Chapter 4 When you're wrong, admit it honestly

When you think you are right, you must tactfully and friendly make the other party agree with you; when you are wrong, you must immediately admit it sincerely.This method is more effective and fun than arguing for yourself. I live in the heart of New York, there is a woods a minute walk from my house.Spring came, white wildflowers grew among the black strawberry clumps, squirrels lived happily in the woods, and the grass grew as tall as a man.This piece of unspoiled woodland is called Forest Park.Yes, it is indeed a forest. When I went deep into it that afternoon, the scene I saw was no different from that of Columbus discovering the American continent.I often go for walks in the park with my little Boston Bulldog Rex, who is very obedient and never bites.I don't have the habit of putting it on a leash or wearing a mask, and there are very few people in the park.

One day we were walking in the park when a policeman came up on horseback, anxious to put on airs. "Why don't you keep the dog on a leash and let it run around here?" He scolded me, "Don't you know it's illegal?" Biting here." "No! The law doesn't allow you to think that way. It could kill a squirrel or bite a child. Next time I see this dog off a leash, you're going to Get ready to go to the judge yourself!" I politely agreed.I tried to do it a few times, but Reese got so impatient that I didn't let him suffer that way - and we came out as before.But it ran into trouble within a few days.One afternoon, Lace and I were racing up a hill when I suddenly saw the policeman walking towards me on a reddish-brown horse.Lace was heading straight for him.

It was bad luck, but I was ready to strike before the policeman could speak: "Mr. Inspector, you caught me on the spot. I'm not going to make any more excuses. I'm guilty. You warned me last week. Punish me." "It's nothing," the policeman became gentle. "In such a place with so few people, anyone would take such a cute puppy out for a walk." "Yes," I replied, "but it's against the law!" "Such a small dog shouldn't bite people." The policeman spoke for me instead. "But it might bite a squirrel," I said.

"It won't go that far," he said. "Well, let it run over this hill, as long as I can't see it, it's all right!" A policeman is human too, he wants to be respected by others, and when I blame myself, it satisfies his self-esteem. There is no need to defend yourself, go and argue with the police! I don't confront him head-on. At that time, I must be absolutely wrong, and the other party is absolutely right; I readily admit my mistake.Because if I speak for him, he will think of me instead, and the matter is resolved in a harmonious atmosphere.He's become kinder even than Sir Chad Bell, but just a week ago he tried to scare me with the law.

Let us be the first to confess our sins when it is inevitable that we will be blamed.It is better to blame yourself than to be blamed by others. When you know that someone wants to blame you, speak out the other person's words first, then he will have nothing to do with you.He will forgive your mistakes as magnanimously as the policeman did me and my puppy. Ferdinand Warren, an art dealer, used this method to turn a irascible customer into money. "A precise and rigorous attitude is the most important thing in making commercial advertisements and publications." Mr. Warren said afterwards, "Some art editors require others to realize their visions immediately, so some deviations will inevitably occur. Some of the editors I work for An art editor is very picky, and I always come out of his office feeling very uncomfortable, not because he criticizes me, but because of the way he treats me. Recently, I sent him an urgent letter, and he Called to tell me to come to his office immediately, the manuscript was wrong. When I got to his office, sure enough, he was very happy to have the opportunity to criticize me, and was full of hostility. While he was spouting me, I used my ego Criticism. I said: 'Sir, you are right, my mistake is unforgivable, I have worked for you for so many years, and I don't know how to do it, I am so sorry.'

"So he started to speak for me: 'You're right, but it's not that serious. It's just—' I immediately interjected: 'Any mistake can lead to serious consequences, why didn't I see it?' I Never let him excuse me. This is the first time I've had fun criticizing myself. "I said: 'I should be more careful, you have given me so much work, but I can't satisfy you, I must do it again. Said that he can change it again, and this small mistake will not cost his company a few dollars. In short, it is a trivial matter, not worth mentioning. "My self-criticism not only made him lose his temper, but he also bought me lunch, and he gave me a check to do other work."

When you are open to your mistakes, you will feel a sense of satisfaction.Because this eliminates one's sense of guilt, it also protects oneself in a tense atmosphere, which is more conducive to solving mistakes quickly and accurately. Bruce Harvey, a principal at a company in Albuquerque, New Mexico, once approved the payment of a full month's salary to an employee who was on sick leave.Later, he discovered the mistake and wanted to subtract the overpaid amount from the employee's next salary.The employee disagreed because it would cause serious financial problems for himself, and he requested that the overpaid money be deducted in installments.Harvey had to seek the approval of his superiors before deciding. "Going to the boss directly," said Harvey, "would make him very unhappy. There must be a better solution to the problem. I realize that all the confusion is my fault and must be dealt with by the boss." Do self-examination in front of you.

"Walking into his office, I told him that I had done something wrong, and then told what happened. He started to lose his temper, first said that this should be taken care of by the personnel department, and then loudly accused the negligence of the accounting department. I insisted on this over and over again. It was my mistake and I should be responsible. But then he started to criticize the other two colleagues in the office, and I was still explaining that it was my mistake. Finally he looked at me and said: 'Okay, it's your fault, I'll leave it to you.' The mistake was corrected and it didn't cause any other trouble. I'm glad I had the courage to handle a difficult matter without making excuses. Also, my boss I value it even more."

A fool also knows how to defend his own mistakes, but if a person can take the initiative to admit his mistakes, he will change others' views of himself.There is a good story in history: General Lee during the Civil War asked one person to bear the responsibility for the fiasco of Pickard's attack on Gettysburg. One of the most exciting battles in the West was Pickard's attack.At that time, Pickard had long hair and shawl, very romantic, just like Napoleon in the Italian campaign, writing love letters on the battlefield almost every day.On that ill-fated July afternoon, with his cap tilted on one side, he galloped swiftly to charge the Union army, his troops following him and shouting for him.Even the Northern Army couldn't help admiring the neat military posture, the high-flying military flag, the shining bayonets, and the brave soldiers.

The procession moved swiftly forward, over orchards and cornfields, and over the green grass and wildflowers of the hills.Although the Union artillery continued to bombard them, their morale was high and they were not afraid. At this moment, a group of ambushed infantry suddenly burst out from behind the cemetery ridge, and Pickard's army was unprepared, and was shot wildly.Suddenly the mountain was filled with gunpowder smoke and dead bodies were everywhere.Just a few minutes later, all but one of Pickard's brigade commanders were dead, and 80 percent of his 5,000 men were lost. General Amishde led the troops to rush up. He climbed up the stone wall next to him, waving his military cap with his command knife and shouting: "Brothers, go and kill them!" Fighting with spears, bayonets and the northern army, they finally planted their own flag on the northern front line on the cemetery ridge.At this moment, it was a glorious record of the Confederate Army's military exploits, but the military flag only fluttered there for a while before falling down.Pickard was uncharacteristically brave, and his final sprint, though glorious, was the beginning of failure.This defeat of General Lee's army prevented the Confederates from breaking through the northern lines, and the overall situation was sealed.General Lee was so remorseful that he sent his resignation to President Davis in the South, demanding that he be replaced by someone more competent.Originally, General Li could find dozens of reasons to shirk responsibility, for example, some division commanders neglected their duties, the cavalry did not arrive in time, and so on.But General Li has a broad mind and does not blame others.He personally greeted the army returning from the defeat, and conducted a self-examination in front of everyone: "It's all my fault. I failed the whole battle by myself." The commander-in-chief is always on top.How many people in history can bear the responsibility for failure alone?Mike John, who teaches at the Carnegie course in Hong Kong, said that many specific problems brought about by Chinese culture require new solutions, which are more beneficial than adhering to ancient traditions.There is a middle-aged student in his class. His son has not been with him for many years because the father used to smoke opium, but he has quit now.In traditional Chinese culture, the elder cannot admit his mistakes to the younger generation first, so he used to think that the father and son should reconcile, and his son must come to him first.At the beginning of the class, he talked about how much he wanted to be reconciled with his son, and to hug the grandkids he had never seen.The students in the class are all Chinese, so they understand his thoughts and situation very well, but it is difficult to break through the tradition after all.The father insisted that he was right and that the son should come to him first because young people have to respect their elders.

When the training was almost over, the father changed his mind.He said: "Dale Carnegie told us that when you are wrong, you should admit it immediately and frankly. It makes sense to think about it carefully. I should have admitted my mistake a long time ago. I will confess frankly now: I wronged my son. It is reasonable not to see me. If I take the initiative to ask the younger generation for forgiveness, it may be very embarrassing, but I have made mistakes, and I should admit my mistakes." After hearing what he said, the whole class applauded and supported him in doing so.In the next class, he told everyone how he went to his son's house to ask for forgiveness. Now he is reconciled with his son, wife, and grandchildren. Aber Heba, this eccentric writer often caused an uproar because of his acerbic articles, arousing people's strong dissatisfaction and controversy.But Heba is good at dealing with people, and many of his enemies have become his friends.For example, some angry readers wrote to him, saying that one of his articles was not good, and scolding him again, Heba wrote back to them like this: Faced with such an attitude, you naturally have nothing to say. When we are convinced that we are right, we must tactfully and friendly make the other party agree with us; when we are wrong, please be honest with yourself and admit it sincerely right away.Believe it or not is your question, this technique is not only surprisingly effective, but also very interesting. There is an old saying that goes well: "Arguing will never get you a satisfactory result, and taking a step back will give you more."