Chapter 46 Be a haven for your husband

Jane Carlyle was beautiful, had an inheritance, and was brilliant, a poet.When she married the Scotsman Thomas Carlyle, everyone felt that she had ruined her happiness, and she could have found a better husband.Though Thomas Carlyle was very clever, which was the only thing he had to show off, he was rude, not at all gentle with others, and had some oddities.He is still very poor, and his future does not seem to be very bright.But now, Jane Carlyle and her stern husband's marriage has become a legend in people's eyes.She accompanied her husband to success step by step. She watched him write classic literary masterpieces such as "The French Revolution" and "The Life of Cromwell", and became the president of the University of Edinburgh. Idol.Literary writers often visited their home in Dunkirk.

When Jane Carlyle got married, she gave up her writing so she could spend more time helping her husband.In order not to be disturbed by her husband's creation, they lived away from their family and friends in a secluded Scottish countryside.Here, like all thrifty housewives, she mended clothes and took care of her husband.Not only cured his chronic stomach disease, but also let him get rid of the long-standing depression.Then, the public gradually paid attention to her husband. Many people admired his talent and began to associate with them, including many beautiful women.But because these women could make her husband's work more visible, she put up with it.In Jane Carlyle it was her rarest virtue that she never thought of changing her husband's personality.

In her now famous letter, she wrote: "...I don't say that everyone has to be the same type, I don't approve of it. My approach is that people don't go beyond a certain circle , people in the circle can try their best to show their unique personality.” Some lady, perhaps, thought that a change in Mr. Carlyle's uneasy nature would do him good.But Jane liked her husband for what he was, and she wanted others to accept him as she did, so Jane let him develop his own personality. How to determine the limits of a man's capabilities, whether to help a man understand his own capabilities, or to push him to do things beyond his capabilities, are all determined by women, and the difference between these two attitudes is very subtle.

Jane Carlyle did a good job. She believed that her husband was a very intelligent genius, so she would not change Carlyle's rude and stubborn character, and would rather live in his "circle" than transform him into a A gentleman social master. There are many wives who don't know their husbands that well.Many men live in misery, mostly because their wives are very ambitious, and they are often forced by their wives to do things beyond their ability.Originally, many men in low-level positions are working very dedicatedly and happily. If they are forced to climb up, it will only increase their troubles, cause them to suffer from various diseases, and even die early, because they My nerves cannot bear the super-strength responsibility and pressure.

Some people say: "It is better to be a chicken head than a phoenix tail." To do the best work that suits our personality, psychology and ability is the true meaning of success. Nature did not create human beings to make everyone famous.But people who settle for low-level jobs are mistakenly thought to be lazy because society exaggerates the reputation of those with higher titles.When the wives of these men become aware of the situation, they demand more than their husbands can.They believe that their husbands should strive for status and income above everyone around them like a madman, both socially and financially.

Perhaps, some people have never been able to understand this truth.Such is the hero of John McEntee's novel "Dead Point."The society described in the book attaches great importance to material life. Compared with aristocratic schools, high-end entertainment venues, and fashionable clothing, personality is so insignificant. In order to satisfy her own vanity, the wife constantly encourages her husband to work hard for social status Climbing up, although the husband doesn't like this way, he listens to his wife very much.Until the end, he finds that he has nowhere to turn back, caught in a social circle that is completely opposite to his personality, and there is no turning back for him.

Sometimes ladies' vanity has more serious consequences. There is a very eye-catching article title in "Time Magazine": American officials' ambitions lead to their death.The article said that a 41-year-old member of Congress had hanged himself. The police officer in charge of investigating the case said that he committed suicide because the official's "ambition was thwarted."The official especially wanted to be a diplomat.But he failed the relevant examination three times.It can be seen from this that we should not do things beyond our own capabilities, otherwise, we will not only harm others, but may also harm ourselves.

Whether it is a wife or a husband, don't desire for yourself or the other party to achieve success beyond the scope of your ability.In his book "If You Can Stop Suicide", Dr. Pete Stankron accused those wives who overly forced their husbands. high status.He said: "This kind of woman who is naturally chasing fame or being influenced by others makes the happiness of many families disappear. This is what I have seen firsthand." So, let husbands be free to develop their personalities!Don't force him to achieve the so-called "success" state. Andrea Inroys once wrote a book called "A tourist cannot visit every village; a writer cannot write every novel flawlessly; a political It is even more impossible for the country to do every detail of the reform so well. I emphasize again that we must resolutely abandon plans that are not suitable for us.”

If a wife encourages her husband, loves him, endures hardships with him, and struggles with him, he will surely succeed.However, the wife must not force the husband to do things beyond his ability, nor put too much pressure on him.