Chapter 24 make yourself likable

As a teenager, I had a stupid mentality of craving friendship while keeping people at arm's length.I have the same mentality as most people. I want others to be interested in me, but I don't want to take the time to make others accept me. In my life, I often hear many such complaints: "No one is interested in me", "People don't want to know me", or "I am too shy to attract others' attention", etc. Yes, why should others approach and like you?No one in this world is obliged to like you or me.Is there any special reason why others would choose you in particular?Unless you have qualities they like, there is no need for them to approach you.

Confucius in China has a famous saying that means: "The most important thing is not whether others love us, but whether we are worthy of being loved." When getting along with others, if you want to win their friendship or affection, don't worry about others first Like us or not, but to improve your attitude with your heart and improve the qualities that make others like you. Marianne Anderson has vividly described her early life.At that time, her career failed, she was very frustrated, and she was almost ready to give up her singing career.Later, relying on her spiritual pursuit, she gradually regained her courage and confidence, ready to continue fighting for her career. "I want to keep singing! I want everyone to like me! I want to keep pursuing perfection!" she said to her mother.

After hearing this, the mother happily replied: "Very good! This is a very good ambition. But you must know that before a person can achieve a great cause, he must first learn to be humble." After hearing this, Marianne was deeply moved, Therefore, I am determined to "strive" for perfection in musical attainments, rather than "want" perfection. "Humility precedes greatness." This is the most beautiful gift a mother ever gave her. Everyone knows that when people are playing golf, their eyes are usually all focused on the ball.When I teach people skills to my students, I usually tell them to stay focused on the message.If you care too much about the results in doing things, it is easy to have side effects such as nervousness, fear, and poor expression, but it will not achieve your expected results.

I personally learned this lesson the hard way.In the past, I was timid and often bullied by people, such as waiters in restaurants, taxi drivers, porters at railway stations, etc., who often liked to scare me.Also, I really dislike and am terribly afraid of public speaking, and getting up in front of a crowd and saying something is almost impossible. Many years ago, when preparing to give a speech, it was difficult to find out the audience.I had dinner with a good friend beforehand, and I showed my nervousness without realizing it.Nervously, I asked my friend, "What if the audience disagrees with what I'm saying? What if they don't like me?"

The friend replied, "Yes, why should they like you? What can you do for them? Do you think what you have to say is important?" I admit that those things mean a lot to me. The friend continued: "Very well. I don't think it's important whether the audience likes you or not. The important thing is whether you convey the message you want to express. As for whether they like you or hate you, why should you care? At least, you He has completed his task." After some pointers from my friend, I changed my view of the whole speech.Now, whenever I prepare to give a speech, I pray quietly beforehand: "God, please help me to convey a message that is beneficial to these audiences, so that they will learn something and go home happy." For many people, such prayers are very useful, and I do hope that they will be helpful to the listeners.Such prayers humbled me and made me realize that I was just a speaker with a message, not a display of my knowledge or style.What I want to present are ideas that will be somewhat inspiring to the audience and hopefully will help them in their lives.

The best way to get friendship is to focus on giving rather than receiving, not by temporary attraction or coaxing.The so-called ability to win friendships does not mean hooking shoulders, striking up conversations, acting funny, or telling funny jokes.That should refer to a state of mind, an attitude toward the world, or a desire to give one's love, interests, attention, and service to others.A friend of mine does this well. He was a famous writer named Homer Clovis.In interpersonal communication, he has his own way.Anyone who met him, whether it was a millionaire, a cleaner, a woman, children, or children, would have a good impression of him in the first time they got along with him.why?Clovis was neither young, nor handsome, nor a millionaire, so what charm could he have?It's simple, because he is not artificial at all, and can make others feel the sincerity in his heart.

Friend's servants would take special care to prepare his meals, children would crawl on his lap, and if it were announced, "Homer Clovis will be here tonight!" Must be full.In addition to the deep affection among friends, Homer Clovis's family also loved him very much.His wife, daughter, and several grandchildren are all very fond of him. What method did the writer use to win this happiness?In fact, it is very simple, just treat people with sincerity and love human beings.For him, he doesn't care who the other party is or what he does.Everyone is important to him, and everyone deserves his love and care.Every time he meets a stranger, he can talk like an old friend as quickly as possible.Among them, don't just talk about your own affairs, but try to talk about the other party's affairs.By asking questions, he can know where the other party is from, what he does, whether he has any family members, etc.He will not chatter non-stop, but to express his interest and concern to the other party, so as to enhance the friendship relationship between each other.

In the face of such enthusiastic people, I believe that everyone will reveal their fragrance like a flower in the sun.As Ambassador Joseph Grew said: "The secret of diplomacy is only five words: I want to like you." Homer Clovis never worried about making friends - because everyone was his friend.He doesn't care whether others like him or not, but concentrates on liking others, and in the end he reaches the state of "unintentionally inserting willows and willows into shades". If you want to mature yourself, the ninth principle is: To make others like you, you must first make yourself likeable.