Chapter 12 bring happiness to others every day

Why does doing a good deed have such a big impact on people?Because when we try to please others, we stop thinking about ourselves.When we think only of ourselves, it creates worry and fear, and depression. A great psychologist, Alfred Andel, often said to those suffering from mental depression: "If you follow my prescription, you will be cured in two weeks: just think about it every day. Think about how you can make other people happy." So, what is this prescription?Andel wrote in his book What Life Means to You: Depression is like a perennial anger and antipathy towards others. Although the patients just want care, compassion and support, they seem to be depressed because of inner guilt.Depressed people's early memories usually go something like this: "I remember wanting to lie on the couch, but my brother lay there, and I cried so loudly that he had to go away." Usually suicide is used as a means of revenge, and the doctor's first treatment is to make them find no reason for suicide.What I use to relieve their emotional tension, which is the first rule in this therapy, is to advise them to "don't do what you don't like to do."This sentence may sound very simple, but I believe it can go deep to the root of this disease.If a melancholic can do everything he wants, who will he get revenge on?Does he still blame others?

Another way is to touch their way of life more directly.I tell them, "You can be cured in two weeks if you do what I say: just think every day about how you can make someone else happy." You know what that means to them?They were just thinking "how can I make other people worry about me" and their answers were very interesting.Some people say, "It's so easy for me. I've been doing this all my life to please people." They've never done it.So I ask them to think it over, but they generally don't want to think about it.At this time, I would tell them, "When you can't sleep, think about how to make others happy. It will greatly improve your health." When I see them again the next day, I will ask They say, "Have you thought about my advice?" Some of them will answer, "I fell asleep when I went to bed last night." Of course, when you talk to them about these things, you have to be kind and sincere, Can't show any superiority at all.

I want them to be somewhat interested in other people.Many of them would say to me, "Why should I make other people happy? People would never think of making me happy." I told him, "You have to think about your own health. Others will suffer later. Of course, it is rare to come across a patient who says, "I have thought about what you suggest," because I know that lack of cooperation is at the root of his illness, and I am trying to make him see that.Once he can get in touch with other people on an equal and cooperative basis, his illness will be cured.We all know that those who have no interest in others have the most difficulty in life and the most harm to others.Only those who are interested in others will have happiness and health.

Of course, Dr. Ander asks us to do one good deed every day. The "good deed" here refers to what the Prophet Muhammad said: "It is something that can bring a happy smile to other people's faces." Those who see a psychiatrist, as long as they are willing to help others, about 1/3 of them can heal themselves.The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said: "About one-third of my patients are not really sick, but because their lives are meaningless and empty." In other words, they just want to get along with others. They hitchhike through their lives -- but other people's cars just go by and don't stop, so they go to a psychoanalyst and talk about their pointless, small, useless lives.Of course, they couldn't get on the boat, so they had to stand on the pier, blaming this or that, but they never blamed themselves, and demanded that the world be centered around their desires.

Henry Link, director of the New York Psychotherapy Center, said: "According to my personal opinion, the most important discovery of modern psychology is to prove scientifically that there must be a spirit of self-sacrifice or self-restraint in order to achieve success. Achieving self-knowledge and happiness." If you're a guy, you can skip this section because you probably won't be interested.Here is the story of how a very unhappy and worried girl got several men to propose to her.And the girl is now a grandmother.I was a guest at her home a few years ago when I was giving a lecture in her small town, and the next morning she drove me 50 miles to get a ride so I could transfer to Grand Central.We talked about how to make friends, and she said to me, "Mr. Carnegie, I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone, not even my husband."

She told me that she was born in a very poor family in Philadelphia, and the greatest tragedy of her childhood and adolescence was that her family was very poor.She said: "I couldn't have as much fun as other girls, my clothes were never made of the best materials, plus I grew up so fast that my clothes never fit and weren't in trendy styles. So, I always felt ashamed and aggrieved. At that time, I often fell asleep crying. Finally, out of desperation, I came up with a solution, that is, every time I attended a dinner party, I asked my male companion to He told me about his own past experience, some of his opinions, and his plans for the future. The reason I did that was not because I was particularly interested in what he said, but because I didn't want him to notice that I was ugly. clothes. However, a strange thing happened very quickly, and as I listened to these young people talk to me and got to know them better, I really began to take an interest in what they had to say. Sometimes, I The interest would be so strong that I forgot how I dressed myself, and because I could listen to other people and encourage the boys to talk about themselves, making them very happy, I gradually became the most popular girl in our place, In the end, three boys came to propose to me.”

This story sounds funny, but it also shows that being more considerate of others can not only stop worrying about yourself, but also help you make many friends and have more fun. If you want to eliminate worries and gain peace and happiness, then learn to be interested in others and forget about yourself; do something good every day that can bring happiness and smiles to other people's faces.