Chapter 14 5. Encourage the other party to speak more

Introduction: Be aware that sometimes talking too much is as effective as not talking. If you don't agree with him, you may be tempted to stop him, but don't do it, it's dangerous.Because he will never pay attention to your point of view when he has many opinions to express urgently.Therefore, be patient and listen with a broad mind, and sincerely encourage the other party to express his opinion fully. Philip Amou once said: "I would rather be a good talker than a big capitalist." We might as well believe what he said-his words do not mean that he does not want to have more money, but that he believes that being A good talker will make it easier for him to be a capitalist, or it will make him happier being a capitalist than having a good talker.

Indeed, becoming a good talker is almost everyone's dream.All the means of obtaining happiness are inferior to being able to express one's thoughts at will.I believe that if Lincoln had to choose between being a genius who couldn't speak and being an ordinary man with excellent eloquence, he would have preferred the latter.Fortunately, though, he has both.But, after all, there are not many people like Lincoln, even as a great orator—regardless of his other outstanding talents—there are only a handful of people, and there are more people who struggle every day to speak .Most people are not good talkers - and I believe the world would be a more fascinating place if it were the other way around - they break up their families because they can't communicate with their wives, they lose at the negotiating table, Inability to express feelings clearly to friends and more often a combination of both.

"How to make yourself a good speaker instead of just being able to speak?" Those students of Carnegie's eloquence training class often asked me such a question at the beginning. "It's not difficult," I said, "if you have some training." A few years ago, one of the largest automobile manufacturing companies in the United States was negotiating to order the car seat cloth needed for the next year.Three important manufacturers have already made samples of the pads.These sample fabrics have been inspected by the senior staff of the automobile company, and a notice has been sent to each manufacturer, saying that representatives of each manufacturer can participate in the competition under the same conditions on a certain day, so that the company can finally determine the applicant.

Mr. R, the business representative of one of the manufacturers, was suffering from severe laryngitis when he arrived. "When I went to the senior staff meeting," Mr. R said as he recounted his experience to my class, "I was hoarse and I could hardly make a sound. I was led into a room with the textile engineer, the purchasing manager, , the sales manager, and the general manager of the company. I stood up and tried to speak, but I could only make a hoarse voice. They were all sitting around a table. So I wrote on a piece of paper: 'Guys , my voice is hoarse, I can't speak.'”

"'Let me speak for you.' said the other general manager. He really spoke for me. He showed my samples and praised their merits. There was a lively discussion around the merits of my samples. Discussion. Since the general manager was speaking on my behalf, he was on my side in this discussion, and I just smiled, nodded and made a few simple gestures throughout the process." "As a result of this particular meeting, I was awarded this contract for half a million yards of upholstery for a total value of $1.6 million—the largest order I've ever received. I knew that if my If I'm not hoarse, I might lose that contract because I was wrong about the whole situation. I discovered quite by accident how good it is to let people talk more!"

The key to successful trading is that if you want people to buy your product, there is no better way than to let them convince themselves.In many cases, you can't directly sell your products to customers, but let them feel that your products are indeed very advantageous in the bottom of their hearts, so that they can take the initiative to buy your products. Many people are eager to let the other party understand their opinions, and they talk too much.You know, sometimes talking too much is as effective as not talking at all.Most people try to get others to agree with them, but they talk too much of themselves.Do you know them better than they know themselves?If not, why not let the other party speak out?So, when necessary, ask them questions and let them tell you something.Doing so will make your communication more effective.

Letting the other party speak not only plays its role in the business field, but also helps in other aspects.For example, it can help you deal with some conflicts in your family. Barbara Wilson is a student of the Carnegie training class. The relationship between her and her daughter Rory has deteriorated rapidly recently.Rory used to be a very well-behaved and obedient child, but when she was a teenager, she had many conflicts with her mother and refused to cooperate with her mother.Mrs. Wilson tried to intimidate and lecture her in various ways, but to no avail. "She didn't listen to me at all, and I almost gave up all my efforts. One day, before she finished her housework, she went to play with her friends. When she came back, I scolded her as usual. I have no Being patient, I said sadly to her 'Rory, why are you doing this'."

"Rory seemed to see my pain. She asked me 'do you really want to know'? I nodded. So she started telling me things I'd never told me before: I always ordered her to do this and that, Never wanted to listen to her opinion, and I kept interrupting her when she wanted to talk to me. I realized that Rory really needed me, but she wished I wasn't a commanding, assertive Mother, but a close friend so she can talk about her troubles. Before, I never noticed that. Since then, I have let her talk freely, and I always listen carefully. Now, we are good friends .She told me what was on her mind and our relationship improved a lot. She was also a cooperative kid again."

This method is also very helpful for your job search. There was a job ad in the New York Herald Tribune, and they needed someone with exceptional ability and experience.Charles Kerberis saw the ad and sent his profile.A few days later, he received a letter asking him for an interview. "I would be very proud to work for a company with such a remarkable history. I heard that when you started this company 28 years ago, there was nothing but a desk, an office, a stenographer It’s unbelievable. Is this true?” During the interview, Keberis said to the boss he was interviewing. In fact, every successful person likes to recall his early entrepreneurial experience, and is very happy to be listened to.This boss is no exception.

He talked to Kerberis at length about how he started the business with $450 in cash, working 12-16 hour days, working Sundays and holidays, and how he finally overcame all odds.In the end, the owner briefly asked Kerberis about his experience, then said to his assistant manager, "I think he's the guy we're looking for." The reason for Keberis' success may not be so simple, but there is one very important point: he cleverly asked a question that the other party was very interested in, and encouraged the other party to talk more, thus giving the boss a good impression. The French philosopher Luo Juxue said; "If you want to make enemies, you have to be better than your friends; but if you want to have friends, you have to make your friends be better." His Meaning, when your friends outperform you, they develop a sense of self-esteem, but if they do the opposite, they develop a sense of inferiority and become suspicious and jealous of you.This is really a truth, let's take a look at a case that happened in the workplace.

Ms. Henrietta is the most connected job placement consultant in the New York City Central Personnel Bureau.But for several months at first, Henrietta had no friends among her colleagues. "I've done a really good job and I've always been very proud," Henrietta said in my class. I longed to be friends with them. After taking this coaching session, I started to follow it. I started to talk less about myself and listen more to my colleagues. I found that they actually have a lot to brag about. To them For me, telling me about them makes them happier than listening to my bragging. Now, every time we talk together, I ask them to tell me their stories and share their stories together. Only When they ask, I talk a little bit about myself." Sometimes, downplaying our own achievements can make people like you.There is a very interesting saying in Germany, to the effect that: the greatest happiness is to find weakness from the strong we admire, so that we can be satisfied.This may be due to the weakness of human nature.But trust that maybe some of your friends will find greater satisfaction from your setbacks or weaknesses. We should be humble, because you and I are nothing special.You and I will both die and be completely forgotten in a hundred years.Life is so short that we shouldn't be obsessed with our little accomplishments.Instead, we want to encourage others to talk more.think about it!Either way, you don't really have much to blow about. A lawyer said to Evan Cowper on the witness stand: "Mr. Cowper, I hear you are the most famous writer in America, is that true?" Cowper replied, "I'm just a name." Cooper's method of answering is correct.You probably don't know what keeps us from being idiots, it's not a big deal, just a nickel worth of iodine in your thyroid; and without that we'd be idiots.None of us are great.Therefore, if you want others to agree with you and make your conversations better, and if you want to be a good talker, then please remember point 5: let the other person talk more, and encourage them to talk about their own affairs. Let the other party say more, the benefits are more than saying yourself: (1) Letting the other party speak is not only conducive to winning orders in business, but also helps to deal with some disputes in the family. (2) Even our friends don't want us to boast about our past, but rather talk about their achievements. (3) Maybe your audience is paying attention to what you have to say, but maybe they're not really listening.So it's best to let him talk too. (4) We can find the topic you intend to continue in the conversation of others. (5) When you have already said something, stop, take a break, and let others talk too.This not only gives your own mouth a rest, but also your own brain - don't let them work for too long.