Chapter 18 Satisfy the desire of the other person's sense of self-esteem

Rockefeller gained his sense of self-respect by donating money to build a state-of-the-art hospital in Beiping, China, caring for many poor people he had never met and would never meet. History is full of interesting examples of famous people who struggled with their sense of self-esteem.Columbus asked the royal family for the titles of "Admiral of the Sea" and "Governor of India"; Queen Catherine refused to open letters that did not call her "Her Majesty"; Mrs. Lincoln yelled at Mrs. Grant like a tigress in the White House: "I How dare you sit in front of me without inviting you!"

There was once a millionaire who sponsored General Bett to go to Antarctica with the condition that some icebergs be named after him.There was a man named Fucourt who even wanted Paris to be called after him. People will deliberately feign illness in order to gain sympathy, attention and a sense of "importance". Therefore, you might as well use this "sense of self-respect" in interpersonal communication, and say more words that make people feel "sense of self-respect", which will help to enhance others' favor towards you, warm up the relationship between the two parties, and enhance the relationship between the two parties.

Mrs. Lynhart once told me about a young, able woman who pretended to be a patient in order to gain a sense of self-respect.Mrs. Lynhart said: "One day, this woman had to face a fact...perhaps because of her age, the fact that she would never be able to marry, thinking that the lonely old age would unfold in front of her, and the hopeful There are too few things." Mrs. Lynhart said: "She has been lying in bed for 10 years. Her elderly mother went up and down three floors every day, holding a plate to serve her. One day, due to excessive exhaustion, the elderly mother, At last he fell down and died, and the sick man on the bed, after several weeks of depression, got up and dressed, and his illness disappeared."

Some experts claim that people may really go crazy in order to find a sense of self-respect that cannot be obtained in the cold real world in the crazy illusion.In American hospitals, there are more mental illnesses than all other diseases combined.If you are over 15 years old and live in New York State, you have a 1 in 20 chance of spending more than 7 years in an asylum in your lifetime. What is the cause of insanity? No one can answer such a general question. In fact, more than half of all mental illnesses can be attributed to such physiological causes as brain damage, drunkenness, poisoning and other injuries.

But the other half of the crazy people, obviously, don't have any pathology in their brain cellular organization.After their death, they were dissected and tested, and their brain cell tissue was studied with the highest performance microscope, and it was found that their brain cells were completely as healthy as normal people. Why are these people insane? Someone once asked that question to an attending physician in an insane hospital.The physician's profound knowledge of psychopathology earned him the highest honors.He honestly said he didn't know how people could get insane either.But he explained in this way that many insane people found in his madness a sense of self-respect that could not be obtained in the real world.The doctor told me a true story.

"I have a patient now. Her marriage is a tragedy. She needs love, children and social prestige. But the real life does not give her the hope in her dreams. Her husband does not love her and even refuses to be with her. Dining together and forcing her to serve him meals in the upstairs room. She had no children, no social status. Finally caused her insanity, and now in her delirium, divorced from her husband, restored to her girlhood Name. She believed herself now, was married to an English aristocrat, and insisted on being called Mrs. Smith. "As for the baby she wanted, she has it in her fantasy now. Every time I visit her, she says: 'Doctor, I had a baby last night.'"

The doctor said: "If I could stretch out my hand, say more words of encouragement and praise to her, to heal and restore her sobriety, I would not do that. Now she seems to have obtained the happiness she really expected." If someone is so desperate for a sense of self-respect, why don't we encourage them and give him sincere praise, then what kind of miracle will happen to your and my achievements?