Chapter 55 minimize conflict with others

We should look at others with an understanding eye, and understand that the world is colorful and there are all kinds of people.It is impossible for others to have the same aspirations as we do. We cannot demand from others as much as we demand from ourselves. Everyone has their own personality and characteristics, and has different strengths and weaknesses. By doing this, I think we can suppress the anger of anger. Reduce unnecessary conflicts. It is normal for people to have conflicts and differences. What is important is how we should face, resolve, and eliminate conflicts when conflicts occur.Try to avoid emotional conflict and entanglement with the other party.Therefore, when others start to have emotions, you must control your emotions, otherwise a small thing will extend to the point where it cannot be dealt with.

Before the First World War, Bismarck, the famous German chancellor, and King Wilhelm I were famous partners.Germany was strong at that time, not only because of Bismarck, the prime minister, but also because of this tolerant and generous emperor. Sometimes, when William I returned to the harem, he was often so angry that he smashed things, threw teacups, and sometimes even smashed some precious utensils. The queen asked him, "Are you angry with that old man Bismarck again?" William I said: "Yes!" The queen said: "Why do you always have to be angry with him?"

William I said: "You don't understand. He is the prime minister. He is under one person and above ten thousand people. He will take the anger of many people below. Where can he get angry? He has to take it out on me! I am Where will the emperor's money go? I have to throw the teacup!" From this, it is not difficult to understand why William I was able to succeed, and this was also an important reason why Germany was so strong at that time. A person who takes his anger out on the innocent is only causing more pain to himself.On the contrary, King William was able to consider the issue from the perspective of Prime Minister Bismarck, skillfully calmed down his anger, and avoided the dispute between the snipe and the clam.

When you have a dispute with someone else, how can you prevent it from deteriorating? (1) Correct misunderstandings in understanding. That is to control those irrational thinking, which will cause blurred images in our minds, make us lose our ability to judge and analyze, and make it easier to get angry with others.Common misunderstandings include: Arbitrary, ignoring other positive factors because of one negative factor; "Super-generalization", which is to summarize a group of people based on one person's characteristics, and magnify the contradiction; Subjective, to measure other factors from one's own point of view. Human behavior, such as a colleague being late, thinking that there must be some reason for him, without considering the actual situation at all; "dramatic modeling", no matter what the truth is, he believes that a certain situation will definitely happen, directing life like a screenwriter; labeling, Put a label on someone or something in advance, and the judgment on it is limited to this premise.

(2) Listen patiently. Listening fully to the other person, including your physical presence: looking into the other person's eyes and following the rhythm of the other person's speech can help you find where you disagree.Listening patiently is to grasp the correct information. For example, the other party is late for a very important appointment. If you accuse the other party angrily as soon as you see him, the quarrel is likely to break out.If he had been given a chance to explain first, maybe the result would have been different.From his point of view, maybe he encountered a special situation along the way, and he was also very anxious.

(3) Criticize artistically. Give the other party constructive advice, ask for reality and accuracy, rather than "teaching him a lesson."Discuss the matter as it stands, don't digress, and don't draw conclusions to the other party.You know, no one wants others to say to him, "You are such a thing, there is no hope."Strong suggestions usually hurt others, causing them to resist, unable to establish a dialogue, and the frustrated counterpart may even feel revenge, and you, who are innocent, always think that you are good to others and that they should be grateful.