Chapter 36 7. Be good at listening: loyal listeners are the most popular people

Introduction: Listening carefully to each other's conversation is the highest compliment we can give to others. Recently I met a famous botanist at a dinner party given by the famous publisher Glebe in New York.I've never talked to a botanist before, but I find him extremely alluring. I have been sitting in a chair, quietly listening to him introduce marijuana, the great botanist Bolbon, and indoor flowers and plants.He also told me many amazing facts about cheap potatoes.Since I have a small indoor garden of my own, I often have some problems, so he was very enthusiastic to tell me how to solve my problems.

As I have said, we are at a banquet.There were, of course, a dozen other guests, but I violated the usual protocol by not noticing the others, and talked for hours with the botanist.In the middle of the night, when I was saying goodbye to everyone, the botanist turned to the host and praised me, saying: "Mr. Carnegie is really a most inspiring person." One way is this way, one way I am that way... In short, he concluded that I was a "most charming talker". A charismatic talker?I?But I said very little in this conversation.In fact, even if I were asked to do so, I could say nothing if I did not change the subject, for I am as ignorant of botany as I am of animal anatomy.

But notice that I have managed to listen carefully to what he has to say.I listened intently because I was genuinely interested.Of course, he was aware of this too, and it obviously pleased him. It can be seen that this kind of listening carefully to the other person's conversation is just one of the highest compliments we can give to others.A similar story also happened in another party of mine. That time, I was invited to a bridge party.Since I don't know how to play bridge, I sit on the side.It just so happened that I was surrounded by a beautiful lady who couldn't play bridge when she learned that I had been Mr. Lowell Thomas's personal assistant before he went into radio broadcasting, and that I had traveled with him all over Europe, by When I came to give him the lively travel talk that was about to be broadcast, she exclaimed happily: "Ah! Mr. Carnegie, can you tell me about the tourist attractions you have seen?"

So we sat down on the couch and she told me that she and her husband had recently returned from a trip to Africa. "Africa," I said, "this is a very interesting place! I've always wanted to see Africa, but I've never been anywhere except a day in Algeria. Tell me, have you been to the Beast Haunted country? Isn't it? You are so lucky! I really envy you! Can you tell me about Africa!" As a result, our conversation lasted 45 minutes.The lady stopped asking me where I had been or what I had seen.In fact, she didn't really want to hear me talk about my travels, all she wanted was a genuine listener who would take the opportunity to expand her sense of self-esteem by telling about the places she'd been.

Is it special for her to do this?No, in fact, many people are like this.For example, Woodford writes in his book "People in Love": "Few people can resist the kind of careful listening with compliments." And I went further than that.I told the botanist that I had been treated with the utmost care and guidance, and indeed I felt.I told him that I really wish I had his knowledge, and I do.I also told him that I wished to go roaming in the fields with him, which was my true wish.I also told him that I had to see him again - I really had to see him again.That is why the botanist thought I was a good talker.But I was really just a good listener and encouraged him to talk.

A few years ago, I was a guest at the home of a woman, now a grandma, who told me how she was appreciated by men for being a good listener.she said to me: "Mr. Carnegie, I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone, not even my husband." "I was born into a very poor family in Philadelphia, and the greatest tragedy of my childhood and youth was that I was poor. I couldn't have as much entertainment as other girls, and my clothes were never the best materials, plus I grew up so fast that my clothes never fit and they weren't in fashion. I always felt ashamed and wronged, and ended up crying myself to sleep. Finally, out of desperation, I came up with a solution , that is, every time I attend a dinner party, I always ask my male partner to tell me his own past experience, some of his opinions, and his plans for the future."

"I didn't do it because I was particularly interested in what he had to say; I did it because I didn't want him to notice that I was wearing ugly clothes. But something strange happened very quickly, when I heard these young people talk to As I talked and got to know them better, I really started to take an interest in what they had to say. Sometimes I was so interested that I forgot how I was dressed. But the thing that surprised me the most, was Because I can listen to other people's conversations, and I can encourage those boys to talk about themselves, which makes them very happy, so I gradually became the most popular girl in our place, and finally 3 boys came to propose to me .”

If you are good at listening to others, you will become a master of speech and become the most popular person.This is not enough, known as the "secret secret" in business talks, it is also "listen to the person who is speaking to you attentively".As for successful business dealings, there is no mystery, and there is nothing more satisfying than that. The truth is obvious, isn't it?You don't have to go to Harvard to understand this truth.But you and I also know this situation: Some businessmen rent luxurious storefronts to do business, and the design of the windows is also in place, which can completely move people's hearts. Know to be a listener.These waiters will even interrupt the conversation of customers, refute their views, irritate them, and some even drive customers out.

Walton bought a suit at a department store in Newark, New Jersey, near the ocean.But after he put on this suit, he was very disappointed, because the jacket was faded and his shirt collar was blackened. So Mr. Walton took the suit back to the mall, found the salesman, and told him about it.But before he could finish speaking, he was interrupted by the other party. "We've sold thousands of sets of these clothes," the salesperson retorted. "You're the first to find fault." That's what the salesman said, and the tone of his voice sounded more unbearable than that.His gunpowder-smelling voice seemed to say, "You're lying. You're trying to bully us, aren't you? Well, I'll show you some color."

While the two were arguing, another salesperson joined in."All black clothes fade at first, it's only natural," he said. "At this price, of course it will. It's the paint." "By this point I couldn't stand it any longer, and I was furious," said Mr. Walton. "The first clerk doubted my honesty; the second implied that I had bought a cheap item. I was annoyed then." I was about to scold them when the sales manager walked in. Obviously, he understood the importance of his position, and it was he who completely changed my attitude from an annoyed customer to a A satisfied customer."

How did he do it? "He first listened quietly to my story from the beginning to the end without interjecting a word. After I finished speaking, the two salesmen wanted to express their opinions again, but the manager stood in my position and refuted Not only did he point out that my collar was clearly stained by the suit, but he insisted that if the item did not satisfy the customer, it should not be sold in their store. Finally, he admitted that he did not know the cause of the problem and was frank about the I said 'what do you want me to do with this suit? Whatever you say we can work on'." "A few minutes ago, I would have wanted them to keep that suit to themselves, but now I reply 'I just want to hear from you. I want to know if this is a temporary situation or if there is no solution ’. So he suggested that I wear this suit for another week. He said, ‘If you are still not satisfied by then, we will definitely replace you with a satisfactory one. We are very sorry for causing you trouble.’” "I walked out of the store satisfied. A week later, there was nothing wrong with the suit and my anger at that store was completely gone." "You see, the reason why the manager became the sales manager is because he knows the art of speaking. As for his two subordinate employees, I think they should stay in the status of sales staff for life. Oh, no , they should be relegated to the packaging department and never deal with customers." This is why the same problem, solved by different people, has different results.The crux of the problem lies in whether you are the other party's loyal audience? Critical people, even the most vehement critics, are often softened in the presence of a patient and sympathetic listener, while the angry provocateur bites like a serpent At times, the listener should remain silent and just listen carefully to what he has to say. A few years ago, the New York Telephone Company had to find a way to appease a customer who cursed at an operator.He was really cursing.He cursed hysterically, even threatening to knock down the phone line.Not only did he refuse to pay certain charges as unreasonable, he wrote letters to various newspapers, he made numerous complaints to the Public Service Commission, and he sued the phone company in court several times.In the end, the phone company sent an experienced mediator to see the troublemaker. After the mediator arrived at the customer's home, he didn't say anything, just listened to him quietly.No matter what the other party said, he listened quietly.The phone company mediator listened intently and repeatedly said yes, sympathizing with his grievances. “He continued to speak without hesitation. I listened in silence for nearly three hours,” the mediator said, describing his experience in my training class. “I went to him many times afterwards, and listened quietly to him again. I met him 4 times in total and by the end of my 4th visit I was a lead member of an organization he was starting. He called it 'Telephone Users The Society for the Protection of Rights'. I am still a member of this organization. However, besides this old gentleman, I am the only member of his organization, so far as I know." "Then," said the mediator, "during several visits, I listened to him and agreed with everything he said. No one from the phone company had ever talked to him like I did before. made him almost friendly. When I visited him the first time, I didn't mention the purpose of seeing him. On the second and third times, I didn't mention my purpose. But on the fourth time, I brought this matter to a happy ending - the old gentleman paid all the bills owed and got him to withdraw his complaint to the Public Service Commission for the first time since fighting the phone company." Apparently, this old man thought he was fighting for the common good and protecting the rights of the public, and he was unwilling to be ruthlessly deprived, but he was actually pursuing a sense of self-respect.He first gained this sense of self-esteem by picking and complaining, and once he got the sense of self-respect from the telephone company representative, all his unreal grievances disappeared immediately. So, if you want to be a good talker, you must first be a good listener.This is just as Mrs. Li said: "If you want others to be interested in you, you must first be interested in others." Speak up and tell them about themselves and what they've accomplished. Never forget that the person you are talking to is only interested in himself, his needs, and his problems a hundred times more than you and your problems. It is easier and more popular to listen than to talk: (1) If you want to be a good talker, you must first be a good listener.It’s easy to do this by asking people questions they like to answer and encouraging them to talk about themselves and what they’ve accomplished.Listening carefully to what the other person has to say is the highest compliment we can give to others.Few people can resist that kind of careful listening with compliments. (2) What is the secret to a successful business meeting, the "secret secret"?It is the most important thing to listen to the person who is speaking to you.As for successful business dealings, there is no mystery, and there is nothing more satisfying than that. (3) Many famous people have told me that they prefer a good listener to a good talker.But the ability to listen well seems to be possessed by people less than any other ability.