Chapter 17 Make the other person feel that he is important

There is only one way in the world to make anyone do anything. Have you ever calmed down and thought about it?Yes, there is only one way, and that is to get people to do it voluntarily. Sure, you can hold a revolver to a man's chest, and that man will obediently hand you the watch.You can use blackmail to get a hired person to work with you.You can also whip or intimidate a child to do what you want him to do.But these clumsy methods have extremely adverse reactions. The only way I can tell you to do anything is to give you what you need. What do you want? Dr. Freud, one of the most prestigious psychologists in Vienna in the 20th century, once said: "Everything you and I do originates from two motives, which are sexual impulse and being able to become a great man. desire."

A well-known American philosopher, Professor Dewey, has a slightly different opinion on the words used above."The deepest impulse in human nature is the 'desire to be important,'" said Dr. Dewey. It is important to remember the phrase "the desire to be important". What do you want?You don't want a lot of things, but you have to persist in pursuing the few things you really need.Almost every normal adult wants: health, and protection of life; food; sleep; money, and what money can buy; security in life; sexual satisfaction; the health of children; a sense of self-respect.

Almost all of these desires can be satisfied, but one of them, like food and sleep, is as deep and seldom satisfied, and that is what Freud called "the desire to be a great man."This is what Dewey called "the desire to be important." Lincoln once began a letter by saying, "Everybody likes to be flattered." And Willie James said the same thing: "The deepest part of human nature is the desire to be appreciated." He didn't mean "Hope", or "desire", or "desire", but "desire" is valued by people. It's a painful human "hunger" that needs to be addressed, and if this inner hunger is sincerely satisfied, people can be held in the palm of their hands.

The desire to seek a sense of self-respect is an important difference between humans and animals. There is such an example. Tom was a farm boy in Missouri at that time, and Tom's father raised a fine breed of pig and a white faced cattle.At that time they used to display their pigs and white faced cattle at livestock shows, and they had won the first prize dozens of times. Tom's father sewed the medal with blue ribbon on a piece of white cloth with a needle. When relatives and friends came to their house, Tom's father would take out this white cloth. Tom held this end, he held the other end, Bring the blue ribbon that won the first prize, and let relatives and friends come to watch it.

The pigs and cows didn't care about the blue ribbons they won, but my father paid much attention to them, because these prizes brought him a sense of "self-respect". If our ancestors did not have this burning impulse of "self-esteem", we would not have culture, just like other animals. It was this desire for a sense of self-importance that motivated a poor, poorly educated clerk in a grocery store to rummage through an entire barrel full of groceries for the few law books he had bought for 5 cents , determined to study.You may have heard of the clerk in this grocery store, his name is Lincoln.

This desire for self-respect inspired Dickens to write immortal masterpieces.This desire for a sense of self-respect led Warren to complete his designs.At the same time, because of this self-important desire, Rockefeller accumulated money that he could not spend in his life.It is this desire for a sense of self-respect that makes the richest man in the city build as big a house as he needs. This desire for self-respect enables you to wear the latest clothes, drive the most beautiful car, and talk about your bright and bright children. No one doesn't like nice words. Satisfying the desire to be praised deep in human nature and speaking more positive words is an effective way to improve others and solve problems.