Chapter 28 talk about your mistakes first

If you can humbly admit that you also make mistakes when criticizing others, then it will be easier for the other party to admit and correct his mistakes. My niece, Josephine Carnegie, came to New York a few years ago from her home in Kansas City to serve as my secretary.That year, she had graduated from high school for three years. She was just 19 years old and had no work experience, but she is now one of the best secretaries in the Western Hemisphere. When she first came, she had many shortcomings.One day, I was about to criticize her, but I told myself, "Wait a second, Dale, you are twice Josephine's age, and you have almost 10,000 times her life experience, you can't ask her to have the same experience as you." Same point of view, same judgment, same drive. And, wait a minute, Dale, what about when you were 19? How dumb you were.”

I thought about it, I thought Josephine was better at 19 than I was, and I realized that I didn't praise her that much for it. From then on, when Josephine made a mistake, I always said, "Josephine, you made a mistake, but God knows, I have made many worse mistakes than you. Of course you can't be born with everything, experience It will make people learn a lot. And, when I was your age, I was not as good as you. I was very stupid, so I don't want to criticize you at all. But don't you think that if you do this, it is not Is it better?" If a person humbly admits at the beginning that he also makes mistakes, when he comments on your mistakes, you may be more likely to listen to him.

Mr. Stone, an engineer in Brandon, Minneto, Canada, had a secretary who often made typos.Let's see how Mr. Stone handles this problem. "Like many engineers, my English spelling is not good. In recent years, I have been using a black-covered notebook to record words I am not very good at writing. In this way, I may have improved. But my secretary There are more and more typos. I know that just pointing out the mistakes is not very useful. So I decided to try another way. When I saw that the next letter still had some mistakes, I Sitting in front of my secretary, I said to her: For some reason, this word always looks different, and I can’t write this word. That’s why I prepared this diary. (I took out the black leather Ben, turn to one of the pages.) Yes, I found the right one. Now I pay attention to the correct spelling, because people will judge our professional level by whether the spelling is correct or not."

I don't know if she used my method, but since that conversation, she has stopped typing so easily. If the critic first humbly admits that he, too, makes mistakes, it will be less difficult to accept when he points out your mistakes. In 1909, the chancellor of Germany at that time, Prince Bloch, was very personable and understood the above reasons very well; while the then German Kaiser Wilhelm II was arrogant, he continued to strengthen the army and navy, and boasted that he could conquer the world with this. world. Soon, something shocking happened. The German emperor uttered wild words, which caused an uproar in the European continent and even the whole world.When he visited England, he said that he was the only German who had a friendly attitude towards Britain; he said that he would strengthen the navy to deal with Japan; he said that he saved Britain, otherwise Britain would have surrendered to Soviet Russia and France. ; also, he said that it was because of his plot that Sir Robert of England was able to defeat the Boers in South Africa; etc.And he also allowed the newspapers to publish his words.

For more than 100 years, no king in Europe has uttered such shocking words.The entire European continent was angry, and Britain was even more angry.The German politicians were panicked and embarrassed.William II himself didn't know what to do. He found Prince Blow, who was the Chancellor of the Empire, and wanted him to take all the responsibilities. The king said these shocking words. Prince Blow did not agree. He said, "But, Your Majesty, how is this possible? I suggested these words to Your Majesty? No one in Germany or England would believe that I have this ability." As soon as Buluo finished speaking, he knew that he had caused trouble, and the emperor was really furious.

He exclaimed, "Do you take me for a fool? To do stupid things you would never do yourself!" Prince Blow understood that he should compliment first and say nothing else later, but it was too late, so he had to take a step back and start again.He immediately turns to compliments, to make amends.This worked wonders. He said respectfully: "I have absolutely no intention of doing so. Your Majesty is better than me in many aspects, such as marine and military knowledge. And more importantly, in terms of natural science, when Your Majesty explains the barometer, wireless telegraph, When it came to Roentgen rays, I always listened with all my ears. I really admired it. I couldn’t figure out anything about natural science, not to mention physical chemistry. I couldn’t even explain some of the simplest natural phenomena. So in order to make up for my ignorance , I learned some knowledge of history and politics, which may be helpful to my work."

Faced with Prince Blow's humility and praise, William was happy and said enthusiastically: "I often tell you that we each have our own strengths and complement each other. Now we should strengthen this complementarity, we should strengthen it, we should do this! " While talking, he kept shaking hands with Blow, and after Blow left, he clenched his fist excitedly and said, "If anyone speaks ill of Prince Blow in front of me, I will smash his nose." Prince Blow pulled himself out of a crisis just in time, but at the beginning, he still got into trouble, as a politician like him, he should start by praising William instead of implying that the other party is a reckless bastard .

Yes, humility and praise can turn an arrogant and withdrawn German emperor into joy. We can imagine how humility and praise will play a big role in our lives. If used well, it will Keep surprising us. In the face of a person who does not correct his mistakes, you only need to talk about your mistakes first, and it will be easier for him to correct his mistakes.Clarence Zhou Hassing of Timonim, Maryland, knows this.Once, he saw his 15-year-old son learning to smoke, how did he deal with it?Here are his words: "Yes, I didn't want David to smoke, but my wife and I smoked all the time, and we set a bad example. So, I didn't tell him not to smoke, and I didn't threaten him that smoking was bad. I Tell him about my own smoking. I told David that I also started smoking when he was his age, and soon I was addicted, smoking seriously damaged my health, and now I can hardly quit .”

"David thought about it for a while and then told me he decided to stop smoking until he finished high school, and he hasn't since." Since that conversation, I have also decided not to smoke, and with the help of my family, I have successfully weaned it off.