Chapter 3 Chapter 2 Building a Strong Leadership Image

Gentle and gentle, then a gentleman - Confucius Whether a leader has demeanor, more than half comes from the charm of his speech.Because it directly affects whether he is attractive to the other party, it is related to whether he can establish good interpersonal relationships.At the same time, it also affects whether he can completely control his subordinates with language, and whether he can have the effect of eloquence. However, where does the charm of speaking come from?In fact, the content that makes up the charm of speaking is very extensive.The content of each person's speech, the materials and means of choosing words and sentences and the layout of the text when speaking, the tone of speech, intonation, posture, gestures, and expressions when speaking... all can reflect whether he has the charm of speaking.

Next, let's talk about the demeanor of speaking first. The so-called demeanor refers to good manners, postures and expressions.The demeanor of speaking is the verbal expression of a person's inner temperament and the externalization of a person's self-cultivation.Making one's own speaking graceful is an important way to enhance one's own speaking charm.A good speaking demeanor is often very attractive.Whether it is the resolute and steady temperament in a man's speech, or the graceful charm in a woman's speech; whether it is the polite speech of a diplomat, or the steady and vigorous speech of a politician, it will make people admire and admire.As the German dramatist Lessing said: "Demeanor is a special form of representation of beauty."

Confucius said: "Gentleman is the next gentleman." Demeanor is the proper combination of external language and internal temperament.First, demeanor is an expression of character and upbringing.If a person does not have lofty moral sentiments, a certain degree of cultural accomplishment, and an elegant personality, his speech will inevitably be vulgar, vulgar, and vulgar.Second, demeanor is an expression of a character trait.For example, a person who is gentle, tolerant, and calm and thoughtful can often contain strong emotional components in a few soft-spoken words; while a person who is bold and unrestrained and straightforward, speaks straight to the point and goes straight to the point.Again, demeanor is a manifestation of self-cultivation.This is mainly manifested in being neither humble nor overbearing, with grace and generosity when dealing with interpersonal relationships.Finally, demeanor is a comprehensive expression of a person's choice of words and sentences, tone of voice, gestures and expressions.For example, when a judge speaks in court, he sits upright, unsmiling, and logical.

The demeanor of speaking is varied and colorful.It is demeanor to talk eloquently and eloquently, and it is demeanor to speak only a few words and send them at the right time; it is demeanor to talk and laugh vigorously and to be high-spirited, and it is also demeanor to be gentle and refined, but not to show it; ;Speaking softly and being polite is demeanor, and speaking generously and heroically is also demeanor.When cultivating one's own speaking demeanor, each person should choose according to his or her personality, hobbies, thinking ability, knowledge structure, etc.In addition, the same person, on different occasions and in different environments, has different manners of speaking.For example, when a teacher is lecturing in class and chatting with family members at home, they show two very different demeanors.

The demeanor of speaking is a natural characteristic of a person, and it is in line with the times.We oppose the pursuit of demeanor out of the times; we also oppose detached from our own personality and identity to pay attention to demeanor.Any imitation, ostentation, and non-personal speech have no grace at all. In daily speech, judgment or lectures, we may encounter this situation: the same thing, if one person says it, we are willing to accept it, but if another person says it, we will not only not accept it, but will also accept it. generate some resentment.Why are there these two diametrically opposed results?This actually involves a person's speaking attitude, and speaking attitude is the most direct embodiment of the speaker's demeanor.

The purpose of our speaking is to tell others what we mean, so that others can understand, understand, and be convinced, and then carry out our intention of speaking.If you say something, others don't respond, are not convinced or feel disgusted, it is better not to say it, it is better to make the next paper and force it to execute. So, in general situations, that is, in daily life, in normal communication with ordinary friends, what specific performance do others expect us to have? First of all, others hope that our attitude towards him is friendly and that we are willing to be friends with him; others hope that we can understand his difficulties and forgive his mistakes; others also hope that we can care about them, help them, and think about their problems , and provide useful advice to them, and become friendly, loyal, and enthusiastic friends with them.

Second, someone expects us to be interested in him, in what he does and says.Everyone has this hope, including us to others.Therefore, it is best for us to be a person who is interested in everything.Originally, our interests are the same as those of ordinary people. We are often easily attracted by interesting characters and interesting conversations, while ignoring less attractive characters.If we are sympathetic people, this should not be the case, but we should learn to be considerate of all, and especially take care of those who are not noticed; when we talk, we should see everyone present arrive.Our eyes should stay on everyone's face for a moment at any time, and we should pay special attention to those who have not spoken much and those who seem uncomfortable, and try to find some topics to talk to them in order to relieve them. Psychological factors of tension and anxiety.

In short, people expect us to be interested in what they have to say, and expect us to be friendly and good.As a successful leader, we should learn and have the ability to pay attention to these ordinary needs in life. In ordinary conversations, we should be more considerate, give people a good attitude when speaking, and show the kindness of our own words. Charm. It is often said that a gentleman does not care about small things, especially as a leader, as long as he grasps the general direction, he will not be sloppy with big things, and there is no need to care about small mistakes.Don't you know that it is these inconspicuous details that make many people who take up leadership positions stop their steps.

In modern society, some people regard frivolity as freedom and unrestrainedness as the pursuit of individuality.This kind of misunderstanding made him make big taboos in his life journey and career position, so that he bumped into a wall everywhere without knowing it.Some leaders never greet people first when they come to and from get off work in their workplaces. Even when people greet them, they quickly falter and even turn their heads away on purpose.This kind of person has achieved a little achievement, and then he will go his own way and act like no one else. As a result, he not only loses his leadership prestige, but also makes himself completely alone.

Don't underestimate the details of communicating with others.Although the initial stage of communicating with people is just to say hello, but don't forget that there are two aspects of thinking and feelings in people's hearts.If the axis between the heart and the heart wants to be tied with a wheel belt, the initial method is to say hello, from unfamiliarity to familiarity, and then communication and exchange of ideas.How can a person who can't even say the simplest daily greetings such as "hello" and "goodbye" be called a successful social person?When people live in society, they have to be restricted and induced by the social environment, and it is impossible not to get in touch with the people around them. If you don’t care about trivial matters, don’t the people around you generally care about trivial matters?

When communicating, words and deeds are often connected with people's inner world, so we must also pay attention to personal words and deeds.Because these words and deeds may cause the other party to have likes and dislikes towards you, which will affect the success or failure of the relationship to a certain extent.In particular, it should be noted that try not to cause the other party's unhappiness. Such things that harm others and benefit oneself must be strictly prohibited, which is the so-called "strict self-discipline and lenient treatment of others".We always have to reflect on and examine our behavior and words and deeds from time to time. Although it is only a few details, a little attention will make the other party feel good about you. Some people get used to using catchphrases after talking for a long time, and even often say negative words such as "no" and "no". This kind of person probably gives a bad impression.In addition, there are people with disheveled clothing, careless hygiene, giving people a sense of uncleanness, or often doing some indecent actions, as well as indifferent attitudes, disregarding public and private, etc., all of which must be paid attention to and improved. "When you go to the countryside, do as the Romans do" is a well-known proverb. Everyone's behavior, words and deeds are the product of the environment, but people are dynamic and changeable.To transform the environment, one must first adapt to the environment.Everyone needs to pay attention to this. When communicating with people, as long as you observe others quietly, you will find that the points mentioned below are the bad attitudes recognized by most people in communication.I don't know if you have noticed these details yourself? As far as expressions are concerned, the attitudes that should be paid attention to mainly include: (1) Complacent attitude, arrogant attitude, disdainful attitude - this will hurt the other party's self-esteem. (2) Unstable Attitude - Saying things without confidence that the listener cannot trust you. (3) An attitude of low self-respect - being too keen on pleasing others makes it difficult to make a good impression. (4) Indifferent attitude, blunt attitude - makes people feel unfriendly, lacks a sense of commitment, and makes people stay away. (5) An attitude of ignorance of current affairs - such as talking about serious topics at a banquet, or when telling sad things, there is no expression on your face, or you only know how to talk about personal interests, and never pay attention to other people's feelings and reactions. (6) Casual attitude - give people a sloppy, negative feeling, overreaction, exaggerated and vulgar tone, full of slang and foul language. The attitudes mentioned above should be kept in mind at all times, and these bad attitudes should be avoided from being manifested in dealing with others. As far as movements are concerned, the postures or movements that should be paid attention to mainly include: When sitting, you must have a sitting posture, do not shake from side to side, if you are a woman, keep your legs together; when standing, keep your knees straight, your waist straight, do not shake your legs, do not stick your buttocks; do not scratch your head or ears, and let your hands hang down naturally On the sides, or lightly in front; do not play or suck fingers, try not to cross feet; expression is gentle, with kind eyes and good spirits. Some people like to put their hands in their pockets when they speak, and sometimes they sit on the table. This is not a good habit. It is a way of speaking that is too loose and casual.Putting your hands in your pockets during a conversation is not only difficult for the other party to accept, but also tends to create a bad impression, especially in front of most audiences. This gesture will make people around feel that the speaker is only addicted to In his own world, he regards others as inferior to himself, making him feel that others cannot surpass him.Regardless of whether you have such arrogant thoughts or not, this posture can easily make people mistakenly think that you are such a person. The above mentioned are all the details that need to be paid attention to in interpersonal communication, but we are not advocating being cautious everywhere, timid, mother-in-law and mother-in-law.If someone wants to dig into a dead end, the most effective way to deal with this kind of person is to keep silent. A leader's mind is much more important than his ambition in his career. Everyone must be familiar with the story of Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang.Zhou Yu is the governor of Eastern Wu, and Zhuge Liang is the prime minister of Western Shu. Due to the critical situation of Cao Cao's army of millions going south, Wu Shu decided to unite against Cao, so Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang came together to discuss major plans.Zhou Yu saw that Zhuge Liang was slightly superior to others, and he was always superior to himself. He was jealous and repeatedly made things difficult for Zhuge Liang. However, Zhuge Liang did not care about personal honor and disgrace with Zhou Yu. The 30,000 army also cleverly avoided Zhou Yu's harm.Every reader is deeply impressed by Zhuge Liang's broad mind, noble character and resourcefulness. There are countless similar stories in ancient my country.The story of Lian Po and Lin Xiangru during the Warring States Period can be said to be well-known to every household.Lin Xiangru ignored Lian Po's jealousy and slander, tolerated avoidance, and put the overall situation of the country first, which finally led to Lian Po's awakening, and the two became close friends. Making friends in the world has very important guiding significance. People will inevitably make some small mistakes, or be careless for a while, or because of the complexity of reality, or limited personal ability, misunderstanding you will embarrass you. These things may be common in our communication.At this time, we should not hold on to other people's "little pigtails", or take the opportunity to make the other party unable to step down. What is rare in communication is understanding and tolerance. "Knowing each other is the most important thing." Be tolerant of other people's pain and difficulties, and tolerate a few times, then even the most narrow-minded person will become your friend. A philosopher in ancient China had a saying that may not be unfamiliar to the world. He asked: The world despises me, deceives me, slanders me, deceives me, laughs at me, envies me, humiliates me, and hurts me. How should I deal with it?The answer is: only respect him, tolerate him, allow him, endure him, follow him, avoid him, ignore him, and look at him when he passes by.It may not be possible for us to be so magnanimous, and we do not advocate unprincipled blind concessions and tolerance, but we must consciously cultivate this kind of magnanimity in the process of communication, and be tolerant if we can tolerate it. Ford was a good friend of Rockefeller, the American oil magnate, and one of the partners who helped him establish Standard Oil Company. However, once, Rockefeller and Ford entered into a joint venture, but Ford failed miserably due to excessive investment and suffered huge losses, which made Ford feel very sorry.One day Ford was walking on the road and saw Rockefeller walking behind him with two other gentlemen.Feeling ashamed to turn his head, he pretended not to see them and kept walking forward with his head down.At this time Rockefeller stopped him, stepped forward and patted him on the shoulder, and said with a smile: "We were talking about you just now." Ford blushed, thinking that Rockefeller was going to criticize him, so he said: "Too I'm sorry, that was really a great loss, and we lost..." Unexpectedly, Rockefeller replied nonchalantly: "Ah, it is very rare for us to be able to do that. It all depends on your handling properly, so that we can save the remaining money. 60%, which is totally beyond my expectations, thank you!" Rockefeller not only graciously forgives the other party where he should have blamed, but also finds a lot of praise. This is really unexpected to Ford, and it is also unexpected to us. We were impressed. Forgiveness is an effective way to gain the other party's favor and friendship, and it is a source of motivation to encourage the other party to continue to work hard. "Tolerance is great", when you and the other party are in dispute over a certain point of view, you still have to try to restrain yourself, let the other party fully express his position, views and ideas, and don't interrupt him halfway.Even if you really don't agree with the other person's point of view, you have to listen patiently and show him that you are trying to understand their point of view. When encountering a friend who has made a complaint and visits you specially, you must entertain him patiently, relieve the other party's nervousness and embarrassment, and let them have the opportunity to appeal. In this way, he will definitely be grateful to you afterwards. According to a survey, leaders who are easy-going and easy-going will not lose their dignity. Among the various respected leaders listed, amiability and approachability are their common characteristics. 100% of the people surveyed hold this view.Be frank and sincere, and express your good wishes to the subordinates in good faith, so that the subordinates feel respected and valued. The psychological distance between the superiors will thus be gradually reduced. (1) Courtesy to subordinates Everyone hopes that their value is recognized and affirmed, and their talents can be brought into play.As a leader, know people and make good use of them, appoint people on their merits, understand the strengths and weaknesses, hobbies and temperament of subordinates, don't seek perfection and blame, use their strengths and ignore their weaknesses, give full play to their intelligence and wisdom, and each get what he wants. The greatest courtesy of the recipient. If you only look at whether a subordinate is obedient and compatible with you, whether it will pose a threat to yourself, and decide your attitude towards subordinates from the perspective of personal interests, rather than how much contribution they can make to the unit and the whole society; or Only pay attention to a certain characteristic of subordinates, not as good as others, and even envy talents and talents, play tricks to suppress blows, not to mention the quality of the leader, it is also a mistake in terms of leadership art, but it is the biggest mistake in terms of interpersonal relationship. faux pas.The most fundamental thing in etiquette is respect for others. Those who do not know how to respect others are not worthy of leadership. (2) Caring about subordinates Caring for subordinates is a very important cultivation for leaders.The leader's concern for his subordinates cannot be regarded as just a working method.Even if a good leader is busy at work, he still takes time to chat with the leaders, understand everyone's life conditions, thoughts and emotions, and practical difficulties encountered, and give help when necessary.You may also wish to confide in your work and life what worries and joys you have, so that others can understand.Even aimless chatting can express the willingness to integrate with the subordinates, thereby shortening the psychological distance between the superior and the subordinates, so that the subordinates will trust the superiors as friends, and there will be no barriers in getting along. Although some leaders are willing to talk to their subordinates, they still put on a "sovereign" posture. The words used cannot get rid of the businesslike meaning, and still make the other party feel that they are playing bureaucracy. This is not only a matter of politeness, but also makes people feel Belittled, not trusted and respected.Leaders who only want to dominate their subordinates but are unwilling to serve them, or even use their power for personal gain, will not gain the respect of subordinates, let alone have a good relationship between superiors and subordinates. (3) Learn to praise and carefully criticize Praising a person can easily cause the other party's thoughts and emotions to fluctuate, and this reaction will have different effects depending on the way of the person who praises and criticizes, the concept of honor and disgrace of the person being praised and the situation at that time.Appropriate praise and criticism will cause positive psychological reactions.Generally speaking, praise will strengthen people's positive behavior, and criticism will strengthen people's negative behavior. If the motivation of praise and criticism is impure or the method is improper, the effect may be counterproductive. Praise and criticism depend on the object and occasion.People with different personalities often have very different acceptance abilities and ways of accepting praise and criticism.Some people like to be straightforward, and some people like to be euphemistic and subtle, which must vary from person to person.Some people don't like to be publicly praised, and some people don't like to be publicly criticized.There are also differences in the state of mind of those who are praised and criticized.Needless to say, criticism, if you don’t pay attention to the method and method, it will be difficult for the other party to accept; if the praise is inappropriate, it will sometimes put pressure on the other party and cause others’ resentment. (4) Give subordinates a sense of security Work with trepidation, fear that one day offend the leader, or make a mistake and take responsibility that should not be assumed. Subordinates shrouded in this mentality will not be very motivated to work, and the interpersonal relationship between superiors and subordinates will not be harmonious. When subordinates encounter setbacks and failures at work, especially failures caused by objective reasons, leaders should be brave enough to take responsibility and push all the responsibilities to subordinates, even finding "scapegoats" for their own responsibilities. Such leaders will lose their subordinates. No one wants to work under him.Holding a grudge against subordinates who have contradicted themselves, opposed themselves, or even made mistakes, or dislike them, give them small shoes, which is not a leader's demeanor, and will also cause subordinates to feel insecure.Tolerance and understanding reflect a person's high self-cultivation, and are also conducive to gaining trust and respect.If you can humbly listen to the opinions of subordinates, pay attention to adopting reasonable suggestions, and welcome opinions that are not correct, you will enhance the understanding between superiors and subordinates and eliminate barriers. (5) Equal treatment regardless of closeness In personal communication, there are inevitably differences between closeness and closeness, some have similar temperaments, and some are not speculative, but if the closeness in personal friendship is mixed with the relationship between the superior and the subordinate, it will destroy the relationship between the superior and the superior.As a leader, on the one hand, he represents himself, and on the other hand, he represents a certain power organization. If he shows intimacy in the relationship between superiors and subordinates, he will be unfair and hurt some people. Regardless of whether the subordinates are close to themselves or not, what their relationship is between personal and work, and whether they oppose themselves, they must provide the same support at work and the same care in life. In reality, there are many leaders who like to cater to pleasers and dislike those who like to raise opinions. As everyone knows, the former often have personal goals rather than respect for the leaders, while the latter mostly want to help the leaders do everyone's affairs out of public interest. it is good. Issuing an order is not just a sentence or a piece of paper, but requires some skills. If there are orders everywhere, it means that there is no order. Only the most appropriate order, the most correct order, is the most effective order.As a leader, you should be proficient in this way, otherwise you will take detours in your work. Orders are the most common form of expression for managing people. They can be issued indirectly in the form of documents, or directly in the form of dictation. "Orders must be carried out" is a general rule of management work; on the contrary, in the process of execution, orders are "discounted", and the expected results will definitely not be achieved.This kind of "discount method" often exists in modern enterprise management, or it makes the order go out of shape and deform in the process of execution, making it difficult for the enterprise to work effectively. If a leader wants to establish authority, he must never compromise your orders!Because your order represents you in some way.If you want to be highly successful in your chosen field, you must know how to control the behavior of others through your command, because you can't just force your subordinates to do the work you want them to do by brute force , You must learn how to use special leadership methods to make them work for you willingly, so that they respect you and obey you. Disraeli, a famous British politician in the 19th century, concluded when he summed up the idea of ​​controlling other people's behavior: "People are ruled by words." You can also use words to serve your thoughts and feelings. You can use The way you direct others to do your will and serve your purposes, you can also give orders that are conscientiously carried out. The specific techniques for issuing orders to subordinates are: (1) Highlight the key points and don't cover everything.If you were to make your commands too detailed and lengthy, it would only create misunderstanding and confusion. (2) Emphasize more on results and less on methods.To achieve this purpose, task-based orders can be used.A task order is telling a person what you want him to do and when, without telling him how to do it. "How" was left for him to consider.Task-based mandates open the door for those who substitute jobs to tap into their imagination, agency, and ingenuity.No matter what your line is, this way of commanding will lead people to the best way to do things.If you are in business for yourself, improved ways and means means increased profits. (3) When people know exactly what your desired outcome is, when they know exactly what their job is, you can decentralize authority and oversee their work more effectively.If you run a business or industry, or are in sales, you might even serve in the military, at least you'll enjoy less stress on your job and more effective oversight when you can make sure people know exactly what they're doing. These two specific benefits for your subordinates. (4) When you issue concise and clear commands that are easy for people to understand, people will know what you want to do, and they will start to do it immediately.They don't have to come back to you again and again just to figure out what you said.In most cases, the main reason someone isn't doing a good job for you is that he or she doesn't really understand what you're trying to do.Simplicity is absolutely essential if you want your orders to be carried out exactly.This is a firm rule that you must follow. (5) The command should not be too complicated, but as simple as possible.The same principle is used in the army, simplicity is a maxim of war.The best plans are those that are uncomplicated in formulating, articulating, and executing.Such a plan is also easier for everyone to understand.A simple plan also reduces the chance of error, and its simplicity speeds up execution. In business, the most profitable companies are those that strive for simplicity in all aspects. They have simple strategic thinking, simple plans and execution programs, special arrangements for decision-making responsibilities, simplified administrative procedures, and eliminated Red tape, simple direct contact.All aspects of a successful commercial company maintain a simple and unadorned work style as much as possible. Speaking as a leader is not just a random conversation, but a very important communication activity. No matter what the occasion, what the leader says must be meaningful and reasonable.The leader's words must be inspiring, and must be able to inspire subordinates.Whether it is a private conversation with subordinates, a speech within a team, or a speech in front of thousands of people, leaders are required to be able to fully express their ideas and talk freely.But unfortunately, not everyone can express their thoughts calmly in front of others. Therefore, the first step in practicing eloquence is to cultivate the psychological quality when speaking. To cultivate a good psychological quality of conversation, leaders must pay attention to the following points: (1) full of emotions Before the leader speaks, he must adjust his emotions to give people a shrewd and capable impression.Only in this way can you be full of self-confidence, and at the same time win the trust of the audience, so that you can make what you say have weight.The famous ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle once said: "A speaker full of emotion often moves the audience with him, even if he has nothing to say." So a good mental state can attract The attention of the audience, and to impress the audience. (2) Take courage Don't think that stage fright only appears on the podium in a crowded auditorium. Sometimes you will find that even if there is only one person in the audience, it takes a lot of courage to speak up.Where does courage come from?The answer is to believe in yourself and your subordinates.Many people are afraid to speak up because they think they will make a fool of themselves.If you believe in your abilities, in your preparation, and in the support of your subordinates, then stop being shy and speak up. (3) Clear expression Maybe you find it easy to work up the courage to speak up, but that doesn't mean you're going to say what you want to say.During the conversation, there may be many things that distract you, some from the outside world, and some from your own heart. At this time, it is very important to prepare in advance.If you are going to say a, b, c in order, then, without letting anything interfere with your train of thought, say a first, then b, and finally c.You know, the simpler the method, the more practical it is. (4) Learn to communicate with the audience Speech is a two-way communication, even if it's just you talking.A good leader will also observe the changes in the audience's expressions and emotions when he speaks, so as to judge the effect of his words, and make corresponding adjustments and improvements.Therefore, learn to communicate with the audience and pay attention to the audience's feedback at any time, so that what you say will have the expected effect. The key for leaders to strengthen their psychological quality is to build self-confidence.But building self-confidence is not so simple, it requires long-term efforts and correct methods.Here's a set of concrete ways to boost your conversational confidence that's well worth trying. (1) Practice facing others squarely A famous person said: "If you want to see through a person, look into his eyes." Not looking at others usually means that you feel inferior; avoiding other people's eyes means that you feel guilty.If you have a clear conscience, just look at others and tell him: I am honest and aboveboard, and I have no guilt at this moment. (2) Select the front seat You will definitely find that the seats in the back row are always full, whether in teaching or various gatherings.Those who occupy the back seat hope that they will not be "too conspicuous".This is a sign of lack of confidence.From now on, you have to sit forward and remember: success is visible. (3) Speak your mind when you are in stage fright When you can't calm down because of tension, think about your inner situation calmly, and then tell the other person frankly how you really feel now.If you can express the most troubled inner problems, you will not have the energy to generate troubles.This will calm your mind and help you regain your confidence. (4) Cultivate self-confidence with self-confidence The ancient Greek orator Demosthenes had a stuttering problem since he was a child, and his posture was not good when he spoke.In ancient Greece, which advocated eloquence, it was very difficult for him to become an outstanding speaker with his natural conditions.So he was very distressed and had a strong sense of inferiority in his heart.However, he was not discouraged, not overwhelmed by inferiority complex.On the contrary, he trained hard with extraordinary perseverance and hard-working spirit, and stood by the sea every morning to practice speech with stones in his mouth.At home, hang two sharp swords over your shoulders, and practice speaking in front of a mirror to avoid shaking your shoulders.After several years of hard work and hard work, Demosthenes finally developed a good eloquence, ranking first among the "Top Ten Speakers" in ancient Greece. If you put a smile on your face when you talk, life will brighten up.People see you smile and want to talk to you, and you get energized by connecting with others.A bitter face coupled with sarcastic remarks will make others uncomfortable, and those who are alienated will become more and more indifferent.We must know that self-confidence will cultivate self-confidence, which is often referred to as a "virtuous circle". (5) smile We know that laughter can cheer us up, and it is a good medicine for lack of confidence.Smiling now and then during a conversation can lift your mood and make you seem more friendly.If you care a lot about what other people think of you, smile more.Because no one is going to find fault with a laugher.Laughing can make others like you. (6) Increase walking speed Many psychologists have linked the speed and posture of walking with inner feelings.They will tell you: If you change your posture and speed, you can change your mental state.A mediocre person walks mediocrely, as if to say, "I'm not proud of myself." A person with extraordinary confidence walks as if he were running.Their steps cry, "I'm getting somewhere important, doing important things." Pick up your steps, hold your head up, and you'll feel your confidence grow. (7) Eliminate inferiority complex with positive tone The criteria by which we judge value are highly subjective and vague.A thing, as long as you think it is beautiful, it will look more beautiful, if you think it is ugly, it will look more and more unpleasant.The same goes for self-confidence and low self-esteem, so be sure of yourself more! (8) Do what you can do For what you can do, you must do it, and don't make excuses for yourself to be lazy.Do everything you can, no matter how great it is.Those who do nothing are always trying to reach the sky, so they can't find something to do.Reaching the goal one after another will bring more motivation to people, and small successes one after another will bring more self-confidence.Therefore, it is advisable to divide the ambitious goal into several small goals to complete. Every time a goal is achieved, new motivation will be generated, and finally the motivation needed to achieve the ultimate goal will be stimulated. Try to use the above eight methods in your daily speech. Slowly, you will find that your courage and confidence have increased. Not only will you no longer be timid when talking to others, but you will also be full of confidence when doing things. Emotion, as a person's psychological experience in a specific situation, is a dynamic factor that causes a person to produce a certain behavior. Therefore, being good at controlling one's emotions and creating a good speech atmosphere is an essential skill for modern leaders. (1) Create an atmosphere First of all, it is necessary to create a working environment that is conducive to physical and mental health, and try to eliminate unfavorable factors in the working environment.Secondly, pay attention to coordinating the interpersonal relationship within the organization, so that the members of the organization work in an interpersonal environment that treats each other sincerely, lives in harmony, unites and cooperates, and is coordinated.Third, organize more group activities that are beneficial to physical and mental health, such as tourism, parties, sports competitions, technical competitions, etc., so that employees can cultivate their hobbies, exercise their will, and release themselves in group activities. Share the happiness of the collective to mobilize the positive emotions of the entire organization and boost morale, so as to achieve the ultimate goal of the organization. (2) Clear channels To deal with organizational members with poor emotional states, the primary method should be to guide them, not to transfer them from their jobs.The latter option should only be used if the problem cannot be resolved by other means.Even if they are temporarily transferred from their posts in consideration of ensuring work safety and service quality, they cannot just leave it at that, and timely guidance must also be done.At this time, the leader should take the initiative to talk to the members of the organization to understand the reasons for their bad emotions.Then, prescribe the right medicine to guide. For example, the dissatisfaction caused by the sense of injustice that is common among the employees of enterprises in our country can be traced to two types: one is due to the shortcomings of the leaders themselves and the limitations of the leadership system; caused by their own cognitive biases.The former type requires leaders to provide channels for employees to pour out their grievances as much as possible, welcome employees to criticize and supervise the leadership work, and create a fair and democratic organizational atmosphere in order to avoid and correct unfair practices to the greatest extent and mobilize employees. Actively engage with the emotions of leadership.后一种类型则要求领导者做到以事实服人，以情景感人，拿出实际数据和材料来说服职工，或提供机会让其亲自去体验别人的工作难度，或让其换个角度、换个参照系来看问题，引导职工纠正认知偏差，使他们充分认识自己的不公平感原来是“芭蕉叶上无愁雨，只是听时人断肠”。 （3）平衡心态 这个环节与第二个环节相联系。领导者在引导情绪状态差的组织成员时，关键是要运用不同的调节方法来帮助对方平衡心态。下列三种调节方法可供参考： 语言调节法。语言是人的情绪体验与表现的强有力的工具，通过语言可以引起或抑制情绪反应。 注意力调节法。人在情绪低落时，容易把注意力集中在不称心的人或事上，因而会加重消极的情绪状态。领导者应该有意识地组织一些积极的、有意义的活动，或设置新的目标，以转移职工的注意力。 “出气”调节法。如上所述，持续时间过长的消极情绪不仅会造成严重的工作后果，而且会引起诸多疾病。因此，领导者可以通过“出气”的办法，让职工尽快地释放其消极情绪。比如，通过谈心，让职工“一吐为快”，把心中的不平话、伤心事、痛苦情说出来或哭出来。怀有不满情绪的职工经过这样的“出气”处理后，会缓解不满情绪，容易理智地接受劝告。 （4）察言观色 领导者和管理者要明白，情绪之所以能驾驭，就在于人的情绪会通过人的面部表情、语言和行动反映出来。其中的面部表情可以说是情绪反映的最敏感的指示器，它像天气预报那样及时报告人的内心世界的“风霜雨雪”和“阴晴”。领导者要驾驭组织成员的情绪，就必须像注意天气预报那样，随时注意组织成员的表情，掌握他们的情绪状况。 身为一名领导，偶尔与下属谈心，了解对方心理状况，解决某种潜在问题，是一种很有效的工作方法。然而，谈心使领导与下属双方距离过于接近，有时也会产生相反的结果，因此必须掌握一些有效的方法。 We all have this experience: when we were young, we were always taught by our parents and teachers, and when we grow up, we have exchanges with friends, which are all heart-to-heart talks.Heart-to-heart talk is to open the hearts of both parties, enhance mutual understanding through good communication, and make things develop in a good direction.So is not all people will talk about it?not necessarily.You may be able to talk for three or two hours without changing your face, but you may not be able to talk softly, and this method is sometimes more suitable for solving problems. 在社交生活的实践中，如何取悦你的谈话对象是很重要的原则，取悦你的谈话对象并不意味着一味趋附对方，而只是希望能够更好地达到交流的目的。 Below we discuss some principles of heart-to-heart talks. （1）融洽关系，制造谈话的气氛 制造一种和谐的气氛，说句笑话，讲点让人高兴的事情，拉近了感情距离，效果就会好得多。 （2）要注意谈话的态度，要亲切自然，消除对方谈话的戒心 If the opposition is strong, you can adopt a "cold treatment" method to temporarily postpone the conversation, or "curve conversation" to start with another matter.In addition to kindness, we must pay attention to sincerity. （3）谈话要有的放矢，目标明确，不能让对方感到无所适从 Finally, pay attention to the choice of methods to enhance the effect of the conversation.A philosopher said: "There are no two identical leaves in the world." According to different conversation objects, different methods can be adopted, which can go directly to the topic or go roundabout. 以上原则和方法的核心在于清楚地认识谈话对象，从谈话对象的角度去决定沟通的方式和内容，所谓“谈心要抓心”。 In addition, the speech should be pleasant to the ears.Because communication is always two-way, whether it is giving a speech in public or talking casually with others, in addition to the speaker (the speaker), there is also the object of the speech (the listener).为此，说话人不能想说什么就说什么，而要看对象，从对象的不同特点出发，说不同的话，从而创造一种和谐、融洽的气氛，达到谈心的目的。 10、领导最易打动人心的五种说话风格 说话风格在说话中，能够充分展示说话者的内心世界、性格、修养、文化、经验、经历甚至是人品。“三句话不离本行”，这不仅仅是说“职业病”，从某种意义上也与说话的风格有关。说话风格，是领导风格的一面无形的旗帜，也是领导风格的一面镜子。 我们了解一个人，往往是通过他的言行举止几个方面，言排在首位，行排其次。那么，领导想要培养自己卓越的口才，首先就应从培养语言风格入手。语言风格形成之时，人的风格也就确立了，语言风格大致有下面这些内容，可供诸位领导者取舍。 （1）幽默 幽默的语言风格，实属说话的最高层次，它是说话者睿智的表现，是每个人都追求的一种“时尚流行”的语言风格。 幽默是一种和谐、轻松、愉悦的语言风格。它会让听众舒心愉悦，在彼此的微笑间领会、感悟，以至接受你的思想。在谈笑之间，就完成了语言的交际任务。纵然是沉重抑郁的话题，也会变得轻松自然，使人愿意听，也乐意接受。 幽默是要以丰富的内涵和人格魅力做支撑的。让人立刻就笑的语言叫笑话，让人咀嚼之后，恍然大悟后才笑的语言是幽默。幽默把笑声雕在灵魂深处，因为它是睿智之花的绽放。它是有别于笑话的，尽管同样是让人笑。 幽默的语言风格，呈现出的是丰富的内心，让人笑过之后，能留下点什么去品尝、回味。它是交际之中的润滑油，能减少谈话阻力；它是交际中的缓和剂，干戈也可化玉帛，让矛盾双方都从尴尬的围城中突围。 幽默的语言不仅仅是说话，它更是一场智慧和学识的同台演出。没有这两者，是不会幽默的。不会幽默，就不要刻意追求这种语言风格，它是一种“自然天成”的东西，是需要知识、学识等达到一定累积量才开始形成的。民谣学家钟敬文先生，在赴朋友宴席时，当佳肴摆满桌后，牙齿几乎掉光的钟先生对大家说：“你们吃吧，我是个无齿之徒，对付不了这些东西。”钟老先生说完以后，笑声四起，避免了冷场的尴尬。不久，特为钟先生做的汤面摆上来了，他又说：“我是欺软怕硬，你们千万别学我啊！”这又避免了窘迫情况的出现。如果没有丰富的学识，能够说出这种幽默的话吗？ （2）含蓄 培根说：“交谈时的含蓄和得体，比口若悬河更可贵。”含蓄也是一种相当好的语言风格。它是一种“曲径通幽”的说话方式。用委婉曲折的方式表达一种意思，而不直接说出来，在交际中会形成另外一种微妙的效果。含蓄的语言风格，会让说话和听话者适时避开尴尬和伤害。它可以辅以相应的神态和动作等，达到“意会”的目的。 但含蓄不是万能的说话技巧和策略，它必须注意时间、地点、人物。否则会让听众误解或不能真正理解。它适用于青年男女恋爱，批评指责对方过失，提出难以直言的问题或意见，无法正面回答的刁钻古怪的问题等。 用含蓄的方式说话，可以避开易于激化的矛盾、可能会伤害或损坏对方和自己形象的问题。其作用是既维护对方尊严，又树立自我形象。 （3）华丽 说话要讲究用词用语，但切忌单纯追求语言的华丽、华美。如果那样，就会让听众有一种误解，认为你是在做文字游戏，是在卖弄。华而不实的语言，就如同穿着华美外衣却又不学无术的人一般。 华丽的语言风格，最常见的是出现在散文中，但这是一种书面表达，落实到语言表达上，在一定程度上可以使语言变得生动而有文采，体现了说话者是有丰富的词汇和深厚的文化底蕴的，同时可以表明说话者的特殊身份。因为对于绝大多数人在生活中说话，并不会太多地运用华丽的辞藻。 华丽的风格不适合一般性的说话，而多用于书面表达和正式的演讲、演说。在这其中可以适当地追求辞藻的华丽，但也不能过，“过之”比“不及”更差。而且这种风格一般仅限于年轻人，人到中年，然后再逐渐地走向老年，谈话自然而然就会趋于平淡和朴实。这也是由说话艺术的发展规律决定的。 （4）庄重 庄重的语言风格体现在比较庄重的场合。它是领导报告、讲话、外交辞令、祝酒词、欢迎词、祝寿、婚丧嫁娶、服务性行业的服务用语等的常有风格。庄重会让听话者有一种庄严神圣的感觉效果。 比如，两个初次见面的朋友，打招呼就应该庄重，千万不能像老朋友那么随意随便，说话嘻嘻哈哈的。再比如外交辞令，如果不庄严，那么就会让你的国家形象大打折扣。 庄重的语言风格，还表现在手势、体态、表情上。因为它们也属于一种特殊的语言。 庄重是指端正、郑重、不轻浮、稳重、持重、文雅、雅致。在用语时是相当考究的，有时会达到字斟句酌的地步。它避开方言、俚语，如果要用，也要考究，三思而后用，慎而又慎。不用不规范字，不规范词，尽量不用口语。句式严整结构紧凑，用词准确，不乱用滥用形容词。句子严格按照语法规则，句子间有着严密的逻辑关系；尽可能避开那些有着贬义的词语；句子能准确地表达说话者的思想。不求辞藻的华丽，只求幽默、含蓄。较多地运用那种仅加强语势和凝聚语意类的辞格，不用增加文章情趣的修辞。力求语言的精准、简单、明了。 这种语言风格，可以充分展示人的高雅严谨、文明大方、庄严自尊、不卑不亢的性格魅力，给人留下深刻的持久印象。 (5)平实 平实的语言，可以称之为天然语言，它是不加雕琢，不做刻意修饰的。没有太多的定语修饰成分，没有太多的修辞加以描绘，如同绘画中的素描、速写。简明扼要地三言两语，就能把自己的意思表达清楚。 平实的话语往往能表达出很深刻的思想，它如同明快的河流，没有矫揉造作之嫌，无故弄玄虚，装腔作势之疑。 平实的语言最重要的是要言之有物，简单明了，朴素明快。英国大戏剧学家莎士比亚说：“简语是智慧的灵魂，冗长是肤浅的装饰。”真正达到平实，也不是一件容易的事，不仅要不间断地提炼语言，而且要不断地说下去。 The prestige of a leader among his subordinates is established by his words and deeds.Talking with subordinates is not a chat between friends. If you talk to your subordinates for an hour without saying a word with a sense of decision-making, then the conversation is invalid. A leader who has no opinion and is influenced by others cannot get the respect and obedience of his subordinates.所以领导必须维护自己的威信，好的领导在与下属交谈时，应摆出兼收并蓄，取长补短、互相切磋、求同存异的姿态。碰到情况不是忙于下结论，忙于批驳对方，而是以姿态低调，但主导性很强的话说出自己的看法。 The prestige of a leader can be reflected in his usual speech. For matters that can be decided within the scope of his authority, he must act decisively and clearly "make a decision."比如，员工上班经常迟到早退，不听调配。For this kind of violation of discipline, a decisive decision should be made to "stop working and stay in another post."If a subordinate asks the leader for instructions on the arrangement and agenda of a certain mobilization meeting, and the leader thinks there is no problem, he can express in an encouraging euphemistic tone: "Got it, you can just figure it out." This expression not only gives support and encouragement to the subordinate, It also gives subordinates the power to act. When talking with subordinates, the subordinates should fully express their opinions and attitudes before speaking.Let the subordinates talk first. At this time, the initiative is on the leader's side. You can choose weaknesses from the subordinates' reports and ask questions to help the other party understand the problem, and then talk about your own views, which is easy for the other party to accept.Let the subordinates speak first, think about the problem by themselves, make a final decision, and strike later, which is more conducive to the performance of the leader's speaking level. In addition to the identity of the speaker himself, the way of speaking is also very important.A leader must speak like a leader. A leader who can speak does not need to show his business card, and can tell others his identity through his own way of speaking. （1）领导说话首先要言简意赅、长话短说，因为作为领导，完全没有必要事事向下属解释清楚，句子说得短一些，不仅说起来轻松，听起来省力，吸引力也强。 （2）领导一定要最后出场讲话，说话时将重点放在后面，愈能显出所说的话的重要性。In particular, the Chinese are the ones who have the most psychological factors of "putting the emphasis on later".Therefore, leaders should not rush to speak, and the last to speak, the more authoritative they are. （3）领导要学会用幽默的风格讲话。幽默的话，易于记忆、又能给人以深刻印象，正是自我标榜的商标。Especially in the workplace, it is generally not suitable to joke, but if the leader can make a few jokes properly, it just shows his special status. （4）领导说话一定要有条理，要吐字清晰，语速适当。Be firm and confident when speaking.The strength should be moderate, and you should look into the other person's eyes, so that you can show that you are confident and capable.If you dare not look your eyes straight when speaking, it will make subordinates feel that the leader is weak-willed and easy to dominate. （5）在会议上，领导说话开口前先等几秒，等大家都望着你时再说。Be sure to use gestures for emphasis, but don't wave your finger at the subordinate's face.Speech is slow and clear, and the language is short, which is equivalent to telling subordinates: "I have the ability to control everything."