Chapter 37 The thirty-seventh chapter is cautious in words and deeds, avoiding the misunderstanding of the leader's speech

Shi Daoyuan of the Song Dynasty recorded in "Jingde Biography of Lantern Records": "A traveler asked: 'Someone asked the Buddha to answer the Buddha, and asked the Dharma to answer the Dharma. I don't know if it is called a one-character method?" The master said: "Like a parrot learning human language. , I can’t talk to myself, because I have no intelligence.” There is an allusion of “parrot learning the tongue” in ancient times, in which the original meaning of learning the tongue is to imitate other people’s speech.The parrot's mouth is a metaphor for not having your own opinion, and following what others say.Just like a parrot learning how to speak from a human, it follows what others say and follows the scriptures.

As a leader, when you are waiting for your superior to arrange any tasks with words, you first listen to his instructions, and then convey his instructions to your subordinates according to the scriptures. Pass screwed up.Some leaders often take the speeches written by others and read them when they stand up to speak without any preparation.However, scripting can seriously damage a speaker's credibility for three reasons: 1. Scripting does not bring real security There is a difference between a prepared speech and an impromptu speech.The latter is certainly more believable, funnier, and sincere.It is difficult to read a speech like a normal speech.When reading a speech, there is little eye contact between the speaker and the audience, few gestures, no facial expressions, and a monotonous voice.In the end, the speaker cannot form a close relationship with the audience.They may walk away dissatisfied (“What a waste of time, I might as well watch it myself!”), doubting the speaker’s credibility and sincerity.

2. If you follow the scriptures, you can't do whatever you want Relying on lecture notes or detailed outlines often limits your flexibility.If you encounter an accident, you will suffer a lot.For example, if you're in a group discussion and it's your turn to speak, time is running out.This last-minute flexibility is not easy.Once the on-site questions are interrupted or the topic is diverted, it is usually difficult for the reader to regain his train of thought and continue with the original topic. 3. Your credibility could be damaged Regardless of the intention of the speech, the audience always sees is believing.Reading a speech to an audience is likely to disappoint them.They will realize that you haven't worked hard to prepare.As a result, your credibility may be damaged, your message will be lost, and your speech will be ineffective.

The cornerstone of successful communication is organizing your speech.If your presentation is well-organized, you will be able to speak freely and express yourself, and the rest will follow. Some leaders tend to subconsciously have a sense of superiority because of their higher status and age than others. They feel that they have more experience and know more than others, so they often tend to have a preaching tone when talking. Of course, preaching cannot be completely negated, and sometimes there are indeed correct advices, but these advices are often not accepted because they have a preaching tone that arouses the rebellious emotions of the interviewees.Since you want to persuade and educate others, you should pay attention to how to make others accept your opinions, so try to avoid being superior and arrogant, but to present vivid, vivid and vivid examples to make others accept you sincerely.

We see preachers who often say something like this: "You must know that I am not interfering with what you are doing." "I don't like to talk about this kind of thing now." Perhaps these words should not be said, but I think you will see the merit of them." In fact, the words said by the preacher should be the thoughts that come naturally from the heart when others accept the point of view.And if it is said by the preacher, no matter how much it is said, it is just empty preaching, and it will not achieve any effect, but it will arouse people's resistance.Therefore, as a leader, you must pay attention to your own words and deeds, and avoid empty preaching to your subordinates.

Mr. Zhang is a middle-level manager of a foreign-funded enterprise, and his income is quite generous among the working class.When Mr. Zhang talks to people after get off work, people feel that he is full of complaints: "I live a boring life every day, and I really don't want to work for foreigners." None, I can’t do the work I’m interested in, it’s really boring..." As long as such words come out of his mouth, he will talk on and on, and he can't stop for an hour.If you are full of sympathy and sincerely encourage him to engage in work that he is really interested in and to develop his own greater talents, he will never do it, and he will chatter and list other jobs for you. No matter how unsatisfactory it is, I have ten thousand reasons why I cannot change jobs.

The first impression of people who love to chatter and complain is that they look like beggars begging along the street.When they meet people, they say "my fate is too bad" when they open their mouths, and "my work annoys me" when they shut their mouths.In fact, everyone has troubles in their lives, but what obligation do others have to waste time listening to your excessive nagging and complaints that can easily destroy your mood?So blah blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Grasping the main points and making a long story short is a magic weapon to win the audience's favor and a strategy for speaking.

The famous German poet and dramatist Bertolt Brecht hated long, monotonous, ineffective meetings. Once, someone invited him to a writer's party and asked him to give an opening speech.Brecht was busy with official duties and did not want to participate, so he politely declined.Unexpectedly, the organizers did not give up. They tried every means until Brecht reluctantly agreed. On the day of the meeting, Brecht arrived on time and quietly sat in the last row.After the host saw it, he was invited to sit on the rostrum. At the beginning, the organizer delivered a long congratulatory speech without any practical content to welcome the participants, and then announced loudly and excitedly: "Now, Mr. Brecht is invited to open our conference. word"

Brecht stood up and walked quickly to the speech table.The reporters at the meeting hurriedly took out their pens and notebooks, and the cameras kept clicking. However, Brecht disappointed some people. He only said one sentence: "I declare that the meeting begins now." From the above story, it can be seen that to make a long story short, the most important thing is to say the subject you want to talk about, and the rest of the polite words should be kept to a minimum or not, so that your audience will not feel upset. Of course, the long story short has to be for a specific audience.If the other party is not very familiar with you, but you go straight to the topic at the beginning, it will definitely make people feel abrupt, and the effect can be imagined.

Generally speaking, for those people who are more familiar with you, or in some more formal occasions, such as business negotiations, conferences, presentations, etc., if you can grasp the main points and hit the nail on the head, there is not so much lengthy nonsense , It will quickly attract the audience and make them quickly enter the topic, while blindly talking at length will keep the audience at a loss. In daily conversations, many leaders think that "a gentleman pays great courtesy without regard to small details", so they don't pay attention to the small details in life, but they don't know that it is because of these inconspicuous details that they always affect their speaking image and reduce the relationship between the other party and others. Your interest in talking may even arouse the resentment of others, so it is better to guard against it carefully and try to correct it.

1. illegible Some people often have some vague words in the conversation, which makes people not understand or misunderstand his meaning.Therefore, if you don’t say anything, as long as you open your mouth, it’s best to treat each word as a word and say it clearly and accurately. 2. The words are noisy This is more uncomfortable than liking to use redundant words, adding a lot of meaningless noise when speaking.For example, while talking, there is a "humming" sound in the nose, or before each sentence, you must first clear your throat, and some people add a few "uh" words in a sentence... These noises will make people feel a kind of physical discomfort, as if they have cast a layer of dust on your wonderful language. 3. Use general words There are many people who like to use one word to replace many words. For example, they use the word "good" to replace them on all satisfactory occasions.He said: "This song is really good." "This is a good article." "This mountain is good, and the water is good." "This house is good." Want to know how it all works.Is the house spacious, or is it chic in design?Is the material very strong?Is this person very honest, or is he generous and fond of others?The word "good" alone makes people a little confused.There are also such people who use the word "that" to replace almost all adjectives, for example: "This film is indeed very that." It’s quite that.”… This type of problem is mainly due to laziness in the mind, unwillingness to spend a little more effort to find an appropriate and appropriate word.If you let this habit go unchecked, what you say tends to make people feel general and empty, without content, and thus will not get proper attention from others. 4. Exaggerated I like to use exaggerated language to emphasize the characteristics of a thing in order to attract the attention of others.But there are also people who use this statement no matter what the occasion.For example: "This opinion is very important." "The book is wonderfully written." "This is a very great play." "This approach is extremely dangerous." "This woman is simply unspeakably beautiful." …and so on, if you speak too much, others will naturally discount your exaggerated words, which greatly reduces the prestige of your language. 5. Logic messy When narrating the truth, the most important thing is to be clear and organized.Therefore, before talking, you must organize the things you want to talk about in your mind, divide them into several clear paragraphs, and get rid of many unimportant details.Otherwise, speaking will be procrastinated and confused.Especially when a person narrates his own personal experience, it is easier to be very energetic and eager to tell the whole story of what he has seen and heard, but the result sounds very difficult. 6. Pretentious There are many forms of affectation, some people like to add a few words in English or French to the conversation; some people like to add a few academic terms to the conversation; some people like to hang some popular words in the Oral; some people like to quote a few famous quotes and put them in inappropriate places.This will make people feel that you are showing off your knowledge and pretending to be profound, which is not as easy to accept as natural and plain words. The world-renowned journalist Michael McKesson said: "Reluctance to pay attention to what others say is the first sign of unpopularity." Conversation is a matter between two people, and it should form a kind of communication, but people who talk to themselves often only talk about their own side.Regardless of whether others accept it or not, or turn a deaf ear to others' words, he speaks for himself. If in the conversation with your subordinates, you have been talking like a mountain waterfall, pouring out without stopping, then the other party will have no chance to speak, and it is entirely you who listened to what you said.In this way, you will definitely not be welcomed by your subordinates. Everyone has their own desire to publish. For example, when several people get together to tell a story, A has already told several stories one by one, and both B and C have itchy mouths, and they also want to tell one or two stories.However, A just kept on talking one by one, so that B and C wanted to talk but had no chance to talk.Let's imagine that B and C must feel uncomfortable.Because they didn't have a chance to speak, and they listened to A's speech, they would naturally not have the energy to listen, so they had to stand up and parted unhappy. A steel magnate said: "Listening is the highest compliment we can give to anyone." Psychologist Jack Wood said: "Few people can refuse to accept the praise involved in paying attention and listening." So, pay attention Listen to other people's speeches, and "listening" itself is a kind of "silent praise and compliment". If you can give others a chance to speak, you will leave a good impression on others, and it will be easier for you to ride the wind and reach the destination of your speech smoothly in the subsequent conversation. In the process of talking with employees, leaders sometimes inevitably talk about some random topics in order to make employees feel friendly. However, even if the relationship is relatively good, as a leader, there are still several topics that are quite taboo. Let’s introduce them one by one. 1. Employee Privacy Privacy is some of the secrets employees have that they don't want to share.Unless the employee voluntarily tells you his privacy, don't inquire about the employee's privacy at will.Respecting the privacy of employees is a manifestation of respecting the personality of employees.If the leader ignores the psychological needs of the employees to keep their privacy, and blindly asks about the privacy of the employees, it will affect the effect of the conversation between the two, and it will also make the employees have a bad impression of themselves, which will damage the relationship between the leader and the employees.Even if employees take the initiative to tell their leaders their privacy to ask for their opinions and opinions, the leaders should pay attention to the content of the answers, and don't get carried away, making suggestions and making irresponsible remarks like an expert.Just say something symbolic.If the employee insists on the leader to give some constructive suggestions, the leader might as well tell the employee a story, saying that a friend of his once encountered such a thing and how it was resolved, for his reference only.In this way, even if the suggestion has no effect or even has the opposite effect, the leader does not need to blame himself, and the employees will not attribute the fault to the leader. 2. Sadness of employees The sad things of the employees cannot be used as the content of the conversation. Firstly, it is because the sad things of the employees do not want to be known by many people, unless the employees have some kind of urgent psychological need to talk; It is difficult to talk to the leader, so the leader should try his best to avoid other people's sad topics.While it is often possible to win people over by being sympathetic, bringing up someone's sorrow is not, after all, smart conversation. 3. Employee embarrassment When learning about embarrassing topics for employees, leaders must avoid them.Because embarrassing topics often make employees feel particularly awkward when they are mentioned.Embarrassing topics can be said to be taboo topics for others. Before meeting with employees, leaders must figure out which topics are embarrassing for others. High-level oral communication generally has the advantages of standardized style of expression, clear enunciation, careful thinking, appropriate detail, accurate expression, and quick response.However, in general communication and oral expression, language problems often appear, which not only increases the difficulty for others to understand, affects the effect of language communication, but also causes other serious problems.Therefore, language disorder is a phenomenon that should be eliminated in high-level oral communication and general oral communication.Common language problems include the following: 1. Brief expression It is manifested in the fact that he himself thinks that he has finished his expression, but the listener still doesn't know what to say.Even when narrating, expressing things, and expressing emotions, although the understanding of the topic has a certain depth, there is also nothing to say, and I have to end it in a few words. 2. Lisp Here it refers to those with normal function but "slurred speech", which is related to the lack of training in the past.I was nervous when expressing orally, and I was not used to speaking loudly, which inevitably made people feel slurred.It is not difficult to correct this situation, as long as the training of reading aloud and public expression is consciously strengthened. 3. Tautology The prominent manifestation of this phenomenon is that the expression often subconsciously repeats what has been said, giving people a long-winded and funny feeling.This phenomenon does not only appear on those who lack training, but also people who have been engaged in oral training for many years sometimes have this problem.Therefore, for beginners, it is necessary to strictly prohibit it from the beginning of training. Once a habit is formed, it will be difficult to correct it. 4. Sloppy expression Its characteristic is that it can't grasp the center when expressing, rambling on and on, and going further and further away, even in the end, even I don't know what the original topic is.The root of this phenomenon is that the main control function of the thinking mechanism is not strong, the main direction of the thinking movement in the expression cannot be extended to the topic, and it is easy to be swayed and interfered by non-thematic factors in communication.If you don't pay attention to corrections, it will be difficult to become a master of oral communication. 5. Incoherent language That is to say, the same topic can sometimes be regarded as several subtopics and subtopics, and the complete expression of the topic should be synthesized by the complete expression of each subtopic.The "incoherence" is manifested in the incomplete expression of multiple sub-topics. In layman's terms, one thing (or one aspect) is brought up to another thing (or another aspect) before it is finished; and the second thing (or aspect) is talked about before it is finished. On to the third matter (or aspect).This is actually caused by the disordered movement of psychological tension and thinking movement in a tense state. 6. Excessive verbiage As redundant words occupy the presentation time, the result interferes with the communication of information.Language communication mainly depends on the content of the expression, and there is no necessary connection between redundant language and the content of the expression, which is imposed from the "outside" of the language expression during communication.It has a certain blocking effect on information exchange, which directly affects the communication effect. 7. The pace is too slow That is commonly called "elongated cavity".There is also a long pause between sentences, which is the so-called "speaking a sentence for half a day".Some people think that the language expression takes a long time and the speed is slow, which looks solemn and steady, and can increase the weight of language.In fact, this is also an illusion. 8. Too fast paced This phenomenon makes people feel "like firing a machine gun", so that the other party will find it difficult to understand the intention of the expression.When talking with others, it is manifested as "grabbing the conversation", that is, before the other person has finished speaking, he takes the topic and talks by himself, or starts another topic by himself and interrupts the other person's topic. This phenomenon often occurs. On some people with certain communication skills. To sum up, all kinds of language disorders in language communication are mainly due to: the main control function of the thinking mechanism is not strong when expressing, and the "movement" of thinking and vocalization are "asynchronous"; the movement of vocal organs is weak when expressing, and Slow thinking speed; psychological barriers caused by tension in expression, etc. The main way to correct language problems is to receive systematic oral communication training and do more training in speaking loudly.In the early stage of training, you can make more aloud expressions supported by written manuscripts, which will help develop the habit of "thinking before you speak", help strengthen the main control function of the thinking mechanism when expressing, and help realize thinking. Synchrony of movement and vocalization.At the same time, it is also helpful to overcome undesirable phenomena such as expressive psychological barriers caused by tension.