Chapter 34 Arguing will never win the other side's favor

An income tax consultant argued for an hour with a tax auditor who was arrogant and obstinate over a payment that should not be taxed.The advisor decides not to reason with him anymore and changes the subject.The consultant said: "Compared with other important things you have to deal with, this matter is nothing to worry about. I have also studied tax issues, but that is dead knowledge from books, and your knowledge comes from practice. Sometimes, I really want to have a job like yours." Now, the tax auditor straightened up on the chair, and began to talk about his work with the consultant, and his attitude slowly became friendly. Three days later, the consultant received a call from him, saying that the income tax was decided not to be collected.

The tax auditor wants to feel like someone important.The more the advisers argued with him, the more he emphasized the authority of his position.Once his authority was acknowledged, the arguments died down, and he became likewise a tolerant and sympathetic man. Lincoln once reprimanded a young officer who was having a violent quarrel with a colleague.He said: "Anyone who is determined to make a difference will never spend time in personal disputes. In arguing with others on a matter of mixed right and wrong, you must give up a little more; if you are really right, give in a little less. ...In short, you must not lose your self-control. Instead of arguing with the dog and being bitten by it, it is better to let it go first. Even if you kill it, it will not heal your bite."

In most cases, the outcome of an argument between colleagues will only make both parties more convinced than before that they are infallible, and you can't win an argument.If you lose, of course you lose; if you win, you still lose.Why?So what if, by your victory, your colleague's argument is rife with attacks, proving him useless?You will feel elated.But what about him?You hurt his self-esteem, he will resent your victory, even if you say it, he will not accept it in his heart.Worst of all, turn around and you'll have to work together under the same roof. As the wise Benjamin Franklin said, "If you're always arguing and contradicting, you may win now and then; but it's a hollow victory, because you'll never get the other side's favor." So measure yourself: Would you rather have that kind of literal, superficial victory, or someone's good opinion of you?

If a person's heart is already full of malice and conflicts towards you, even if you bring out the logic of various schools and schools, you will not be able to convince him.Critical parents, domineering bosses and husbands, and nagging wives need to understand that people don't like to change their minds, they can't be coerced or threatened to agree with you or me, but they will be willing to accept our kindness And friendly enlightenment. Kindness, kindness, and compliments change someone's mind more than any quarrel.Therefore, when we do anything, we must start from being friendly, and be careful to have direct disputes with others, which will further improve your art of life.The key is how to make concessions, and to what extent the concessions will not be embarrassing, and make you feel that the other party can still accept it.

The person who asks the question has to think about the issue as a whole.For example, a person who asks for a long salary must first determine what is the greatest possibility of his concession?How to make concessions if you want to stay?If you don't want to stay, how can you give in?These must be well designed. Another thing to consider is that when you make these requests, you have to think that the leader will also make some requests for you.For example, since you want to increase your salary, he will ask you to take on more responsibilities and increase your work efficiency within the scope of your original work.Of course, you don't want this, but you just want to increase your salary on the original basis, or even do less work than before to increase your salary.But that's certainly not realistic.Since you are being given a raise, it must be of real value.If this is the case, your concessions will also vary.

Everyone hopes to pay the least price to get the maximum return. This is an idealistic behavior. In real life, it is rare that the two are well coordinated. It is often paid, but not necessarily rewarded.Be prepared to make concessions. When the conditions are comparable, you don’t have to hesitate anymore. You can devote yourself to work, create better conditions, make greater contributions, and wait for the next opportunity to come.This is a wise approach. After arguing for a long time, besides causing each other to be unhappy, what better result can there be?Arguing is a waste of time.You can realize your ideas, you can influence other people's plans, but you can't get it by arguing.