Chapter 16 Mature, start with the courage to take responsibility

One day, my youngest daughter, Dana, who was a toddler, wanted to move a small chair from the living room to the kitchen because she wanted to stand on it to grab something from the refrigerator.When I saw this scene, I rushed over, but I still couldn't stop her from falling off the chair.I went over to help her up to see if she was injured, but she kicked the sturdy chair fiercely and cursed angrily, "It's all you bad guy, It made me fall!" In daily life, if you pay attention to the lives of young children, you will definitely hear or see more similar stories.In the eyes of children, their behavior is extremely natural.They like to blame inanimate things, or irrelevant characters, as if by doing so they can ease the pain of their fall.It's perfectly normal behavior for them to behave like this.

However, if you continue this reactive behavior pattern and habit into adulthood, it needs to be taken seriously because it can get you into a lot of trouble.Since ancient times, people have generally had a bad tendency to entrust others.Adam, who ate the forbidden fruit, finally blamed Eve: "It was the woman who tempted me, so I ate it." If a person wants to make himself mature, the first thing to do is to let himself learn to take responsibility.We live in a world where we have to face the many responsibilities of life, and when we suffer or fall, we should never be like children kicking a chair to vent our anger.

Why do so many people in their lives like to let others take responsibility?Come to think of it, because it's definitely easier to blame someone else than to take responsibility yourself.Think about how often you yourself like to blame your parents, bosses, teachers, husbands, wives, or children. We even like to blame our ancestors, the government, society as a whole, and even ourselves for why we came into this world. In the eyes of immature people, they can always find some reasons, and reasons of external circumstances, by which they can extricate themselves from some of their own shortcomings or misfortunes.For example, their childhood was extremely poor, their parents were too poor or too rich, they were not well educated, their teaching methods were too strict or too lax, and their health was poor.

In family life, some people complain that their husbands (wives) don’t understand themselves, or their fate is against them—sometimes you can’t help but wonder: Why does the world have to unite to bully these people?For these people, they never think about how to overcome difficulties, but first find a scapegoat. There is a strange custom in the Tudor dynasty in England, that is, the children of the royal family invite a so-called "whip boy".Since offending the royal family is a treasonous act, the children of the Wang family should not be offended casually.But children will inevitably be naughty and unruly. In order to make his subordinates abide by the rules of not offending the royal family, they use money to hire a "scapegoat" to bear the punishment that royal children deserve.It is said that this kind of position is still quite popular, and many people are rushing to do it.This is not only to receive a salary, but also to further enter the royal family work in the future, so many people are keen to do this "job" and regard it as a goal to pursue.

Of course, this profession no longer exists, but this form of "scapegoating" still exists for many naive or immature people.If they can't find anyone to blame, they can blame changing times, international chaos, the insecurities of modern life, and other sensational circumstances. There was once a student in my class who came to the office to find me.That day, our course was to train students to memorize other people's names.The student said to me: "I hope you don't expect me to remember people's names. This is exactly my weakness. I have never had a good memory."

"Why?" I asked. She replied: "This is inherited from my family. My family's memory has always been bad, so I don't expect any improvement in this area..." I said sincerely, "Girl, your problem is not genetics, but a kind of inertia. Because you think it's easier to blame your family's genetics than trying to improve your memory. Now sit down and I can prove it to you." .” After she sat down, I helped her with a few simple memory exercises.Because of her concentration, she received very good results.Of course, it will take some time for her to change her original concept.Because she was willing to accept my suggestion, she finally overcame the difficulty in memory, and her memory has been greatly improved.

We have to admit that today's parents, in addition to memory loss, have various things that their children complain about. For example, I know a young girl who often complains that her mother makes her A lifetime has been affected. It turned out that when the girl was young, her father died of illness, and the burden of the family fell on her mother.The mother had to go out to work to make ends meet and educate her young daughter.The mother was very capable and hardworking, and later became a very accomplished businesswoman.During this period, she took good care of her daughter and gave her the best education, but the result was not what the mother wanted to see.The daughter regards her mother's success as the biggest obstacle to her progress!

The girl, who thought she was very poor, said that her childhood was completely destroyed because she was in a living environment that "competed with her mother" all the time.Her mother said in bewilderment: "I really don't understand this child. Over the years, I have been working hard to create better conditions for her. But in reality, my behavior is just Added a kind of pressure to her." What is surprising is that although George Washington did not have a noble background and outstanding meritorious parents, he was still able to promote history and become a world-famous figure in the world; Hard work, and it didn't do him any ill.And Lincoln didn't think about shifting responsibility to others.He stated in 1864: "I am responsible to the American people, to Christendom, to history, and to the final judgment of God—all."

Lincoln's words are arguably the most courageous declaration in human history.We cannot be considered mature unless we take up our responsibilities with the same courage before others. The famous physician William Goffman wrote a wonderful treatise "Infant Psychiatry".The article mentioned how the increasing number of "psychological secret doctors" spoiled everyone.Dr. Goffman pointed out that many people who seek help from psychiatrists usually like to find a psychological excuse for their weaknesses and behaviors that are out of tune with the world, so that they seem to have obtained some kind of spiritual comfort.While psychology has been finding excuses for those who cannot face the adult world, many people continue to attribute their difficulties to various external factors.

If you've read the biblical account of Jesus' life, you'll understand that one of the most striking qualities of Jesus was his uncompromising, uncompromising character.When someone comes to him for help or medical treatment, he doesn't waste time digging into the other person's subconscious mind, or trying to figure out who or what is responsible for the person's current plight. "Pick up your bedding and go home! Sin no more, your sins are forgiven..." The attitude Jesus wants to express is obvious: it is important to transform people's lives for the better, rather than sinking in the abyss of self-pity all day long.

Once, I went to a book fair with my friends.The friend used to boast of how well he knew modern art.At that time, I saw a painting with a very sloppy style, so I inadvertently expressed my feelings about this painting: "I have a 3-year-old child at home, maybe he can draw better than this. If this is art, I am Michelangelo." The friend replied: "Don't you feel the pain of human spirit? What this artist wants to express is the pressure and confusion of human spirit in the atomic age." Yes, even an artist who paints incomprehensibly can attribute his incompetence to the atomic age! But one thing is certain.If the atomic age is to bring any hope or fulfillment to humanity other than destruction or death, what we need are strong, mature individuals who are able and willing to take responsibility for their actions. For those who wish to mature themselves, the first rule to remember should be: Bear the consequences of your actions and take responsibility for your actions instead of just kicking chairs!