Chapter 35 Don't be illiterate in marriage
Dirko Podol, an expert on American marriage relations, once said: "In the United States, every year, many young men and women start their married life, and at the same time, many couples end their married life. Many people, especially women, They are very dissatisfied with their married life, and think that the quality of life after marriage is far from what they expected. In fact, not all marriages occur after marriage, and many of them have already occurred before marriage Many young people choose marriage hastily without a correct understanding of marriage, thus planting a time bomb for the emergence of future marriage problems. I can say with certainty that most young people in the United States, including those Married couples are still illiterate about marriage.”
I don't know how the ladies felt when they saw Dierko's words?Maybe you don't agree with him.You've been married for years, decades, or even decades, and your marriage is still going on.Although some friction occasionally occurs, it is inevitable.Indeed, ladies and your husbands are working hard to maintain your marriage, and this is the responsibility and obligation of both of you.However, if I ask the ladies here: "Is your marriage happy? Do you live very happily every day?" I think many ladies may not be able to answer me confidently: "Yes!"
In fact, many wives, especially those who have been married for many years, often have a "reluctant" attitude towards marriage.There is no passion, no joy, no novelty in their marriage.For them, marriage just represents the passage of time and has no other meaning.
The root cause of this phenomenon is that women lack a correct, thorough and clear understanding of marriage.They either view marriage as too romantic or too rational, which is why Dilko called them "marriage illiterates."I have done careful research on this issue, and found that such women often have six major misunderstandings about marriage:
There are many young women in their lives who often dream of adventures like Snow White in romance novels. They are full of beautiful longings and yearnings for love and marriage, and they really hope to live the life described in the book: dreaming of every day Spend time with the one you love, eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and go out for a picnic from time to time.Later, having a child, the family lived a happy life...
However, the real life after marriage makes this vision soon be broken.After losing the freshness of marriage, those Snow Whites in their dreams will often fall into the daily mundane things, and their Prince Charming will no longer sweet talk to her as before, let alone prepare anything in order to make ends meet. The gift is just doing the work of going out early and returning late every day, so I don't have time to accompany her at all.Later, the child was born, but taking care of the child is a very troublesome thing.As a result, many women began to lose confidence in marriage, and even began to suspect that they had chosen the wrong person and lived in regret, complaints and nagging every day.
But what is the reason for such an outcome?It must be because our young female friends imagined marriage too romantic at the beginning, and thus lost their clear understanding of married life. I believe that real marriage would not make her have such a huge sense of contrast.This type of lady sees marriage as a fairy tale, without taking into account the reality of it.Therefore, once the marriage returns from the fairy tale to reality, it will immediately cause dissatisfaction among these women, which in turn will lead to problems in the marriage.
Women who hold this view are mostly wives who have been married for many years.Their understanding of marriage is exactly the opposite of that of the previous type of women, who view marriage too realistically.Many wives who have been married for many years believe that there is no freshness to speak of between their husbands and themselves, and it is even more impossible to find any freshness.Therefore, they let their marriage develop in a dull, flat, and boring way, and they don't want to do anything to change the marriage.
Such ladies do recognize the practical side of marriage, but ignore its romantic side.Although they have no complaints about their current marriage, it does not mean that this is a marriage without problems.In the simplest terms, their husbands may have the opposite opinion.
In fact, it is not difficult to make marriage a little more romantic, and there are many methods that can be used.For example, ladies may wish to extravagance once in a while, have a candlelight dinner with their husbands, or take a walk in the woods with their husbands' arms after dinner.If necessary, even after many years of marriage, the wife can try to act like a baby with her husband.Although this may seem somewhat nasty, it can indeed play a role in regulating marriage.
Many women complain that their husbands are stupid and don't understand style at all.Some even think that they are no longer attractive to their husbands, because the husband is not as sweet-talking and caring to her as before, and of course there is no romance at all.
But in fact, it is not that the husband does not intend to give his wife a romantic and happy marriage, but that real life does not give them a chance.In order to maintain the life of the whole family, the husbands have to leave early and return late every day, and they also have to bear enormous work pressure outside.In this way, husbands spend most of their energy on raising their families, so they don't have the time to think about romance and warmth.
While the above may sound like an excuse, it is also true.Ladies, I sincerely hope that instead of blaming men for all their mistakes, you should understand them and be considerate of them.Since they don't have the energy to create romance, you should take the initiative.There are many ways, or remind them, or simply create your own, in short, you can't complain and complain.
Many couples ignore the role of communication and regard communication as a superfluous thing.They have their own reasons, and they think that after many years of getting along from dating to marriage, they already know each other very well, so there is no need to communicate at all.However, after investigation, it is found that it takes at least 5 years for a husband and wife to truly understand each other. That is to say, during these 5 years, the husband and wife are constantly exploring.Therefore, I have always emphasized that both husband and wife should communicate frequently and must tell each other their true inner feelings, so as to make a happy married life.
Many women believe that love is pure, and since two people form a family, there should be no privacy.This kind of thinking should not be said to be completely wrong, because sincerity is the key to building a good and happy marriage.However, these ladies ignore another point, that is, love is also selfish.Sometimes white lies can be crucial to maintaining a relationship between husband and wife.
Everyone has their own pursuit of freedom and dreams, even if you are married, don't think it is your private property.You know, he belongs to himself.He not only exists because of your small family, he also has his own life circle, social circle, parents, relatives, friends, colleagues and so on.If you want your marriage tree to be evergreen, you must follow him into this big circle, just like you have your own life circle, and you don't want to be bound by him.Give him freedom, give him space, and give yourself freedom and space.
Therefore, when you want to marry the man who loves you and spend your whole life together, you must be mentally prepared to accept and bear all aspects related to it, including family background, social background and his living habits.Please be very clear that the man you choose and the life you choose are not just a single individual of him, but the complex environment behind his family growth environment and the inextricable interactions with him. social group.
The above are the major misunderstandings I have mentioned about women's understanding of marriage.Therefore, I advise those ladies who are about to get married or are already married to take a good look at these points and stop letting yourself be illiterate about marriage.