Chapter 75 need a father

If children grow up with only material needs to satisfy them, then the world can do without fathers or mothers.However, there are emotional needs for human growth, so fathers should exist, and they are just as indispensable as mothers. It was at a recent secret meeting of the community's school board, which was about to make a decision on whether a 16-year-old boy in high school who missed too many classes should be expelled.He got poor grades in every subject, failing two of them. The boy and his parents were taken into a conference room for questioning.The kid looked handsome, even though his face was full of grievance and regret after a young man broke into trouble.Nervous and awkward, the mother kept explaining how she had done her best.The father, a respectable 59-year-old businessman, remained silent until a commissioner asked him how his relationship with his son was.

The father started by explaining that he was very busy and that he devoted all his time to work. "I told my wife to take care of the children!" he said. "It should be the school's responsibility to push the children to study and try to pass the exams." The education committee members—all fathers—asked again, had he seen his son's report card?Have any measures been taken?Father said he had seen it and called the principal. "But," he added, "the line was busy, so I didn't call again." After the family left, the school discussed and decided to give the child another chance.They think that what went wrong is already obvious, maybe give him another chance, and he will correct it.

But it was too late.The child's bad habits have formed, and the parents' lack of guidance is the biggest problem. It didn't take long for the child to be expelled.Sadly, the father never really understood what he did — or precisely what he didn’t do — that resulted in his son being fired. I'm not talking about the case of a teenager who was arrested for robbery or murder, but to analyze the reason why the son was expelled because he was too busy to care about whether his son went to school on time. It is a real pity that such stories are not uncommon.More and more children are growing up without fathers.They had a father, but that father was just a man who lived in their home.They never saw him, and they didn't have a deep relationship with him.My father leaves early and returns late every day, and sometimes has to work overtime. When he is too busy, he takes the documents home to deal with.Anyway, he was always so busy and tired that he had to lie down and read his evening paper until the children went to bed.His rest time is rarely reserved for his children. He usually goes bowling with his company colleagues, plays golf on weekends, or attends cocktail parties with clients.

If a woman leaves her family and children behind for her job and career, there will be criticism.All will say that there is no job so noble and well paid that they pay the price of depriving their children of care and neglect.But few in the world blame the often absent father.As long as he keeps the family well fed, no one cares about his moral and emotional responsibilities to the children.Men who only take financial responsibility and shirk all other responsibilities as fathers can be seen everywhere around us, so that people think that this is a reasonable existence. I know a senior executive at a large company.He says he owes his career success entirely to his wife.His wife provides him with a very warm home, and she can create a peaceful and peaceful family atmosphere to relieve his work pressure.She can successfully entertain his friends and colleagues.

I asked him that the pride of his two sons must have had a lot to do with his good performance in school and in the military. "No," he said, "my wife is in charge of raising the children. I never get involved. I just give her the money to raise them and educate them." This successful, respected man wasn't embarrassed that he wasn't raising his sons, nor was he ashamed that he wasn't personally helping them perform well.Such indifference, if displayed by a mother of two, must have been regarded as inconceivable. If children grow up with only material needs to satisfy them, then the world can do without fathers or mothers.However, there are emotional needs for human growth, so fathers should exist, and they are just as indispensable as mothers.

Dr. Richard E. Wolf, director of the Pediatric Psychiatry Clinic at the University of Cincinnati School of Medicine, explains the father's role this way: "A child needs his own parents, and they need them to play their own roles. Whether for boys or girls, the father represents the strength and wisdom of a man first. He will affect the children's understanding of the world. He will teach Show children how to make judgments based on outside experience. Children need him to have a voice with their mother in important family decisions, and they need him to be their mother and their protector and provider at all times. They want to see from their father to learn from them how a man should treat a woman. If all these men's things were done by the mother, and the father was only busy with what they called his own business, then the children would be more likely to Confused about who they are, it will have an impact on their relationships as adults."

In pre-industrial societies, husbands, wives, and children all worked at home.Whether in the square or working in the fields, men never leave the sight of their families. There was a sense of physical closeness between family members that is lost in today's industrial society.Most men these days spend less time with their wives and children than their colleagues.They cannot increase the time at home, but they can determine the quality of his time at home.Sometimes an already tired dad tries to take his kids to a weekend ball game as compensation for his constant absence, but he may find it boring deep down, which is no fun for both parent and child to speak of.Dr. Benjamin Spock, author of the sensational "Facts about Parenting," said that if every father took 15 minutes a day to focus on his children, it would be better than spending a whole day listlessly visiting the zoo with his children. There is much more quality.

Since it is true that a father necessarily spends less time with his children than a mother does, every minute he spends with them becomes more important.Fathers should not view this as a tiring obligation, but rather as an opportunity to strengthen the father-son relationship. In a way, a wife can help her husband be a good father.For example, she can deal with the parenting problems that happen to her children during the day, rather than leaving them to him when he comes home at night; she can talk to her husband about the children's problems with love and respect. She can try to make friends with her children to increase the intimacy between family members; she can also arrange picnics and family trips to make her husband and children interested in living together.

I know a family whose relationship was completely changed by a camping trip. The 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter have been arguing with their father for several weeks, asking him to take them to camp, and the father who is busy with work every day is too tired.It was the mother who made it happen.She secretly rented a tent, bought a map, and prepared all kinds of camping needs. So the father agreed to take the children camping, said goodbye to his weekend schedule regretfully, and set off for the campsite.The child's mother was alone at home, waiting anxiously. When they came back the next evening, all three were filthy and happy, and they repeated the amusing stories—how they found the lake, and the nasty mosquitoes, and the wind that broke the tent and " Papa's fried eggs".

Is this the end of the matter?And that's just the beginning.The family—later joined by the child's mother—vacated every summer at a cottage not far from where they camped.They added boats and wakeboards, and the kids' dad made it a point to travel from New York to be with the family on weekends -- without a briefcase.The man who used to be too busy to spend time with the children to share family joys matured overnight - he understood the meaning of being a father, and this maturity was the result of his mother's careful planning. It's time for us parents to change our immature concepts, and we should treat "your business" and "my business" as "our business".It is true that fathers and mothers have different roles for children, but their ultimate goals and satisfactions should be the same.They have to play their respective roles in the child's growth and education, but no matter which party shirks responsibility, it will make the family relationship very bad.

"Being a good father makes a good husband," said David R. Max, author of Marriage: The Art of Enduring Love.Inspired by the birth of his first daughter, he wrote lines like this: Yes, the happiest moment for a woman is the moment when she sees her child running to the door and throwing herself into the arms of the father who comes home from get off work. What special contribution can a father make to his child's upbringing?Dr. Gannar DiBois, director of the Association for the Study of Children, believes that the father's role as the head of the family is not only important to all members of his family, but also to society as a whole.Let's take a look at some of his thoughts: "For a child...going to church may mean nothing more than doing any ordinary thing with his father. But it can cultivate a sense of community participation in the child, and the child is likely to develop his own interest in religion in the future. In the same way, children also have the opportunity to learn about literature, art and music from their parents. Usually, the mother first participates in the children's interests...Then the father joins in and gives them richer content and deeper meaning..." It is also the father's responsibility to explain to his children the group he is working for, says Dr. DeBois: "He should take the kids to the office, visit the factory on his day off, go on the milk truck ride together...give him an intuitive feel for the job his dad often competes with...the kids probably won't understand why their dad is there to do it Those things, but he will understand that his father is doing something that is not only good for him but also good for others." If a man wants to be a true father, he should give time to his children and, if necessary, himself.Yes, he has work to do, but work is not an excuse for him to avoid his responsibilities as a human being.Those fathers who are always too busy to take care of their children, as H. L. Menken said when he was alive: "People who work just to escape the pain they feel when thinking about human nature...their work has nothing to do with their Amusement serves the same purpose, but it's a ridiculous spell for them to escape reality." In a survey in the Christian Herald Tribune, Gordon H. Skroeder said he asked 300 first- and second-year boys for two weeks to record the time they spent with their fathers.Get the scary statistic that father and son spend an average of seven and a half minutes alone each week. This seems to support the words of Philip Wiley, a critic of social phenomena.He said: "The vast majority of American men are unqualified fathers." Mr. Wiley has estimated that even the busiest people have to spend 57 hours a week to eat, rest or do what they like. things.Of those 57 hours, he's sure to find seven and a half minutes to be with his kids. "But Dad isn't home," said Mr. Willie sadly, "and he won't be home until he understands that a man's greatest satisfaction in life should be to be a good father first, and then to be the best golfer or career He has become a man of the hour." The identity of a father implies an adult identity, which is the external expression of a man's physical maturity.Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that the father's mind and spirit will be as mature as his body when it comes to dealing with children.This requires the man to obtain it through his own efforts. Yes, dads, it's time to go home!Just as childbirth is a two-person affair, so it takes two people--the mother and the father--to exert a mental influence on him to produce a happy and useful human being.