Chapter 53 8. Heart-to-heart communication is a daily compulsory course between husband and wife

Introduction: Love is often ruined by trivial things in daily life. Ignoring the fact that marriage is a series of trifles will spell disaster in family life.In Lenno, the court hears divorce cases six days a week, almost every 10 minutes.How many of those marriages do you think crashed on real rocks?Rarely, I can vouch for it.If you can sit there and listen to unhappy couples all day long, you know that love is often ruined by trivial things in daily life, and it all stems from the lack of timely communication between husband and wife. Mr. Jack Dumont from Ontario, Canada once sent me a letter, telling me some of his insights on married life.In his letter he said:

"I managed to marry an ideal wife. She is smart, beautiful, and gentle. It can be said that she is the embodiment of a perfect woman. After getting married, in order to make our family happier, I began to put almost all my energy on I work, so in fact I have given my wife all the tasks of maintaining the happiness of the marriage and the family.” But he went on to say: "In the beginning, I didn't think there was anything wrong, but I began to feel that my family life was not as happy as I thought. My wife often quarreled with me, but within a few hours, we would make up. Things, I didn't think much about it. But one day, my son who just turned 4 suddenly said to me 'Dad, don't you like Mommy? I think she is very good'. He said that like I was a big bad guy Like. His words made me suddenly realize the weight of the word 'mother', and then I also realized the weight of her as a 'wife'. Of course I love my wife very much. She has been doing everything for our family in obscurity. Talking about a lot of things, and I didn't say anything."

"When I go home every day, I eat her well-made delicious dinner to drive away the tiredness of the day; I wear her laundered clothes and go to work refreshed the next day. I think all this is as it should be. , everything is natural. Maybe in my wife's mind, at some point, there will be the same thoughts as my son's 'Is Jack not loving me anymore? Have I done something wrong'. She will have these Thoughts are all my fault. Although I love her, I can't forgive myself. In the past 5 years, she has never experienced what a happy family life is." "So I found a suitable opportunity, invited my wife to a date just the two of us, and had a heart-to-heart talk with her. I told her very solemnly that I loved her as much as before, but before I But she did a lot of stupid things and asked for her forgiveness. My wife forgave me and she told me some of her thoughts. Her thoughts turned out to be exactly as I expected, she did exist and I no longer love her She told me that as a wife, she didn’t fully understand and trust her husband, which made her very guilty.”

"After that conversation, our married life has changed significantly, and my wife is much happier than before. Therefore, I often find time to talk to my wife, at least once a week. Talking really makes us happy. My marriage has stayed alive and we are the same as when we first got married." Getting married doesn't just mean exchanging rings, but letting the other person know how much you want to live with him or her.Many men and women who have entered family life are puzzled: why two people who were so passionate before marriage appear so strange after marriage, or just like a pair of friends, without any expression of love at all.When they finished the ceremony of marriage, they didn't even have formal conversation anymore.It is precisely because of this that they intensify the withering of the flowers of marriage.

When they disagree on something, they often keep it to themselves, sulking in a corner, complaining about how they met such a difficult spouse, they don't like it or are embarrassed to put themselves speak from the heart.How is the result?The breakup of many marriages is caused by those trivial things, not those big events that hit the rocks.This is precisely because there is no communication.Think about it, if you can express your inner thoughts to the other party in a timely manner, will there be any unsolvable problems? Therefore, the advice given to us by marriage experts is: Talk to your spouse. "He doesn't love me" and "She doesn't understand me at all" are words we hear almost every day.Where is the problem?Could it be that the other party has changed his mind?Could it be that the other party is really so irresponsible—when they got married, they easily made a promise of happiness to a person who would live together for the rest of their lives?

The truth is of course not that simple.I do not intend to deny that there are reasons for this, but I still believe that the main reason is not here.Since two people can get married, there should be no contradictions and conflicts that cannot be resolved.The crux of the problem is their lack of communication. Relatively speaking, most men have more problems in this area, and they are all like Mr. Dumont.They explained to people: "I work 10 hours a day, I'm exhausted every day, I don't want to say anything, I don't want to do anything. As for the family, I let my wife take care of it."

Relevant survey statistics show that married men generally do not speak more than 2,000 words to their wives every day.Compared to the average man speaking 15,000 words a day, this figure is unbelievably low for men, but I believe women should not be surprised.The man has finished speaking to customers, superiors, subordinates and friends, and seems to have nothing to say when he returns home. If this behavior can be forgiven, then the following behavior cannot be forgiven.When he clearly knew that he might be misunderstood by his wife as "not loving me anymore" or "having an affair", he still kept silent.He didn't think of explaining anything, and he didn't seem to think of the possible consequences of such speculation.

Let us imagine the trajectory of a broken marriage without timely and sufficient communication: a man who is busy with work thinks that his greatest responsibility is to provide sufficient material security for the family, so he has no time and energy to give his wife emotional and physical comfort , and women at this time need to get these.When she can't be satisfied, she often feels lonely, neglected, and cheated, so she starts complaining and starts making all kinds of unreasonable guesses.This leads to estrangement in the relationship between husband and wife. Men still don't notice this.At the beginning, the woman will patiently try to understand, attract, and guide him, but when the woman intends to take the initiative to talk to him, the man doesn't pay attention at all.Thus, this unbearable, widowed life makes women more and more suspicious and guessing.

A woman wants to save a marriage that seems to be falling apart.Then she developed a feeling of anxiety and was troubled by it.She began to look for opportunities to provoke him, embarrass him, and anger him, which intensified the woman's anxiety.At this time, a small incident happened, they had a dispute, the woman began to make use of it, but the man's nature was hard to change, and he still ignored this contradiction.The man thinks that the woman is making trouble for no reason, and doesn't understand his hard work at all. He thinks that she is sharp and aggressive by nature, and maybe they are not suitable for being together.The woman thought that since the man did not value her so much, she filed for divorce.

Undoubtedly, such a trajectory fits most cases.how terrible!The reason for all this is simply that there was no timely and effective communication.Now that we all recognize the existence of the problem, let's start changing now! Communication is a wonderful way to maintain the relationship between husband and wife: (1) Ensure sufficient and timely communication, so that you can understand each other's true thoughts, and this will ensure that your marriage will continue to be happy. (2) When you speak your mind, don't let the other party misunderstand that you are joking. (3) When you feel that the other party misunderstands you, don't be foolish to keep it in your heart-tell it.