Chapter 10 Chapter Ten Learn to Control Your Emotions

Anger is an aggressive emotional behavior.This kind of emotion has a very obvious impact on the leadership's prestige, image, and work effectiveness. There is also a duality to the anger of business leaders.Be angry when you are angry, clearly convey your position and views to the recipients, establish a strong sense of responsibility and justice for everyone, and help unite the public and deal with crises. This is a positive side.For example, in an enterprise, if there are big issues of right and wrong, when you are angry, you will cry out, which will make people happy, make employees cohere, and make work progress.On the other hand, as a leader of an enterprise, the harm of anger cannot be neglected.In a fit of anger, it is easy to lose your mind and make mistakes in decision-making.

Furthermore, the leader gets angry easily, and gets angry because of trivial matters, which damages the image and prestige of the leader himself.In the eyes of everyone, a leader should have a broad mind, be tolerant, and be tolerant of others and things.Liu Bang was able to be open-minded, do good, and forbear, which led to the heroes of the world to belong to him, and finally won the world.Philosopher Aurelius said: "Anger is a sign of vulnerability, showing trauma and withdrawal".Getting angry not only consumes energy and time, but also damages dignity and image. As the leader of the enterprise, it is the same. Getting angry easily has caused the subordinates' fear and hatred and rebellious psychology. The subordinates have widened the psychological distance with the leaders due to dishonesty and disfavor.Then there are communication difficulties, unresolved conflicts, increased anger, tense relationships, and even you attack and defend, and you defend and attack, seriously affecting the relationship between cadres and the masses, leading to the disappearance of the leadership's motivational effect, and an environment that is conducive to the realization of organizational goals. Destroy it all.Finally, it leads to the disintegration of the organization, or a "big shake-up" type of reorganization.

The principle of dealing with anger is: STOP-THINK-ACT.The step of thinking is to write down the following questions and answers: What problem do I encounter now?What am I doing or wanting to do?Is it beneficial to do so?What am I really trying to do?what should I do?The correct approach is: not to the person, and to proceed with direct sentences; to express one's own feelings, not to criticize the other party; to pay attention to the appropriateness of the timing, to grasp the language and body language; to confide in appropriate and reliable people; Shelving method, tell yourself to talk about it another day; in addition, you need to expand your psychological space.

Those who are not easily angered by trivial matters tend to be people with more psychological space.As the saying goes, "the prime minister can pull a boat in his stomach" and "adults don't remember the faults of villains", this is to describe those magnanimous people.There was a prime minister in the Song Dynasty. His family was arguing endlessly with their neighbors when they were fighting for land boundaries, so they wrote him a family letter, asking him to send someone to deal with it.At that time, the prime minister wrote back and said: "Spreading books thousands of miles is just for the wall, so it doesn't matter if you let him be three feet."The Great Wall is still there today, but Qin Shihuang is nowhere to be seen.The family felt ashamed after reading the letter, so they voluntarily gave way to Sanchi; later, the neighbors were also very moved when they heard about it, so they also gave way to Sanchi.This became the famous "Six Foot Alley" later.

In addition, develop the habit of accepting others' advice and self-suggestion, and obtain information and strength to control anger from external inducements.For example, Lin Zexu once hung a large plaque "Restraining Anger" in his hall. Whenever he felt angry, he would look up at these two words and use self-control to avoid getting angry. To be a successful leader, when faced with negative emotions, one must not only be able to cool down and deal with one's own dissatisfaction, effectively manage one's own emotions, but also be able to positively influence and manage the emotions of subordinates.From the perspective of the company, if a subordinate makes a mistake or falls into a situation of dissatisfaction with the superior, the leader must first relieve the subordinate's resentment and anger, try to calm their emotions, and at the same time control their own emotions.Next, employees will naturally enter a period of introspection, and all dissatisfaction will fade over time, so that the relationship between them may have room for redemption.

1. Energy excretion method The energy generated by bad emotions can be adjusted in various ways.For example, when you are angry and angry, you can go to an open place to yell a few times, or go to some heavy physical labor; you can also do more strenuous physical activities, run two laps, throw a few shot puts, and turn your psychological energy into energy. As the physical ability is released, the breath will go smoothly.In times of excessive pain and sadness, crying is also an effective way to relieve bad emotions. 2. Linguistic hints When bad emotions are about to break out or feel very depressed, you can adjust and relax the psychological tension through the suggestion of language, so that the bad emotions can be relieved.When you are about to get angry, you can use words to hint to yourself: Don’t do stupid things, being angry is a sign of incompetence; getting angry hurts yourself and hurts others, and it doesn’t help.This kind of self-reminder will calm the mood.

3. Environmental regulation method The scenery of nature can expand the mind, delight the body and mind, and cultivate sentiment.Going for a walk in nature has a very good effect on regulating people's psychological activities. Don't be locked in a room alone and sulk.People who have been in a tense working state for a long time can go to nature to relax regularly, which is of great benefit to maintaining physical health and regulating physical and mental tension. 4. Ask someone to guide you When people’s emotions are depressed, they should confide their distress, especially for introverted people, self-control and self-regulation alone are not enough; you can find a relative, friend or trustworthy person to confide your distress, Seek help and guidance from others, and you may suddenly become enlightened and enlightened.

5. Self-motivation method Self-motivation is one of the motivations for people's spiritual activities, and it is also a way to maintain mental health.When encountering difficulties, setbacks, blows, and adversities, be good at comforting yourself with firm beliefs, words and deeds of great men, role models in life, and philosophy of life, so that you can have the courage and strength to fight against pain. 6. Create Joy People who are in a bad mood, troubled and depressed, see everything around them is gloomy, even if they see happy things, they can't laugh.At this time, if you find a way to make him happy and laugh, all troubles will be thrown away.Laughter can not only get rid of troubles, but also mediate the spirit and promote physical health.A foreign expert believes that laughter has ten major functions on the human body. This is also a brief physiological and psychological analysis of how laughter can cure diseases.These ten functions are: increase lung capacity; clean the airway; express healthy emotions; relieve nervous tension; relax muscles; help to dissipate excess energy; Feelings and all kinds of troubles, and help to increase communication and friendship between people; make people indifferent to past misfortunes, and generate yearning for a better future.

7. Changing the definition of things "We can't stop it from happening, but we can decide what it means to us."You can choose to be a "problem" or an "opportunity". "Problems" become "opportunities", so your definitions are your results. 8. Change the character screen Expert research has found that it is difficult for the human mind to remember numbers and words, but it is always fresh and unforgettable for pictures. Why are you unhappy because there are unpleasant pictures in your mind?Therefore, how to modify the picture in the brain and create vitality is the key to determine our happy life.There are many cartoon characters in Disneyland, among which Mickey Mouse is the most popular. Walt Disney transforms the most hated mouse into a symbol of joy through the screen, and you can too.

As a qualified leader, one should use reason to control one's emotions, calmly deal with various complex issues, and be happy without being disturbed, complacent without being carried away, and happy without losing grace.So, how can this be done? One is to be happy and moderate, and maintain a normal mind.When you have achieved results in your work and are praised by your superiors and subordinates, you must be self-sufficient in joy, restrain yourself in joy, and always keep a clear head and not be dazzled by "joy". The second is to divide one into two, so that we can be happy while thinking about worries.In the face of achievements, leaders must keep sober and pay attention to consciously find deficiencies and gaps when "the superiors are relieved and the peers applaud", so that the work has always been in an advanced position.On the contrary, it is often to hide worries in happiness and waste all previous efforts.Therefore, the leader must have the spirit of "picking the bones out of the egg" for himself. When the work is going well, he must think of possible setbacks; when he has achievements, he must think of possible problems; .Only in this way can the leaders advance while constantly overcoming their own problems, and make progress amid praise.

The third is to be modest and prudent, and give credit to everyone.Leaders must always have such a point of view: any work achievement is the result of everyone's joint efforts.When a leader rejoices at his achievements at work, he should think that this is the credit of everyone, and the individual's strength is insignificant.Not only that, but in the face of achievements, leaders should calmly reflect if their work is better, will their achievements be even higher?In this way, you will not get carried away with some achievements. There is always a certain distance between emotion and reason.In this sense, it is not easy to achieve the ideal state of self-control art of a leader, "unchanging anger and staying happy". However, as long as one has a sense of responsibility and mission, one can gradually approach this state. "Kicking a stone in a fit of anger can only hurt your toes." In real life, there are countless lessons in this regard.Some leaders show their temper and play with their temper at every turn, and they are furious and angry.As a result, not only will the problem not be solved and the work will be affected, but it will also lead to emotional confrontation, expansion of the situation, hurt the feelings between comrades, and even intensify the conflict, causing disasters and lasting hatred for life.As Pythagoras said: "Anger starts with stupidity and ends with regret." Therefore, leaders who have accomplished achievements in ancient and modern China and abroad have always paid attention to "controlling anger".However, in order to truly "control anger", long-term cultivation and tempering must be carried out from the following four aspects. First, face up to your shortcomings and don't forgive yourself. Lin Zexu, a famous patriotic general in the Qing Dynasty, saw the danger of anger, and wrote a banner of "Restraining Anger" and hung it in the middle hall, so as to restrain himself.However, some leaders don’t take it seriously, and often regard losing their temper as a small part of life, not a big problem. I think it is a manifestation of individuality, and if there is no anger, there will be no courage, etc., so I forgive myself.To be a qualified leader, one must face up to this shortcoming, take "think twice before acting" as one's motto, pay attention to controlling one's emotions at all times, and maintain good psychological flexibility. Second, we must keep the overall situation in mind and achieve "two very broad". Comrade Deng Xiaoping once warned leaders at all levels to "have a very broad vision and a very broad mind."Generous, open-minded, good at accommodating others, and understanding of affairs, this is the tolerance that a leader should possess, and it is also a virtue.Leaders have a broad mind, stick to principles in big things, don't care about small things, are good at thinking about people's merits, forgive people's shortcomings, and promote people's strengths, so they can create a harmonious and harmonious working environment and psychological atmosphere.Among the famous generals of our army, many are both tough and soft.They are courageous yet rational, stern yet tolerant, upright yet flexible. They are "immediate" in front of powerful enemies and "warm like spring" in front of their subordinates. boldness. Third, we must strengthen our reason and cultivate our patience. The work of leading cadres involves specific people, and they are often at the focus of contradictions.If you can't hold your breath, lose your temper, and get angry when something goes wrong, you will easily lose your mind and act emotionally.This tends to make things worse and even cause trouble.In real life, some leaders often control anger with anger and repay grievances with grievances. As a result, not only does it not help resolve conflicts, but it turns wine into vinegar.It can be seen that patience is also a kind of leadership ability and a kind of leadership art. Only by being patient and meticulous, always keeping the same position, and combining reason and reason, can we "not be surprised when it comes suddenly, and not angry when it comes without reason", and sort out the "mess". ", untie the "pimples", resolve conflicts, and reduce work mistakes. Fourth, be magnanimous, and don't "vent anger" at will. Grace is a noble sentiment of a person.A person who is determined to achieve his career must have generosity.In real life, bumps and bumps are unavoidable between the top and bottom, and within the team due to work. If we give in to each other, we will "broaden the sea and the sky", "disappear in smoke", and even form a deep friendship.To be gracious in situations, you must learn to be tolerant, considerate, and understanding, and you must be able to afford and let go, especially when you are in a bad mood, and you must not use your subordinates as a "punching bag."Of course, everything has a scope of application, and the same is true for anger. It is not that it cannot be used in any situation.The question is whether you can control your emotions with reason, know how to limit yourself, and when you need to be angry, angry emotions are more powerful and more effective than pleasant attitudes.