Chapter 6 you should avoid arguing with people

If you want not to be hated by others, you must do things that are in line with human nature.From an early age, I developed an indissoluble bond with bickering and bickering.I like to have a non-stop verbal fight with my brother about everything.It seems to be in my nature to like to argue.Later, I took debate and logic as electives in college, and I often participated in debate competitions.Later, I moved to New York, where I taught speech and debate, and I was even going to write a book on debate.But there is one thing that made me change this kind of argument. It made me understand a truth: the only way to win an argument is to avoid it.

Therefore, we can never change anyone's mind with verbal battles. I was acting as Sir Ross Smith's agent in London after the Second World War.Sir Smith was an Australian Air Force pilot during World War II.Not long after the victory in the European campaign, he flew half of the world within a month, causing a sensation all over the world.For this, he was awarded a knighthood by the Queen of England and was also awarded by the Australian government.For a time, he became a famous figure in England. Once a day, I go to a banquet.At a banquet, a gentleman told a joke in which he quoted a sentence, but he said that sentence was from the Bible.It just so happened that I knew that quote was from Shakespeare, so I told him with a sense of superiority.But he immediately insisted that it could not be from Shakespeare's works, it must be from the "Bible".So we argued.Sitting next to me was my old friend Frank Keim, who was very familiar with Shakespeare.So the man and I asked Cam for advice.After hearing this, Cam touched me with his foot under the table and said that I was wrong, that sentence came from the Bible, and that person was right.

On the way home, I asked Cam what was the matter, because he knew I was right, but he said, "You're right, and that's in Hamlet, Act V, Scene Two. But, We all went to the banquet as guests, why do you have to prove him wrong in front of everyone? Why not save his face? He doesn't need your opinion, why talk back to him? Remember , Never confront others head-on.” Now, although Cam is no longer alive, I will always remember his words: Never confront people face to face. Franklin once said: If you are always arguing and arguing, maybe once in a while you can win!But this kind of victory is empty, because you will never get the goodwill of the other party, so you have to think carefully, do you want that kind of verbal victory, or do you want the goodwill of others from the heart?When former US President Wilson was in power, William McKenzie was his Secretary of the Treasury.Based on years of political experience, William summed up this sentence: Relying on debates cannot convince ignorant people. "An ignorant man," perhaps William put it too conservatively.

According to my own experience, no matter what the knowledge and IQ of the other party, you can't change his mind through debate-this is the nature of human beings. Fissen, an income tax consultant, said in a class: "I once argued for two hours with a government tax inspector over a crucial $5,000. The $5,000 was actually accounts receivable. There is no way to collect the bad debts in the company, so there should be no income tax. But the inspector insisted on collecting. The inspector was arrogant, cruel, and stubborn. The more you argue with him, the more stubborn he becomes. Faced with this situation, Fissen said to him: "Compared with other important and difficult things you have to deal with, this matter is really not worth mentioning. Most of my research on tax issues comes from dead knowledge in books. And you have rich work experience, and your knowledge is a summary of practical work experience. I really envy your work, you will learn a lot of knowledge." So the inspector sat upright in the chair, and talked about his work for a long time, and talked about his children.The tense atmosphere at that time eased all of a sudden.Before leaving, the inspector said that he would think about this question and reply in a few days.Three days later, the inspector called Feisen, and he decided not to collect those income taxes.

The characteristics of human nature's desire to be affirmed are vividly displayed in this inspector.What he wanted was the feeling of being important.The more Feisen argues with him, the more stubbornly he uses the functions of his position to show his authority. When Feisen agrees with his power, there is nothing to argue about.Feisen finally satisfied his desire for authority, so he showed tolerance and understanding. Hpa-an Mutual Insurance Company has an iron discipline, which is "don't argue".True business spirit is not arguing.Because arguing doesn't change people's minds.

O. Henry is one of my students, he has little education, but he always likes to argue.He used to be a driver and a car salesman, but he couldn't do it well, so he came to me for advice.After a brief conversation, I knew that he was always used to arguing with customers, and if the other party said something was wrong with his car, he would immediately quarrel with the customer impatiently.He won many of these arguments, but he didn't sell many of his cars.Therefore, he is very distressed.So I told him to learn patience and restraint, and not to quarrel with others.Now, Henry has become the sales star of White Motor Company.So, how did he succeed?

Henry said that now he is going to sell cars to customers. If the customer says that White's car is not good, he will buy Jose's car.Henry would say that Jose's products are really good, and you can't go wrong buying their products. Jose's cars are all produced by famous manufacturers, and the salesmen are also great.He must first agree with the client's ideas, and then talk about White's benefits, and the results have received excellent results.Avoiding arguments saves you a lot of time and energy to devote to perfecting your ideas and putting them into practice.There is absolutely no need to waste too much energy on things that are fruitless and meaningless.Eliminating red-faced arguments will only make both parties respect each other more, thereby enhancing friendship, facilitating the exchange of ideas and the conversion of opinions.

One article tells us to avoid arguments like this: Listen first: Give the other person a chance to express themselves.Don't interrupt him, let him express his meaning fully.Listen attentively to increase communication and understanding. Look for common ground: After you have listened to the other person, first look for places where you and him have the same or similar views. Acknowledge serious consideration of disagreement: Acknowledge sincerely that he may be right to disagree.It was therefore wiser to agree to take his opinion into account. Thanks for the concern of those who hold different opinions: because they care about the same thing, they have different opinions.See him as someone who can help you, maybe he will become your friend.

Do not rush into action, give both parties time: pause appropriately, consider the existing issues more carefully, and then hold talks.Ask yourself: If I remain silent, will the disagreement cease to exist?Is this conundrum my one chance?Almost all arguments will make both parties involved in the argument more insist on their views.Regardless of whether they gained the upper hand on the surface, in essence they lost.Just as both sides in a war have losses, there are never winners in an argument.