative to approach the conversation object, establish a deep comradely friendship with them, and be their bosom friend. Emotions are reflected in caring about the study, work, thought, life, etc. of the person you are talking to. Usually, you must understand the other person’s family situation, social interaction, and factors that affect work, study, and emotions. At the same time, you must also understand their characteristics , and even what mistakes were made, and the root cause of the mistakes.In this case, an individual conversation with the other party can make the other party willing to open up, and then better untie the other party's ideological knots and receive a good conversation effect. Feelings are reflected in the attitude of trust. We should respect the other party's feelings, give the other party full trust, eliminate barriers, and reduce the other party's fear, tension and alertness.During individual conversations, listen to other people’s opinions patiently and carefully, nod your head to acknowledge what they have said well, give encouragement, and inspire the other party to speak by interjecting and asking questions, so that the other party can finish speaking in a relaxed atmosphere and understand. leadership intent.Only when mutual affection and trust are established, can the content and topics of conversation they want to express become their own thoughts and requirements through the "catalysis" of feelings, improve their own awareness and determination, and then push them to actively do a good job . (2) Timely As the saying goes: Blacksmithing depends on the heat, and clothing depends on the weather.When the leader talks to his subordinates individually, it naturally depends on the time.If you talk too early, the conditions are immature and you can’t achieve the expected purpose; if you talk too late, the situation will change, it won’t help, it’s not conducive to the solution of the problem, and it will even cause losses to your work.Therefore, leaders must pay attention to "timely" when they talk to their subordinates individually.Therefore, choosing the right time to talk is an important basis for carrying out individual talks.The timing of the conversation should be determined according to the purpose of the conversation, the nature of the problem, the degree of urgency, the level of thought, the level of consciousness, the psychological quality, the mood at the time, and the environment of the interviewee. ① It is necessary to judge whether the conditions for a successful conversation are met. There are many conditions that constitute the ripeness of the conversation, and the requirements for the ripeness of the conversation are also different with the different objects of the conversation.If the interviewee's mood is relatively calm, can listen to opinions, and can act according to the intention of the conversation, then you can talk to him immediately; After your thoughts have stabilized, choose a time to talk.For example, when a person is criticized, punished, praised, rewarded, or has a job change, or accepts a new task, he can have an individual conversation with him in a timely manner; if a person has a weak sense of responsibility and makes mistakes in his work, he should also have a timely conversation with him for criticism and education. , to help analyze the reasons, sum up experience, and make it learn lessons.If a person does not talk about unity and has conflicts with colleagues, he should be "cold dealt with". After the comrade's emotions stabilize and self-reflection, education and help will be provided. Do not "add fuel to the fire" to expand the situation and deepen the conflict. .In short, when choosing an appropriate time for individual conversations, you must grasp the "fire time" and neither "wait for the opportunity" nor "miss the opportunity". ② It is necessary to correctly implement passive selection and active selection. When some subordinates raise a certain question suddenly, and the leader is unclear or inconvenient to answer, unless the question must be discussed immediately, it should generally be avoided temporarily, and then talk to him after the situation is clearly understood or someone else does the work.In this way, the conversation will change from passive to active, and the effect is often ideal.For some problems, you should take the initiative to choose the time to do the work.When subordinates encounter difficulties in work and life, the leader should keep abreast of the situation, take the initiative to talk with them, and try to solve them. ③ It is necessary to actively create the conditions for the right time to talk. Choosing the right time can't just wait for the time to come, but create conditions to promote the time to talk.For example, if the leader has a conflict with his subordinates, if the problem cannot be solved by talking immediately, he should not rush to talk, but he should not wait, and actively create conditions for the talk to mature.On the one hand, you can mediate through leaders and colleagues who are more trusted by the other party. On the other hand, you can ease the tension through gradual communication between individuals, gradually influence the other party, and talk to the other party when the other party has trust in the leader.In this way, the conversation can be harmonious, and the opinions of the leader will be accepted by the subordinates. Otherwise, even well-intentioned efforts will not be effective. (3) symptomatic Individual conversations should vary from person to person, and "prescribe the right medicine", that is to say, the conversation should be more targeted.How to "symptomatic"?One is to consider the object.Different objects have different foundations, needs, and hobbies, so the content, methods, and language of the conversation will also be different. Try to start with topics that the other party is familiar with and interested in.The second is to eliminate the other party's various psychological barriers in time.The psychological activities of the interviewees are mostly divided into speculation psychology, defensive psychology, fear psychology, opposition psychology, frustration psychology and joy psychology.In the process of individual conversations, according to the main psychological state of the subject, timely eliminate the psychological factors that affect the conversation, so that the conversation can be carried out effectively.The third is to proceed from reality and vary from person to person.Distinguish between different objects and put forward requirements at different levels.There must be analysis and distinctions, reasoning and doing work differently from person to person, and try to mobilize the enthusiasm of all kinds of personnel. (4) reasoning Doing ideological work requires reasoning and convincing people with reasoning, and individual conversations also need to "tell the truth and tell the truth."What you say must be subject to the facts, and you can't just talk about the truth, but you must draw the truth from the facts.Reasoning is based on facts. If you don't pay attention to reasoning based on facts when talking with someone individually, you will not only be unconvincing, but you may also say some subjective and one-sided reasons, or even fallacies, which will make people disgusted.It is necessary to seek truth from facts, respect objective reality, and evaluate the speaker in a realistic manner.Divide people and things into two, don't say that people are good, everything is good; Not as good as the rest, completely negated.Not to mention adopting the attitude of "the carpenter cuts with the ax" and "if I tell you, you have to obey".Doing so often backfires.Therefore, in reasoning, we must first talk about dialectics, analyze specific issues in detail, achieve "two-point theory", and achieve emotion, reason, and heart, so that others can truly be convinced. (5) flexible Individual conversations should be flexible and varied.The purpose and object of the conversation are different, and the way of the conversation should also be different.In practice, we can flexibly adopt the following conversation methods. One is an inquiry conversation.The key to this method is to master the skill of "asking", and pay attention to eliminating the doubts of the other party in the process of asking questions.Some people can ask directly, while others can ask tactfully. The second is critical conversation.Some people can be criticized straightforwardly, while others need to be inspired to conduct self-criticism. Critics should first affirm their achievements, and then try their best to guide the shortcomings and mistakes of the criticized people so that they can actively correct themselves. Recognize your own problems. The third is a discussion conversation.Talk in a negotiable tone.The interlocutor should be calm, treat others equally, and treat the interlocutor with a caring and trusting attitude. He should not regard himself as special, "good at being a teacher", and he should not ask questions like "a cannonball", or interrupt the other party in the middle. He should allow others to explain and talk. If you have different views, you must affirm the right ones and point out the wrong ones. In a friendly atmosphere, negotiate to solve the problem. For leaders, in order to obtain a good interpersonal relationship, it is very important to grasp the psychology of the other party. Grasping the other party's psychology is an important way to communicate with and persuade others.The difficulty of communicating is not in being well-informed or expressing oneself, but in seeing through the other person's heart and expressing oneself skillfully on this basis.Human psychology is very delicate, even the same sentence will be interpreted differently due to the emotional changes of the other party.Only by understanding the heart of the other party can we control the changes in their emotions. A silent employee is a closed door. If the leader is a little careless in the relationship, the other party will never open up to you.How do you get a taciturn person to open up to a leader?First of all, you should enter the other party's inner world to cause it to be psychologically shaken.As long as leaders capture the psychology of silent employees, employees will easily open up to leaders. A leader can make an employee feel sympathetic to his situation.If the employee does not speak because of setbacks, the leader may wish to express sympathy and say to the employee in a relieved tone: "If I were in the same environment and encountered the same thing, I would definitely fail." No longer worrying that the leader will criticize him severely, he is also willing to start a conversation with the leader. Leaders cannot always wait for instructions from their superiors. After properly handling their own work, they must actively share work for their superiors.Leaders can't see that their superiors are still busy and remain indifferent. This kind of matter has nothing to do with themselves. The mentality and behavior of hanging up is not conducive to the management of leaders. Even if a leader encounters something that has nothing to do with him, as long as he has a certain opportunity and reason, he should take a positive attitude like treating his own business, so as to influence others.The key to influencing others lies in behavioral motives such as emotions, needs, instincts, etc. Don't talk about reason with employees or superiors, it will have no effect. In the process of talking with subordinates, some attitudes and performances are quite taboo.These attitudes and performances are likely to make the leader lose the initiative in the conversation, leading to the failure of the conversation.These taboos are mainly: (1) Don't be aggressive In the process of talking with employees, leaders should try to be easy-going, and influence people through enthusiasm and sincerity, but never try to persuade employees through arguments.Arguing can only lead to contradictions and dissatisfaction. Even if employees verbally agree with the leader's statement, the leader should not believe that others have been convinced.In the process of talking with employees, it doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong. The key is to form a relationship with employees that is conducive to management.If you can form this kind of relationship with employees, what does it matter if employees are always right? (2) Don’t be self-centered Don't be self-centered in your conversations with employees, or it's easy to give employees the impression that they have no control over the situation.During the conversation, employees should try their best to feel that they have taken the initiative and that all environmental factors are under their control. Only in such an environment can employees voluntarily form a good relationship with the leader. (3) Don't exaggerate There should be a degree of praise for employees, and a degree of self-introduction.Excessive exaggeration or over-enthusiasm will give people a feeling of hypocrisy, and once the feeling of hypocrisy arises, the integrity system that the leader has worked hard to establish will naturally collapse.Exaggerated claims are not credible, this is common sense that everyone knows. (4) Don’t sarcasm employees No matter what employees say or do, leaders should not make fun of them.Even if employees have any indecent actions or remarks under the watchful eyes of the public, leaders should not ridicule them, but should always be considerate of employees and forgive their mistakes.Sarcasm of employees is not good for leaders. On the contrary, if they are considerate of employees, they can often be recognized by employees. Leaders often have meeting activities.Leaders can only achieve the best results if they are both practical and artistic. (1) It is best to call your name and surname when greeting When you step into the door of the reception room, your first words may be: "Hello, nice to meet you." But at this time, it is better to say: "Mr. Chen, hello! Nice to meet you." (2) If the other party does not ask you to sit down, you'd better stand You should not take out your cigarette after you sit down. If the other party invites you to smoke, you should say: "Thank you." Please remember not to get ash and match heads on the floor, but put them in the ashtray. (3) Learn to express clearly Being good at expressing benefits people for life.People who can't summarize their speech often arouse people's disgust, because this kind of person's narrative has no focus and their thinking is confused.Leaders should pay attention to the logic of their own speech, which can show a person's ability. (4) Maintain the corresponding enthusiasm During the conversation, if the leader does not pour enough enthusiasm, the other party will immediately lose interest in the conversation. (5) Be honest, frank, and temperate If you cheat on one small matter, it is likely that your whole effort will be in vain.No one is perfect, so leaders can openly talk about or admit their shortcomings or mistakes.You should not lose your temper when commenting on a third party. Unrestrained use of harsh language will only make people suspicious: "One day, he will say that about me behind my back!" (6) When the anger is hard to suppress, the meeting should be ended early Anger can cause you to lose the objective measure of understanding others and controlling yourself.Not only will it not help solve the problem, but it will make things worse.Therefore, if the leader really can't control his emotions, he should end the meeting as soon as possible, and don't let his emotions influence his behavior, and finally make the relationship stiff. An educated leader should not only have a deep grasp of management knowledge, but also have a good grasp of the mysteries of speaking.A large number of facts have proved that the charm of a leader's speech does not lie in how fluent and eloquent he speaks, but in whether he is good at expressing sincerity! The leader who can best communicate with employees will definitely not be a leader who is eloquent, but a leader who is good at expressing sincerity.When a leader expresses his sincerity to his employees with very appropriate words, he will naturally win the trust of the employees, and then establish a relationship of trust.Employees who trust the leader will naturally be willing to interact with the leader and maintain this harmonious relationship. For a leader, if he lacks sincerity, he will talk like an empty speech, and the other party will naturally not be able to identify with him.The key to a leader's successful speech is to inject sincerity into the conversation and convey his heart to the other party.Only when an employee feels the sincerity of the leader, will he open his heart, accept what the leader said, realize communication with the leader, and then form a good relationship with the leader. In the process of communicating with employees, you can also express your sincerity by exposing your weaknesses.When facing employees, some leaders often say that they are clumsy in interpersonal communication, so if there is something offended or something is wrong in the communication process, they also hope that employees can make criticisms.This is an expression of sincerity. By showing their sincerity, leaders can make employees quickly identify with themselves, and then they are willing to maintain a good relationship with themselves.This approach is used by many leaders, some of whom are already good people, but show their employees that they are rather clumsy in order to show their sincerity.When employees are full of loopholes in the process of conversation, leaders often express understanding and give a certain degree of approval.These are all to express your sincerity to others.Authentic leaders easily earn the respect of employees, while inauthentic leaders annoy employees. We have already understood the role of body language in interpersonal communication, however, it is not an easy task to use body language effectively in interpersonal communication.This requires us to do two things: one is to understand other people's body language, and the other is to use our own body language appropriately. Body language can express more information than spoken language, so understanding other people's body language is an important way to understand others.From the eyes, expressions, body movements and postures of employees, as well as the spatial distance between each other, we can perceive each other's psychological state.Knowing the emotions of the other party, we can adjust our communication behavior in a targeted manner.However, you must pay attention to understanding other people's body language: the same body language may have different meanings on people with different personalities.A girl who is lively, cheerful, and willing to communicate with others will use rich body language when interacting with you, doesn't care much about keeping a close distance with you, and often talks to you with a sweet expression.To understand other people's body language, the most important thing is to consider the problem from the perspective of others.Experience the emotional state of others with your heart.When someone is indifferent to you, it is probably because the other person has encountered something unsatisfactory, so don't think that the other person doesn't value you when you see others being indifferent. Using one's own body language appropriately requires leaders to reflect on themselves frequently.The purpose of introspection is to check whether the body language used in the past is effective, natural and misleading.Understanding these will help leaders adjust their body language at any time so that it can effectively serve our communication.People who are not good at self-examination often have problems. Leaders need to properly grasp body language in order to communicate well with employees so that the communication can go on smoothly. In the process of interacting with subordinates, it is often necessary to start with the other party's name. A name is not only a code name of a person, but also a symbol of a person.According to research, a person's name is quite related to his character and his achievements. Talking about the subordinate's name can often shorten the distance with the other party.Especially when the names of subordinates represent the characteristics of the times or some kind of ideal, the leader can talk about the name to win the favor of subordinates.For example, for a person named Yuejin, the leader can guess that he was born in 1958, and then express appropriate praise for the name; Can get closer to the subordinates and win the favor of the subordinates.But if the names of subordinates are really plain, without obvious characteristics of the times or ideal sustenance, the leader should not be smart and make wild guesses.It is quite uneducated to directly ask a subordinate "Why are you called that name?" For the names of subordinates, leaders must not only record them, but also memorize them by heart.I once heard a very touching story.A female street sweeper was sweeping the floor downstairs where Premier Zhou worked. The Premier came over and asked her name. A year later, when the Premier met this female worker again, she immediately called out her name, and the female worker was very moved. .Remembering the names of subordinates is like keeping a precious property for subordinates, which will impress them one day. To be the most effective leader in speaking, Carnegie has a principle: praise the smallest progress, and praise every progress, sincerely agree and generously praise. For employees who have just started their careers, they often feel extremely difficult and lonely in their hearts. They cannot hear a word of encouragement when they are frustrated, and no one congratulates them when they succeed. At this time, if the new employees get even a few words of praise, it will be very exciting, so they will strengthen their confidence and work hard to do things well. Some people think that only big successes are worthy of praise, and small achievements are insignificant.In fact, this kind of understanding is one-sided, and it does not consider people's inner desires, especially the loneliness and difficulties in the initial work. When a subordinate takes up a job for the first time, he will be very unfamiliar with the environment here. If he is praised by the leader when he makes a small achievement, then his confidence will be built up immediately.There's a guy named Carley who does a good job of this. Max Carrey, managing director of Enterprise Resource Development, struggled when he founded the Atlanta-based sales and marketing services company in 1981.At the time, he had only one temporary employee on his staff.In his words: "Big success is too far away. We hardly feel any motivation." He came up with a decision: to celebrate every small success. Carrey went out and bought a siren, complete with a loudspeaker so that it would sound like an ambulance.If he can bypass the director of training department and talk directly to the general manager of that company when promoting his products on the phone, he will blow his horn once to celebrate; if he receives a large order, the siren will also sound.Today, his company has more than one million dollars in assets and more than 1,000 employees.Sirens echo around the company about ten times a week.Whenever there is good news, everyone will come out to hear their colleagues brag about the success they have just achieved, which also provides opportunities for everyone to communicate with each other."Our employees aren't experienced enough to be hugely successful, so this kind of celebration is also a great encouragement," says Cary. amazing results. Remember: praise every improvement, no matter how small.