Chapter 16 Better yourself than others

Do you want someone you know to change, adjust, or improve?Yes, that is the best.But why not start with yourself?From a selfish standpoint, it is far more profitable to start with yourself than to improve others. "When a man argues and argues," said Bowning, "he is already unusual in several respects." When I was young, I wanted people to know me very much. I once wrote a letter to a well-known writer in the American literary world. His name was Davis. At that time, I was going to write something for a magazine. Articles about literary writers, so I asked Davis to tell me about his method of writing.

A few weeks later, I received a letter with this sentence in the letter: "The letter was dictated and has not been reread." These two sentences caught my attention. I believe that the person who wrote this letter was a professional. Busy big shots, and I'm not busy at all.But I was eager to attract the attention of the great writer Davis, and after writing a brief reply, I also added the following sentence: "The letter is dictated and has not been reread." Davis didn't bother to write me back, but returned my letter with a few words scrawled underneath: "Your attitude cannot be more disrespectful."

Yes, I did something wrong, maybe I deserved that reprimand.However, due to human nature, this makes me deeply hate, and I have extreme resentment towards him.Even 10 years later, when I learned the news of Davis' death, I still hated him deeply.But I am ashamed to admit that it is the scar he gave me. When we are dealing with a human being, we should remember that we are not dealing with theoretical animals, but with emotional animals. Blame is a dangerous fuse--a fuse that can explode the powder magazine of self-esteem, sometimes fatally. There is such an example: General Hoot was accused by people and was not allowed to lead troops to France. The blow to his self-esteem almost shortened his life.

Harsh accusations made the keen Hardy—a very outstanding novelist in the British literary world—forever give up the courage to write novels. Franklin was not smart when he was young, but he later became a man of great artifice and skill in dealing with people, and even served as the US ambassador to France.The secret of his success is: "I don't say anyone's bad." He said this again: "And say everyone I know is good." Any stupid person will scold and complain about others, and at the same time, most stupid people do this. But if you want to forgive and understand, you need to work on character and self-denial.

Carlyle once said: "The greatness of a great man is shown by how he treats a humble man." As Dr. Johnson said: "God does not intend to judge people until the end." Why do you and I blame people? Don't be demanding, blaming or complaining. Excessively demanding others and accusing others of their shortcomings will damage their self-esteem and lose their motivation to make progress.Instead of improving others, it is better to improve yourself and influence and change others through your own personality power.