Chapter 73 learn to get along with women

Husbands should give their wives a chance to think about how they can play the special dual role of husband and father well, and whether they can properly distribute some of their talents and energy in trying to create a successful career to their family members. "Once a man marries a wife and has children, it means that he loses his wealth and opportunities." This is Francis Bacon's view on marriage.He disapproved of men getting married and having children, and bearing the burden of the family, thinking that it was "stupid" because they had to bear the risk that the god of fate would take their family's life away at any time.

Although this shows Bacon's pessimistic attitude towards married people, it also implies that men need courage to get married.It used to be that single men were more courageous and unscrupulous, while married men were cautious and rigid.This concept now appears to be in need of revision. In fact, bachelors are more formal and rigid than married men, as evidenced by their reluctance to venture to the marriage registry to avoid ruining their formal plans.They are cautious and unpredictable, as an unmarried woman would describe to you.They dare not jump into the ocean of married life, only dare to linger on the beach, occasionally testing the water with their toes, but when the big waves come, they will flee to safety again.

The man who marries has the guts of the robber Jesse James, the courage of a wounded rhinoceros, and the disposition of a gambler--compared with the gambler's temperament, those who go bankrupt at Monte Carlo Pediatrics - he bet his life, future and money on one woman and promised to keep her happy forever.His opponent is the God of Destiny, and he mortgages everything to the God of Destiny, and then spits on the God of Destiny. Here we are not going to criticize these married men, but to offer them some small suggestions that can increase the happiness of their married life, and express our respect to these adventurous men.

Dr. Leonard S. Currier, dean of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences at Cornell University, once designed a blueprint for a good marriage: "A happy marriage belongs to those who are spiritually mature, understand themselves, are good at establishing good relationships with others, and do everything for themselves. A responsible person who cares about the well-being of others." Dr. Currier also said that a family is "bonded by inner values ​​that cannot be forced, such as love and companionship." Dean Currier's so-called intrinsic value can be developed, cared for, and deepened through some means.What means?We've rounded up some "wife intelligence" to give you some tips on how to get along with her:

Even if you must save money, don't begrudge your "honey on the mouth" expenses.If you always praise her and say how virtuous she is, she will be devoted to you. Whether you are unemployed, or getting old and fat, she will stay by your side, always wearing an old coat. complain.It is a pity that there are not a small number of smart people who do not understand this characteristic of women. They thought it should be her lifelong blessing that they could marry her.Little do men know that wives never tire of their husbands admiring them.It's easy for a man to understand his place in his life—if he fails at work, he will be reminded by his boss;The wife at home has no way of knowing how she is doing if her husband doesn't tell her.So her husband's appreciation is the best reward for her.

Look at the happy husbands you know, the husbands who enjoy the pleasures of life, whose home life is run by a virtuous wife, who are happy because they know how to win a woman's heart.The best and most appropriate way to make them happy to serve them forever is to give them constant and sincere appreciation. Rob N. Prall--columnist for the New York World-Telegram and author of The Great Bribe, who courageously exposes the corruption that exists in the city--is a friend of mine.The most enviable thing about Rob is that he has an ideal wife that almost all men want.And his wife Jenny also thinks he is the greatest man in the world, and she praises everyone.

Rob had a way of keeping her feeling that way.When the publisher gave him a special gift book with a hand-crafted cover, Rob wrote a message on the book on the spot: "To Jenny-my wife and my life." Signing makes women feel even more elated.It's a concrete compliment to her success at running the house. A misconception is that a man's generosity is reflected in helping a woman pay her bills without thinking and giving her pocket money from time to time.Now, I'm going to tell you that money and the generosity that women value is nothing more than affiliation, and they care more about the way you show generosity like this: "Okay honey, get your mom over and we'll have a good time with her." time.” They hope that their husbands can care more about themselves in public places, and show themselves the kind of care and respect he should show to a beautiful unknown woman.

Have you ever played a game in a restaurant of guessing which couple is married?You should find time to try: two people sit together silently, the man only pays attention to the veal steak on his plate and the waiter, while the woman fiddles with the food on the plate boredly, at first glance they seem to be strangers to each other, In fact, it must be a married couple.On the contrary, the man carefully opened the chair for the woman and let her sit down, as if she was made of glass, and the topic was well-chosen. It is obvious that the man is either in the process of courting this woman or is talking to a female client. Have a meal.

Once, I was at a dinner party welcoming a famous person, and the famous person was very warm to almost everyone—except his wife, whom he didn't even glance at, as if she didn't exist.A well-timed courtship to his wife will not do any harm to his public relations, but will actually enhance the bond between husband and wife.Then they divorced, which was hardly a surprise to anyone. Thoughtfulness, kindness and kindness, like love, should begin at home. It is generally believed that only women should maintain attractive demeanor and proper appearance.Women are always warned: don't wear cold cream, don't sleep with full curls, and try to avoid body odor, rough fingers, excess weight and sluggishness.Women are so concerned about staying young and thin because they fear that if they lose their youth, they will lose their husbands.

But what about the men?Maybe he's a fashion model, but at home he's like an unmade bed.Every weekend, he would just read his newspaper in a T-shirt leisurely, walk back and forth in smelly slippers, never take a bath or shave, and think he is so rare that his wife is lucky to marry him. From a wife's point of view, she doesn't care whether her husband wears dungaree overalls or a sharp suit, she loves him either way.But she would like to see him take a shower, shave, and put on clothes that are in harmony with home life, even if he is idle in the house when he has nothing to do.

Appearance does not determine a man's status, but it can change the image of a man in our eyes.Here's a checklist of things a man trying to win girls (including his wife) should be aware of: a.Get a haircut before it needs to be done without delay. b.Don't let anyone see you unshaven in broad daylight, except when you're fishing with your kids at the lake. c.Pay attention to the cleanliness of the instrument at all times.Deodorants are not made specifically for women. d.Keep your pants straight.Decadent men will tolerate wrinkled pants. e.Keep your shoes shiny, your socks pulled up, and you always have a smile on your face. Nowadays, many women have personal experience in making money and arranging their lives.There are more and more professional women. Before or after marriage, women have some understanding of the pressure and requirements of work. In this way, men strive to understand a little better about the world of housewives in kitchens, markets, and laundromats.He has to understand that his wife is more constrained by her environment than he is, that she has no more leisurely days than he does, and that she has to deal with the daily needs of the whole family in all aspects. Husbands should at least understand how monotonous it can be to run a routine household chore.In addition, they have to take care of children, especially if someone in the family is sick, and sometimes they have to arrange family entertainment.They are often overworked, and their greatest motivation and reward is the happiness and approval of their families. A wife needs contact with the outside world to increase stimulation and eliminate the tedium caused by monotonous work. A husband should often take her out to communicate with other housewives.Due to the nature of work, a man has the opportunity to participate in various social activities, so he hopes to obtain tranquility through leisure.It depends on how he arranges the relative balance between his own needs and stimulating social activities for his wife. A friend of mine told of a small crisis when a favorite aunt came to her home for the first time: as soon as my friend's aunt arrived, her child was lying in bed with bronchitis.All plans for entertaining guests could not be carried out. "If it hadn't been for Tom," she told me, "I wouldn't know what I would have done. He would go out with Aunt Grace every evening and make her have a good time, and at weekends they would go out to see the sights. I am happy, this way, it relieves my psychological pressure. Although Tom has shortcomings, once it comes to an emergency, I feel that I can rely on him because I have him by my side." Having a husband we can fall back on when trouble arises is better than romance novel heroines.It can be seen that for a husband, for his wife, not only can he stand up in a big crisis, but he also needs to provide a lot of support in daily trivial matters. Wives need support and encouragement from their husbands when attending parent-teacher conferences and women's clubs.And attending a church choir or sewing class has the same demand. She needed his help in teaching her children, she wanted him to be her pride in social situations, and she wanted to see him having a good time, as long as he didn't make a fool of himself. She needs to be sure that no matter what the emergency situation is, no matter what serious things happen, he can stand by her side and give her a sense of security in her heart. A successful marriage depends on two people sharing and cooperating.You must try to transform the "you" and "me" into "we" when dealing with household problems together.Where should we go on vacation?Shall we replace our chair covers and TV with new ones?and so on.After both husband and wife understand their different roles, all problems can be resolved in a fair and friendly atmosphere. Men may consider it less than masculine to take part in things like buying gifts and doing household chores.But if he wanted to keep the family warm, he should put down the stock market report and do what he could to help her.Since he expects his wife to cast envious glances at him as a sales manager, why can't he pay attention to the big deal his wife picked up in the auction market today? André Moross, a perceptive writer, advises men to "show interest in what women consider important—their clothes, their domestic endeavors, their nuanced analysis of feelings and characters . . . When you are free, you might as well accompany your wife to go shopping and shopping...give advice to her...communicate with her about the little things in life—such as the experience of raising children, her club, her friends, etc. If she Love music, art, or reading, and try to get to know her tastes. You'll be surprised how interested you are in her hobbies, too." Author Vicky Baum said: "A woman who is loved is more likely to be successful." A husband must pledge to love his wife.It wasn't just a wedding ring on her finger, but he could put it on her finger every day if she wanted to. "A man likes to feel he is loved," Metoud writes, "and a woman likes a man to say he loves her." For some reason, many husbands are embarrassed to say "I love you" right after their honeymoon.Relax my friend, you don't have to learn to impress your wife like men in continental Europe.Women have unique perceptions, and they can sense your love in a thousand unspoken ways: your eyes can find her in a room full of people; Anticipated caresses and more.These are all ways to make her feel your tenderness. However, many women don't understand why a man pursues her passionately before marriage, but is reluctant to show his love after marriage.I have a letter on my desk from a young man in Toronto named Jack F. Tammon, who admits that this is how he made the mistake. Mr. Tammon said his wife was his ideal perfect woman.After they got married, he was preoccupied with his career and put all the responsibility in life on his wife. Obviously, this doesn't work.The first five years of their marriage were unhappy and unsuccessful.Then one day, he had a fight with his wife, and his four-year-old son asked him, "Dad, don't you like Mom? I think she's a good mom." Jack F. Tammon said he suddenly realized he was an idiot . "I actually love 'the mother' with all my heart," he said, "for who she is and for what she can do for me. Under her careful care, our son is healthy and lovely. I Never been a father and a husband. I deserved it, but I was determined to make it up. I went to my wife and hoped she would help me to be a husband and a father. Thank God, she made it. Now, we Lived a real married life, a married life based on mutual love and respect. She gave us another daughter, and our happiness is worth a thousand dollars. My children never asked me why I didn't like it Their mother is gone!" Loving a woman is by no means just having fiery feelings.It should contain all understanding, hospitality, sensitivity and respect.Many men who are not good at managing love always like to use "no one can really understand women" as an excuse. These people stubbornly believe that men are direct currents and women are alternating currents, and there is no possibility of communication. In this way, they can save trying trouble.Here, I would like to remind these gentlemen that women are not from outer space, do not work on another "wavelength", and are not strangers.We are men, but we are human beings first, and it is not beyond men's ability to unravel women's mysteries. Many women have been able to understand us, and all after we married them. However, this does not make you really know your wife, if you love her, you should let her know that you love her.Otherwise, marriage means nothing to both of you. A few years ago, Dean of Mills College, Ryan White, wrote a wonderful book called "Educating Our Daughters," in which he criticizes the way in which college education equates women completely with men.He advocated that there should be practical content suitable for women's basic needs in the curriculum.That is, education cannot be divorced from the fact that most women are going to be wives and mothers anyway. His proposal was well received, but it did not provide a model for a happy marriage.What is the use of educating our daughters to be good wives and good mothers, but marrying amateur husbands and fathers who only make money to support their families?Why not marry our daughter to a man who has a lot of experience in being a good husband, a good father? The great French novelist Balzac once wrote: "Most married men remind me of those 'gorillas trying to play the violin'." Marriage is something that both men and women need to understand, and if they understand marriage, perhaps these married men will no longer look like gorillas, but like violinist Fritz Kreisler. Since time immemorial, the home has been the unit of humanity that holds hope for the future and maintains present reality, that defends, nourishes and teaches, and that it is also the sacred citadel. Why should only men take on the important responsibility of protecting this home?Although women spend more time at home than men, this does not mean that men do not need home more than women. Home is not just a material concept, it also includes many spiritual things, including warmth, sharing, laughter, tears, happiness and sadness, and these things can add rich meaning and value to home.Obviously, a woman alone cannot create all this, it is the result of two people working together. Therefore, I sincerely warn men to give themselves a chance to think about how to play the special dual role of husband and father well, and whether they can properly allocate some of their talents and energy to create a successful career to their family members. "Marriage is a serious test of our personal maturity," writes David R. Maes, president of the International Marriage Steering Committee and a professor of human relations at Drew University. Someone's ability to live intimately together ... defines the mature person. Marriage either makes us mature or brings us the bitter fruit of immaturity."