Chapter 30 Courage to accept the inevitable

Throughout life, you and I are bound to encounter some unpleasant things, and if they are this way, they cannot be otherwise.Of course, we also have choices: we can accept them as inevitable and get used to them, or we can use our worries to destroy our lives and eventually drive us into a nervous breakdown. The late Booth Tarkington always said, "I can take anything life throws at me except one: Blindness. That I can never bear." However, when he was in his 60s, when he looked down at the colorful carpet on the ground, he found that the colors were all blurred, and the pattern of the carpet could not be seen clearly.He went to an ophthalmologist, who confirmed the unfortunate fact that his eyesight was failing, and he was nearly blind in one eye and nearly blind in the other.For him, the most terrifying thing happened to him.

What was Tarkington's reaction to "the most terrible disaster of all"?Does he feel "It's over, my life is over"?No, it didn't even occur to him that he would be very happy, or even make good use of his sense of humor.Before, the floating "dark spots" in his eyeballs made him sad because they obscured his vision as they swam past his eyes, but now, when the biggest spots swam past his eyes, he But he would say humorously: "Hey, it's old black-spotted grandpa coming again! Today's weather is so good, where will he go?" After Tarkington lost his sight completely, he said: "I found that I could suffer blindness, as a man can suffer other disasters. If all my senses were completely lost, I think I could go on living In my thoughts, because only in thoughts we can see, only in thoughts can we live, whether we know it or not."

Tarkington underwent 12 surgeries over the course of a year to restore his vision, performed by local ophthalmologists.Is he afraid?He knew it was necessary, he couldn't escape it, so the only way to alleviate the pain was to accept it.He refused to use the hospital's personal ward, but was admitted to a general ward with other patients.He tried to make the other patients happy, and even when he had to undergo several surgeries - and of course he knew exactly what to do in his eyes, he just tried to think about how lucky he was. "How wonderful," he said, "how wonderful that science has now come to operate on such a delicate organ as the eye."

If it is an ordinary person who endures more than 12 operations and lives in darkness for a long time, he may have become neurotic, but Tarkington said: "I don't want to make myself unhappy." This incident taught him how to accept disasters, It made him understand that nothing that life brought him was beyond his ability and could not bear; this incident also made him realize what Fulton said, "It's not sad to be blind, what's sad is that you can't bear it." Blindness" really makes sense. On the contrary, if we fight against it, or recoil from it, or feel sorry for it, we cannot change the inevitable fact that has happened.Therefore, everyone must learn to have the courage to accept the inevitable.

I really like the advice of the philosopher William James: "Be willing to admit that this is the case." He said, "Accepting what has happened is the first step in overcoming any misfortunes that follow. "Elizabeth Conley, who lives in Portnam, Ore., learned this the hard way.Here is a letter she wrote to me, which says: On the day the United States celebrated our Army's victory in North Africa, I received a telegram from the Department of Defense that my nephew, the man I loved the most, had disappeared in battle.Not long after, another telegram came saying that he had died.

I am beyond saddened to learn of this unfortunate fact.Before that happened, I always felt that fate was good to me. I had a job I liked and worked hard to bring up this nephew.In my opinion, he is the epitome of all that is good about young people.I feel that all my previous efforts have been well rewarded now... However, when this telegram was sent to me, my whole world was ruthlessly shattered, and I felt that there was no point in living any longer.I started ignoring my work, ignoring my friends.I began to abandon everything, to be indifferent and resentful towards the world.Why did my dearest nephew die?Why did such a good child have to die on the battlefield before he started the real life that should belong to him?I can't accept this fact.I was overwhelmed with grief and decided to quit my job and stay away from my hometown, in regret and tears.

Just as I was clearing my desk and preparing to resign, I suddenly saw a letter that I had long forgotten.This letter is written to me by my deceased nephew.He wrote me this letter a few years ago when my mother died."Of course, we'll all miss her," he said, "and especially you. But I know you'll get through it—in your own way of looking at life, you'll get through it. I will always And I will never forget the beautiful truths you taught me: No matter where we are, no matter how far we are, I will always remember you taught me to smile, to be a man, to accept what happened ’” I read that letter over and over again, and it seemed as if he was right next to me, talking to me.He seemed to say to me, "Why don't you do what you taught me? Be strong, carry on, and no matter what happens, hide your personal sorrow behind a smile and get on with your life."

So, I went back to work and stopped being rude to people.I told myself over and over again: "Things have happened, I have no ability to change it, but I can continue to live as he wishes." I spent all my thoughts and energy on my work, and I gave the soldiers in front Writing letters, they are other people's sons; in the evening, I went to adult education classes again.I want to find out new interests and meet new people.I can hardly believe all the new changes happening to me.Instead of grieving over things that have happened and gone forever, I now live as my nephew would have me do—every day is filled with joy.

Elizabeth Conley has learned what all of us must learn, that we must accept and adapt to the inevitable.This lesson is not easy to learn.Even reigning kings often remind themselves that they must.For example, the late George V had these words on the wall of Buckingham Palace: "I don't cry over the moon, nor regret things." Schopenhauer expressed the same thought in the following words, he is Said: "Following the trend of the times is the most important thing you do when you embark on the journey of life." Obviously, the environment itself does not determine whether we are happy or unhappy, only our reaction to the surrounding environment determines how we will be. feelings.We should all endure disaster and tragedy if necessary, and even overcome them.We may think we can't do it, but in fact, there is an amazingly strong inner strength that can help us overcome all difficulties if we are willing to use it.

So, should you be humble when encountering any setbacks?Absolutely not, that would be fatalism.I personally think that no matter what the situation is, as long as there is still a little chance of saving, we must work hard.But when common sense tells us that things are inevitable and there will be no turning point, we must have a clear head and stop worrying about it. The late Hawkes Dean of Columbia University once told me that he wrote a limerick for himself as his motto: Before preparing to write this book, I visited many famous businessmen in the United States.What impresses me most is that most of them can accept those inevitable facts and live their lives carefree all day long.If they fail to do so, they will be crushed under the tremendous pressure.The following examples illustrate this point well:

Penny, who created the Pan's chain of stores across the country through his own efforts, told me: "Even if all my money is lost, I will not worry, because worrying will not get me anything. I will try my best." It may be possible to do a good job, but as for the result, it depends on how God arranges it." When I asked Mr. Keller, the general manager of Chrysler, how he avoids worry, he said: "If I have a difficult problem, as long as I can think of a solution, I will do it. If I can't solve it, I just forget about it. I never worry about the future, because no one can know what will happen in the future, there are too many factors that affect the future, and no one knows where these effects come from So, why worry about them for nothing?" If you think Keller is a philosopher, you're wrong, he's just a brilliant businessman.However, his concept is just similar to the theory of the great Roman philosopher Epitotus before the 19th century. "The source of happiness," he said, "is not to worry about things that are beyond our will power." Arguably, Sarah Banhart is the woman who knows best how to face the inevitable. For 50 years, she has been the unique "queen" of the Four Continents Theater and the favorite actress of audiences all over the world.But at the age of 71, she was bankrupt, lost all her money, and her doctor, Professor Pokey in Paris, told her that her legs had to be amputated. Here's how it happened: She slipped and fell on deck in a storm while crossing the Atlantic, badly wounding her leg with phlebitis and leg cramps.Such excruciating pain that doctors thought her leg had to be amputated.The doctor was afraid to break the news to the ill-tempered Sarah.He thought the dreadful news would make Sarah very angry.But he was wrong, Sarah just looked at him for a long time, and then said calmly: "If this is really necessary, then it must be done." Her son stood by and wept as doctors wheeled her into the operating room.But she waved to him and said happily: "Don't go away, wait here for me to come out." On the way to the operating room, Sarah had been reciting a scene from a play she had acted in.Someone asked her if she was doing this to cheer herself up, but she said: "No, I want to make the doctors and nurses happy so that they don't have too much pressure." After the surgery, Sarah returned to health and went on to travel the world, captivating her audience for another seven years. Elsie McMick said in an article in Reader's Digest: "When we stop fighting against the inevitable, we can save our energy and create a richer life." There is never enough emotion and energy for anyone to resist the inevitable and at the same time create a new life.You can only choose one of two things: you can bow down under life's inevitable storms, or be destroyed by resisting them. Have you ever wondered why car tires can run on the road for so long and withstand so many bumps?Initially, the people who made the tire wanted to create a tire that would resist the bumps in the road, however, it didn't take long before the tire fell into pieces.Then they came up with a tire that could absorb the various pressures of the road so that the tire could "take it all."On the difficult journey of life, if we can bear all the setbacks and bumps like tires, we will be able to live longer and the journey of life will be smoother.What will happen to us if we don't obey, but rebel against the various setbacks we encounter in life?The answer is very simple: we create a chain of conflicts, we worry, tense up, and allow ourselves to become irritable, even neurotic. If we could go one step further, ditch the unhappiness of the real world, and retreat into a dream world of our own making, then we would be insane. Jesus Christ said this: "Take the inevitable lightly." But in today's worry-filled world, people need it more than ever: "Take the inevitable lightly." .” So, to break the habit of worrying before it destroys you, here's the sixth step: Accept the inevitable.