Chapter 27 Lesson 3 Eloquence Skills for Winning the Approval of Others

Forbes magazine once published an article "A Prescription for Good Interpersonal Relationships", in which there are a few points worth learning from: The 5 most important words in the language are: "I am proud of you!" The four most important words in the language are: "What do you think?" The three most important words in the language are: "Please!" The 2 most important words in the language are: "Thank you!" The 1 most important word in the language is: "You!" So, what is the most important word in the language?it's me".

Henry Ford II described annoying behavior: "A man who has 'I' all over his mouth, who has the word 'I' to himself, who says 'I' all the time, is a person who is not welcome." In interpersonal communication, if the word "I" is said too much and overemphasized, it will give people the impression of highlighting themselves and flaunting themselves, which will build a line of defense between the other party and you, forming an obstacle, and affecting others' recognition of you .Therefore, when talking with people in communication, you should use less "I" and "we" and more "you" and "you".

Someone once conducted a survey to see which word is most commonly used by people every day, and that is the word "I".Why do people care so much about the word "I"?It is because most people like to be praised, and they also like to praise themselves.Therefore, if you want to get what you want, you must avoid competing with the other party, but maintain the self-esteem of others.In order to keep the face of the other party from being hurt, we must not always talk about the word "I" when we do things, don't say "our company", but "our company".

Talking is like driving a car. You should always pay attention to traffic signs, that is, you must always pay attention to the attitude and reaction of the listener.If the red light is on and you still drive forward, getting into trouble is inevitable.A boring person is a person who puts his fist in his mouth, and is also a monopoly of the word "I". What people are most interested in is talking about their own affairs, and many people find it boring for those things that have nothing to do with themselves. For the things that you are most interested in, it is often not only difficult to arouse others' sympathy, but also find it funny .A young mother will enthusiastically say to people: "Our baby will be called 'Mom'." She is in a happy mood at this time, but will others be as happy as she is when they hear it?uncertain.Whose child can't call mother?Don't make a fuss about it, it's a normal thing, it's weird if the child can't call his mother.Therefore, it seems that you are full of joy, but others may not necessarily feel the same. This is human nature.

Try to forget yourself, and don't always talk about your personal affairs, your children, your life.What everyone likes is what they are most familiar with. Then, in communication, you can understand the weaknesses of others, and try to guide others to talk about their own things. This is the best way to make the other party happy.If you listen to his narration with sympathy and enthusiasm, you will definitely give the best impression to the other party, and the other party will warmly welcome you and receive you warmly. When speaking, changing "my" to "our" can subtly shorten the distance between the two parties and make it easier for the other party to accept you and your words.

If you keep talking about me, regardless of the listener's mood or reaction, it will inevitably arouse the other party's disgust.If you change it and change "my" to "our", it will not cause any loss to you, but will only gain the other party's favor and further deepen your friendship with others. We often see reporters doing interviews like this: "Please ask us about this work..." or "Ask our factory..." It is often found that the speaker uses expressions such as "Should we do this" or "Let us...".Talking like this can make you feel close to the other person, and it sounds gentle and friendly.Because the word "we" means "you also participate in it", so it will make the other party feel a sense of participation.

If you say "you must understand this issue deeply", you will distance the audience from the speaker and prevent the audience from resonating with you.If it is changed to "we'd better have a deeper discussion", it will shorten the distance with the audience, make the atmosphere active immediately, and achieve the effect of resonance. A person who speaks ego-centeredly and likes to start with the word "I" is not popular.People who can speak, in language communication, always avoid the word "I" and start with "we". Sincerity is the "heart bell" that strikes people

To speak is not to strike the copper bell, but to strike the "heart bell" of people. The "heart bell" is the most delicate musical instrument.Therefore, the wise men always ring people's "heart bells" with a sincere attitude, sincere emotions and sincere words, stimulating, inspiring, influencing, comforting and motivating. Sincerity is true and sincere.When we get along with others and pursue success, good goals and principles should be for ourselves, others and society, all of which are beneficiaries.The essence of communication is giving and taking.If it belongs to spiritual giving, without sincerity, others cannot get your giving; if it is material giving, without sincerity, the other party can only regard it as a gift, and may have to accept it out of helplessness.

Sincerity is the criterion for speaking and doing things, and hypocrisy is the distortion of human nature by society.Due to the difference in economic and social status, some people aim to pursue fame and fortune. When the way to achieve this goal is shown in social interaction, it will cause falsehood.It will cause greater damage to the deceived party.For a person who puts his self-realization goals on money and power, hypocrisy is almost a chronic problem.A person who uses wealth and power as his social capital will never gain the sincerity of others, and he will never achieve ultimate success.Only by treating people with sincerity can we get corresponding returns.This is how you behave, and how you speak.

Jack is an ordinary salesman. After working in sales for more than ten years, he suddenly feels very disgusted with the long-standing practice of soliciting customers, such as forced smiles, fabricating lies, and bragging about products.He felt that this was a kind of pressure in life, and in order to get rid of this pressure, he decided to be honest with others.Therefore, he made up his mind to "tell the truth" to customers in the future, even if he was fired. After working with this idea, Jack felt much more relaxed. One day, a customer came to visit, and the customer said to Jack: "I want to buy a table that can be folded freely and the height can be adjusted."

So Jack moved the table and truthfully introduced it to the customer: "To be honest, this kind of table is not very good, and we often accept returns." "Ah! Is that so? But such tables are seen everywhere, and I think they are very useful." "Perhaps. But as far as I can see, this kind of table may not be able to move freely. Yes, the style is new, but the structure is flawed. If I conceal its shortcomings from you, it is tantamount to deceiving you." "Is there something wrong with the structure?" The guest asked. "Yes. Its structure is too complicated and too delicate, and the result is not simple enough." With that said, Jack approached the table and kicked the footboard with his feet.Originally, it was like stepping on the clutch pedal, you have to step on it lightly, but he stepped on it hard, and the table top suddenly lifted up, almost hitting the customer's chin. "Sorry, I didn't mean to." The startled guest laughed instead, with a look of joy on his face. "Very good. I'll have to take a closer look, though." "It doesn't matter, if you don't choose things carefully, you will suffer a loss. Look at the wood used for this table. Its quality is not high, and the veneer is poorly glued. Frankly speaking, I advise you not to buy this kind of table. You can go to other furniture. Check out the store, the stuff over there is much better." "great!" The guest was very happy after listening to the explanation, and unexpectedly expressed that he wanted to buy this table and wanted to pick it up immediately. Once the customer was gone, the Jack was reprimanded by his superiors and told he was "fired". Just when Jack was going through the dismissal procedures and was about to go home, a group of people suddenly came into the store, clamoring for multi-use tables, and bought dozens of tables at once, saying that they were the ones who bought the tables just now. Introduced by guests. In this way, a large transaction was made in the store. This incident alarmed the manager.As a result, not only was Jack not fired, he was also promoted to supervisor. Jack didn't brag about the product endlessly, but he was successful. In a sense, his success lies in his ability to think about customers and care about their interests, thus winning the trust of customers. Sincerity is very important to both the speaker and the listener.If you don't treat people sincerely, you will be deceiving and fooling people. If you believe others' false words, you may delay important events and cause bad consequences. Humans are emotional animals, and when doing things, emotion often dominates rationality.Therefore, it is necessary for us to show our sincerity when talking with others in order to achieve the effect of mutual trust.