Chapter 5 don't have to blame others

In reality, many people, especially those in high positions, often like to blame their subordinates, as if this is the only way to vent their dissatisfaction and to reflect their dignity—this is the weakness of human nature.But people often have such a characteristic: when he is faced with blame, he will have resistance, and it becomes a kind of legitimacy for him to defend himself desperately.Let me tell you that blaming is also dangerous, because it hurts a person's precious self-esteem, hurts his sense of self-esteem, and he will have strong dissatisfaction. A psychologist Hans Sely said: "Just as we long for recognition, we are afraid of being condemned." So, please don't blame others, and express your dissatisfaction in another way, maybe the situation is better many.

The world-renowned psychologist Skinner is one of the people I admire the most. He proved through experiments that rewards can make people make fewer mistakes, while accusations and punishments can only attract resentment and discord. In order to confirm this truth, I also once consulted the warden of a prison, and the warden told me: "In our place, almost no one thinks he is a prisoner, they always think they are normal. Criminals, like you and me, you talk to them and they tell you why their hand has to pick up a gun to kill, why his hand is so sharp in front of the combination lock of a safe. They say It's reasonable, you think his logic is valid, but you know one thing, they committed a crime, they are bad people."

From this, we can also draw a conclusion: no one will blame himself after making a mistake, he always finds various reasons to justify, and the words of justification can convince himself.When others criticize him, he can't help but defend himself, and when the defense fails, he will treat others with resentment and anger. In the long history can be found many examples of "criticism" ineffective. In 1908, Theodore Roosevelt resigned from the presidency and left the White House to hunt lions in Africa. Another leader of the Republican Party, Tufte, was elected president.When Theodore Roosevelt returned to the United States, he found that Taft had changed his policies when he was in office, so he accused Taft of being too conservative, and formed a "Progressive Party" separately, preparing to run for president again.This nearly led to the collapse of the Republican Party.As a result, in that election, Taft and the Republican Party only won the votes of two states, Vermont and Utah, which was the biggest defeat ever suffered by the Republican Party.Roosevelt condemned Taft, but did Taft blame himself?of course not.Tufte once said with tears in his eyes that he didn't know how to do it differently from what he had done.Who is right and who is wrong in this matter is another matter, but we can find that Roosevelt's criticism did not make Taft feel that he was wrong, but made Taft just try to defend himself.The result of this debate was to split the Republican Party and send Woodrow Wilson to the White House.

Let's take another look at the "Craft Case of Elk and Teflon Oilfield Reserve".This incident once angered public opinion across the country and shocked the entire United States!No one expected such a thing to happen in the administration of the United States.The facts of the fraud case were as follows: President Harding's Secretary of the Interior, Albert Hoover, was appointed to preside over the government's lease of the Elk and Teflon oil field reservations.These two oilfield reservations are reserved by the government for future use by the navy.Was Hoover presiding over a public tender at the time?Absolutely not.Secretary Hoover simply gave this lucrative contract to his friend Duheny.And Duheny reciprocated, "loaning" to Hoover what he called a "loan" of US$100,000.Hoover then used his power to order the U.S. Navy to enter the Elk and Teverton areas, driving away all other nearby oil field operators, because of the exploitation of their nearby oil wells, the exploitation of the Elk and Teverton oil fields have a certain influence.Unwilling to be reconciled, the expelled oilfield exploiters went to the court to appeal, and only then did they uncover the inside story of the "Elk and Tefton Oilfield Reserve Fraud Case", involving a total amount of 100 million US dollars.This fraud case caused a sensation all over the United States, and the national public opinion was in an uproar. They unanimously hated this scandal. Its impact was so bad that it almost destroyed the entire Harding regime.

Just think about it, Hoover was denounced by thousands of people, reviled by thousands of people, and few people have been condemned like this!So did Hoover express regret?No, not at all!A few years later, Howbert revealed in a public speech that President Harding's death was caused by nerve irritation and inner anxiety because a friend had betrayed him.When Albert Hoover's wife heard these words, she immediately jumped up from the sofa, shook her fist and cried loudly: "Why do you say that Harding was betrayed by Hoover? No, my husband never did anyone wrong. , even if this room is full of gold, my husband will not be tempted to do bad things. He was betrayed by others, so he will end up being crucified."

From the above examples, we can see that it is the nature of human beings to only blame others when they do something wrong, but never themselves. This is true for everyone.Therefore, when we want to criticize others in the future, we should first think of people like Cabal, Colaure and Hoover.Their lessons have taught us: Criticism is like domesticated pigeons, they will always fly home.We need to understand that those we criticize and condemn will defend themselves and even attack us in turn.