Chapter 22 Don't discount your appreciation

Many people are prone to make a serious mistake when complimenting others: discounting the compliment before sending it.Instead of giving 100% appreciation, add a few downbeat comments or words that undercut the appreciation. Especially those praises for outstanding achievements are always "tied" with criticism.The more outstanding the achievement, the more people feel obliged to "comment" it rather than just praise it.They can't bear to sing only praises, and they must pick out some shortcomings before giving up. A linguist once said: "When the same tone or sentence appears repeatedly, it often has the power to influence people. For example, Lincoln's famous saying 'government of the people, by the people, and for the people', if he just put forward a political opinion, Just say 'democratic government'. However, he emphasized the word 'people' three times, which produced a more profound and moving effect." Indeed, when everyone hears this sonorous and powerful words, they can't help but deepen their feelings about it. yearning for an ideal government.And when everyone hears such a compliment repeatedly, they will also be moved.

Also beware of another misconception that discounted appreciation is more authentic and carries more weight. Don't be smart enough to tell your companions what to do better, even if it is a small matter in life.For example: "The dishes you cook taste really good, everything is good, but the salt in the soup is a little too much..." This kind of discount not only destroys the effect of praise, but also may become the fuse of heated debate. Sometimes you have to do a comprehensive summary and critique of a piece of work, so that appreciation and criticism are inevitably linked.

In this case, you don't need to discount the excellent grades. Please treat the criticism in the summary as a separate part from the appreciation. Don't let the other person's modesty undercut the appreciation.Some people rarely receive praise, so they are overwhelmed when they are praised; others, when they receive praise, want to show that achieving excellent grades is routine for him.The two groups respond almost identically to compliments: "It's nothing special, it's the way it should be, it's my job." When you hear this kind of answer from the other party, don't keep silent. The silence at this time means that you agree with what he said, as if you were saying to him: "Yes, you are right, why should I praise you? I take back what I just said. if."

You should compliment him again, emphasizing what you think is admirable, and please repeat what aspects of his performance are particularly important to you, and why you think he excelled. Others mistakenly view complimenting others as an opportunity for self-expression.They think that they can prove their "critical thinking ability" through discounted praise, so that they can also stand out and show their rationality and level.For example, they say, "You've been successful all your life. But once, during the financial turmoil, your company was having a hard time, but then again, no one is perfect..."

Any discounted appreciation will also have flaws, which will have unnecessary negative effects. A discounted compliment is like a black smear on a snowy white tablecloth, distracting people from the point and calling for blame.It destroys the role of appreciation, and wipes out the original liking of the appreciated party. Instead, the criticism of a few "extra collocations" makes people unforgettable. When complimenting others, please don't mention trivial details that will discount the appreciation.Please focus on the theme of appreciation, and mainly talk about the other party's achievements.Remember, never forget to compliment someone, and do it more than once.