Chapter 32 3. Friends of kindness

Kindness: Violence and rudeness cannot win good popularity Introduction: Violent and rude methods can never win good popularity, only friendly methods can conquer the hearts of others. "If you come to me with two fists clenched," President Wilson said, "I'm sorry, I promise I'll make my fists as tight as yours. But if you come to me and say, 'Let's sit down and talk about it, See why we don't agree with each other'. Then we'll soon find out that our differences aren't really that big, we see more of the same thing than we do. So if we have the patience to communicate with each other, we can understand each other."

The one who appreciates Wilson's wise words most is John Rockefeller Jr. In 1915, Rockefeller was the most despised man in Colorado.The bloodiest strike in American industrial history raged for two years in Colorado, as angry and brutish miners demanded higher wages at the Colorado Coal and Iron Company, now owned by Rockefeller. At the time, properties were destroyed, troops were mobilized, and there was much bloodshed.Striking workers were crushed and shot, and many bodies were battered and battered.In such a hateful situation, Rockefeller wanted to get the strikers to accept his views, and he did, using exactly this method.

He first spent weeks negotiating with workers and then addressing workers' representatives. The speech was a masterpiece, and it had astonishing effect: it not only appeased the intimidators who wanted Rockefeller to swallow him, but it won him many admirers.He laid out the facts in a very friendly manner and got the strikers back to work without mentioning any more wages.Here is the opening part of that famous speech, and look at the friendly spirit that flows between the lines.You know, those who listened to Rockefeller's speech planned to hang him on a sour apple tree a few days ago.Yet to these people he could not have been more benevolent and friendly, as if addressing a group of preachers.His speech reads as follows:

Today is a memorable day in my life. This is the first time I have been so fortunate to meet the labor representatives, employees and supervisors of this great company.In all honesty, I'm honored to be here and will never forget this gathering as long as I live.If this gathering had been held two weeks ago, I would have been a stranger to most of you, and I know only a handful of faces.Last week I had the opportunity to visit all the residents in the South Mining District. Except for the representatives who went out, I talked to almost all the representatives. I saw your family members, and saw your wives and children.We meet here today, no longer as strangers, but as friends.It is also in this spirit of mutual friendliness that I am fortunate to have this opportunity to discuss with you issues of our common concern.

It was a rally attended by company officials and worker representatives.The reason why I can come here is all because of your love.Although I am neither a company employee nor a worker representative, I still feel close to you because I represent both shareholders and directors in a way. If you lose your temper with someone when you are angry, you will certainly feel comfortable, but what will happen to the other party?Can he also share your joy?Can your explosive tone, your hostile attitude, make him agree with you?Isn't the story of John Rockefeller Jr. an ideal example of turning an enemy into a friend?

If Rockefeller had used another method, if he had argued with the miners, had vehemently presented the facts of the destruction of the mine to their face, if he had told them in a suggestive tone that they were wrong, if he had used logic rules to prove them wrong, so what happens?That's bound to fuel more anger, more hatred, and more resistance. About 100 years ago, Lincoln expressed his views on this. He said this: An old adage says, "A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of bile." The same holds true for people.If you want someone to agree with you, you have to convince him that you are his real friend.This is like a drop of honey, if you win his heart with a drop of honey, then you can make him walk on the road of reason.

If a man is dissatisfied with you because he is at odds with you and has a bad opinion of you, there is nothing you can do to convince him of you.Scolding parents, tough bosses and husbands, and nagging wives should understand that people don't want to change their minds, and they can't be forced or forced to agree with you or me.But if we are gentle and kind—very gentle, very kind—we can lead them to be in line with us. Now more and more people realize this, and more and more businessmen are realizing that it pays to be nice to the strikers. When 2,500 workers of the Walt Motor Company organized a trade union strike to increase wages, the company manager Burlake did not get angry, punish, or intimidate.Instead, he also praised the strikers.He placed an ad in the Cleveland Gazette extolling their "tool-down peaceful situation."When he saw that the pickets were bored, he bought them baseball bats and gloves, and asked them to play baseball in the field.He even rented a ball room for those who liked to play baseball.

Manager Burlake's friendliness had an immediate effect, awakening the spirit of friendliness in the strikers.So the strikers borrowed brooms, shovels, and garbage trucks and began sweeping the factory grounds. In the history of strikes in the United States, such a thing has never been heard.That strike was settled within a week and ended without rancor or disgust. Daniel West is good looking, an eloquent and very accomplished defense attorney.He has a knack for expressing his strong points in court in kind and gentle terms.For example, he will say "This should be considered by the jury", "Gentlemen, this may be worth thinking about", "Gentlemen, these few facts I believe you will not ignore", or "Because of your understanding of human nature knowledge of these facts, it is easy to see the importance of these facts".

There is no coercion or high-pressure means, and he never imposes his opinions on others.West is famous for his soft-spoken and serene friendliness in his defense. Of course many people will never face and regulate a strike wave, or speak to a jury, but you might want your landlord to reduce your rent.Then, this kind approach will also be of great help to you. There was an engineer in my class named Staber, who was struggling for a while, so he hoped that his rent could be reduced, but he knew that the landlord was a very difficult person. "Nevertheless, I wanted to give it a try," Sdeber said in a speech to the class. "So I wrote him a letter. Informed the landlord that the contract had expired and I would move out immediately. But the fact In fact, I didn't want to move out at the time, and I would have stayed if the rent had been reduced, but that didn't seem possible. The other tenants have tried everything - warnings and even threats - and everyone has told me , Landlords are hard to deal with. But, I said to myself, I'm learning how to get along with people, so I'm going to try it on him and see if it works."

As soon as Staber's landlord received his letter, he and his secretary found him.Staples stood at the door to welcome the landlord, full of kindness and enthusiasm.At the beginning of the conversation, Staber did not talk about the high rent, but emphasized how much he liked his house.Stable praised the landlord for his management and said that he would like to live for another year, but he really couldn't afford the expensive rent. "He obviously had never seen a tenant so enthusiastic about him, and he simply didn't know what to do." Sdeber described the scene at that time.Next, the landlord began to complain to Staple, complaining about the tenants, saying that one of them had written him 14 letters, which were too insulting to him.Another tenant threatened to quit the lease if the upstairs tenant couldn't be stopped from snoring. "It's such a relief to have a satisfied tenant like you!" the landlord praised Stable.

Of course, the final result is satisfactory.The landlord offered to reduce some of the rent before Staber made a request. "But it's still a relatively high number." Sdeber said what he could afford, and the landlord agreed without saying anything.When he left, he turned around and asked, "Is there anything I want to decorate for you?" If I had used the same methods used by other tenants to force the landlord to reduce the rent, I am sure I would have encountered the same difficulties as them.And this kind, sympathetic, appreciative approach got me where I wanted to be. If a person can realize that a friendly way can better improve the interpersonal relationship around him, then he will also show a gentle and friendly attitude in his daily words and deeds.Violent and rude methods can never win good popularity, only friendly methods can conquer the hearts of others. Mentally strong people tend to be very gentle: (1) If the other party succumbs to you under some kind of pressure, he will not agree with you deep down. (2) If you want others to respect your opinions, you must first learn to respect others. (3) Gentleness and kindness are always stronger than anger and violence.