Chapter 33 Once the debate starts to boil

Andrew Carnegie was a poor Scottish boy in his early years. At that time, he was paid only two cents an hour for his work, but later he gave away $365 million to others.He has learned from an early age that the only way to influence people is to talk about what the other person needs.He had only four years of schooling, but he had learned how to deal with people. Andrew Carnegie had an instructive story: his sister-in-law was very anxious about her two sons, who were studying at Yale University, and probably because they were busy with their own affairs, they neglected the letter from home. , but did not think of the mother who was worried at home.

When Andrew Carnegie learned of this, he wrote a chatty letter to his two nephews.He appended a sentence to the letter, saying that he would send them each a $5 bill. However, he did not put the money in the envelope. A reply came soon, and the two nephews thanked their uncle, and they also included the sentence "the money has not been received" in the letter. Tomorrow you have to persuade someone to do something, and before you even ask, ask yourself, "How can I get him to do this?" That question can stop us from meeting people in a hurry. And talk fruitlessly about our desires.

I rent a ballroom in a hotel in New York for 20 nights a season for a speech seminar. At the beginning of a season, I suddenly received a notice from the hotel asking me to pay three times the previous rent.But when I received this news, the announcement had already been announced and the admission tickets had already been issued. Of course I don't want to pay the increased rent, but what's the use of talking to the hotel about what I want?All they paid attention to was what they needed, so two days later I went to see the manager of the big hotel. I said to the manager, "I was a little apprehensive when I received your letter. Of course I don't blame you. If we were in another place, I would write a letter like this. Your job as a manager is to How to make this restaurant profitable. If you don't, you will be removed from this position and should be fired. Now we take out a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons about you... If you are If you insist on increasing the rent."

I took a piece of paper and drew a line through the center point on the paper, with "benefit" written on the top end and "harm" on the other end. I wrote the words "the ballroom is vacant" in the line of "profit", and then added: "You can rent out the ballroom freely for dancing and other parties, which is a great income. Like In that case, obviously, your income is more than renting out to a speaking party. If I occupy your ballroom for 20 nights in this season, you will definitely lose those more profitable income. " And I said, "Now let's talk about the other side... because of my inability to accept your request, I have reduced your income. In my case, because I can't pay the rent you need, I have to give the lecture elsewhere. However, there is another fact, which I believe you should have thought of. My Speech Research Association has brought upper-class intellectuals to your restaurant. Is it a very successful advertisement for you? In fact, if you paid $5,000 in advertising, not as many people in my seminar speech class would come to your restaurant, and it would be more valuable to you, wouldn't it?"

When I said this, I wrote these two situations on a piece of paper, then handed that piece of paper to the manager, and said: "I hope you will think about these two situations carefully, and when you make a final decision, give me A notice." The next day, I got a letter from the hotel telling me to add 50% to the rent instead of 300%.Note that I didn't say a word about my rent reduction.I'm talking about what the other person wants and how he can get it. If I followed the usual practice, I broke into the hotel manager's office and argued and reasoned with him.I can say something like this: "My admission ticket has been printed, the notice has been published, and you suddenly increased my rent by 3 times, what do you mean? 300%, it's ridiculous... unreasonable, I won't pay!"

In this case, what will happen?Arguments, debates are about to begin!So what?Even in the situation I am referring to, the hotel manager believes he is in the wrong, but his self-esteem makes it difficult for him to admit his own mistakes. The result of arguing will not win the approval of others, let alone solve the problem, it will only make things worse.If you change the way and speak from the position of the other party, there will be unexpected effects, and the other party's opinion will be tilted to your side.