Chapter 46 Gently remind the other party of their mistakes

Charles Schwaber passed one of his steel mills one day at noon and saw some workers smoking.And above their heads hung a "No Smoking" sign.Did Schwaber point to this notice board and say, "Aren't you literate?" No!No, Schwarber definitely didn't do that.He walked up to the men, gave each of them a cigar, and said, "Boys, I'd appreciate it if you would go out and smoke these." They knew they were breaking the rules—but they admired him because He didn't say anything, and gave them a little gift, which made them feel respected.Can you not like someone like Schwaber?

John Wanamaker used the same method.Wanamaker often visits his major department stores in Philadelphia.Once, he saw a customer in front of the counter who was not being served, and the clerk was chatting, so he walked quietly behind the counter, received the customer himself, and then handed the goods to the salesperson to bandage, walked away. For example, officials are often criticized for not meeting people.Although they are very busy, sometimes it is because the assistants overprotect his boss, in order not to make his boss receive too many visitors, so as not to burden the boss.Carl Ranfort was mayor of Orlando, Florida, home of Disney World, and he was mayor for many years.He often warned his subordinates to let the people come to see him.He declared his intention to pursue an "open door policy".

However, when people from his community came to visit him, they were blocked by his secretary and administrative officials. Finally, the mayor finally found a good solution.He knocked down the door to the office.His assistants also knew about it.Therefore, since then, the mayor has truly achieved "administrative openness". If you want not to make people angry and change him, you only need to change two words, and it will have a different effect.Many people sincerely compliment each other before criticizing, and then must say "but" before criticizing.For example, to change the attitude of a child who is not paying attention in school, we might say something like: "John, we are really proud of you, you improved your grades this semester." However, if you work harder in algebra, It will be better.'”

In this example, John might be happy before he hears the "but."But when he heard the "but," he immediately doubted the credibility of the compliment.For him, this kind of praise is just the beginning of criticizing his failure.Because credibility is misinterpreted, we may miss our goal of changing his learning attitude.For this problem, as long as "but" is changed to "and", it can be easily solved. Such as: "We are really proud of you, John, your grades have improved this semester; and, as long as you continue to work hard next semester, your algebra grades will be better than others." In this way, John will Accept this compliment, because you haven't put your failed inferences behind.We have indirectly let him know that we want him to change, so he will try to live up to our expectations.

For those who are unwilling to accept direct criticism, if you can indirectly let them face their mistakes, it will have amazing results.Maggie Jack, who lives in Windsor, Rhode Island, told my class how she got a group of hardworking construction workers to clean up her house after it was built.In the first few days, when Mrs. Jack came home from get off work, she found sawdust all over the yard.She didn't want to argue with the workers because their work was so good.So when the workers were gone, she and the children picked up the pieces of wood and piled them neatly in the corner of the house.The next morning, she took the foreman aside and said, "I'm glad the grounds were so clean last night, and I didn't inconvenience the neighbors." From that day on, the workers picked up the sawdust and piled it aside every day, and the foreman came every day. have a look.

The biggest difference between reservists and regular army trainers is haircuts, because reservists think they are just civilians and are very reluctant to cut their hair short. Sergeant Major Harley Keser of the U.S. Army's 542nd Division was faced with the task of solving this problem when he led reserve officers.Like the regular Army Master Chiefs of old, he could yell at his troops, or threaten them.But he is unwilling to do so. He put it this way: "Gentlemen, you are all leaders. Nothing is more effective when you teach by example. You must set an example for those you lead. You should know the army's regulations on haircuts I'm going to get a haircut today too, and my hair is much shorter than some people's hair. You guys might as well look in the mirror, if you're going to be an example, is it time to get a haircut? We'll Help you arrange time to go to the barber shop in the camp to get a haircut."

The result is predictable.Several people took the initiative to look in front of the mirror, and then went to the barber shop to get their hair cut according to the regulations in the afternoon.The next morning, Sergeant Kayser commented that he had seen leadership qualities in some of the people on the team. On March 8, 1887, Henry Ward Beecher, the most eloquent pastor and speaker in the United States, passed away. In Japanese terms, he went to another world.On the following Sunday, Lyman Abbott was invited to speak to pastors grieving over Beecher's death.Eager to succeed, he reworked and reworked his speeches, embellishing them with as much care as Flaubert did.Then he read the speech to his wife.The speech was not very well written, like most speeches are.

If his wife had been uninformed, she might have said something like, "Lyman, that sucks, it must not work. You'll put those listeners to sleep, that sounds like an encyclopedia. You've been preaching for so many years, you should be able to Better written. My God! Why don't you talk like a normal guy? Why don't you be more natural? You'd blow yourself up if you read that stuff." She might have said so.And if she really said so, she also knew what would happen.So, she just said that: If the speech is sent to the North American Review, it must be a superb article.In other words, she praised the speech while subtly implying that her husband could not use it to make a speech.Abbott saw this, and simply tore up his carefully prepared manuscript, and later gave a speech naturally without even using an outline.

I think you can see from what I have said that if you want to persuade others better, please remember that in interpersonal communication, you can indirectly remind others of their mistakes for their mistakes.