Chapter 34 5. Empathy: Thinking what the other person thinks will attract others

Introduction: Cultivate yourself to think from the other person's point of view as well as your own—if you learn this alone, it is enough to turn a new page in your life path. I have a habit of going fishing in Maine every summer.I like to eat bayberry and butter, but I don't use these things as bait to lure fish into the bait.For the needs of fish, I only use water bugs that they all love to eat as bait. Of course, I can also use bayberry or butter as bait, and put it into the water with a bug or grasshopper at the same time, and then ask the fish for advice: "Hey, which one do you want to eat?" Think, why don't we use the same method to "fish" a person?

Therefore, when interacting with others, don't keep in mind their mistakes that they don't even care about, and don't blame others - only a fool would do that; try to understand others, that is a wise, generous and extraordinary person . You must know that the reason why the other party thinks and acts that way naturally has his reasons.If you can find that hidden reason, you will have the key to understanding his behavior and personality. Once, Emerson and his son wanted to get a calf into the cowshed, and they made a mistake that most people often make: they only thought about what they needed, but did not consider the position of the calf.So, Emerson pushed back with all his strength, and his son pulled the calf vigorously in front, and the calf, just like them, only insisted on its own ideas, and saw it straighten its legs and firmly refused. Get off that grass.The two sides are at such a stalemate, and neither is willing to make concessions.

The Irish maid saw this scene. Although this woman did not know how to write articles, she was very familiar with the feelings and habits of cattle, horses and livestock. Therefore, she immediately thought of what this disobedient calf wanted. what.The maid approached the calf and put her thumb into the calf's mouth to let it suck. The calf immediately became very docile and obedient, and obediently followed the maid into the cowshed. Look, in the face of the stubborn calf, the smart Emerson is not as good as an ordinary maid, because he never thinks from the standpoint of the calf, but the maid does.From the first day we came into this world, every action we take, every starting point is for ourselves and for our needs.

Then, try to make yourself sincerely think about problems from the standpoint of others, and speak from the standpoint of others.If you say to yourself, "How would I feel and how would I react if I were in his situation?" We don't hate the result." Professor Harley Overstowe, in one of his influential books, said: Action is born out of basic human desires... The best advice for anyone who wants to persuade others is to stir up some kind of Urgent need, if he can do this successfully, then the whole world will belong to him, and he will never run into a wall again and end up at the end of the road.

When we are eager to persuade someone, we might as well ask ourselves before we speak: "How can I make him do this?" achievement.Let's see how others have successfully done this. Barbara Anderson originally worked in a New York bank, but for the sake of her son's health, she wanted to move to Phoenix, Arizona.Therefore, she wrote 12 letters in advance and sent them to 12 banks in Phoenix.Her letter reads: Will Mrs. Anderson get her wish?As a result, 11 banks in Phoenix expressed their willingness to interview, so she could choose the one with better treatment!Why is there such a result?Mrs. Anderson did not state what she needed, only how she could help the bank.She focused on the needs of the bank, not herself.That's why she succeeded.

It's that simple to stand in the position of the other party.But there are many people who don't know how to see things from the other side's point of view throughout their lives. For many years, I used to take a walk in the park not far from home.There is a notice board on the edge of the park, which reads: "Anyone who starts a fire shall be fined and imprisoned." But this notice was erected in a remote place, and few children saw it.The person in charge of this area is a policeman on horseback. Obviously, this gentleman is not serious about his duties. Fires often break out and spread frequently.

At one point, I ran to the police and told him that there was a fire in one part of the park and it was spreading, and I told him to call the fire department immediately.But he was very indifferent about it, saying that it had nothing to do with him.For this reason, I spontaneously protect the public property of the park. Initially, I didn't understand the point of view of these children who set the fire at all.When I see them on fire, I'm furious and eager to do good.I rushed up on my horse and warned the children that it would cause a fire and be imprisoned.I also ordered them with authority to put out the fire, and threatened to arrest them if they refused.

I vented the anger in my heart, completely disregarding their feelings, what happened?The children complied—complied with a sense of revulsion.But when I left them, these rebellious and hateful kids started the fire again and wanted to burn down the park. Many years later, I have a better understanding of the knowledge of interpersonal relationships, and I know how to look at problems from the perspective of the other party.So, instead of giving orders, I would ride up to the kids who set the fire and say to them, "Have you had fun, kids? What are you doing for dinner? When I was a kid, I loved making a fire too —I still like it. But you know it's dangerous to start a fire in a park. I know you're careful, but the other kids aren't as careful. They see you make a fire, and they do, but They might just forget to put out the fire and end up with a park fire that burns down the trees. I want to see you live happily, but please keep the leaves away from the fire, please? Before you go, use more carefully Cover the fire with some mud, won't you? Then there's no danger...Thanks, boys! Have fun."

This statement worked very well, the children were very cooperative, they didn't hold a grudge, and they didn't resent it.Because I took their ideas into account and they were okay with it, so they did. Many salespeople are tired and frustrated every day, but they don't get much.why?Because they only think about their own needs.They don't know that you and I don't want to buy anything, and if they do, they will definitely go out by themselves.Customers always prefer to buy proactively rather than passively. There was such a story.A few years ago, I lived in a small community called "Forest Hills" in New York.One day, in my haste to the station, I happened to meet a real estate agent.He has been running the real estate business in the vicinity for many years, and he is also very familiar with "Forest Villa".I asked him if he knew if my stucco house was made of rebar or hollow brick, and he said no, and gave me a business card asking me to call him.

The next day, I got a letter from this realtor.Did he answer my question in the letter?The problem could have been solved over the phone in a minute, but he didn't.In the letter he still asked me to call him and said he would help me with home insurance. He didn't want to do me a favor, he wanted to do himself a favor.Howard Lucas of Birmingham, Alabama, told me how two salesmen who worked for the same company approached the same transaction: "Several years ago, a few friends and I jointly ran a small company. There is a service office of a big insurance company near our company. The brokers of this insurance company have assigned jurisdictions and are responsible for our area. There are two, let's call them Karl and John!"

"Carl passed by my company one morning and mentioned a new life insurance policy for company executives. He thought I might be interested, so he let me know first, after he collected more information. Come and explain in detail." “That same day, after coffee break, John saw us walking on the sidewalk and said, ‘Hey, Luke, I have some big news for you. bought a life insurance for executives (exactly the kind Carl mentioned) and he gave some important information and said 'this insurance is up to date, I'm going to ask the head office to send someone tomorrow to detail it Please sign the application form first and I will send it up, so that they can handle it quickly. His enthusiasm aroused our interest. And because the deal is done, I believe that John must have the most basic understanding of this insurance. John not only sold us the insurance, but also tripled the number of items he sold.” "This business belonged to Carl, but he didn't perform enough to attract our attention, so that John got ahead of him." Owen Young is a famous lawyer and a well-known business leader in the United States.He said: "People who can put themselves in other people's shoes and understand what others are thinking will never have to worry about the future." "Pay attention to other people's opinions and arouse their desires" does not mean "manipulating others to do things that are beneficial to you but harmful to him", but should mean "both parties can benefit from this matter." Profit".In Mrs. Anderson's letters to twelve banks in Phoenix, in John's deal to sell life insurance to Lucas, both parties benefited from the way things were handled. A phone engineer who can't get his 3 year old daughter to breakfast, no matter how much he reprimands, coaxes or demands, it doesn't help.The little girl loves to imitate her mother and to feel grown up.So, one morning, the parents put the little girl in a chair and let her prepare her own breakfast. Sure enough, the little girl worked very hard, and when she saw her father in the kitchen, she exclaimed, "Look, Daddy, I made my own cereal this morning!" It made her feel "deeply important".She found her avenue for self-expression entirely in the process of mixing cereal. Self-expression is the primary need in human nature.We can also apply this psychological need to business transactions.When we come up with a good idea, don't let others think that it is our patent.Let them adjust those ideas by themselves, they will think that it is their own idea, and they will take more because they like it. We should remember to arouse the desire in others first.Whoever can do this, the world will be with him.Such a person is never lonely.If you finish reading this book and learn just one thing -- develop yourself to think from the other person's point of view as much as your own -- if you learn just that, it will be enough to open up your life path. a new page. 5 minutes to get strangers: (1) Only by understanding what others think, can you get what you want. (2) There is only one way to influence others, and that is by asking what they want and letting them know how to get it. (3) A successful interpersonal relationship lies in your ability to capture the other party's point of view, and you must take into account the different perspectives of you and the other party when looking at a thing. (4) Your success in life depends on your ability to accept other people's views with sympathy.