Chapter 26 Be sincere praise, not flattery

Praise is an art of speaking. Proper use of this art will make the person being praised feel happy, and the person who praises himself will feel happy and even happy from it. However, here we need to clarify such a question: what is the difference between sincere praise and flattery.Because figuring out this question is the key to making those who are unwilling to praise others "open their mouths". There is an essential difference between praise and flattery.Praise is sincere and enthusiastic, out of real feelings, and must not be mixed with any bad intentions; at the same time, praise is to fully affirm the advantages and strengths of others, to meet others' needs for respect and friendship, and to give others Mentally motivating and inspiring.But flattering others means sacrificing one's dignity to flatter others. It is out of some ulterior motive, obviously following others' power and ingratiating oneself to curry favor with authority.

The first difference: whether it comes from the heart.Sincere praise originates from a kind of "beauty feeling" deep in the heart, an impulse.It reflects one person's recognition of another person: beautiful appearance, speech to one's own taste, quick action, noble character...that is, among two people, one of them finds his ideals and values ​​in the other. Standards are valuable.When we know this person, when we understand this person, there is already an invisible force that prompts us to praise some of his advantages. But flattery is different. It is not the recognition and admiration of another person from the inner world, but a purpose that already exists in the inner world, an investment that can receive "returns" in the present or in the future.When the flatterer "praises" others, his face is beaming, but he is somewhat uncomfortable; his words are hot, but his heart is cold.When he praises a person, what he thinks in his mind is how to successfully complete the matters related to his own interests and how to obtain self-satisfaction.

The second difference: sincere praise is a praise that is realistic and well-founded, while flattery is a flattery that is fabricated and unreasonable.A sincere person is very targeted and measured when praising others.They know what to praise, what to call attention to, and what to oppose.In their view, true perfection does not exist, there is no perfection in things, and there is no perfection in people.Therefore, when they evaluate a person, they will not use the word "most" at all, nor will they use the wording "he has no shortcomings" to evaluate a person. Flatterers make a lot of trouble.They arbitrarily magnify what can only be praised in general terms.It is the characteristic of these people to boast about big things, big things about small things, and even boast about nothing.Some of the "outstanding ones" can turn a person's advantages into shortcomings, and turn a person's shortcomings into advantages. Therefore, in front of leaders and superiors, they often "righteously" slander others, thinking that they can win leadership. , The superior's favor.When they "praise" a person, they will say in their hearts, "This person likes to be flattered, so I will pat him more", or "He likes to sit in a sedan chair, so I will lift it. He fell down", so when they praise a person, they will wink at others smartly to show their extraordinary ability.

Making someone happy and pleasing them are two different things.To make others happy is to think about others rather than oneself, but to please others is just the opposite, it cares about personal gains and losses everywhere. Praise is a distinctive art of speaking. Being able to praise others appropriately can not only increase our self-confidence, but also improve our courage to speak.May you use measure and sincerely praise those around you who are worthy of praise. Flattery comes from the teeth, but praise comes from the heart.