Chapter 79 Stop Criticizing, Blaming, and Complaining

The once sensational "Two-Gun Killer" Crowley, the two-gun villain, believed that "hidden under my coat is a tired heart, but it is a kind heart, a heart that will not hurt others. .But I came to the Xingxing Prison torture chamber, which is the result of my self-defense." Did Crowley really kill in self-defense?Just before police arrested Crowley, he and his girlfriend were driving on a rural Long Island road to have sex.A police officer stepped forward and said to Crowley, "Show me your driver's license." Crowley didn't say a word, and he took out his pistol and fired wildly.The policeman was shot and fell, and Crowley jumped out of the car, retrieved the revolver from the policeman, and fired another shot at the lying body.

"Two Gun Killer" Crowley didn't think he was wrong at all. Evil people like Crowley basically don't know self-blame.Al Capone, the most famous American underworld boss executed in Chicago, said, "I spent the best years of my life bringing happiness to others and letting everyone have a good time. I am benefiting the people, but society misunderstands Me, insult me, that's why I became a desperado." Dutch Schulz, the notorious "New York Rat", also believed that he was benefiting the masses when he was interviewed by a newspaper reporter during his lifetime.

With these examples, I just want to explain a truth to the women: these desperado men and women do not blame themselves for their actions, how can we force the ordinary people we see every day?This is human nature, criticizing, blaming, and complaining will not have a positive effect on others at all, because most people can justify their own motives, no matter whether they are justified or not, they always have to justify their actions One way, which is to say they don't think they should be criticized, blamed or complained at all. From a psychological point of view, everyone is afraid of being blamed by others, including women and men. Men are more afraid of being blamed by women.Therefore, as a woman, it is better to quit criticizing, blaming or complaining.

As I said just now, criticizing, blaming, and complaining will not have positive effects on others at all, but the side effects are scary.A psychologist friend of mine once said to me, "The shame and indignation that comes with criticism is often very demoralizing to employees, relatives, and friends, and does nothing to help the factual situation that should be corrected." My neighbor John has a happy family, three beautiful daughters, and a virtuous wife.One summer, the three sisters drove to the countryside to travel.In the urban area, there are two older sisters who drive, and when they arrive in the sparsely populated suburbs, the two older sisters let the younger sister practice their skills.

The youngest sister was driving the car, talking and laughing as she was so excited that she didn't know what to do.Suddenly, the car ran forward like a wild horse, and when it was approaching the intersection, it collided with a large trailer coming from the side.It turned out that the little girl wanted to pass before the red light came on, so she stepped up the accelerator. John and his wife rushed to the hospital immediately after receiving the call.They hugged the two surviving daughters tightly, and the family burst into tears.The parents wiped away the tears on the faces of the two daughters and started talking and laughing, as if nothing had happened, always speaking softly.

Several years later, the youngest daughter who caused the accident asked her parents why they didn't teach her a lesson. In fact, her sister died in a car accident caused by her running a red light.The John couple just said lightly: "Your sister has already left. No matter what we say or do, we can't bring her back to life, and you still have a long life. If we blame you, you will be burdened with the burden of 'causing your sister to die. ', and the loss of a whole, healthy and bright future." If John and his wife had accused their youngest daughter, the consequences would have been even worse than they had imagined.

Ladies have all been there, when you accuse your boyfriend, all you get is silence.In addition to silence, there will be retorts and plausible remarks.what does this mean?It's against blame, even though they love you dearly, even though it's their fault. People are like this. When they do something wrong, they don't take the initiative to blame themselves, but only blame others. We are all like this.So, if you want to blame someone tomorrow, please remember the example of John's family. Don't let criticism fly back to your home like a domestic pigeon.It also makes us realize that the person we want to blame or correct, they will defend themselves, or even attack us back, or they will say, "I don't know what's wrong with what I'm doing."

I can proudly say that Lincoln is the most interpersonal president in American history.Not only do I think so, when Lincoln took his last breath, Secretary of War Stanton said: "Here lies the most perfect ruler in the history of mankind." I was also reminded by Secretary of the Army Stanton. 10 years later, I had a systematic, in-depth and thorough understanding of Lincoln's life, including Lincoln's character, family life and his way of dealing with others, so I spent another 3 years writing " Another Side of Lincoln". Lincoln was not perfect at the beginning. When he was young, he liked to criticize people. He often left the satirical letters on the country roads so that the parties could find out.As a trainee solicitor, I liked to attack opponents openly in the newspapers, though only occasionally.The consequences of some actions are unforgettable to his heart and will never be forgotten.

In the fall of 1842, he satirized a self-important politician, James Shirs.He published an anonymous letter in the Springfield Journal mocking Shirs, and the town was laughed at.The conceited and sensitive Sears was of course furious, and finally found out who wrote the letter.He prancing horse followed Lincoln and asked for a duel in the afternoon. Lincoln didn't like duels, but due to the situation and in order to maintain his honor, he had to accept the challenge.He had the right to choose his weapon. Because of his long arms, he chose the cavalry's waist knife and learned fencing from a West Point graduate.On the appointed date, Lincoln and Sears met on the banks of the Mississippi River, ready to fight to the death.Fortunately, someone stopped them at the last moment and the duel was terminated.

This was the most thrilling event in Lincoln's life, and it also taught him the art of getting along with others.From then on, he no longer wrote letters to scold others, nor did he mock others arbitrarily.It was also from then on that he no longer blamed anyone for anything. When his wife strongly condemned the southerners, Lincoln said: "Don't blame them. We will probably do the same in the same situation. "One of his favorite famous sayings is: "If you don't judge others, others will not judge you." Painful experience told him: Sharp criticism and attacks have zero effect.

If you want to cause a death-defying rancor, all you need to do is make a bit of a stinging criticism.That said, only the less intelligent criticize, blame, and complain about others.Indeed, a lot of stupid people do that. However, in order to achieve "don't say bad things about others, only say good things about them", being considerate and forgiving others requires self-cultivation and self-control. Ladies, please remember that the number one rule of dealing with people is not to criticize, blame or complain about others.