Chapter 14 Speaking with respect is a silent conquest

Lincoln once criticized his female secretary: "Your dress is very beautiful, you are really a charming lady. But I hope you pay attention to punctuation when printing documents, so that the documents you print are as lovely as you." The female secretary said to I was very impressed with this criticism, and since then, the printed files have seldom made mistakes. As the president of the United States, Lincoln can be regarded as one of the most powerful people in the world. His tactful and polite speech is a manifestation of his self-cultivation and good manners.If he reprimanded in a domineering tone: "Why can't you even understand punctuation marks, you are still a college student." It will only make the other party disgusted, but it will not achieve the purpose of correcting the other party's mistakes.

There is no doubt that speaking is an art.There are many people who say that the foothold and starting point are good, but because they don't respect each other when they speak, it leads to unnecessary misunderstandings and disputes. People have self-esteem and long for the respect of others.Ask yourself, do I need understanding and respect from others?Again, this is exactly what everyone else needs.Smart people must first understand and respect others. The human heart is like a flower, which receives the soft dew when it is open, and resists the storm when it is closed.If we are exhorting someone, we are actually opening his heart.However, the person who is persuaded often closes his heart and resists our words, because he does not know that we are sending rain and dew, but knows how to protect his self-esteem.Therefore, it is crucial to respect others in order not to damage his self-esteem.

Generally speaking, when we persuade others, it is easy to put ourselves in a higher position than others.In essence, it is true that you are in a higher position than others, because you feel that your views are more correct than others, and you can persuade others; if you feel that your position is lower than others, it means that your views are not correct, or you are not confident in your views , Who else should I persuade? Therefore, the person who persuades others should actually be in a high position, but this kind of high status cannot be shown when persuading others, and can only be placed on an equal position with the person being persuaded. This is not hypocrisy, but a method above needs.Only when the person being persuaded feels that you respect him and put yourself in his shoes, can he seriously consider what you said, open his heart, and achieve the goal of persuasion.

On the contrary, you think that you are justified, you are right, you put your position high above you, and you don’t even pay attention to the way of expression. The tone of accusation is bound to arouse the resentment of the other party, because you do not respect him, he will think of various ways To deal with you, not only failed to achieve the purpose of persuasion, but also made you angry.If he succumbs to your criticism due to some pressure or other factors, he may admit that he was wrong verbally, but deep down he still won't listen to you. If you speak sharp words and don't know how to respect others, even if you have good intentions, it will hurt the self-esteem of others and cause displeasure and resentment from others.Therefore, no matter what you say, you should consider the feelings of others and maintain their self-esteem.