Chapter 51 6. Nagging is the end of a marriage

INTRODUCTION: Of all fires, Of all fires, Of all the diabolical schemes devised by the Devil of Hell, Chatter is deadliest. The Japanese conducted a survey on the causes of unsatisfactory marriage life, and found that among the factors that make husbands dissatisfied with their wives, the top three factors are: nagging (27%), bad personality (23%), and ignorance Housekeeping (14%).That said, a large part of what causes people to be unhappy in their marriages is lady nagging. Napoleon Pennapede, nephew of Napoleon III, fell in love with and married the most beautiful woman, Countess Ugenie d'Urberville.According to his advisers, she was no more than the daughter of an insignificant Spanish count.But Napoleon replied: "So what?" Her grace, her youth, her allure, her beauty filled him with a fairy-like happiness. "I've loved a woman I love," he said, "and she's not a woman I don't know."

Napoleon and his new wife had all the conditions for happiness in health, wealth, power, fame, beauty, love and faith, but the holy fire of their marriage never burned brighter.And not long after, the blazing holy fire was extinguished until it was reduced to ashes. Napoleon can make Eugenie a queen, he can give all that beautiful France has, or give all the power of his love, even the power of his throne, but he can't do one thing: he can't stop his woman, Eugenie d'Urber chatter. Out of jealousy and suspicion, Yugenie despised his orders and even forbade him a secret.While he was engaged in state affairs, she broke into his office and thwarted his most important discussions.She refused him to be alone, always afraid that he would associate with other women.She often went to her sister's house to complain about her husband, complaining, crying, chattering, and even intimidating, and forced herself into his study to attack and abuse him.

Napoleon, the emperor of France, even though he had many magnificent palaces, could not find a small cupboard where he could settle his mind.What are the consequences of Yu Jinni's actions? There is this record in Reinhard's meticulously written "Napoleon and Eugenie: An Imperial Tragedy and Comedy": "Later, Napoleon often went out at night secretly through a side door, wearing a bonnet, covering his eyes, and was covered by a Confidant entourage, really go to the beauties waiting for him, or wander around this big city like in ancient times, see things that can't be seen, and breathe some air that can be breathed."

And all this is caused by the chattering Yujini.She sits on the throne of France and is the most beautiful woman in the world; but neither throne nor beauty can keep love alive amidst chatter.She found it herself, poor woman, brought about by her jealousy and nagging. Of all fires, the babbling is the deadliest, Invented by the hell-fiends in their ferocious plans to destroy love.It is like the venom of a poisonous snake, eroding people's lives forever. Countess Tolstoy also discovered this, but unfortunately she knew it too late.Before she died, she confessed to her daughters: "Your father died because of me." Her daughters all wept bitterly.They knew that their mother was telling the truth, that she had killed their father with her constant whining, her perpetual criticism, her constant nagging.

But Count Tolstoy and his wife deserve to enjoy the superior environment and be happy.Tolstoy's famous "Anna Karenina" will always shine brightly in the history of world literature.He was so famous that his admirers even followed him around the clock, taking shorthand notes of everything he said, even words like "I think I'm going to bed."In addition to reputation, Tolstoy and his wife have property, status, and children. There is no other marriage that is more happy than this. At first they tasted the sweetness of happiness so much that they knelt together and prayed to Almighty God to continue to grant them all happiness.But shortly thereafter, a startling thing happened, and Tolstoy gradually became a completely different man.He was humiliated by the great book he had written.From then on, he devoted himself to writing pamphlets promoting peace, ending wars, and eradicating poverty.The man who had confessed to having committed various sins in his youth was to be true to the teachings of Jesus.He gave all his estates to others and lived a life of poverty.He farms, chops wood, and hays.He makes his own shoes, sweeps his own house, eats from a wooden bowl, and loves his enemies as much as he can.

Tolstoy's life was a tragedy, and the cause of the tragedy was his marriage.His wife loves luxury, but he seeks simplicity; she craves fame and social admiration, which mean nothing to him; she covets money and possessions, which he regards as a sin.For years, she used to scold and scold because Tolstoy insisted on relinquishing the rights to publish his books without receiving any royalties; she wanted them to generate money.When he disapproved of her, she would lie on the ground and roll in a frenzy, put a bottle of opium to her mouth, declare suicide, and threaten to jump into a well.

In their lives, there is one event that is the most tragic scene in history.In the first days of their marriage, they were very happy; but after 48 years, he could not bear to see her.Sometimes at night the old, sad wife, pleading, would kneel at his knees and beg him to read aloud the beautiful words of love he had written about her in his diary decades before.They both wept as they read about the beautiful and happy times they had lost forever.How different the reality of life was from the dream of love they shared together so long ago. Finally, at the age of 82, Tolstoy could no longer bear his family's misfortune, and he escaped from his wife on a snowy night in October 1910—walking aimlessly in the cold and dark. Eleven days later, he died of consumption at a station, his dying plea not to let her come to him—perhaps the price Mrs. Tolstoy paid for her nagging.

Maybe we think, maybe she does have a lot to whisper.We can think about it this way, and we can admit it, but the question is, what good help has nagging given her? "I think I'm really out of my mind." That's how Countess Tolstoy later said of herself. Heiberger, who has served in New York family court for 11 years, has reviewed thousands of divorce cases.He said: "One of the main reasons why men leave home is because their wives babble." Maybe marriage is like what the Boston Post said: "Many wives, constantly digging bit by bit, cause The grave of their own marriage."

The greatest tragedy in Lincoln's life was also his marriage.What was Lincoln doing every day and night of the twenty-three years of their marriage?As his law firm colleague Hearne put it, "the bitter fruit of an unhappy marriage." In fact, saying "unhappy marriage" is an understatement, because Lincoln's wife has been nagging him for more than 20 years, which has made him rarely have peace.She was always complaining about everything, always criticizing her husband, thinking everything about him was wrong.He hunches his shoulders, walks ugly, and walks like an Indian.She reprimanded him for his lack of flexibility in walking and his inelegant posture.She would tease him by imitating his walk and correcting him to walk on his toes first, as she had learned in Mrs. Mendel's boarding school in Lexington.She also didn't like the way his big ears formed at right angles to his head; she even told him that his nose was not straight, his lips protruded, and he looked like a consumptive man, with too big hands and feet, And the head is too small, and so on.

Lincoln and his wife were opposites in almost every respect—education, background, character, hobbies, ideas, all opposites.They often hate each other. "The high, piercing voice of Mrs. Lincoln," wrote the late Senator Albert Beveridge, the most eminent authority on Lincoln of our time, "was audible across the street. At the height of her anger The constant scolding can be heard by all the neighbors. And her rage is often not only expressed through words, there are really too many ways to express her rage, and it is difficult to list them all." Just cite a case in their life.

The Lincoln couple got married soon and lived with Mrs. Ollie.Mrs. Ollie is the widow of a doctor in the Springfield area, who has to rent out the house to make a living due to life pressure. One morning, when Lincoln and his wife were having breakfast, Lincoln immediately made his wife fly into a rage because he might have done something wrong.Exactly why, no one remembers now.In a fit of rage, Mrs. Lincoln poured a cup of hot coffee on her husband's face, while many tenants were present. Lincoln sat there silently, swallowing his anger.When Mrs. Ollie came in, she wiped the coffee off his face and clothes with a wet towel. Mrs. Lincoln's jealousy is so stupid and ferocious that it is hard to believe.We just have to read about the indecent things she does in public—even now, 75 years later—to be amazed.In the end she finally lost her mind. As for her, we can only use the most lenient expression, and we can only think that she is "made by temperament", and she has probably been tortured by mental illness.Did all this nagging, berating, and rage change Lincoln?In some ways, it did change Lincoln, that is, changed his attitude towards her, made him regret his unhappiness in marriage, and tried his best to avoid meeting her. Whenever Saturday comes, other lawyers will try their best to go home and spend the weekend with their families.Lincoln didn't want to go back, he was afraid to go home.Lincoln lived like this year after year.Despite the harsh conditions of the country inn, Lincoln would rather stay there than go home and face his wife's constant chatter.That's what Lady Lincoln, Empress Eugene, Countess Tolstoy got by nagging.They bring nothing but tragedy to their lives.They destroy everything that is most precious to them. Indeed, nagging and faultfinding bring more misfortune to the family than extravagance and waste.On this point, you don't have to take my word for it right away, but listen to the experts first. Dr. Lewis M. Terman is a well-known psychologist. He conducted a detailed investigation and research on more than 1,500 couples. The results showed that husbands all listed nagging and picky as their wives' biggest shortcomings. A Gallup poll came to the same conclusion: Men ranked nagging and critical as the number one flaw in women.The Jensen Temperament Analysis—another well-known scientific study—also found that no other personality type can be as damaging to family life as nagging and critical. However, it seems that since ancient cave dwellings, wives have tried to influence their husbands by nagging and critical ways.But since ancient times, this method has never worked—unless the sun comes out from the west. An old friend told me that his wife nearly ruined his career by belittling and laughing at every job he ever did. He started out as a salesman who loved his products and was passionate about selling them to people.When he came home at night, he hoped to get some encouragement from his wife, but his wife greeted him with these words: "Well, our big genius, today's business is good, right? You brought back a lot of commissions Right? Or just bring back a lecture from the sales manager? I think you know we're going to pay the rent next week, right?" This situation continued for several years.Although ridiculed by his wife from time to time, this man persisted in his hard work.Now, he has served as executive vice president of a nationally renowned company.As for his wife?Oh, and he'd divorced her long ago and married a young girl who would give him love and support that his first wife couldn't. In fact, his first wife had no idea why she lost her husband. "I have lived so poorly for so many years," she told her friend, "that when he no longer needed me as a cow and horse for him, he left me for a woman younger than me. That's it. A man would be like this!" If someone had told this lady that it was not another woman who had driven her husband away from her, but her own nagging and faultfinding, the lady would not have believed it.But this is indeed the real reason why her husband left her.She nags and picks in a contemptuous way, and this is undoubtedly a long-term blow and torture to a man's self-confidence, and a heavy blow and torture to his masculine self-esteem. Nagging is a disease.Complaints, complaints, comparisons, contempt, ridicule, chatter—women who like to nag and find fault, among these cruel ways of treating others, if they are not specialized in one of them, they will become omnipotent in both "Expert" too.Nagging is like a narcotic, you can't learn it, and you can't get rid of it, it's a habit.When a girl becomes a bride at the age of 20, if she only knows how to nagging, but does not know when she will be able to live in a new house as good as the neighbor, then when she is 40 years old, she will definitely become a hopeless Drugged, insatiable about anything, unlovable whining specialist. In a recent speech, Dr. Sham W. Stevens, a professor at the University of Virginia, called for four new freedoms for American husbands: freedom from being nagged and faultfinding, freedom from being shouted at, freedom from Freedom from indigestion, and the freedom to unwind in old clothes after a long day at work. Why do women go on and on about their husbands?There are many reasons.Sometimes nagging is a symptom of physical discomfort.Regular health check-ups with your doctor keep us healthy, just as regular inspections of cars keep them in good driving shape. Chronic fatigue often turns into a nagging tendency.The best treatment is to organize your personal life more efficiently, identify the cause of fatigue, and eliminate it. "Suppressed and hit," the psychologist said, "often cause nagging." Marital problems, sexual setbacks, loss of love, and inner dissatisfaction with life are all heavy blows in life. Women often It will be vented by nagging, complaining or complaining.Analyzing a person's psychology, finding out these frustrations, and guiding them to vent, this is the best way to eliminate it.And using nagging to vent dissatisfaction is just adding fuel to the fire. There are many examples that illustrate the destructive effect of nagging on marriage. There was an article in "Telecom World" that reported such a seemingly bizarre thing: A 50-year-old maintenance man hired three killers in a row, and finally killed his wife because he couldn't bear his wife's nagging.According to the husband, his wife was always able to talk about a trivial matter for three days and three nights, which almost drove him crazy.In fact, judging from what he did, he was already crazy. It is not my intention to attribute all unsatisfactory marriages to women's nagging—in fact, in all such matters, the other person can also be very wrong—I just want to say that if You do realize that your nagging is sabotaging your married life, and you shouldn't hesitate to end it. Control your emotions instead of letting them control you: (1) There cannot be only one way to make the other party obey you, and nagging should not be your first choice. (2) Try to say it once—no more than three times, if it is really important—and then forget about it. (3) Use reason to control your emotions, and don't explode your emotions at will.Everyone can't stand this way of handling it.