Chapter 15 6. Guide the other party to say "yes" more

Introduction: If you get a student, customer, or your child or wife to say "no" in the first place, then even with your fairy wisdom and patience, you will not be able to turn that negative attitude into a positive attitude. James Albertson found that once he got that customer to say "yes" to begin with, the customer forgot about their dispute and was willing to do what he suggested.What happens if someone says "no" in the first place?Let's take a look at what Professor Everster said in his book "Influencing Human Behavior": A "no" response is the most difficult obstacle to overcome.As soon as a man says "no," his pride drives him to insist.Of course, he may later feel that "no" is inappropriate, but once he considers his precious self-esteem, he will follow through.That's why it's extremely important to get people to think positively about you from the start.

He went on to say that this mental model of people is obvious.When a person says "no", if he also denies it in his heart, all the tissues in his body will coordinate and enter into a state of resistance together. Conversely, if he says "yes", the situation will be just the opposite. - His body will then be in a state of progress, acceptance and openness, which will help to change his perception or will, and make the conversation develop in a positive direction. If you get a student, customer, or your child or wife to say "no" in the first place, you will not be able to turn that negative attitude into a positive attitude, even with fairy wisdom and patience.It was this "yes, yes" approach that enabled James Albertson, a teller at the Greenwich Savings Bank in New York, to save a customer who would otherwise have lost the business.Fortunately, James Albertson was trained in the Carnegie training class, and he understood this method.

“That day,” recalls James Albertson, “this guy came in to open an account, and I asked him to fill out some forms, some of which he was willing to answer, and some of which he didn’t want to answer at all. situation, I would tell the customer that if he does not provide us with this information, we will refuse to open an account for him. I am very happy with that 'warning', because it seems to say that only my words count. However, it is obvious , such an attitude will make our customers feel unappreciated." "Because of the relevant courses in the training class, I decided not to talk to him about the bank's regulations, but about the needs of customers. Therefore, I agreed with him. I told him that the contents he refused to fill in were not absolute. Necessary.' But,' I directed him, 'if you die, don't you wish to have the money deposited in our bank transferred to your relatives'?"

"'Of course,' he said." "'Do you not think,' I continued, 'that it would be a good idea to give us some particulars of your nearest relations, so that we may, in the event of your death, carry out your wishes with certainty?' ?” "'Yes,' he said again." "In this way, he finally believed that the purpose of us asking for these materials was for him, and his attitude changed. He not only told me all his own materials, but also opened a trust account according to my suggestion, designated His mother was the beneficiary, and details about his mother were readily filled in."

It is not difficult to get the affirmation of the other party, but people ignore how to do it.People always hope that the other party agrees with their views at the beginning, and if others disagree, they are eager to refute the other party in order to gain the other party's approval.They may think that doing so will show their brilliance and prominence.Unfortunately, this attitude often backfires.Therefore, the best way is to let the other party say "yes" at the beginning. There is a rich man in the area that Raymond, a Westinghouse salesman, is in charge of.Raymond's predecessors and he spent 13 years marketing the millionaire, but it was only recently that the millionaire agreed to buy a few engines.When Raymond visited him again, he said he would never order Westinghouse engines again because he thought they were too hot to put his hands on.

Raymond knew it would be futile to argue with him.So Raymond decided to find a way to get the other party to say "yes".Raymond said to the rich man: "Mr. Smith, I completely agree with you. If my company's engine is really overheating, you should not buy it. You spend money, and of course you don't want to buy an engine that is hotter than the standard. Yes or no?" "Yes," said Smith. "You know," Raymond went on, "the Electrician's Guild rule says that a standard engine can't run 72 degrees Fahrenheit above the room temperature, right?"

"Yes. But your engine is hotter than that," Smith said. "What's the temperature in your factory?" Raymond asked him. "Seventy-five degrees Fahrenheit," Smith thought for a moment, then said. "That's right," Raymond said with a smile, "75 degrees Fahrenheit plus 72 degrees Fahrenheit is 147 degrees Fahrenheit. If you put your hand in 147 degrees Fahrenheit water, will you get burned?" Smith had to say, "Yes." "Then," continued Raymond, "I suggest that you better not put your hands on the engine at 147 degrees Fahrenheit."

"I think you're right," Smith said.Then they talked for a while, and finally, Smith agreed to order Westinghouse's $35,000 product next month. Raymond concluded: "I finally learned that arguing is not a smart way. We have to look at the problem from the other side's point of view and try to get the other side to say 'yes'. This is the real way to success." The great Socrates is a well-known thinker in history. He is called "the gadfly of Athens" and is a well-known "old boy".Even so, he did things few could do, he revolutionized the course of human thought, and he was one of the most influential persuaders in the world.

Is his method to tell people they are wrong?of course not.His method is called "Socrates' method of debate", which is based on the affirmative answer of the other party.Every question he raises will be endorsed by others.Then he kept asking questions, until at last his opponents found themselves reaching conclusions they had vehemently opposed a few minutes before. Isn't it amazing?Yes, but you can do that too if you want.The method is very simple, that is, remember that at the beginning, you must keep asking the other party to say "yes", and never let him say "no".

Therefore, when talking to people, instead of talking about some things that you may disagree with at the beginning, you should first emphasize the things that you both agree on, and you need to keep emphasizing.Then, emphasize that you're both pursuing the same goal, and try to let the other person know that if you disagree, it's just a difference in approach, not goal.You should always remember the wisdom and enlightenment that this "Gadfly of Athens" gave us, and start by asking a gentle question—one that will get a "yes" response.There is a Chinese adage that is full of the long-standing wisdom of the Orientals: "He who walks lightly travels far." This sentence is extremely knowledgeable, extremely intelligent, and has accumulated extremely rich life experience.

So if you want to be a good talker, remember number 6: Get the other person to say yes right away. How to take the initiative in communication: (1) If you ask a question that the other party may answer "no", you may wish to subtly change the question. (2) Start with the most basic question—a question that can easily be answered with a "yes"—and don't hesitate to do such a simple thing. (3) You have to grasp the key to the matter and subtly guide your most basic questions to the key ones. (4) You have to convince the other party instead of feeling that you have fallen into your trap.