Chapter 15 Chapter Fourteen The Art of Persuasion

When preparing to persuade a person, I will spend one-third of the time thinking about myself and what I want to say, and two-thirds of the time thinking about the other person and what he will say. -Lincoln As a leader, you often encounter disputes among subordinates at work.Generally speaking, this is because the two parties in dispute have different views on an issue, and both parties only express their own opinions without analyzing the arguments put forward by the other party.This kind of malpractice can easily lead to the embarrassing situation of "the public says the public is right, and the woman says the woman is right".At this time, as a leader, you should understand that everyone’s point of view is formed over a long period of time, and it is closely related to personality, experience, social status, etc. Therefore, people always develop within their own thinking system Thought.Without detachment from this system, it is easy to fall into an unconscious blindness.This way of thinking with only vertical connections and no horizontal connections is like a boxer who only punches himself but never punches the opponent. It is impossible to judge the outcome.

Therefore, in order to persuade others, we must first thoroughly understand the opinions of others.Some people describe this as "being able to get into other people's eyeballs and see how they see the world", which is the truth of the old saying "know yourself and know your enemy, and you will win every battle". Before persuading the other party, the leader must have a thorough understanding of the persuasive object's situation in order to carry out targeted work.The main things to understand are: (1) Understand the character of the other party People with different personalities have different ways and sensitivities to accept the opinions of others.

Once you have mastered the character of the other party, you can work in a targeted manner according to his character traits. For example, Zhuge Liang often uses the "provocative method" to deal with Zhang Fei's violent and competitive character, saying that he can't do something, or he is afraid that he will make mistakes after drinking , Inspired him to issue a "Military Order"; and in response to Guan Yu's conceited and unforgiving character, he often used the "respect method" that must belong to him. (2) Understand each other's strengths A person's strengths are the areas he is most familiar with, understands, and understands most easily.For example, some people are familiar with army life, some are more familiar with rural life, some are good at literature and art, some are good at language, some are good at communication, some are good at calculation, etc.When the leader persuades, start with the strengths of the other party.

First, you can talk to him about going together; Second, in the field he is good at, talking about it is easy for him to understand, and it is easy to persuade him; Third, you can use his strengths as a favorable condition for persuading him. For example, when a articulate and sociable person assigns him to do supply and marketing work, you can say: "You have a rare talent in this area than others", " This is the best opportunity to develop your potential ability." This kind of talk can not only be well-founded, but also show the trust of the leader in him, and can also arouse interest in the new job.

(3) Understand each other's interests Some people like painting, some people like music, others like playing chess, raising birds, collecting stamps, calligraphy, writing, etc. Everyone likes to engage in and talk about the things they are most interested in.Starting from here, opening his "talking box", and then persuading him, it will be easier to achieve the purpose of persuasion. (4) Understand the emotions at the time Generally speaking, the factors that affect the other party's emotions are: first, the other party's mood caused by other things before the conversation is still in effect; second, where the other party's attention is concentrated at the time of the conversation;Therefore, before starting persuasion, the leader should try to understand his thoughts and emotions at that time, which is an important part of the success or failure of persuasion.

(5) Learn about other ideas It is by no means accidental that a person insists on an idea, he must have his own reasons, and the reasons he speaks are generally in line with national policies, collective interests or personal common sense.But these are often not his real thoughts, and he is afraid of being looked down upon by others, and it is difficult to express his true thoughts.If the leader can truly understand his "suffering decline", he can address it in a targeted manner. All of these, you have to study carefully before you can take your persuasion methods in a targeted manner.

There is so much to learn about each other.Many leaders can't convince people because they don't study the other party carefully, don't study the appropriate way of expression, and jump to conclusions in a hurry, thinking that they "see through others at a glance."This is like those careless doctors who prescribe medicine without knowing the patient's condition. Of course, there is no failure. There is a saying that goes well: "Don't look at what you say, only look at how you say it".The same meaning, different people have different interpretations, and different interpretations have different effects.As a leader, when you want to persuade others, don't think that you can speak freely because you are sincere. We must also learn to express our thoughts tactfully and artistically.How to say a sentence is actually very simple, as long as you put yourself in the shoes of others and think about it from the perspective of others.

Sincerity in interpersonal communication does not mean that the two parties directly and simply reveal each other without reservation. It requires us to give each other things that are really beneficial to each other with beautiful red ribbons in good faith and reason. In 1940, Britain, which was on the front line, had no money to buy military supplies from the United States. Some Americans wanted to give up aid to Britain, but they couldn't see the serious attitude of dying.President Roosevelt promoted the Lend-Lease Act at a press conference to persuade them, successfully creating an atmosphere of public opinion for Congress to pass this law.We admire his political foresight and his firm character of adhering to correct ideas and telling the truth in the face of many obstacles, and we have to admire his superb speaking skills.Roosevelt did not directly accuse these people of short-sightedness (this would only offend public outrage and backfire), but he used witty words to convince people.He uses easy-to-understand metaphors, explain the profound things in a simple way, is reasonable, easy-going, and close to people's hearts, making people convinced:

"If my neighbor had a fire, and I had a garden hose four or five hundred feet away, if I gave it to the neighbor to connect the tap, I might help him put out the fire before it spread to my house. At this time, what should I do? I can't say to him before putting out the fire: "My friend, I spent 15 yuan on this pipe, and you have to pay according to the price." At this time, the neighbor just has no money, so what should I do? What? I should not ask him for 15 yuan. I want him to return my hose after putting out the fire. If the fire goes out and the hose is still good, then he will thank you and return the original. If he breaks the hose Yes, if he promises to pay the same compensation, now I get back a garden hose that is still working, so I will not suffer."

Former US President Wilson once said: "If you want to meet me with your fists clenched, I can tell you categorically that my fists are tighter than yours. But if you want to say to me: 'I want to meet with you' You sit down and talk, and if we disagree, together we can figure out what's wrong.' That way, we both feel that our views are very close, even for those differences, as long as We have discussed with sincerity and patience, and believe that it will not be difficult for us to find the best solution." In the early 1770s, representatives of 13 North American colonies gathered to discuss the major issues of independence from Britain, and elected Franklin, Jefferson and Adams to be responsible for drafting a document.As a result, the specific work of writing has historically fallen to the talented Jefferson.

He is young and energetic, and has a great literary talent. He usually dislikes others' comments on his writing.After he drafted the Declaration, he submitted the draft to a committee for review and approval.Sitting outside the meeting room by myself, waiting for an answer.After a long time without hearing the result, he got a little impatient and stood up and sat down several times. Franklin, who was old and prudent, was sitting next to him, fearing that something unpleasant would happen if this went on, so he patted Jefferson on the shoulder. , told him the story of a young friend. He said: A young friend was an apprentice in a hat shop. After completing his three-year apprenticeship, he decided to open a hat shop by himself.He felt that an eye-catching signboard was very necessary, so he designed one himself, which read: "John Thompson hat shop, makes and sells all kinds of top hats for cash." At the same time, he also drew a hat attached below.Before sending it out, he deliberately showed the draft samples to all his friends, asking everyone to "comment." After the first friend read it, he said impolitely: the meaning of "sell all kinds of top hats" after the word "hat shop" is redundant, and it is recommended to delete it; the second friend said: the word "production" can also be omitted, Because customers don't care who made the hat, as long as the quality is good and the style is satisfactory, they will buy it naturally-therefore, this word is also omitted; the third person said: The word "cash" is really redundant, because the local market is generally used to It's a cash transaction, not credit; customers buying your hats will no doubt pay cash on the spot.After several deletions in this way, only "John Thompson sells all kinds of top hats" and the painted hat remained on the sketch. "Sale all kinds of top hats?" The last friend was not satisfied with the rest of the words. "No one expects you to give it to him for free. What's the use of leaving such a word?" He crossed out "sell", thought for a while, and even "chopped" off "all kinds of top hats".The reason is "there is clearly a hat drawn below!" When the hat shop opened and the signboard was hung up, it was prominently written: "John Thompson" in large characters, and below it was a novel top hat pattern.Among the customers who came and went, none of them did not praise the well-made signboard after seeing it. Listening to this story, the conceited and restless Jefferson gradually calmed down—he understood what his old friend meant.As a result, the draft of the "Declaration" has been carefully deliberated and revised by everyone, and it has become more perfect, and it has become an immortal document that has been recited by thousands of people and played a huge role in promoting the American Revolution.The story about the drafter has thus been handed down. When persuading people, if you directly point out his mistakes, he will often take the defensive and try to defend himself. Therefore, it is best to let him know what needs to be improved in an indirect way, so that he can achieve the goal of transformation. Persuasion is actually a win-win result, but it is not an easy task for the persuader to make the other party understand.For a persuader, one should first have the desire and awareness to persuade others, and secondly, have the confidence and courage to persuade others.If we master the relevant methods of persuading others, then even people who are stronger than diamonds can be persuaded by us. The key is to master the method of persuading others.The term persuasion actually has two meanings. The first refers to means, methods, including methods, that is, methods of persuasion, including the persuasion strategies and methods mentioned earlier and later.The method of persuasion we talk about refers to the method of speaking, and how to speak most effectively is still the theme.Obedience refers to the result, which refers to the ultimate goal of convincing people. This is the second level and the main one. (1) Awareness precedes action There is a saying like this: "We should first think about what we can do, and then what we can do." To persuade others, we must first have the idea of ​​persuading others, which is consciousness, and consciousness should precede human actions.If action precedes consciousness, the probability of failure will increase, because it may reduce people's self-confidence, and self-confidence is the guarantee of success. Without self-confidence, the possibility of success will be greatly reduced.To persuade others' awareness, that is to say, to persuade others' self-confidence, you should first establish your own self-confidence and believe that you have this ability. Edison said: "There is nothing in the world that can sharpen people more than desire." Desire is the booster of action. As a leader, one must have the desire to conquer the other party.In the same way, wishing to be a leader in persuasion requires the desire to persuade, and desire is the driving force behind behavior.Wendell Phillips said: "Desire will awaken a person's reason. The sharper the desire, the more it can make a person mature." To persuade others should first have the awareness and desire to persuade others. (2) To convince others, you must first convince yourself Will and desire determine the motivation to persuade others, but you should also have the confidence and courage to persuade others. Confidence and courage directly determine whether your persuasion is successful.It must be successful, it is necessary, it must be successful, it has a basis.Convincing others must first convince yourself, and convincing yourself is often more difficult than convincing others. Maybe there is a wall between you and the person being persuaded, maybe the wall is empty.Only by pushing it with our hands can we possibly know whether it can stop you.You should understand this sentence: "We would rather be beaten back by the opponent than give up attacking him because of fear." Persuading others is generally not easy. You may meet difficult people, but you must have confidence and courage to give it a try.After you try it, you will find that persuasion is actually very easy.He appears to be extremely powerful, but he is weak and tall at the same time. (3) Stand on the other side's side Be sure to stand in the other person's shoes and put yourself in the other person's shoes to consider the emotional needs of the other person.You can't be eager for success, quick success, and you can't have selfish distractions.As long as you impress the other party with your true feelings with sincerity and sincerity, one day he will be persuaded by you. The general method of persuading others is to reason, convince people with reason, understand with reason, and move with emotion.The devotion of true feelings must be the reward of success, and persuading people is to explain the truth to the other party with sincerity. There are no completely unreasonable people in the world.They rejected us, it may be that we did not reason, or did not make it clear.If it is the former case, then it is best to give up on convincing others.If it is the latter, it is very easy to do, that is, learn how to reason and how to explain clearly. It is more accurate to say that persuasion should be called sincerity or persuasion.It stands to reason that there are no people who are persuaded in the world, and persuasion is just to make the other party surrender through reasoning, and willingly recognize and accept your wishes to achieve a win-win situation with you.Talking is just a method, and the real submission is to submit to reason, to sincerity, and to the great personality of people.The so-called words of successful people refer to expressing with heart and personality.Therefore, the way to persuade the other party is to move people with sincerity, warm people with love, comfort people with kindness, and encourage people with faith. (1) Find the intersection point This is an "age of negotiation", not an "age of violence"!The point is to find out the possibility and feasibility of "both of us are willing", and regard coordination as a process of "finding intersections" and "expanding thinking", rather than when "making enemies".Even, it is necessary to recognize that the difference between the two sides is not hostility, but just different.Therefore, don't have the extreme idea of ​​​​"beating" the other party, and just want to win the personal subjective world. More than that, when coordinating, one should actively view disagreement as a critical moment for expanding the sphere of interpersonal influence, that is, for cultivating personal grandeur and for building relationships.For a mature leader, disagreement is a signal that interpersonal relationships need to be "reorganized", and even an opportunity to adjust and cultivate relationships. (2) Disagreements are reorganizations of relationships If the viewpoints of the subordinates and the leader are different, the leader will simply deny or even belittle them. Over time, the subordinates will remain silent, and the leader will become a real loner. The correct approach is to say in a sincere tone when there are differences in opinions, feelings, and viewpoints: "Here we are different, let us work together to find a way that both of us (everyone) are satisfied with." Let's come up with the most beneficial strategy (plan) for the company (unit) together." In the discourse, the emphasis is on "we" rather than the opposition between "you" and "I".Not only is there no derogatory term, but there is only a sincere invitation to invite the other party to solve the problem together. (3) Disagreement is an opportunity for understanding When there is a disagreement, the boss must first clarify that what the other party is really looking for is the possibility of simply seeking a solution to the problem; or just expressing personal dissatisfaction, complaints, and anger with the company; Play their personal game to attract attention; or the other party's self-confusion and contradictions. "Divergence is an opportunity to understand" is the time for the leader to explore the other party's needs, not for self-expression; it is the time for the leader to help the other party—to clarify the cause of the trouble and point out the direction. As a leader, don't fall into the vortex of the other party's emotions and follow them around. (4) Humanized interaction A stubborn person thinks he has an opinion, but in fact his opinion owns him! When there are differences of views or personnel troubles, it is necessary to emphasize human interaction rather than submission to authority or strong resistance.Because what good is it to win a momentary argument in exchange for the pain of meeting each other at work every day!Any negotiation should not be done as one pleases, but must be conducted according to the rules. Humanized interaction includes at least five elements: ①Express sincerity To communicate with people with sincerity, this is by no means just a slogan—just talk.Winning both is to emphasize the sincerity of solving problems personally, let the other party understand, and make the other party accept your sincerity. ②Be polite When persuading, it is still necessary to maintain proper politeness, or the rules that should be followed in the system, instead of being self-righteous and accusing, aggressive, contemptuous or deliberately sarcastic. ③Maintain dignity Only with dignity can there be true communication.There can be no communication without the maintenance of dignity, and dignity must include the dignity of both parties.Every time in a meeting, the boss always speaks out, sneers, or derogates others in a condescending tone in order to highlight his point of view, which only breeds greater disputes and resentment.During the coordination process, everyone's dignity must be maintained without personal attacks.Whether it's sarcasm, provocative body language of contempt or contempt, or quarreling methods of roaring and roaring, all must be prohibited. ④ equal respect When others have not finished speaking, the boss not only frequently interrupts the topic and speaks first, but also scolds others with his words in a disdainful tone. This kind of "authoritative" style will make subordinates deeply feel uncomfortable.Speak up when mediating the injustice between the two parties, and there should be no distinction between strong and weak, or unequal treatment such as coercion and intimidation.If there is a violation of this rule, the suspension method can be used to suspend the coordination. ⑤ Create an atmosphere When there is a disagreement, that's when you need to "take it easy."Different opinions do not need to be chilling, but can have a pleasant atmosphere. This is not only a manifestation of personality maturity, but also a symbol of high leadership ability.Coordination is nothing more than problem solving. In the process of coordination, you also need to know how to use humor to create an atmosphere. An overly serious coordination will only cause greater hostility in the next disagreement.The creation of the atmosphere: it is necessary to express a sincere and polite attitude, and to fully convey goodwill to the other party in terms of tone and body, so that both parties can reduce unnecessary defenses and create a high degree of coordination in a relaxed and happy atmosphere Art. (5) Negotiation skills In order to achieve good results in persuasion, one must also know the following basic coordination skills. ① Directly express your personal point of view, so that the other party understands your "position". ② Seek the views of the other party to generate equal interaction. ③Understand the real intention of the other party and let the other party understand themselves. ④ Extend the other party's feelings. ⑤ "Delay" the individual's emotional response at that time. ⑥ Sincerely invite the cooperation of the other party. ⑦Respond sincerely to the other party's point of view. ⑧ Suspend the discussion (announce a temporary adjournment, so as not to expand emotions). Changing the attitude of others actually means that the attitude of others does not meet our requirements.In other words, the reason why you want to change the attitude of the other party is because you think his attitude is bad or even wrong.Even so, you have to remember: When persuading the other party, don't "bluntly" say "you are wrong", or say "you shouldn't have such an incorrect attitude".If you say this, not only will you not be able to change the attitude of the other party, but you will also be self-defeating, causing the other party's resentment or hostility. Because people generally have a tendency to affirm themselves, long for their abilities to be recognized by others, and believe that their attitudes and behaviors are "reasonable."If we don't take care of other people's self-esteem when persuading, we can cut straight to the point and say directly: "You are wrong, and the reasons are as follows."This is tantamount to completely negating the other party's ability, saying that the other party is stupid, an idiot who cannot correctly understand and analyze various problems. As a result, it can only hurt the other party's self-esteem and make him feel that he has lost face and dignity.At this time, even if you show your heart to him, it is often of no avail. He may no longer listen to your persuasion, but try to defend or resist in order to restore the lost face and re-establish his dignity.For this reason, he will find all kinds of justifications for his attitude, even strong words. We can also calmly think, if we already feel that we are really wrong, but there are still people who ignore our self-esteem and point out our mistakes again and again, then will we also feel embarrassed and may fight back, Stubbornly pleading that you are right?And who doesn't want to work hard to protect their self-image so that it doesn't get hurt? That is to say, everyone has the "instinct" of self-protection, and they all avoid others to directly point out their own mistakes.That being the case, when persuading others, we should pay more attention not to let "you are wrong" say it easily, especially don't force them to admit their mistakes face to face, but to adopt some gentle and euphemistic forms to subtly hint Where did he go wrong.For example, at the beginning of a conversation, say: "I have an immature idea, please analyze and analyze it for me to see if it is feasible?" In this way, the other party may be curious about your question, and unconsciously Discuss with you.During the discussion, you can take the opportunity to "sell" your "product".Of course, in order not to arouse the wariness of the other party, it is necessary to talk about some "homely words" that have nothing to do with the topic when starting a conversation. This is a necessary "warm-up" process.This is not "making a scene", it is out of respect for the other party. The "scene" is "fake", but the "fake" play must be real.In this way, it is easy for the other party to accept your advice. In short, when changing someone's attitude, we must pay attention to maintaining the other person's face and protecting his dignity.Pointing out the other party's mistakes too bluntly is tantamount to depriving the other party of their dignity, tearing the other party's face, and declaring that you are not welcomed by the other party. In this way, no matter how good and useful your opinion is, it is difficult to make it play Come out with "benefits". (1) eye-catching type This kind of person has a strong desire to express himself, likes to be self-centered, and always hopes to stand in front of others.As long as there are people who surpass themselves, they will attack immediately and take coercive measures.They will also sarcasm the other party with ill intentions, making the other party unable to step down.In order to show his specialness, he likes to pretend to be rich, and loves to play tricks, but in fact he is extremely timid. Don't be too forceful when persuading, you must take his face into account, and don't forget, you need to be well prepared in advance.But this type of person also has a place where people are easy to trust. (2) Impulsive type This kind of person is an unstable person.Easily impulsive, but also quickly sober.When you are in a good mood, you can give full play to your strengths, but sometimes you get carried away.It is more difficult for him to stabilize than to reach the sky, so it is hard work for him to discuss a matter in depth or draw up a practical plan. It is best to appeal to emotion when persuading.Sometimes it might as well make him fly into a rage and arouse his energy. (3) Worried type Such people generally have too high expectations of themselves. Because they have achieved their goals, they act passively and cannot use their strength in emergencies.Because he is not outstanding among the crowd, he has a strong sense of self, he cares a lot about others' criticism, and he is not good at talking. The main point of persuading him is: secretly accept his ideas, and cultivate his ability to be frank and open-minded as much as possible on weekdays.Never intimidate or snub him when he is not active enough.Because it will make him lose self-confidence.If you can gain his trust, you will become a good partner. (4) Obstinate type Although there is no informal person in this type, those who are too rigid and stubborn belong to this type.This kind of people, once they say a word, don't easily change what they say, they are too serious about things, and they absolutely abide by what has been decided, so that they are superstitious about the rules.Keep time, keep appointments on time, and keep in mind if anyone is late. This type of person is often judged as formal, humorless, inflexible, etc., but he still goes his own way. This type of person has a stubborn mind and a narrow vision, and is difficult to get along with.The personality is calm and not impetuous, and he can handle things and complete them with perseverance and incomparable patience.Moreover, if people of this type can humbly accept other people’s opinions and cooperate actively, they can do a lot, but if they can’t open their hearts and confine themselves in a small world, their temperament will become eccentric, and they will pay too much attention to red tape such as rules and procedures. Keep him at arm's length. To persuade such a person is to win his trust with heart.If you act casually and do things sloppy, you will lose your credibility and weaken your persuasiveness.In addition, people of this type have a strong awareness of the order of seniority, so if they are elders, they must have the dignity of elders, and if they are juniors, they must strictly observe etiquette to elders, and most people of this type are intimidated by authority. Convincing him with the power of authority will never fail. (5) Calm and fine type Most of the technicians and researchers engaged in fine work belong to this type.They often think about things calmly and handle things meticulously.They don't answer or care about others much, but because of their strong working ability, they are people who can complete the assigned tasks. To persuade this kind of people, you must be able to persuade them in a very ordinary tone. Using an unfriendly and overly polite attitude will miss the point.Secondly, it is futile to babble or appeal to people who you cannot accept or understand, and it will have the opposite effect.It is more appropriate to persuade by analyzing and sorting out. (6) Eight-faced exquisite type This kind of person is generally kind and enthusiastic towards others, but the outside and the inside are not consistent. Once you trust him more, he evades at the critical juncture.When things are going well, he hums in high spirits, but when things get complicated, he slyly escapes.He only looks at the surface of everything, can't go deep, doesn't seek truth from facts, and can't be responsible.His personality is frank and likable, but also has the characteristics of familiar environment.But he evaded responsibility, so he was often criticized by words such as "cunning" and "untruthful".On the surface, he seems to be a sloppy person, but in fact he is a cautious person. The point of convincing such a person is to unburden him in order to guide him.Slowly train him to take responsibility by making him do more manageable things.Most of this kind of people are more sensitive, try to use less words like "cunning" on him. Anyone wants to be able to convince easily, especially if they are in a leadership position; but don't misunderstand the meaning of persuasion, which is not the same as rapping.Some people can be persuasive naturally without using words; some people have no listeners even if they are eloquent.Therefore, persuasiveness does not depend on being able to speak well, but on being able to say the right words at the right time. (1) Clarify the necessity of persuasion Before persuading others, you must first consider clearly whether this persuasion is necessary, and whether to give the other party time and space to solve the problem by yourself, otherwise it may be counterproductive; will be counterattacked by the opponent.These are the results brought about by the fact that the basis of persuasion is not solid enough and the necessity of persuasion is not considered clearly.Therefore, before persuading, check whether the content of the talk is necessary, and then start persuading, so that you can get twice the result with half the effort. (2) Listen to the other party’s ideas before persuading If you don't consider the other party and only talk about your own affairs unilaterally, not only will you not be able to impress the other party, but it will appear alienated.Because from both emotional and rational aspects, the coercive approach will make the other party emotionally displeased; and the deviation from the main point will make the other party unable to understand rationally.At this time, the first thing that needs to be trained is quiet listening.Everyone wants to stand in the position of a persuader, and they don't like to be persuaded. What's more, they think it is a shame to be persuaded by others, so try to keep the other party calm and eliminate their sense of oppression, otherwise the persuasion will not succeed.Therefore, instead of speaking first, it is better to listen to the other party first and understand him from the content of the conversation.Giving the other party a chance to express his opinion can ease his tension and further make him feel close to you; more importantly, he can find the key points of persuasion based on the other party's conversation.So how do you get the other party to express their opinion?You can first induce the other party to talk about the topics that he is interested in and cares about; as for the topics that the other party is interested in and concerned about, most of them are things that happen around him personally. Some people think that grasping the issues that the other party thinks they like and care about is also the most relevant topic.From this, find out what the other party cares about, and he will express his own views, which is what we must listen to.From the other party's conversation, you can understand the other party's hobbies, personality and persuasive focus. (3) Reasonable rhetoric If the main point of persuasion is not specifically stated, it will lose its persuasive force; and the requirements that do not have the essentials will not be fully implemented.When you have expectations for your subordinates and hope to achieve your goals, you must use reasonable words to make them understand correctly.In many cases, the person who gave the order knows what he means, but the person who executes the order may not understand it. (4) mobilize the other party's intelligence To make the other party use their talents, you must tell the other party what he wants to know.If there is no exact instruction, he will be dissatisfied or complain unreasonably, which will destroy the harmony of the working environment.Therefore, you must tell the other party in a specific way so that he can understand the situation before he is willing to do it.For example, tell the other party "your position is... your action is... the final goal is..." and ask the other party "I want to use your wisdom, please do your best". Consolidate what the other person wants to do.After all, once you understand the situation, it is easier to do things.For example, express to the other party "the result of this matter is..." "You should do this next time", etc., tell the other party the result you want in detail, and at the same time, in the process of expressing the other party, you should always refer to the other party's opinion, Raise awareness of each other's participation.Only in this way can it be called careful persuasion. (5) Earnestly guide the other party "Persuasion is to sincerely guide the other party to act according to one's own intention."If you do not persuade the other party with a sincere attitude, but use temporary tactics to deceive the other party, you will not be able to achieve long-term harmony between the persuader and the persuaded.When the persuader is secretly happy "Okay! The persuasion succeeded", and the persuaded feels "Oh! I was fooled!" This is the worst way of persuasion.Earnestly guide the other party to make the other party understand and be satisfied. At this time, the degree of satisfaction of both parties is 50%. If the person to be persuaded needs to make another 10% concession, he must have this sense of satisfaction, otherwise the person being persuaded will not be convinced. , they cannot talk about each other at all, and this must be paid special attention to. (6) Subtle concessions Persuasion must have a result that satisfies both parties, otherwise it is not considered a successful persuasion.In other words, the persuader must make the other party think "huh! This time he succeeded in persuading me because I gave in." Such a sense of satisfaction is the best effect of earnest guidance.The persuader should express his gratitude to the other party, such as "thank you very much", "I would be finished without your help", "you are so understanding of righteousness!" .Only by expressing yourself with such heart can we be called true persuasion. (7) Build trust When some people are persuading, they express an intimate attitude to the other party or approach them with sweet words, which not only fails to achieve the purpose of persuasion, but also arouses the other party's vigilance and even despises them.So trust is very important. The ancients said: Words must be done, and actions must be resolute.Some people use people to face forward, but don't use people to face back.This notion is wrong.One cannot live a selfish and efficient life, manipulating each other only for one's own convenience, one can never do one's own way.Therefore, if you intend to communicate with people, maintaining a relationship of trust is an essential condition.Relationships of trust live in everyday life.As long as you have the approval of others, and you believe that you have lived up to others, then you can build trust and achieve perfect persuasion.Do this, I believe you will be able to discover the fun and effect of persuasion. Only by approaching them from their point of view can we hope to control them. Ford, the king of automobiles, once said from experience: "I have proved from my own experience and the experience of others that if there is a secret to success, then the so-called secret lies in 'holding the point of view of others and relying on others' points of view. in the ability to judge everything from the position of others'." 美国电气总公司领导欧文也曾有类似的妙语：“能够为别人设身处地想一想的人，能够了解别人心理的人，是永远不必为自己的前程着急的。” 福特运用了“观点”这个词，完全说明了我们上文说过的人与人之间的不同之处：他们的特殊需要、特殊问题与偏见，他们的个人趣味与经验。 帕伯是卡纳奇的桥梁公司的一位股东，他对卡纳奇的一切事业，非常妒忌，因此常常在股东会议上就各种问题与卡纳奇争论。有一次，帕伯为了一份合同而埋怨卡纳奇的弟弟，他以为那份合同抄错了。帕伯埋怨地问：“价目表上注明是实价，可当交易成功的时候，却一点也没有说到这'实价'的事。我要弄明白这'实价'两字是什么意思。”卡纳奇的弟弟说：“哦，帕伯，这意思就是说不再加什么钱了。”帕伯听了无话可说。 有许多事情，都是要这样去对付的。如果卡纳奇的弟弟这样解释：“实价就是不打折扣。”那说不定会引起一场争论来。卡纳奇的弟弟只是以帕伯能了解的方法去迎合他的意志而已。 纽约的著名律师列图尔登是以善于说话而负盛名的。他也曾有这样的经验之谈：“当我们面对着交谈的对方而感到不能使他感兴趣，或不能使他折服的时候，这大概总是因为我们不能从对方的观点去考虑这些问题的缘故。” 凡是曾经从事过商业推销工作的人，都懂得一个主意或计划的成功，不单只看那主意和计划的可行性，而大部分还是依靠你将这主意和计划贡献给别人时的态度。 当年威尔逊总统组织国际联盟游说欧洲各国的时候，霍士曾经以这方面的一个小窍门，帮助威尔逊说服了法国政府。当威尔逊总统与那绰号“法国老虎”的克莱孟梭会晤之前15分钟，霍士向威尔逊提出了一个虽然细微但是非常聪明的主意。他劝威尔逊总统首先与法国人谈海洋的自由问题，以作为劝法国加入国际联盟的方法，因为这个问题显然是法国当时所急欲解决而又与国际联盟有密切关系的事，果然，克莱孟梭非常兴奋，后来，不消说，法国加入了国际联盟，而且他是国际联盟组织的忠实拥护者。 威尔逊是因为采纳了一个非常有效的策略，将他的计划嫁接在克莱孟梭的兴趣之上，告之他国际联盟如何符合他的利益，才使其计划被那著名的“老虎总理”接受。 尊重并突出别人的观点和利益，这是我们欲求他人合作的最有力的法宝。人们常常不会正确使用这一法宝，是因为他们常常忘记了如果我们过分强调自己的需要，那别人对此即便本来是有兴趣的，也会再重新考虑，改变态度。 比如，如果我们参加一个重要的会议，在发表意见之前，我们是否静心想过，应该说什么话？我们的意见触及对方的兴趣所在，是否与对方最急迫的需要有关？又如，我们在向上司作一个报告之前，在与一个顾客会面之前，在与一位朋友、同事交谈之前，在召开职员大会或召见一个部下之前，究竟我们对他们的兴趣之所在能有多少了解？这关系到我们能否打动他们，赢得其支持与合作的大问题。究竟我们中有多少人能真正考虑到这点呢？ 工作中，常常会碰到心理特征、脾气秉性、语言习惯各不相同的人，这些差异使他们对接受语言信息的要求是不同的。如果你用你惯用的一套“通用化、标准化”的讲话方式，就很难取得应有的效果。 以性格特征不同的人为例，一般来说，办事严谨、诚恳、老练的人，最喜欢听流利而稳重的话，这时，你说话时要注意分寸，既不能高谈阔论，也不可婉转如簧，而应以真诚，朴实，直而不曲，如此不但每言必中，而且还会给对方以确乎为领导的好印象。 假如碰到性情豪放、粗犷的对象，他们喜欢听耿直、爽快的话，那么你的言辞应该一针见血，知无不言，对美好的东西和丑恶的东西都要有自己的果断的判断。 如果碰到学识渊博的高雅之士，他们崇尚旁征博引而少芜杂的言辩。你不妨从理论问题谈起，引经据典，纵横交错，使谈话富有哲理色彩，但言辞应当表现出含蓄和文雅，表现得谦逊和好学上进。 总之，应当根据对象的不同情况，采取不同的谈话方式。但对于一些刚刚结识的人，又不知他性格如何的时候，就要采取摸查的办法。 首先，在对方不愿开口时，你要多承担一些说话的义务。但要记着，这不过是一种铺垫，切不可由始至终全部包办。你谈话时，适当提一些问题，借此对对方进行观察。当然，这种谈话是漫话式的，话题可以包罗万象：哲学、经济、时装、吃喝……目的是洞察对方的爱好、习惯，从而判断对方的个性。 如果对方愿意听你的谈话，大概因为你已有一点可取之处，那你就继续顺藤摸瓜谈下去吧。这种方法其实是一种暗示法。一位外国口才研究学者说：“在与不认识的人谈话的时候，以种种暗示为饵，直到对方找到他特别感兴趣的话题为止。” 其次，对一些不善开口的人，也可以用激将法。这种方法是用一连串的带刺激性的问题攻击对方，使其兴奋，进而失去对情绪的控制。如你对一个对美国优秀田径选手刘易斯极其崇拜的人故意说出：“刘易斯近来技术不行了！”这不失为一种极好的挑战方法，因为10个田径迷有9个是崇拜他的。如此一来，他必定不肯甘休。虽然你后来表示屈服，但战略上你已经胜利了。因为你已经知道对方的个性了。 总之，首要的一步，是设法打开对方的话匣子，以通过对听者表情、语言、举止的观察分析，掌握对方性格类型。但是要注意，尽管有时你当头抛出一两个使对方很敏感的问题，对方可能毫无反应，但这并非说明对方是一个傻瓜。因为生活很复杂，有人看悲剧会流泪，也有人木然。你不能说木然的人就没有触动。他可能在一些细微的动作中有所表现。如眼、手、腿、脚以致身体每部分肌肉，却可能有所反映，如双拳紧握表示愤怒，用手掌抹脸表示难堪，更隐蔽的有的仅是眼皮的一跳，眼神的一闪……诸如此类，都有助于你了解对方的个性，只有这样才能决定自己该说什么样的话。 （1）道理讲实 道理的“理”性愈强，愈要注意让事实讲话、佐证，否则就会因教育对象缺乏感性体验，影响对“理”的理解、消化和吸收。用事实充实大道理，还可以避免说大话、空话，联系实际把道理讲实。现在一些大道理所以让人听不进，就在于讲得虚。 （2）小处见大 思想是有差别、有层次的，讲道理也应有层次。缺少层次，一下子跨越几个台阶，会让人感到道理离得很远，接受不了。讲者应擅长于小事情中讲寓含着的大道理，于近边事情中讲可望而不可即的远道理，于浅显事情中挖掘可触摸的深道理。 （3）引发兴趣 把大道理分解成若干个问题，用问话提出。一则引发兴趣，启发大家共同思考；二则用以创造一种平等和谐的气氛，使人觉得不是在灌输大道理，而是在共同探讨问题。这种方法，变听为想，变被动接受为主动反思，在抛砖引玉、换位思考中，让“系铃”人自己“解铃”。 （4）旁敲侧击 正面一时讲不通，不妨搞些“旁敲侧击”。讲好大道理很重要的一点是要学会剥茧抽丝，逐步引导，层层深入，最后“图穷匕见”，将大家的思想统一并升华到一个新的高度。有时也可借题发挥。讲出“醉翁之意不在酒”的道理。这样可以避免把讲道理变成简单的演绎论证，使教育对象易于接受。 （5）寓情于理 有时讲大道理，教育对象并非对道理本身不接受，而是与讲道理的人感情上合不来。这时讲道理的人要善于联络感情，要注意反省自己有无令对方反感的地方，及时克服和纠正。尤其当对方抵触反感情绪较大时，首先要以诚相待，要在理解、尊重、关心的原则基础上，再讲道理。 （6）名人名言 一句含有哲理的名人格言可以发人深省，给人以启迪。现在有不少青年人，对名人与名人名言有一种崇拜感。把大道理与名人名言巧妙地结合，可以把大道理讲得耐人寻味，富有吸引力。 （7）大锅小灶 “大锅饭不觉香”，讲大道理投靠在课堂上和公共场合讲，受当时环境气氛的影响，有些朋友可能听不进去。出现这种现象，有时就要开“小灶”，选择一个恰当的场合，与对方真诚、平等地谈心交流。 （8）语言魅力 以适应对方的“口味”为出发点，充分发挥口语的魅力，把道理讲得有声有色、生动活泼。美妙的语言是大道理磁石般的外壳，它能吸引听众去深入理解“内核”。要做到这一点，首先要树立自信心，相信正确道理的威力；其次，要注意语言的训练，努力提高表达的技巧。 （9）适可而止 话讲得啰唆就让人厌烦，听不进。有些人生怕人家听不懂，翻来覆去地讲一个道理，结果适得其反。正确的方法是，应该视情况因人出发，针对实际把握要讲的内容，该讲的一定要“点到”，同时又要注意留下充分思考的时间，让对方去领悟、消化。 （10）言行合一 有时对方之所以不服，很重要的一条就在于讲道理的人自己做得不好。“做”得好才能赢得“讲”的资格。把单纯的讲道理变成见诸于行动的边讲边做，让人在“看服”中更好地信服，自觉地接受大道理。只有这样，才能收到“此时无声胜有声”的最佳效果。 领导者在进行说服工作时，除了一般的晓之以理、动之以情外，如果善于对他人的缺点提出善意的批评，对他人的不足提出忠告，这样往往更容易赢得对方的信服和爱戴。 良药苦口利于病，忠言逆耳利于行。忠告的话听起来一般都让人难以接受，甚至会引起反感或抵抗，取得相反的效果。 在商业行为中，对上司提出忠告很有可能招致他的嫉妒，结果自己被炒，走人了事；对于下属的忠告也往往引起他们的不满情绪。那么，怎么进行忠告呢？ 忠告首先应该是对他诚心诚意的关怀。当你对某人提出批评时，如果对方发现你并不是为了关心他才批评他，而是出于你个人的某种意图，他马上会站到与你敌对的立场上。 忠告要想获得成功，必须了解真实情况，不要捕风捉影。只有了解了事实，你才能清楚地判断是否有必要提出忠告，提出忠告的角度怎么选择，忠告以后会有怎样的效果。如果你是公司的一位职员，你对公司的计划背景缺乏了解就对其提出自己的看法，你不可能获得上司的信赖，相反，他会认为你思考问题不够周到。不了解朋友的意图就对他的行为妄加非议，他会认为你对他没有尽一个朋友的责任。 凭借听到的信息忠告别人，容易引起误解。这时补救的办法是与他沟通，听听他怎么说，等了解清楚事实之后再想办法消除误解。 掌握了事实真相和对方的心理，就该拿出勇气来忠告，指出他应该改善的错处。当然要注意你的措辞，得罪了人是无法取得成功的。 “现在的年轻人自以为是”“别理他，反正我们没有损失”“这样太可笑了……”作为一名领导，诸如此类的措辞永远都是失败的，上司有指导属下的义务，对下属应有深切的爱护之情，以恳切的忠告作为帮助他们进步的动力，能够很快地获得愉快的人际关系，如果害怕得罪人，一味地保持缄默，做个老好人，最终是无法获得良好的人际关系的。 对人提出忠告的时候，应该抱着体谅的心情。他诚然在某些方面做得不对，但是他可能有难言的苦衷。所以在提出忠告的时候，还要体谅他的难处，不要一味地强求或大加责难。必要的时候要深入他的内心，帮助他彻底地解决“心病”。 要注意，提出忠告，切忌在大庭广众之下提出。因为提出忠告的时候必然涉及他的短处，触动他的伤疤，而每个人都有自尊心，被当众揭短时，情面上很容易下不了台，从而很容易产生抵触情绪。在这种情况下，即使你是善意的，他也会认为你是在故意让他当众出洋相。 在当事人感情冲动的时候不适合提出忠告，因为在他冲动的时候，理智起不到半点作用，他也判断不清你的用意。这时提出忠告，不仅不能解决问题，反而火上浇油。 提出忠告的时候，要注意简洁中肯，按照“一时一事”的原则。若是再加上回溯起对方过去的缺失，再予以责备，当然会引起对方的反感，不理睬你的好心了。所以要掌握重点，不要随便提及其他的事情是很重要的方法。 在提出忠告的时候要给对方留有余地，不要把他指责得一无是处，否则很容易引起他的逆反心理，“既然我已经这样了，那就干脆一错到底”。最后反而不如不提忠告。必要的时候可以多列举对方的一些优点，比如，你可以这样说：“你平时工作努力，表现积极，唯一的缺点就是想问题的时候稍微草率了一点，如果你思考问题再慎重些，就很有前途了。”用这种口气跟他说话，他会备受鼓舞，很容易地接受你的忠告。 忠言逆耳，你的一句话可能赢得他的尊敬，也有可能招来各种不敬和危险，因而在提出忠告时，要注意策略，慎之又慎。 作为领导，说服别人也许并不是一件难事，但要在说服中博取对方的信任，却并非易事。 美国在费城举行宪法会议的时候，会议中赞成派和反对派讨论得相当激热，出席者的言论都非常尖锐，甚至演变成人身攻击。由于出席者有着人种、宗教方面的差异，利害关系相同的人自然结合在一起，会议充满了火药味和互不信任的气氛。 这时持赞成意见的富兰克林，适时发表了十分具有说服力的演说，使会议勉强形成了统一意见。但很明显的是，反对派尽管在富兰克林的演说中保持了足够的沉默，却绝口不提赞成二字。 富兰克林知道自己虽然基本说服了反对派，使宪法得以通过，但同时也失去了他们对自己的信任。于是，演说完毕，他面对反对派的沉默，不慌不忙地对他们说：“老实说，对这个宪法我也并非完全赞成。” 这句话一出，会场顿时又热闹起来，恍然回到了刚开始的争执阶段，反对派人士不禁感到怀疑：富兰克林既然是赞成派，为什么不完全赞成自己所提的宪法呢？ 富兰克林停了一会儿，才继续说：“我对于自己赞成的这个宪法并没有信心，出席本会议的各位，也许对于细则还有些异议。但不瞒各位，我此时也和你们一样，对这个宪法是否正确抱有怀疑态度，我就是在这种心境下来签署宪法的。” “但是，”富兰克林接着大声道，“我必须签署这个宪法，我觉得我们现在首要的任务就是必须先往前走这一步。” 富兰克林这番话，使得反对派的激动和不信任态度终于平静下来，美国的宪法终于圆满通过。 Ordinary people want to resolve the other party's sense of distrust, and often say "please believe me" in a strong tone, or say "that's not the case at all", which in turn makes the other party's sense of distrust even stronger.因为这样说，就像是要将对方的不信任全面否定，只保留自己单方面的主张，实际是一种正面的攻击，这样做是不会产生任何效果的。 For one thing, if you only emphasize the good side, then the other party will have a latent distrust of what you say.If you repeatedly emphasize your own advantages in order to make the other party believe in yourself and eliminate his distrust, it will not be convincing.It is better to use the "awkward mentality" of human potential psychology to gain the trust of the other party. 例如，你可以先给对方一些不利于自己的消息，使对方觉得你“还蛮老实的”，这样一来，他就会产生想听你继续说话的意愿。你便可以附带地为自己说些好话，在不知不觉中，对方就会顺利地接受你的说服。