Chapter 30 Chapter5 The 9 Basic Rules of Interpersonal Communication

Introduction: Everyone is interested in themselves. As long as you can express your interest in others and actively guide them to talk about the topics you are interested in, you will not only be a master of speech, but also a manipulator of people's hearts master. Everyone who has visited President Roosevelt will be amazed by his profound knowledge. "Whether it was a shepherd boy or a knight, or a politician or diplomat in New York," wrote Bradford, the authoritative author on Roosevelt, "Roosevelt knew what to talk to him about." How did Roosevelt possess such charm?It's easy!No matter who Roosevelt wanted to meet, he would always sleep a little later the night before the other party's arrival, and read some knowledge that the other party was particularly interested in.Roosevelt, like all leaders, knew that the best way to get in touch with the other person's inner thoughts was to talk to the other person about the things that most interested him.

It seems that successful people understand this truth. Mr. Philip, the former professor of Yale University, is a very kind person.He talked about his early life. "When I was eight years old, I went to my aunt's house once, and it was a weekend," Philip wrote in an essay on human nature. "A middle-aged man came to my aunt's house one evening. After a few casual conversations, he turned his attention to me. I was very interested in boats at the time, and this visitor talked to me about them, which of course took a special interest in me. He I have admired him since I left. He is a lawyer in New York, and he should not have been so enthusiastic about boats, or even interested at all."

"But why does he talk to me all the time about ships?" Philip asked his aunt. My aunt said: "Because he is a noble man. He sees that you are interested in boats, and he talks about these topics that concern and interest you. In this way, he makes himself a popular man." Finally, Professor Philip added: "I will never forget what my aunt said to me." I kept in touch with Mr. Charif, a man who was very enthusiastic about the Scouting cause.In his letter he mentioned to me the story that happened to him. "One day, I felt that I needed help from others," Mr. Charif wrote in the letter. "There will be a boy scout summer camp in Europe. I would like to invite the manager of a large company in the United States to sponsor me and a boy scout. travel expenses. Fortunately, before I went to visit the manager, I heard that he had written a check for $1 million. You know, it was $1 million! So, after meeting him, I Tell him I've never in my life heard of a check for such a huge amount; and I'm going to tell my boy scouts that I did see a check for a million dollars. The manager was very happy as a result He handed me the check. I kept admiring it, and asked him to give me the details of how it was drawn."

Note that Mr. Charif initially did not talk to the other about the Boy Scouts or the European summer camps, or about the help he wanted.He just talks about topics that the other party is interested in, so that the other party is willing to talk to him.Then came the situation which Mr. Charife says next. After a while, the manager I visited asked me, "Oh, what can I do for you?" I told him my story.To my surprise, he not only immediately agreed to my request, but also very generously gave me more financial assistance.I was only asking him to fund one Boy Scout to go to Europe, but he generously funded 5 Boy Scouts and myself, wrote me a check for $1000 and suggested we spend 7 weeks in Europe .Then, he wrote me another letter of introduction, introducing me to the manager of his European branch and asking him to help us when the time comes.

When we arrived in Europe, he personally picked us up in Paris and took us on a tour of this beautiful city.Since then, he has been very enthusiastic about the cause of our Boy Scouts, and often provides job opportunities for Boy Scouts from poor families. Mr. Charif said again: "But I also know very well that if I hadn't found a topic of interest to him and made him happy, then not only would this matter not be so easy, I think there might even be a 1/10 chance. nothing." This is the miraculous effect of this method, which can form a good communication effect and open up your interpersonal relationship.Of course, you may pay more attention to whether this method is also valuable in business activities, so let me give you another example to see how Mr. Dufino, the manager of Dufino, a high-end bread company in New York, did it.

Mr. Dufino had been trying to sell his bread to a big restaurant in New York.For four consecutive years, Mr. Dufino has visited the manager of the hotel almost every week, and often attends various social gatherings organized by the manager.In order to facilitate this business, Mr. Dufino even rented a room in this hotel to live there, hoping to make this business.But despite Mr. Dufreno's best efforts, he was unable to get the manager's big bucks to sign off on the contract. “Then,” Mr. Dufino said, “I did some research on human interaction and I decided to change tack. I decided to find out what the person was interested in, what he cared about most, what he was most passionate about.”

"I found out that he is a member of the American Hotel Industry Association. Not only that, because he has such strong interest and enthusiasm for this cause, he was elected as the chairman of this organization. Every time there is a meeting or any event, he No matter how busy you are, you will come to participate without hesitation." “So, when I went to visit him again, I started talking to him about the hotel association. Guess what his reaction was? It was amazing how good the response I got! He spent half an hour with me Talking about the hotel industry association. Throughout the conversation, he was full of energy, full of enthusiasm, and his voice was very loud. From this, I could see that it was the hotel industry association that he was interested in. It can be said that he put his own All energy was put into it. Just before I left his office, he persuaded me to join the association."

"During the entire meeting, I didn't mention a single word about bread to him. But within a few days, I received a call from his restaurant supervisor, asking me to send the bread sample and quotation.' I don't know what magic you put on the old man', the executive told me on the phone, 'he's really impressed by you'." "Imagine, I have dealt with this manager for 4 years, trying to sell him bread, but I have never been successful. If I hadn't managed to find out what he was interested in, and learned about the topics he was willing to discuss, I'm afraid I I’m still fighting with him to death, but I’ve gotten nothing!”

It can be seen that everyone is interested in themselves. As long as you can express your interest in others and actively guide them to talk about the topics you are interested in, you are not only a master of speech, but also a manipulator of people's hearts master. The New York Telephone Company has done a detailed study of phone conversations to see which words are used most often.It turns out that "I" is used the most.The word was used 3,990 times in 500 telephone conversations. When you look at a group photo of you in it, who do you look at first?If you think others care about you, please answer the following two questions:

If you died tonight, how many people would come to your funeral? If you don't care about others, will others care about you? If we wanted only to be noticed and interested in ourselves, we would never have many true and sincere friends.Friends, real friends, aren't made that way. The late famous psychologist Adler in Vienna wrote a book called "The Meaning of Life".In that book, he said: "The person who is indifferent to others has the most difficult life and the most damage to others. All human failures are caused by these people." Maybe you have read dozens of volumes There are books on science, but there is no book that is more important to you and me than this sentence.I don't like to repeat, but Adler's words are so profound that I wish to reproduce them below: "He who is indifferent to others has the most difficult life and the most injurious to others. All human failures , are all caused by these people.”

If we want to make friends and be popular talkers, we need to deal with people with enthusiasm and vigor.You should use the same psychology when someone calls you.The way you speak to him should show how much you like him calling you.The New York Telephone Company has a course in which its operators are taught to say "Good morning, I'm glad to serve you" when they say "What number would you like to dial?"Let's keep that in mind when we answer the phone tomorrow. Does this philosophy work in business?Let's take a look. Charles Walder, an employee of a large bank in New York City, was once ordered to prepare a confidential document concerning a certain company.He knew someone who had the material he needed so badly. Walter then went to see this man, the chairman of a large industrial company.Just as Wald was ushered into the chairman's office, a young woman stuck her head in from the door and told the chairman that she had nothing to give him today. "Well," explained the chairman to Walder, "I'm collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son." Walter explained his purpose to him and began to ask him some questions.The chairman's answers were vague—he was clearly reluctant to talk, and nothing interested him enough to get him to talk, so the meeting was short and dry. "I didn't know what to do, to be honest," Wald said as he told my class about the incident, "and then I remembered what his secretary had said to him—stamps, 12-year-old son . . . I was reminded that the foreign exchange department of our bank used to collect stamps—stamps taken off letters from all over the world.” "The next afternoon, I went to visit the chairman again, and asked someone to pass in that I had some stamps for his son. In the end, did I receive a warm welcome? Of course, sir. .Even if he was running for Congress, he couldn't have shaken my hand so warmly. He gave a good-natured smile and said 'my George would love it'. He stroked the stamp and kept saying, 'Look This one! This is a priceless treasure'." "We spent an hour talking about stamps and looking at pictures of his son. Then he spent over an hour talking about everything he knew and calling in his subordinates to ask questions. He also gave him a few A regular contact called - and he gave me all the facts, figures, reports, and letters. I had a 'big harvest,' as one journalist put it." In 100 BC, the famous ancient Roman poet Silas once said: "When we become interested in others, it is precisely when others become interested in us." Therefore, an important principle of getting along with people is: Genuinely care about others and discuss topics of interest to them. Do you know how to make close friends: (1) If we want to make friends and become popular talkers, we must deal with others with enthusiasm and vigor. (2) The wonderful way to get in touch with the other party's inner thoughts is to talk to the other party about the things he is most interested in. (3) We would never have many true and sincere friends if we wanted only to be noticed and interested.Friends, real friends, aren't made that way. (4) The person who is indifferent to others has the most difficulties in his life and the most damage to others.All human failures are caused by these people.