Chapter 35 6. Like each other: loving others with self-love will win people's hearts

Introduction: The best way to get friendship is to focus on giving rather than getting, but it should be earned by yourself, not by temporary attraction or coaxing. I often hear complaints from many people, "I'm too shy to get noticed", "No one is interested in me", or "People don't want to know me", etc.Yes, why should others like you?The world has no obligation to like you or me, or anyone.Is there any particular reason that someone would pick you on (whether for work or social reasons)?Unless we have the qualities they want, they don't need to pay special attention to you.

Marianne Anderson once described her early life very vividly. At that time, her career failed, her whole person was very frustrated, and she almost gave up her singing career.Later, relying on prayer and spiritual pursuit, she gradually regained her courage and confidence, and was ready to continue to fight for her career.One day, she said enthusiastically to her mother: "I want to keep singing! I want everyone to like me! I want to keep pursuing perfection!" The mother replied: "Very good! This is a very good ambition, but you must know that our Lord Jesus came to this world in a perfect image, but there are still people who don't like him. Before a person can achieve a great cause, he must Learn to be humble first." Marianne was deeply moved by this, so she decided to "strive" for perfection in her musical attainments instead of "wanting" perfection.

"Humility precedes greatness" was the best gift her mother ever gave her. The famous writer Homer Clovis is a good friend of mine, and he knows how to make friends very well.Anyone who meets him, whether it is a scavenger, a millionaire, a woman, a child, or an old child, will have a good impression of him within 15 minutes of being with him.Children would crawl on his lap, friends' servants would take special care to prepare his meals, and if it was announced, "Homer Clovis will be here tonight!" no one would be absent from the feast that day. .In addition to the deep affection among friends, Homer Clovis' family also loved him very much.His wife, daughter, and several grandchildren all spoke highly of him.

How on earth did the writer achieve such happiness?He is neither young nor handsome, nor is he a millionaire. What charm can he have to attract people? It is also very simple to say, it is to treat people with sincerity and love others.He doesn't put on airs at all, and makes people feel like he really likes and cares about them.For him, he doesn't care who the other party is or what he does.As long as it is a human being, it means a lot to him and deserves love. Every time he met a stranger, he would soon be able to talk like an old friend, not talking about his own affairs, but trying to talk about the other person's affairs.By asking questions, he can know where the other party is from, what he does, whether he has any family members, etc.He doesn't nag, he just shows his interest and concern to the other person, so as to build a friendship.

Of course, in order to obtain friendship and love, we must first realize that "giving is more blessed than receiving", and then express this recognition with practical behavior.We can't just hide gold mines in our hearts, gold must be used to show its value, as the "Bible" said: "By the fruits they bear, you will know them." This method, even those who love to laugh at life the most People will reveal their fragrance like flowers in the sun.As Ambassador Joseph Grew said: "The secret of diplomacy is only five words - I want to like you." From this we know that the best way to get friendship is to focus on giving rather than getting, but it should be won by yourself, not by temporary attraction or coaxing.The so-called ability to win friendships does not mean hooking shoulders, striking up conversations, acting funny, or telling funny jokes.That should refer to a state of mind, an attitude toward the world, or a desire to give one's love, interests, attention, and service to others.

Harry Bliss, chairman of General Manufacturing Company, who sold sewing machines for a living during college, concluded: "If you want to be successful as a salesman, you have to ignore the quantity you want to sell and focus on it. I want to introduce to customers what kind of service I can provide.” His experience is also the truth that all experienced salesmen agree with. Worrying about whether they can successfully sell products will create psychological obstacles, which will affect their ability to properly introduce products. If a person puts his energies in the service of others, he becomes irresistible.How can you say no to someone who is trying to help you out?

Mr Bliss said: "I say to salesmen, if they think all day long, 'I'm going to try to help as many people as possible today' instead of 'I'm going to try to sell as many products as possible today,' Find out how easy it is to get close to the buyer. Then you can sell surprisingly well. A salesman of the highest order is one who can help his fellow man to have a happy, easy life." When playing golf, we are told not to take our eyes off the ball; when teaching speaking skills to adults, we tell the student to keep his mind on the message he wants to convey.Nervousness and fear are all manifestations of worrying about the result, which is not advisable.I myself learned this the hard way.I used to be a shy person with a natural inability to speak publicly, and confronting an audience was as taxing as an ordinary person confronting a congressional investigating committee.

Several years ago, when I was preparing to give a speech, the audience was said to be quite difficult.I had dinner with a good friend beforehand, and I couldn't help showing my nervousness. "What if the audience doesn't agree with what I'm saying?" I asked my friend nervously. "What if they don't like me?" "Yes," replied the friend, "why should they like you? What can you do for them? Do you think what you have to say is important?" "I admit that those things mean a lot to me," I said. "Very well," she went on, "I don't think it matters whether the audience likes you or not. What matters is whether you get your message across. What does it matter if they like you or hate you? At least you've done your job."

This remark from my friend changed my whole view of speeches.Now, whenever I prepare to give a speech, I pray quietly beforehand: "God, please help me to convey a message that is beneficial to these audiences, so that they will learn something and go home full of joy." Such prayers have been very useful to me, and I do hope they will be helpful to my listeners.This kind of prayer made me humbly realize that I am just a speaker to convey some information, not to show off my knowledge or style.My purpose is to give my listeners some inspirational thoughts that will help them in their lives.

The star of "Strong Heart", the famous Hollywood comedy star J. Allen Boone, learned a lot from observing the performance of "Strong Heart".He later compiled what he learned into "Letter to "Strong Heart"", which became a bestseller. According to Mr. Boone, this is a very remarkable dog, always willing to carry out his orders, and perform all kinds of actions required for the plot in the movie.The rare thing is that it does it, never for a reward, but out of love and enjoyment of getting things done.On several occasions, "Strong Heart" has performed purely for its own pleasure.That's probably why it's such a movie star.

Mr. Boone also spoke of the time he confronted a young girl dancing.When she tried dancing for the first time, she was as nervous as a bride getting married, afraid that she would fail.So he comforted her: "Don't care about the result, just dance purely for the joy of dancing, and dance for God." Soon, the girl's mentality changed completely. In the same way, the whole secret of friendship is to stop worrying about the outcome, not caring about whether people will like us, and doing everything that inspires love and friendship now.In this regard, the words of Sir William Osler are worthy of our consideration. He said: "What we should do is not to look at the vague future, but to do the things in front of us down-to-earth." The reality is that when we are still in the When I was dreaming of age, I often dreamed that one day I would write the greatest novel, and imagined how others would appreciate that book, how they would hear applause, and how they would get that eternal glory. Imagine what kind of clothes you want to wear, where you go, how others praise, pursue, and keep quoting what you have said.We thought a lot, but never thought about the difficulties we might encounter, or the tedious hard work, the tears and sweat that would be shed during the creative process.We think about the rewards of glory, not how hard it is to earn it.Such childish behavior in childhood can be said to be a typical psychological manifestation of "a lonely heart wants friendship" or "want to establish a good relationship with others".Only, we got the order wrong.We hope that others will like us first, but we never think about how to make others like us. For this reason, if we want to win the likes of more people and create broader interpersonal relationships, then we should recognize this truth: "Sincerely like each other." If you don't know how to get along with people, please remember: (1.) He who is indifferent to others will suffer great hardship and great injury to others during his lifetime.It is this kind of person who has caused all kinds of mistakes in human beings. (2) There is only one way in the world to get another person to do anything—give him what he wants.