Chapter 50 5. "Divorce" is not a bargaining chip

Introduction: All powerful words, if turned into a joke, are as common as a word like "hello" and lose their original meaning. Among all the contradictions and conflicts between husband and wife of all kinds, only the requirement of divorce seems more excessive and more difficult. "Let's get a divorce" is a phrase no one likes to hear, and certainly no one likes to say it.It can be said-if you are not afraid of being too extreme, when you hear this word, people will feel as scared as a defendant who has been sentenced to death by a court. I am afraid that most people will agree with what I said.

However, I need you to note that I am referring to solemn declarations, not jokes.For all powerful words, if turned into a joke, are as common as a word like "Hello," and lose their original meaning.Sadly, it seems like a lot of people are making jokes about it, at least not taking it seriously. Of course, ordinary people still don't often use it to joke, and this sensitive word is rarely touched by fools.But according to my observation, more and more husbands or wives have abused this sentence against their spouses recently, and they will threaten each other with divorce at every turn, in order to achieve the purpose of changing the other party or making the other party at their mercy.They naively think that everything can be solved with this kind of aggressive talk.

Many people who talk about divorce often think this way: "If he loves me, he will be willing to change for me." They expect this kind of weighty condition to change the other party, and if the other party is in this situation If nothing can be changed, then they will cash this check - take action, that is, divorce.They regard divorce as the "touchstone" of marriage.Unfortunately, such touchstones are often ineffective. Instead of receiving the desired effect, they really ruin the marriage. Recently, Visa, a student in Carnegie's eloquence training class, received such a letter from his wife who had been married for 10 years.

"The reason I'm writing to you is because you can't listen to what I'm saying. In fact, I've warned you many times that I'm going to divorce you, but you seem to think it's just me threatening you. Or force you. Now, I must say, unless you do something about it, I'm going to make it a fact." Visa was very nervous when I read the letter, but after I read it, he still asked me: "Mr. Carnegie, do you think what my wife said is true?" I was stuck with such questions and found it difficult to answer him because only he himself could give the answers.When a letter with such strong wording appeared in front of him, he still doubted whether it was true.There are two explanations for this situation: one is that Visa is extremely stupid - which I can deny with great confidence; the other is that his wife has used this too much, as the letter says. The method threatened him, so that he still thought it was just a threat.

Sure enough, in the ensuing conversation, I learned that Visa's wife had said to him several times in a serious tone: "If you still don't correct it, then I will divorce you." What needs to be mentioned here is, There were times when things seemed more serious than this one, when he thought his wife had made up her mind.Visa told me that he really wanted to correct his shortcomings, but he didn't believe his wife would divorce him. Every time he looked at such warnings with a skeptical attitude, but this time the result was beyond his expectation - he was not as lucky as usual.In the end, his wife did divorce him.

Visa regrets this.Like many men, he complained that his wife left him without warning, which made him feel too sudden.When his wife told him that he was going to divorce, he thought it was just a threat from her, or it was just a strategy of hers.He thinks every time that things are not so bad that they cannot be undone. I don't want to say that Wisa's wife is solely responsible for this incident, but there is no doubt that she bears a large part of the blame. The word "divorce" was on her lips so much that it became merely a threat.And we should know that divorce should be a conclusive thing when the marriage is irretrievable, and it should never be a condition.

A lot of people say the word "divorce" with thoughts like "maybe we'll figure it out", "he'll change eventually", "maybe it was my spur of the moment", etc., and they really don't want to. Take action, or rather they haven't completely given up.They were indeed very angry when they said this, and they really had such thoughts, but as time went by, this kind of thoughts would gradually fade and disappear.This may explain why saying "divorce" has in fact become a condition. Well, don't utter the word when you're not sure of it.Divorce should be your bottom line, not a condition that can be tolerated, nor a bargaining chip.Only when the marriage is in complete breakdown can you say, "Let's get a divorce!"

Say the ugly word three times, and it will definitely come true: (1) If you really want the other person to change, threatening divorce is not a good way.On the contrary, this approach is stupid. (2) When you say "Let's get a divorce", there is another possibility: Although this is just a sentence you said casually, the other party takes it seriously, and it is too late for you to regret it. (3) Threatening to divorce at every turn will only make him feel that you don't love him, and the result will only be self-defeating.