Chapter 2 stay true to yourself

Mrs. Edith Allred of North Carolina once sent me a letter.She wrote in the letter: I am a very sensitive and shy girl.I was overweight and had a full chin which made me look even fatter.My mother, who is very prim, thinks it's stupid to dress too nicely, and because it fits too well and tends to tear, it's better to make it loose, and she made me dress like that.I never go to any parties and have nothing to be happy about.After school, I don't participate in any activities of my classmates, not even sports.I was extremely shy and always felt "different" from other people.

Growing up, I married a gentleman who was a few years older than me, but still nothing changed for me.My husband's family is a steady and confident family.I want to be like them, but I just can't.I try to imitate them, but I always fail to do so.Several times they tried to help me break through myself, but it always backfired and pushed me into a worse situation.I was increasingly tense and irritable, dreading seeing any friends, and panicking at the doorbell.Then I was completely disappointed. I knew very well to myself that I was afraid that my husband would find out the truth one day, so every time I was in public, I tried to look happy, even pretending too much.I know I'm overacting because I'm dead tired for days after the event.In the end, I really doubted whether I had any need to continue living, so I started thinking about suicide.

So what changed the woman who nearly killed herself?Just a casual remark.Mrs. Edith went on to write: It was just an accidental sentence that changed my life.One day, my mother-in-law talked to me about how she raised her children. She said: "No matter what happens, I insist on letting them be who they are..." "Keep who they are!" An epiphany flashed through my mind, and I realized that all my misfortunes stemmed from putting myself in a pattern that didn't belong to me. I changed overnight!I started to be myself.I worked hard to study my personality, to recognize myself, and to find my own strengths.I learned how to match colors and choose clothes styles to show my own taste.I take the initiative to make friends.I joined a group—started out as a small group—and I was also terrified when they asked me to host an event.But every time I go on stage, I get more courage.It's been quite a long journey - but I'm a lot happier now than I was in the past.When I teach my own children, I make sure to teach them these lessons I learned the hard way: No matter what happens, always be who you are.

The problem of being who we are is "as old as the history of man," said Dr. James Gordon Kilkay. "It is a problem of all mankind." Many people have mental, neurological and psychological problems The hidden etiology is often their inability to be themselves. Angelo Patry, author of thirteen books and thousands of newspaper articles on child training, once said: "The worst thing a man can do is not be himself and remain himself in body and mind .” But this phenomenon of imitating others is quite serious in Hollywood.The famous Hollywood director Sam Wood once said that the most troublesome thing for him is to help young actors overcome this problem: to maintain themselves.

Each of them wants to be a second-rate Lana Telles or a third-rate Clark Gable. "The audience has had that taste," Sam Wood kept telling them, "and they need something new." He had been in real estate for many years before getting business cards, so he developed a kind of salesman personality of his own.He believes that some of the rules in the business world also fully apply in the film world.Totally imitating someone else will never accomplish anything. "I've learned from experience," says Sam Wood, "that it's safest to avoid actors who imitate others."

I also asked Paul Burnton, the HR director of an oil company, what the biggest mistake job candidates make.He has interviewed more than 6,000 people, and he has also written a book "Six Skills for Job Hunting", so he should be very clear.He replied, "The biggest mistake job applicants make is not being themselves. They often can't answer questions honestly, and just want to say the answer he thinks you want to hear." But that doesn't help at all, because no one will. To listen to something that is untrue, false. I know a bus driver's daughter who learned this lesson the hard way.

She wants to be a singer, but unfortunately she is not good-looking, with a big mouth and buck teeth.The first time she sang in public at a nightclub in New Jersey, she kept trying to cover her teeth with her upper lip, and she was doomed to fail when she tried to look classy and ended up looking so different. Fortunately, one of the men present that night thought she had a great singing talent. He said to her bluntly: "I saw your performance, and I can see what you are trying to hide. Do you think your teeth are ugly?" The girl was embarrassed, but the man continued, "So what about buck teeth? That's not a crime! Don't try to cover it up, just open your mouth and sing, the less you think about it, the more people will love you." Besides, these buck teeth that you are ashamed of now may bring you wealth in the future!"

Kath Daly took the man's advice to put the teething incident behind her, and since then she's focused solely on the audience.She sang with all her heart, and later became a top singer in movies and radio. Now, other singers want to imitate her. William James once said that the average person's mental ability usage rate does not exceed 10%, and most people don't know what talents they have.Compared with what we should have achieved, in fact, more than half of us are not awake.We use only a fraction of our physical and mental resources.People often live within the limitations we set. We have all kinds of resources, but we often fail to use them successfully.

With so much untapped potential in you and me, why worry about not being like everyone else.You are unique in this world.There has never been anyone like you before, and there never will be.Genetics tells us that you are composed of 23 chromosomes from your father and mother. These 46 chromosomes determine your inheritance. There are hundreds of genes in each chromosome, and any single gene is enough to change a person's life. . Indeed, the formation of human life is an awesome mystery. Even if your parents met and fell in love and gave birth to you, there is only a 1 in 300 trillion chance of having someone exactly like you.That is, even if you have 300 trillion siblings, they are all different from you.Is this just speculation?Of course not, this is entirely a scientific fact.If you don't believe me, read a book about it.

I am well qualified to speak on this subject because I have experienced it myself, and it has been a painful and expensive experience.When I came to New York from the cornfields of Missouri, I signed up for the American Academy of Drama.I aspired to be an actor. At that time, I had a clever idea, a shortcut to success, such a simple and easy principle, I really don't understand how others can't think of it.The idea is to study the famous actors at that time and combine their strengths into my own. How stupid!After spending years imitating others, I realized that I can't imitate anyone, I can only be myself.Such a painful experience should make me never imitate others for the rest of my life!But no, I'm so stupid, I have to go through another pain.A few years later, I was writing a book on public speaking.I had the same stupid idea of ​​borrowing some ideas from other books and compiling them into one book, an all-encompassing book.So I got a bunch of books on public speaking and spent a year taking their ideas and turning them into articles.Finally, I found myself being a fool again.Turning other people's ideas into your own article will only make the article dry and boring, and no one will read it.So I threw all the results of this year's work into the wastebasket and started all over again.

So what I'm trying to say is: you're a brand new you in this world, be happy for that!A smart leader knows how to make good use of his talents. He knows that everything is a manifestation of himself.Because you can only sing about yourself and draw about yourself.