Chapter 6 often see things from other people's point of view

"Try to understand the other person and see things from his point of view" can bring you harmony and success, and reduce friction and difficulties. Sometimes even if a person is really wrong, he may not necessarily admit it.At this time, it is useless to blame him, and it may even have the opposite effect.If you are smart enough, you have to understand him first. Not only do you need to know that others are like this, but you also need to figure out why he is like this.Understanding his personality is the key to answering him. Put yourself in someone else's situation and really think about it.

Ask yourself: "How would I feel and react if I were him?" This will save you a lot of worry and doubt. "If you understand the cause, you will often feel less discomfort with the outcome." And, this will greatly improve your relationships. In "How to Turn People into Gold" by Kenneth Goode, there is such a sentence: "Stop, take a minute, and compare how much you care about your own affairs and how you don't care about other things. things, you'll understand, and so do others. And once you get the hang of it, you'll have the solid foundations you need to do anything, like Lincoln and Roosevelt, etc. Of course, if you're a policeman guarding a prison, It’s better not to think like that. In short, how you get along with others depends entirely on how much you think about others.”

Sam Douglas of Hampster, N.Y., used to complain that his wife spent too much time mowing their lawn: His wife pulls weeds on their lawn at least twice a week , fertilizing and mowing grass.But Douglas doesn't think the lawn looks any more comfortable than it did when they moved in four years ago.And whenever he told his wife such words, it naturally destroyed the family atmosphere. Later Douglas came to our training class, and in the training, Douglas realized the stupidity of his past few years.It never occurred to him that she liked mowing the lawn because she found joy in it and wanted to be praised for it.

Once after they finished dinner, her wife said she was going to mow the lawn and asked him to go with her.At first he refused, but then he thought of something and went out with her to weed.For an hour they worked earnestly, talking pleasantly here and there.Naturally, his wife was very happy about it. From then on, he often helped her mow the lawn, and praised her for her job, saying that the lawn looked much better under her repairs.As a result, the husband and wife are happier and more harmonious.And it's all because he's learned to see things from her perspective, even if it's just a lawn thing.

In the book "Into Others' Inner World" written by Gilad Li Renbo, there is a passage like this: "Put other people's ideas and feelings as important as your own ideas and feelings, and express them Come out, so that the atmosphere of the conversation will be harmonious. At the beginning, let the other person tell the purpose or direction of his conversation first. When you are listening to others, prepare what you are going to say according to the other person's meaning, so that , because you understand and agree with his point of view, he will understand and agree with your point of view."

I have a habit for many years, that is, I often go for a walk and ride a horse in a park near my home.Like the Druids of ancient Gaul who worshiped an oak tree, I am very sad when I see the year after year of wildfires that burn down the trees here.In fact, those fires are rarely caused by smoking, most of them are caused by children who go to the park to have a picnic.Sometimes the fire is so large that the fire brigade must be called in. A sign stands in one corner of the park warning people to "do not use fire in the park".However, due to its location, it is difficult to be seen.There is a policeman in the park who patrols on horseback, but that doesn't help.Fires still happen every year.Once I saw a park on fire again, I ran to a policeman in a hurry and told him to call the fire brigade, but he didn't care and said it was not his responsibility.I was very disappointed, so when I went to the park in the future, I tried to be a volunteer caretaker to maintain the park.

At the beginning of this, when I saw someone using fire, I felt very uncomfortable, so I hurried over to stop it.I always rode up to the little kids and warned them that they might be sent to jail for setting fires in the park.I ordered them to put out the fire in an irresistible tone; and if they would not listen, I threatened to have them arrested.That's it, I just do what I think without considering their feelings at all. As a result of my doing so, those children did obey at that time, but they were very dissatisfied in their hearts. After I left, they often lit the fire again, and even wanted to burn the whole park.

As time goes by, I have a deeper understanding of the truth of getting along with people, know how to use skills, and know how to look at things from other people's perspectives.Therefore, when I encounter children using fire again, I no longer use the tone and attitude of commanding them.I will ride up to them and say this: "Have fun, kids? What do you want to make for dinner? . . . I loved playing with fire when I was a kid, and I still do. But you know what? How dangerous it is to use fire in this park. I know some of you will be wary, but not the others. When they come and see you use fire, they light it and come home when they're done and don't put it out, This will allow the fire to spread through the dead leaves and burn all the trees here. We won't see any trees here if we're not careful. And if you use fire here, you may be killed Grab it, but I don't want anyone to know, lest it spoil your joy. I'd like you to have fun, but I want you to get all the dead leaves off the fire, and before you leave, use Lots of dirt, bury the fire, would you like to? The next time you want to play with fire, would you please go to the other side of the hill and start the fire in the sandpit there? Because there will be no danger .Thanks, boys, and have fun."

That said, the effect is much better!Those kids will be very obedient.And it is accepted consciously from the heart without feeling awkward.They were not forced, ordered, and lost face.Both will be more comfortable.It's all because I see things from their point of view. When a person is faced with a serious problem, seeing things from another person's point of view can relieve stress.Elizabeth Novik of South Wales, Australia, bought a car in installments, but she hasn't paid the contract for six weeks."On a Friday, a man who was in charge of my car installment account called me and told me that if I didn't come up with the $122 by the next Monday morning, their company would take further action," she said. It happened to be the weekend, and I didn't raise any money. So, he called me on Monday and said a lot of worse things. But I didn't get angry. I looked at this matter from his point of view. I First, I sincerely apologized to him, saying that I really caused him a lot of trouble, and since I have not paid for 6 weeks, I must be the most troublesome customer among his customers. So he changed his tone , Said that I was not the most troublesome to him. He also gave me a few examples to explain, saying that some customers are very unreasonable, some often lie, and some avoid him and do not meet with him. I don’t speak, Let him express all his unhappiness. In the end, without waiting for any request from me, he said that it doesn't matter if I can't pay the owed money immediately. As long as I pay him 20 yuan at the end of the month, and then I Hand over the rest of the arrears to him when it's convenient, and that's it."

Before you later ask anyone to put out the fire, or buy your stuff, or ask him to donate $50 to the Red Cross, why not stop for a moment, close your eyes, and try to see it from someone else's point of view Think about the whole thing?Ask yourself, "Why is he doing this?" Yes, it will take some time; but it will allow you to make friends, achieve better results, and reduce difficulties and conflicts. Don Hamm, Dean of Harvard Business School, said: "Before I meet with some people, I would spend two hours walking on the sidewalk in front of his office, rather than having a clear idea in my head and not knowing what to say." , and don’t know the other party, and go directly to his office without being ready to answer.”

This passage is very important, and to emphasize its importance, let me repeat it: “Before meeting someone, I would rather spend two hours walking the sidewalk in front of his office than not have a clear idea in my head, don’t know what to say, don’t know the person, and aren’t ready to respond If not, go straight to his office." Even if you only understand one truth after reading this book, that is, to always see things from other people's point of view, this is enough to become a new milestone in your life.